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Poop Splash Elimination
October 8, 2011 4:32 PM   Subscribe

Poop Splash Elimination
posted by nam3d (62 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite

 
Dansk! What's that staunch.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:34 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


I'm not going to click on that.
posted by goethean at 4:34 PM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm not going to click on that.

It's full of faux poop.
posted by iconomy at 4:40 PM on October 8, 2011


It's from the "Smarter Every Day" series.
posted by episodic at 4:40 PM on October 8, 2011


It's actually pretty funny, goethean, and you'll likely learn something.
posted by Malor at 4:41 PM on October 8, 2011


Poop splash is merely the poor man's bidet.

*adjusts monocle*
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:43 PM on October 8, 2011 [42 favorites]


My life has been changed for the better. Public restrooms, you are a little less icky.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:44 PM on October 8, 2011


I'm just curious why they are "crapping" into the tank, not the bowl. ;)
posted by usagizero at 4:44 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Actually, thanks to the workings of the toilet, upperdeckers are practically splash-free.
posted by codswallop at 4:44 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Just when you thought the web couldn't get any better.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 4:47 PM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Alternative suggestion: eat more fiber.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:48 PM on October 8, 2011


The trick is to have long, unbroken turds that reach from the surface of the water all the way back to your anus. That way they just kind of slide in the water with no splash, much like a olympic diver.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 4:51 PM on October 8, 2011 [20 favorites]


Shitbusters
posted by punkfloyd at 4:54 PM on October 8, 2011 [6 favorites]


Now I feel very weird for never having encountered this phenomenon in my daily constitutionals. OH GOD I AM A FREAK AREN'T I?
posted by PapaLobo at 4:56 PM on October 8, 2011


The trick is to have long, unbroken turds

There are yoga techniques to achieve this.
posted by empath at 5:01 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


I suppose this is what happens after you overthink a plate of beans.
posted by Mooski at 5:02 PM on October 8, 2011 [6 favorites]


I thought this guy looked familiar.

Also, this is not a new solution. In fact, this issue was the genesis of rage comics. (Problem/Solution).
posted by Hargrimm at 5:06 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Err, Solution*

Also, probably NSFW.
posted by Hargrimm at 5:07 PM on October 8, 2011


I doubt this affect "billions of people world-wide every day". First-world problems indeed…

I keep meaning to post an AskMe on "why do american toilets have the water level so high?". From the video: "I like to use 4 pieces [of toilet paper] so it touches each side."

In the rest of the world, 1, maybe 2 *squares* is enough. The obvious answer to this 'problem' is simply "reduce the depth of water in the bowl".

The high water depth would seem to add a fair amount of water use inefficiency as well - Googling around suggests the US standards for flush volume are ~30% higher than for Australian toilets (6.1L vs 4.5L). Even so-called "High Efficiency Toilets" in the US seem to have an average flush volume of 4.9L.
posted by Pinback at 5:08 PM on October 8, 2011 [5 favorites]


Poopship Destroyer
posted by the painkiller at 5:09 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


Believe it or not, I think this gave me an idea for solving a work-related engineering problem.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:11 PM on October 8, 2011 [8 favorites]


Pinback: Maybe we Americans just shit bigger than everyone else. USA! USA! USA!
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:12 PM on October 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


Basically what I am learning from this video is how much I want a high-speed camera.
posted by penduluum at 5:14 PM on October 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


Paging asavage to the white porcelain courtesy phone...
posted by briank at 5:20 PM on October 8, 2011


Isn't he just delaying the problem? After the first damped splash, the paper tears and then it is less effective. 2 or 3 tears and you're back to (toilet paper) square 1.
posted by Obscure Reference at 5:23 PM on October 8, 2011


My theory about American toilets and the excess water is it makes people think the toilet is cleaner because hey! Water! Clean! Whereas, of course, it's still a toilet and equally full of poo.

See also: mint doesn't make your teeth cleaner, but that doesn't stop toothpaste purveyors from advertising a "minty blast." It just makes you think they're clean because you taste mint and not your own tooth goobers.
posted by sonika at 5:36 PM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Basically what I am learning from this video is how much I want a high-speed camera.

Every time i see footage shot with one, i dream of getting one, and filming everything. And i do mean everything. ;)
(one of the funnier things i want to do is film my pet rabbits when they are "active", heh. It's just a blur to my eyes)
posted by usagizero at 5:52 PM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


Science wins again!
posted by Kevin Street at 6:02 PM on October 8, 2011


"Are those beads?"

"Technically."
posted by exlotuseater at 6:04 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]


I think this guy is my new hero.
posted by mrnutty at 6:07 PM on October 8, 2011


A little bit of internets history, poop splash was the subject of the first rage comic, in 2008. The toilet paper solution was posted in rage comic form shorty after.
posted by Ad hominem at 6:25 PM on October 8, 2011


"Are you potty training big people?" was my favorite quote.

I'd never seen this series before. I watched one where he fired a gun underwater and successfully predicted the results, