The Hampshire Bunny Massacre & Other Tales

October 7, 2011 5:06 AM

Shocking Moments In U & PG Rated Movies
posted by veedubya (130 comments total)

Is U similar to G?
posted by Fizz at 5:09 AM on October 7, 2011

Is U similar to G?

Yep.
posted by Mothra Pisces at 5:15 AM on October 7, 2011

Thanks Mothra. And yeah there are tons of films that present situations that can make family viewing uncomfortable. Disney is full of them. I had to walk my sister out of the theatre for a few minutes immediately following the Mufasa/Canyon scene in The Lion King, she was crying quite a bit. I have to admit I had some dirt in my eye as well.
posted by Fizz at 5:20 AM on October 7, 2011

Like the chicken-head-chopping in the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Ah yes, I see it's in there.

And Jaws is PG? Holy moley, that's hard to believe. I remember catching a fleeting part of that on TV once and it scarred me for years. Something about a girl being chomped and pushed along at the same time outside of a rowboat.

I've been waiting for my kids to be less squeamish so I can show them Wrath of Khan and Indiana Jones, both mentioned here for exactly the parts I was thinking of. And I'm sure glad I was reminded of the spikes in IMF, because I was thinking of showing them that.
posted by DU at 5:39 AM on October 7, 2011

Good read, not too familiar with the British rating system but it appears quite different than ours, as Mission Impossible, The Lost World, and a few others on the list have been deemed PG-13 by the MPAA.
posted by andruwjones26 at 5:40 AM on October 7, 2011

As a kid I was always impressed by the amount of nudity in the original Clash Of The Titans. Looking on IMDB I see it is rated 12 now but that certificate didn't exist when it was released so it was a PG.
posted by ninebelow at 5:47 AM on October 7, 2011

Another thing to keep in mind is that the PG-13 rating didn't exist until the mid 80s, and was created because of these kinds of films.
posted by modernserf at 5:51 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

Heh, I remember watching most of these movies when I was a kid; the nasty/sexy bits were the best part!

The only one of these movies I would hesitate to show my son would have to be Poltergeist. Given his temperament, watching that movie would freak the shit out of him.
posted by KokuRyu at 5:56 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

ninebelow: "As a kid I was always impressed by the amount of nudity in the original Clash Of The Titans. Looking on IMDB I see it is rated 12 now but that certificate didn't exist when it was released so it was a PG."

Nudity used to exist in PG movies but it seems to get you an instant R rating these days.
posted by octothorpe at 6:01 AM on October 7, 2011

Yeah, it's OK to dismember bodies as long as there's no titties or butts involved. There was a scene in Weird Science where whats-her-name gets out of bed and you can see her pubic area; this too was a PG movie.

The ratings system is incredibly broken here in the States, with grisly violence deemed OK for children and nudity completely verboten. Not that I don't have my problems with the way nudity is used in movies, but that's also related to its being relegated to the R pictures.
posted by Mister_A at 6:06 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

Not scary but still shocking to a parent - my nine-year-old recently watched Beetlejuice, which I have never seen, at a friend's house and it evidently contains an F-bomb. IMDB says it's notable in that regard, along with Tom Hanks' "Big," for being one of the few PG films to contain the word.
posted by jbickers at 6:10 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you were a kid looking for nudity in films, Airplane! was okay, but Airplane II was much better, in that it featured like three sets of boobs, and not just the one. This is, of course, information I have just now discovered through investigation and not personal knowledge.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 6:12 AM on October 7, 2011 [6 favorites]

Good old Wikipedia actually has a table (scroll down a little) of all films rated PG-13 or less that contain nudity.
posted by ninebelow at 6:13 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

PG-13 was created specifically in response to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. In fact, you'll notice that the Spielberg is the perpetrator of many of the most gruesome or frightening images in these PG movies. Left off of this list is Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, in which a Soviet soldier falls to the ground and is overrun by giant ants that pour into his mouth an up his nose.

If the violence in these scenes wasn't so extreme it would amount to pathetic propaganda. Guess how many good characters die in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Don't bother, the answer is zero. No good guys who actually die on camera, with the possible exception of that stupid monkey. Now count the number of Nazi's and sympathizers who are machine gunned, chopped up in propellers, melted, or burned.

If there is a Nazi or a Communist in a Spielberg movie, expect them to meet the most grisly fate possible. Spielberg will actually tone down the violence everywhere else in the film just to squeeze these scenes in. He wants kids to see this stuff, because when you take these scenes out of his films, there often isn't anything left.
posted by Pastabagel at 6:20 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

Looking on IMDB I see it is rated 12 now but that certificate didn't exist when it was released so it was a PG.

So the BBFC can revise a film's rating after the fact? I'm pretty sure the MPAA only rates a movie when it first comes out, which (in the case of pre-PG13 titles especially) has led to some surprises being grandfathered in, that would never fly today.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 6:20 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Midnight Cowboy was originally released with an X rating but was rated R on (unedited) rerelease.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:26 AM on October 7, 2011

Nudity in Clash of the Titans? With the possible exception of Claymation Medusa, I can't recall any such thing.
posted by Gator at 6:27 AM on October 7, 2011

I am convinced that Watership Down has played a large part in informing the person I am today.

Beetlejuice...evidently contains an F-bomb

In Transformers: The Movie somebody says "shit!"
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:28 AM on October 7, 2011

So the BBFC can revise a film's rating after the fact?

I think they have to rate it every time it is released so Clash Of The Titans would have needed to be rated again when it was released on DVD.
posted by ninebelow at 6:29 AM on October 7, 2011

Nudity in Clash of the Titans? With the possible exception of Claymation Medusa, I can't recall any such thing.

I'm pretty positive that we see Danae's breasts early in the movie.
posted by khaibit at 6:32 AM on October 7, 2011

No good guys who actually die on camera, with the possible exception of that stupid monkey. Now count the number of Nazi's and sympathizers who are machine gunned, chopped up in propellers, melted, or burned.

The monkey was a Nazi, too.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:33 AM on October 7, 2011 [12 favorites]

The nudity in Clash of the Titans really stuck in my 10 year old mind, its a full back shot when the heroine gets out of her walk-in bath. I remember my mother expressing surprise afterwards that Judi Bowker (off of Black Beauty!) would have appeared in the nud.
posted by biffa at 6:36 AM on October 7, 2011

I will never understand the movie rating system. I care a lot less about how much nudity and swearing my kid is exposed to in a movie, and much more about violence of any nature. Even as an adult the level of violence deemed acceptable in much of today's entertainment often sickens me. It really seems to have gotten wildly gratuitous. As long as we protect the children from the ghastly sight of an exposed nipple or pubic region though everything will be fine!
posted by Go Banana at 6:36 AM on October 7, 2011 [6 favorites]

No Large Marge? This list is invalid.
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:36 AM on October 7, 2011 [13 favorites]

PG-13 was created specifically in response to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. In fact, you'll notice that the Spielberg is the perpetrator of many of the most gruesome or frightening images in these PG movies.

This was the cause of a HUGE drama in my family once; my parents wanted to head out to see RAIDERS when we were visiting our grandparents, and offered to take me along; I was eleven, and they figured I could handle the violence. But my brother was only eight, so they were going to leave him at home with grandma. My brother was ABSOLUTELY LIVID about the injustice, and carried on so much that I offered to just stay home myself too. "No, that's no fair to you, EC," my parents said, "you can come see it!"

"Then I should come too!"

"No, EC-brother, you're not old enough!"

Cue renewed tantrum. I think my parents finally gave in just to shut him up.

Technically PG movies were supposed to be left up to the parents' discretion to deal with the gradations of kids' ages like that, but I wonder if the PG-13 rating wasn't also created so parents could also have something to point to and say "look, you're not 13 yet, we can't take you!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:36 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

There was a scene in Weird Science where whats-her-name gets out of bed

Shame on you for forgetting Kelly Le Brock.
posted by MuffinMan at 6:37 AM on October 7, 2011 [7 favorites]

"The King's Speech" originally got an R rating in the US, but was recut with some of the swearing scene deleted for a PG-13. It's an odd system.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 6:39 AM on October 7, 2011

That is because in the US an R rating is financially devastating.
posted by chemoboy at 6:45 AM on October 7, 2011

Nudity in Clash of the Titans?

You must have not been quite the right age. From IMDB's invaluable naughty bits section:

A woman is shown breast feeding her baby. Her breasts and nipples are visible. A young woman and a little boy are seen walking nude down the beach together. Their buttocks are seen. Several of the Goddesses discuss how so many women have attracted Zeus and how he has seduced and had sex with them and even tried to seduce the Goddess of the Sea. The Gorgan Medusa is half snake and half woman. We see her breasts and nipples as Perseus and his guards try to kill her. ( A lot of it is computer/ fake, but it is still nudity). A girl is seen emerging from her bath. She walks nude (Breasts, partial view of her right nipple for about 2 seconds, base buttocks for a few seconds) through a hallway as two servant girls clothe her wet body.

That last is what particularly interested me as a ten year old.
posted by ninebelow at 6:46 AM on October 7, 2011

*clicks through to article*

*sees Poltergeist image*

*AAAAAUUUGGH*

*hides under desk in office*

*puzzled students wonder why Prof. TJW is under desk*

*TJW, unwilling to cop to fear of Poltergeist image, explains that this is a pre-class meditation ritual*
posted by thomas j wise at 6:50 AM on October 7, 2011 [6 favorites]

Midnight Cowboy was originally released with an X rating but was rated R on (unedited) rerelease.

This is actually my favorite film industry trivia. Midnight Cowboy is the only X-rated film to win a Best Picture Academy Award; because the films that got an X rating were predominately rated thusly because of sexual content (Last Tango in Paris), porn companies started putting giant X ratings on their films, and eventually the now-ubiquitous-for-porn XXX rating, which of course has nothing to do with the MPAA. So in the public mind, pretty quickly, X was understood to mean 'pornographic,' and theaters and distributors often didn't pick up non-pornographic X-rated films because of the confusion. Night of the Living Dead was rated X, but you can't find that rating anywhere on the film. So in 1990 (the MPAA, she moves slowly) introduced the NC-17 to relieve the confusion. Of course, by that point, the ratings standards had changed so much (possibly because of a broadening of the middle allowed by PG-13) that a lot of previous-X-rated films were now R. NC-17, of course, is still entirely commercially non-viable.
posted by shakespeherian at 6:54 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

I will never understand the movie rating system. I care a lot less about how much nudity and swearing my kid is exposed to in a movie, and much more about violence of any nature.

Just look past the single letter rating which isn't going to meet everyone's needs. The MPAA itself lists out the particular things that got a movie a rating, for instance "Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action". If that level of detail isn't fine enough, there are websites out there that will rate the movie in every possible category of things that you might not want your kids to see. If that level of detail isn't good enough, there are sites that actually list out all the scenes that cause those ratings, although this pretty much would ruin the movie for you the adult.

Complaining about ratings now seems so silly, compared to the days of the films from this post, where the only rating info you got was "PG" or "G".
posted by smackfu at 6:55 AM on October 7, 2011

I saw The Witches when I was about 5 and was traumatised immediately. I punched my mother's leg in retaliation. That showed her.

(Actually it didn't: I was grounded for a week with no TV.)
posted by spamguy at 7:03 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

NC-17, of course, is still entirely commercially non-viable.

This is the most interesting difference between the US and the UK - the equivalent certificate (18) is pretty common for mainstream cinematic releases. For example, Drive, a critically acclaimed film, is an 18 here whereas presumably it would be an R in the US? There is no equivalent to the R in the UK.
posted by ninebelow at 7:06 AM on October 7, 2011

I was in Kindergarten, when on the day before Christmas holidays, the school had gathered the K, JK and grades 1 and 2 for a movie, a cartoon movie about bunnies.

Alas, none of the teachers had bothered to preview Watership Down, much less read the book.

The result? Bunny slaughter. Full-on mass hysteria and trauma. A hundred tots completely FREAKING OUT. The panic of the rabbits bested only by the panic of the children.

I did allright, since being thoroughly adorable, I was already perched on the winsome Miss Philp's lap, and got to rest my head upon her bosom. Not that I needed comforting, but I saw an opportunity.

Sister Renault, on the other hand, to this day cannot even hear the name 'Watership Down' without reverting to blubbering. It's a handy psychological weapon.
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:08 AM on October 7, 2011 [22 favorites]

I am convinced that Watership Down has played a large part in informing the person I am today.

I'm surprised how often I make Watership Down jokes. And impressed by how many people get them.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:11 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm a bit shocked Gremlins wasn't included in the list. Death by microwave cooking? Yikes.

Add to my own list, at least for G rated films: The Neverending Story. That WOLF, holy shit, definitely made it scary for 5-year-old me.
posted by Theta States at 7:12 AM on October 7, 2011

Oh man, I LOVED The Witches. I can still remember practically verbatim that scene where all the witches meet in the conference room, I watched it so many times. And they didn't even mention how gross it is when he finally kills the witches with their own potion.
posted by slow graffiti at 7:12 AM on October 7, 2011

Mission:Impossible: With no possible escape route [Emilio Estavez] is gruesomely squished by the spikes protruding from the top of the elevator shaft

Well, first of all he was more impaled than squished. Second, a possible escape route might've involved squatting, or dropping flat. Or, if you look at the picture, maybe taking a step to the left.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:12 AM on October 7, 2011

If you like being traumatised by Watership Down (the destruction of the warren scene still bubbles up in my dreams twenty years on), you'll love The Plague Dogs. Particularly the shotgun scene. Animal testing, brain injury trips, bleak Yorkshire moors and accidental manslaughter. Top stuff!

Man, the 70's and 80's were messed up.
posted by Happy Dave at 7:15 AM on October 7, 2011

Oh man, I LOVED The Witches. I can still remember practically verbatim that scene where all the witches meet in the conference room, I watched it so many times. And they didn't even mention how gross it is when he finally kills the witches with their own potion.

That's one of my classic examples of "remember when movies weren't all crappy CGI..."
But I didn't see The Witches until I was a young teenager, so any potential horror of those scenes wasn't as effective on me.
posted by Theta States at 7:16 AM on October 7, 2011

I'm still worried about what his children's hockey team did without him.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:16 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Little Mermaid. I still find it traumatic, especially the bit where Ariel loses her voice, and her dad doesn't get his back even after the witch is killed. Never quite understood that one.
posted by the cydonian at 7:17 AM on October 7, 2011

Not scary but still shocking to a parent - my nine-year-old recently watched Beetlejuice, which I have never seen, at a friend's house and it evidently contains an F-bomb.

It also contains a scene where someone rips her face clean off, with eyeballs dangling. It seems like if your child gets past that part OK, then a little swearing probably won't hurt them.
posted by DU at 7:20 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Are the people thinking about Kelly LeBrock showing full frontal when getting out of bed thinking of The Woman In Red - rather than Weird Science? In any case, they're both PG-13.

Elizabeth McGovern showed full frontal in Ragtime. And there was lengthy - as it were - male full frontal in A Room With A View, which was PG in most countries, although unrated in the US.
posted by Trurl at 7:23 AM on October 7, 2011

So the BBFC can revise a film's rating after the fact?
Context matters, apparently:

Classification decisions may be stricter on video works than on film. This is on account of the increased possibility of under-age viewing or game playing recognised in the Video Recordings Act, and of works being replayed or viewed out of context. Accordingly, a video work may occasionally receive a higher classification than on film, or require new or different cuts.

posted by SyntacticSugar at 7:24 AM on October 7, 2011

Not scary but still shocking to a parent - my nine-year-old recently watched Beetlejuice, which I have never seen, at a friend's house and it evidently contains an F-bomb. IMDB says it's notable in that regard, along with Tom Hanks' "Big," for being one of the few PG films to contain the word.

I think you can get away with a singular fuck if the rest of the movie is pretty tame on the violence and sexuality fronts. I remember being surprised to hear it in a late-era Jack Lemmon movie (I think it was My Fellow Americans but it might have been one of the Grumpy Old Men movies, it's been a while).

Not surprised to see my beloved Watership Down make the list but I am pleased to see the earworm in Wrath of Khan get attention. I could watch the movie on VHS when I was just a little thing but my folks always shooed me out of the room when things started to go badly for Chekhov. I had watched that film dozens of times before I actually saw it all the way through.
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 7:24 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

I did allright, since being thoroughly adorable, I was already perched on the winsome Miss Philp's lap, and got to rest my head upon her bosom. Not that I needed comforting, but I saw an opportunity.

Capt. Renault, I salute you. What I would have given to lapsit EITHER my 1st-grade (nun) or 2nd-grade teachers... Her bosom? You are my hero, sir!

Hmmm... guess sexual preferences really are decided young. NTTAWWT.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:25 AM on October 7, 2011

Gilliam's Jabberwocky is also PG and features full-frontal female nudity.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:27 AM on October 7, 2011

I saw Temple of Doom at a very young age and the only thing I remember being upset about was the conversation with my dad: "They don't really think that Indians (my ethnicity/culture) eat frozen monkey brains do they?" And the look on my father's face.
posted by Fizz at 7:27 AM on October 7, 2011 [8 favorites]

That WOLF, holy shit, definitely made it scary for 5-year-old me.

Oh my God, the wolf! That terrified me for years.
posted by ninebelow at 7:28 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Lost World was considerably darker, and often mean spirited in a similar way to the first Indy sequel, The Temple of Doom

It's pretty insane what a lot of us saw growing up. At least, you know, by today's standards. I'm glad that Ghostbusters scared the living shit out of me (the librarian still creeps me out), and that the opening of the Ark was followed by, ahem, real wrath of god type stuff. I'd rather have that than the absurdity of something like Transformers 2, where the absolute height of comedy is John Turturro sacrificing his dignity by reporting that the giant robot has testicles, which clang together repeatedly in case anyone didn't get the (completely safe, if not neutered) joke.

What kills me, though, are people who compile lists of transgressions (boobs, words, blood) in films without actually showing any understanding of the film. Yes, ToD was darker. It was set before Raiders, and it showed us how Indy went from being a trafficker and smuggler of antiquities ('the diamond, Lao') to the noble archaeologist he later became.*

^{* Please ignore the intro to Last Crusade, and the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, both made later, and made more explicitly kid friendly.}
posted by Ghidorah at 7:30 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also, The Last Unicorn was downright terrifying. The Bull? That goddamn Harpy? Terrifying.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:32 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, Casino? I should not have shown that to a room of preschoolers.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:35 AM on October 7, 2011 [14 favorites]

Pastabagel: "Left off of this list is Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull"

Sorry, I refuse to believe that film exists.

I'm glad they mentioned the Airplane boobies. I remember watching it on RCA Videodisc over at my babysitter's house (I must have been 12 or 13) and her seven year old son kept annoying me by interrupting the film and rewinding it to see the boobies. Although the PG-13 rating was released in reponse to complaints about violence and gore, I think people forget that there were movies like Airplane that made an entirely different case for a rating to fill the gap between PG and R, such as COMICAL USE OF BOOBIES.
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:38 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Her bosom? You are my hero, sir!

Pshaw. That was nothing. During naptime, I pretended to be asleep so when she walked past, I could look up her skirt.

Little perv, I was. No idea what I was looking for, but I knew where to go looking for it.
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:39 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

There was a scene in Weird Science where whats-her-name gets out of bed

Shame on you for forgetting Kelly Le Brock.

Double shame for not documenting the assertion.
posted by Dr Dracator at 7:40 AM on October 7, 2011

I'm surprised no one has mentioned The Last Starfighter. If I remember right, a man (although he was an alien) was tortured and killed in a giant holographic projection in front of all of the good guys. Then later all the good guys were killed. And if that wasn't bad enough, there was that freaky scene the duplicate meant to replace the protagonist while he fights stars doesn't have skin! Ahh!

Still not as bad as Watership Down.
posted by chemoboy at 7:41 AM on October 7, 2011

That moment in On Golden Pond where Henry Fonda cuts Katherine Hepburn's arm off with a chainsaw before eating a live squirrel was brutal man.
posted by jimmythefish at 7:41 AM on October 7, 2011 [6 favorites]

Legend?

greepy goblins, even creepier "good guy" elf or whatever... the devil, and Tom Cruise at his gayest? apparently that's all PG too.
posted by utsutsu at 7:45 AM on October 7, 2011

If you've ever had the misfortune of renting the allegedly "family-friendly" movie Ring of Bright Water, you'd put this on the list.

90% of the way through the movie (SPOILER), the cute little otter you've been bonding with gets decapitated in a gully as a mere pest by a Scotsman with a shovel. Mommy, Daddy, and Little Girl look at each other like: "No! That didn't just happen!" And then Little Girl starts crying and Mommy and Daddy look at each other like: "What the fuck kind of children's movie is this?"

The supposedly happy ending is that the cute little otter had impregnated another cute little otter and a whole romp (yeah, like gaggle, herd, flock) of baby otters comes jumping into the picture.
posted by kozad at 7:46 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

Are the people thinking about Kelly LeBrock showing full frontal when getting out of bed thinking of The Woman In Red - rather than Weird Science?

I'm pretty sure they are. I've seen Weird Science a lot, and I would definitely have remembered seeing Kelly LeBrock's business.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 7:47 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

@ IAmBroom 'What I would have given to lapsit... teachers...' You didn't go to my primary school. Miss Joseph fills me with memories of something quite a long way from awakening lust, let me tell you.
posted by Myeral at 7:48 AM on October 7, 2011

shakespeherian: "Also, Casino? I should not have shown that to a room of preschoolers."

Listen to me Anthony. I got your head in a fuckin' vise. I'll squash your head like a fuckin' grapefruit if you don't give me your fuckin' apple juice. Don't make me have to do this, please. Don't make me be a bad guy, come on.
posted by Dr. Zira at 7:48 AM on October 7, 2011 [7 favorites]

Legend?

greepy goblins, even creepier "good guy" elf or whatever... the devil, and Tom Cruise at his gayest? apparently that's all PG too.
posted by utsutsu at 15:45 on October 7 [+] [!]


Labrynth was a PG and that scared the living crap out of me. David Bowie - terrifying. Baby abduction - terrifying. Escher-like staircases at the end - terrifying.
posted by jonnyploy at 7:55 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

I would definitely have remembered seeing Kelly LeBrock's business.

Me too. As it is, the blue panties and white crop top with a hint of underboob is just as iconic as Slave Girl Leia. I will investigate and report back to the class.
posted by Capt. Renault at 7:58 AM on October 7, 2011 [4 favorites]

I think you can get away with a singular fuck if the rest of the movie is pretty tame on the violence...

You've seen Beetlejuice, right? It's pretty gory.
posted by DU at 7:59 AM on October 7, 2011

Now that I think about it, The Dark Crystal also scared me as a child. I think it was unintentional, because I'm pretty sure I was supposed to sympathize with the Gelflings.
posted by chemoboy at 8:00 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh my God, the wolf! That terrified me for years.

Seriously. The Neverending Story had a huge impact on my life, and I still have a vague recollection of screaming in the theatres try to claw my way out of my seat when there was that flash of lightning and you only saw the wolf's fangs...
posted by Theta States at 8:03 AM on October 7, 2011

"Say, why don't we ask Nicolas Roeg to direct our children's movie? I don't think he's doing any political tragedies or erotic thrillers at the moment."
posted by Iridic at 8:04 AM on October 7, 2011

You've seen Beetlejuice, right? It's pretty gory.

Gory? No. I just watched it, It's all cartoon bloodless violence like Looney Toons..


Watership Down had a huge effect on me whenI saw as a 5 year old in the theater. i watched it again recently and felt pretty much the same. It's so haunting, and sad.
posted by Liquidwolf at 8:05 AM on October 7, 2011

greepy goblins, even creepier "good guy" elf or whatever... the devil, and Tom Cruise at his gayest? apparently that's all PG too.

Wait, what?
posted by shakespeherian at 8:17 AM on October 7, 2011

Airplane was a end of term film at our school... that shot got a big big cheer.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:21 AM on October 7, 2011

I swear the Temple of Doom is responsible for my ongoing fear of all things with six legs or more. I was taken to see that at the cinema, must have been 9~ish, and after that scene in the tunnel, I had nightmares for weeks after that the duvet on my bed was covered in a similar density of insect.

*shudders*
posted by fatfrank at 8:27 AM on October 7, 2011

Oh, The Plague Dogs... I have never been quite sure who this film was intended for. Surely not kids right? But wouldn't an adult soft hearted enough to want to watch an animated movie about dogs be equally scarred? That is one unrelenting bleak dog movie, that is.

For sheer terror though, my vote goes to the G rated Adventures of Mark Twain. Especially when Satan kills everyone because human life has no value. Before the Internet, I was CERTAIN that I was misremembering this. Nope.
posted by troublewithwolves at 8:33 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Okay, I've got one. In, "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken" with Don Knotts, there's a scene where the portrait of a young lady has had garden sheers stuck through her neck and the painting is bleeding all over an antique organ. That was pretty scary to little me.
posted by Trochanter at 8:38 AM on October 7, 2011

Raiders of the Lost Arc came out right before my 6th birthday. My party was me and 7 of my friends going to see it.

One kid (he was a year younger) wasn't allowed and just met us after for cake and ice-cream.
posted by Mick at 8:44 AM on October 7, 2011

It's not a shocking moment, but one of the best nude scenes ever is featured in Kramer Vs. Kramer, and it speaks directly to ideas about the effect that the sight of an naked female body has on the minds of impressionable young boys.

I would link to a YouTube clip of the scene, but, you know, policy. (YouTube's near-blanket prohibition on nudity really burns me up, considering some of the genuinely offensive stuff people are allowed to post.)

Night of the Living Dead was rated X, but you can't find that rating anywhere on the film.

Also, on the history tip — I don't believe Night of the Living Dead was ever rated, and a visit to CARA's movie-ratings website supports that belief. Dawn of the Dead, on the other hand, got an X rating but the producers declined it and went out unrated instead (with a special disclaimer on the posters and ads explaining that it had no explicit sexual content but rather scenes of violence that may be too shocking for viewers under 17 blah blah). They did, later, accept an R rating for a truncated version of the film that went on release, I believe, as part of a double-bill with Creepshow. Subsequently, the R rating was "surrendered" and the full-length unrated version remained in circulation.
posted by Joey Bagels at 8:46 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

shakespherian: just a poor attempt at (bad) humor.
posted by utsutsu at 8:49 AM on October 7, 2011

Richard Adams' Watership Down and Plague Dogs are both really good books, and I really liked the film version of Watership Down, but man, I just watched Plague Dogs for the first time a few months ago, and it was difficult to finish it. Not even so much for the bleakness as the fact that they took a fairly interesting (though, yes, bleak) story and made it simply boring.
posted by mysterpigg at 8:51 AM on October 7, 2011

Time Bandits.

(SPOILERS)
After incredible adventures with a pack of dwarves, a young boy discovers some leftover pure evil. He awakes back home only to witness his parents touch the pure evil and explode.
Movie ends.
posted by Theta States at 8:54 AM on October 7, 2011 [3 favorites]

I read Watership Down so many times my paperback copy fell to pieces. I read Plague Dogs once. I kept looking at it on the shelf, think "Maybe", then remembering that poor little monkey, oh Jesus, and that was it.
posted by emjaybee at 8:54 AM on October 7, 2011

I'm a bit shocked Gremlins wasn't included in the list. Death by microwave cooking? Yikes.

No kidding. And Phoebe Cates story about her father's disappearance on Christmas Eve and subsequent discovery. Just shows it doesn't have to be visually graphic to be horrific.
posted by rtimmel at 9:02 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

In the first 10 minutes of the G-rated Monkee's movie Head, Mickey Dolenz attempts to commit suicide, a woman makes out with all four of the Monkees, and the title sequence ends in footage of the execution of a member of the Viet Cong by the then South Vietnam National Police chief. That movie is designed to mess up kids who were into the TV show.
posted by chrisulonic at 9:10 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

A little bit up there one comment about the decapitation of an otter with a shovel which leads directly into one about Kelly Le Brock's crotch. This whole thread is turning into Ludovico's Technique.

Dum de de de de de de de de dum de de de de de dum...
posted by cromagnon at 9:19 AM on October 7, 2011

greepy goblins, even creepier "good guy" elf or whatever... the devil, and Tom Cruise at his gayest? apparently that's all PG too.

Wait, what?

*sigh* Ok, I suspect that utsutsu has seen the extended version. I always put Legend forward as the movie with the biggest theatrical/extended cut difference in terms of filmwatching experience, because the theatrical version is (I think) quite ok, while the extended version is unwatchable.

Theatrical version: a really great demon/devil Tim Curry, a fine if slightly whiny Mia Sara with a wickedly cool mirror-demon-dance scene, some actually charming little faerie creatures, and Tom Cruise as Nature Boy, er, the unexpected hero. He does the wide-eyed thing a bit too much, but he's ok.

Extended version: Tom Cruise stares at the trees. Tom Cruise stares at a bird. Tom Cruise cocks his head, wide-eyed, and listens to the breeze. I think they eventually get to the princess, and the faeries, and the swamp hag, and Tim Curry, but I'll never know because I'll never watch that far.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:30 AM on October 7, 2011

Durn, I never knew of the differences between versions. I almost certainly saw the extended version.
posted by utsutsu at 9:32 AM on October 7, 2011

After incredible adventures with a pack of dwarves, a young boy discovers some leftover pure evil. He awakes back home only to witness his parents touch the pure evil and explode.

Movie ends.

Oh man, I saw many of these movies as a kid (I hid from the screen during a few moments of Ghostbusters), but I think Time Bandits is the only one that left me deeply unsettled. There was no punchline, no setting it aright, no explanation... just our child protagonist staring helplessly at the smoking spot where his parents had just been, while fire crews continue to clean up and basically leave him there, shocked and alone. The end!

utsutsu: well, movie opinions differ, but usually when I hear someone talk about how horrible Legend is, or how ridiculous Tom Cruise is in it, I immediately quiz them on the version they watched. It's that stark.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:44 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Second place goes to the remake of Dawn of the Dead with Sarah Polley. Theatrical: really, freaking tight. Extended: holy shit, this is awful.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:46 AM on October 7, 2011

"They don't really think that Indians (my ethnicity/culture) eat frozen monkey brains do they?" And the look on my father's face.

Yeah, that movie was just awful. Maybe Spielberg was simply trying to recreate the racist worldview of 1930s adventure serials, but I don't think so.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:58 AM on October 7, 2011

Oh man, I saw many of these movies as a kid (I hid from the screen during a few moments of Ghostbusters), but I think Time Bandits is the only one that left me deeply unsettled. There was no punchline, no setting it aright, no explanation... just our child protagonist staring helplessly at the smoking spot where his parents had just been, while fire crews continue to clean up and basically leave him there, shocked and alone. The end!

Thanks for reminding me of this movie! It was legendary to us 11 year olds back in the day. There's something about 1983 and 1984, where there was this wonderful explosion of pop culture in music and movies.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:00 AM on October 7, 2011

There was no punchline, no setting it aright, no explanation... just our child protagonist staring helplessly at the smoking spot where his parents had just been, while fire crews continue to clean up and basically leave him there, shocked and alone. The end!

Ah, but there was the fireman who looked like Agamemm-Connery. when I was a kid I told myself "oh, yay, he can go live with that guy now like he wanted!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:01 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

That's true! Though I don't remember any impression of Connery-fireman intending to help poor Kevin, who just stares in shock as the camera zooms back in its final shot (before G-d rolls up the map).

But for some reason, this became the catchphrase in my circle for parents-not-listening-to-kids in a critical situation. "Mom! Dad! Don't touch it -- it's evil!" So either we weren't that traumatized by it, or it was our way of coping.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:08 AM on October 7, 2011

I realize that my childhood fascination with The Neverending Story and Time Bandits bred my youthful obsession with death, impermanence, existentialism and fantasy...
posted by Theta States at 10:26 AM on October 7, 2011

Pastabagel, does the Spielberg comment on all Nazi's die but the good guys don't extend to his other movies? I think I remember good guys dying in Schindler's List, and definitely in Saving Private Ryan.

Damn, Spielberg has a lot of Nazi movies.
posted by I am the Walrus at 10:36 AM on October 7, 2011

The Brave Little Toaster is another one of those kids movies that has a ton of nightmare fuel in it. Almost every scene contains some sort of genuinely menacing aspect or has at least the threat of something horrible happening to one of the characters. And most of the characters get electrocuted, drowned, or maimed by the end.
posted by burnmp3s at 10:38 AM on October 7, 2011

It is completely understandable that a Jewish kid born in 1946 would grow up to make movies with unflattering portrayals of Nazis.
posted by Mister_A at 10:41 AM on October 7, 2011

Dark Crystal - the Skeksies still scare the bejesus out of me...
posted by pmcp at 10:54 AM on October 7, 2011

It is completely understandable that a Jewish kid born in 1946 would grow up to make movies with unflattering portrayals of Nazis.

There's movies with flattering portrayals of Nazis? Post-War, at least.
posted by kmz at 11:16 AM on October 7, 2011

Labrynth was a PG and that scared the living crap out of me. David Bowie - terrifying. Baby abduction - terrifying. Escher-like staircases at the end - terrifying.

Oh, I LOVED that film! As a kid, mostly I just thought Sarah was so STUPID to not stay with Bowie in her magical fairy-tale land. I was sure if she stayed he would have given the baby back; the baby was just to get her there. She should have stayed!

As an adult, my opinions haven't much changed.
posted by Windigo at 11:22 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

I swear the Temple of Doom is responsible for my ongoing fear of all things with six legs or more. I was taken to see that at the cinema, must have been 9~ish, and after that scene in the tunnel, I had nightmares for weeks after that the duvet on my bed was covered in a similar density of insect.

As a kid, Temple of Doom was my fave of the Indiana Jones movies (today it's Raiders). That scene, though.....that scene. The dinner? Fine. The fire pit? Fine. The slave kids? Fine. The various bits of gore? Just fine and dandy.

But insects?

I still have to watch that scene from between my fingers.
posted by Windigo at 11:30 AM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

Fuck is allowed once in PG movies if it has nothing to do with the act of sex.

The incidents in Gremlins were the catalyst for PG-13.

I wouldn't show Errol Flynn's Robin Hood to young kids....it has graphic scenes of people being shot with arrows.
posted by brujita at 11:30 AM on October 7, 2011

Labrynth was a PG and that scared the living crap out of me.

Labyrinth needs a special rating all its own, PG-BP. Parental Guidance - Not recommended for children easily disturbed by Bowie Package.
posted by Babblesort at 11:42 AM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

How about Faeries by Brian Froud? The kings shadow that goes bad was damn scary as a child (now it's just mostly poorly animated).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwNJfs9O8RI
posted by real_paris at 11:48 AM on October 7, 2011

The Wrath of Kahn. Sweet Jesus. My nana took me to see that when I was 8. It was cool of her, in the sense she'd noticed her grandson who she only got to se once a year was into sci-fi, but the horror of the scene with the thing that looked one hell of a lot like the slaters you could find the back yard of my house... I didn't sleep properly for months. Mostly because I was trying to sleep without having my head on the pillow.

Also, The Last Unicorn was downright terrifying. The Bull? That goddamn Harpy? Terrifying.

My four year old loves it. Recently she decided to combine her enthusiasm for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic by playing a game where Twilight and Rarity were trapped in the sea with all the other unicorns (by the Red Bull), but, she noted sadly, while they live forever, the other members of the mane cast had all died of old age.
posted by rodgerd at 12:05 PM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

There's movies with flattering portrayals of Nazis?

I'm sure I could find a movie with a flattering portrayal of SS Sturmbannfuehrer Wernher Von Braun.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:14 PM on October 7, 2011

Add to my own list, at least for G rated films: The Neverending Story. That WOLF, holy shit, definitely made it scary for 5-year-old me.

And that's saying nothing of the traumatic experience of Artax in the Swamp of Sadness, holy crap. It might not be quite on the level of Mufasa in the Lion King, if only because of the parent/child dynamic there, but to a horse-mad little girl, it was pretty damn awful. The way that it was slow but inevitable, rather than sudden and over quickly, and the look in that poor horse's eyes, and the way that Atreyu sounded trying to get Artax out.. Ooph. And the worst, in a way, is that it all happened for no damn reason. As a kid (hell, as an adult, even), it's pretty terrifying to think that simple sadness could just suck you down like that. It's one of very few scenes in movies that I can still see and hear clear as day in my mind, even though I haven't seen it in probably 15 years or more.

Also that Wolf was pretty scary too~
posted by ashirys at 12:45 PM on October 7, 2011 [2 favorites]

modernserf: Another thing to keep in mind is that the PG-13 rating didn't exist until the mid 80s, and was created because of these kinds of films.

Go Banana: I will never understand the movie rating system. I care a lot less about how much nudity and swearing my kid is exposed to in a movie, and much more about violence of any nature.

The documentary This Film Is Not Yet Rated (mentioned in modernserf's link) is a must-see for understanding what drives the US ratings system. Deviant sex (anything other than hetero, really. And also female sexual pleasure, can't have that onscreen for any length of time! Think of the children!) is far far more twisted than mere violence, don'tcha know.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 1:05 PM on October 7, 2011 [3 favorites]

Labyrinth needs a special rating all its own, PG-BP. Parental Guidance - Not recommended for children easily disturbed by Bowie Package.
posted by Babblesort at 11:42 AM on October 7 [+] [!]

My ladyfriend had never seen Labyrinth until I sat her down to watch it recently, and I recounted the Wonderment and Mystery of David Bowie's Area, which was at its most spectacular in this film. His Zone defied understanding, it was just so grand and prominent. And after a few minutes of watching, she devastated me by saying 'He's just wearing a dance belt! They always look like that.'

And so now, in psychic retaliation, I will destroy the legend of Bowie's Area in all YOUR minds as well.
posted by FatherDagon at 1:08 PM on October 7, 2011 [3 favorites]

Top Secret! also enjoys a PG rating, despite the whole 'Anal Intruder' thing.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:13 PM on October 7, 2011

I saw Avenue Q a while back and was surprised at how many under 10 kids were being treated to a puppet show by their parents or grandparents.

Avenue Q is funny. But it's even funnier when you saw their faces as "The Internet is For" start up.
posted by MuffinMan at 1:20 PM on October 7, 2011

When I was a kid, it was this scene that made me hide behind the couch.
posted by cottoncandybeard at 1:37 PM on October 7, 2011

Sheena: Queen of the Jungle from 1984 was PG and showed (for a long while!) Tanya Roberts breasts, and even had a brief shot of her bush.

As a young teenager, I was not complaining.
posted by coolguymichael at 1:40 PM on October 7, 2011

Hilarious that what they come up with to say about "Airplane!" is that it has "a smattering of smutty off-colour humour and frequent references to drugs and sex."
posted by blucevalo at 2:22 PM on October 7, 2011

And after a few minutes of watching, she devastated me by saying 'He's just wearing a dance belt! They always look like that.'

I thought a wikipedia link would be more appropriate than a google image search for this kind of thing. I was wrong.
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:31 PM on October 7, 2011

Even the toned-down Canadian cartoon series of Watership Down still has some moments that I don't imagine would have flown on American kids TV, like picking out bloody buckshot after an encounter with the farmer, or getting caught in the shining wire.

Sadly, only a few episodes are available on R1 DVD, though the whole set was released on R2. Worse, the final season introduced magic, retcon'd a major death, and due to a slashed budget looks like a Pokemon knockoff compared to the earlier ones, with most of the celebrity voice cast (John Hurt as Woundwort, Rik Mayall & Jane Horrocks as Kehaar & the Mouse, Stephen Fry as Oscar Wilde Cowslip, various Q.I. regulars, Kiefer Sutherland, etc) replaced by bad impersonations.
posted by CyberSlug Labs at 2:43 PM on October 7, 2011

If the violence in these scenes wasn't so extreme it would amount to pathetic propaganda. Guess how many good characters die in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Don't bother, the answer is zero. No good guys who actually die on camera, with the possible exception of that stupid monkey. Now count the number of Nazi's and sympathizers who are machine gunned, chopped up in propellers, melted, or burned.

This is probably the weirdest complaint I've ever heard about this movie. It's a modern updating of a wartime serial. Like, duh: of course no good guys die. Of course horrible things happen to Nazis. That's the point.

But insects?

I still have to watch that scene from between my fingers.

I'm a major insect-hater, but having just rewatched that movie recently, that scene is really pretty mild, perhaps because now I recognize all the bugs as non-threatening. You look at all the stick-bugs and Madagascar hissing cockroaches she's terrified of and it's a little funny, like watching someone freak out over butterflies or ladybugs or something.

I saw Avenue Q a while back and was surprised at how many under 10 kids were being treated to a puppet show by their parents or grandparents.

Avenue Q is funny. But it's even funnier when you saw their faces as "The Internet is For" start up.

Man, I saw that back in the Bush years, and when they did the "George Bush! ... is only for now" line, the whole row of retirees in front of me distinctly harumphed. I was like, "You're at a Broadway show with lewd puppets -- what were you expecting?"
posted by Amanojaku at 3:28 PM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

> There's movies with flattering portrayals of Nazis?

Sam Peckinpaugh's Cross of Iron starring James Coburn as the coolest Nazi ever. He dies so it's O.K.
posted by bukvich at 3:30 PM on October 7, 2011

James Coburn doesn't really play a Nazi in Cross of Iron. It's a classic example of the Good Wehrmacht German against the Nazi bastards. (See also: Michael Caine in The Eagle Has Landed.) And if he died, how come his character's in the (apparently terrible) sequel?


Oskar Schindler is good, and a Nazi, in Schindler's List, but he's not a True Believer.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:06 PM on October 7, 2011

Vaguely related to the preceding comments, my Advanced Placement History teacher in high school decided to show us Sixteen Candles at the end of the semester. Without watching it first. Without knowing there was a nude shower scene.

All the boys in the class stood up and cheered after a brief second of stunned disbelief. Our poor teacher put her head on her desk and laughed. Pretty sure she didn't get in trouble for it/no one was offended enough to rat her out.
posted by wires at 7:28 PM on October 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Yip-yip aliens in Sesame Street. If those creeps ever showed up in my house, I wouldn't even give them time to up "shotgun" in their damn book-book.
posted by wobh at 8:17 PM on October 7, 2011

There's movies with flattering portrayals of Nazis? Post-War, at least.

The Producers?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 9:59 PM on October 7, 2011

When I was a kid, it was this scene yt that made me hide behind the couch.

Oh god, so simultaneously compelling and terrifying as a child!
posted by Theta States at 10:16 PM on October 7, 2011

Wizards (1977) was PG. The movie starts with terrorists nuking the world. The first line of dialogue is 'The time has come. Kill.' The next scene is a bunch of sleazy-looking hookers, followed by a scantily clad elf girl strung up by the wrists being menaced by some bloke with a sword. Elinore might as well be naked, with her erect (animated, to be sure, but erect nonetheless) nipples jutting through that white...whatever that white thing is she's wearing. Bonus points for executing the old guy in front of the kids then shooting up the royal family!
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:33 AM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

And of course the burlesque show from the U rated Basil The Great Mouse Detective. I wonder how many furries got there start that way...
posted by ninebelow at 3:28 AM on October 8, 2011

I haven't shown Finding Nemo to my kids because of the way it starts: Nemo's siblings and his mother are killed. Actually, it's weird how many Disney/Pixar movies involve dead parents.
posted by Joe in Australia at 6:01 AM on October 8, 2011

> if he died, how come his character's in the (apparently terrible) sequel?

Good question. If he lived it was a miracle because he was standing by himself against forty Russian tanks. They didn't show his smashed corpse but it was real obvious he was a goner.

Maybe the second director thought he was Wile E. Coyote?

The tropes website doesn't have a good Wehrmacht page I could find. Along with Michael Caine they would need just about every appearance of a Rommel character.
posted by bukvich at 6:19 AM on October 8, 2011

There's movies with flattering portrayals of Nazis? Post-War, at least.

Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS?
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:10 AM on October 8, 2011

I'm a bit shocked Gremlins wasn't included in the list. Death by microwave cooking? Yikes.

I loved that scene as a kid.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it, but fantasy violence is often categorized differently than regular violence. Not sure if this is strictly true of how the MPAA works, but that distinction is often listed specifically in content warnings.
posted by krinklyfig at 6:50 PM on October 8, 2011

Actually, it's weird how many Disney/Pixar movies involve dead parents.

Pixar have had a bit of a bad case of the girl in the refrigerator for a largish chunk of their existence.
posted by rodgerd at 8:21 PM on October 8, 2011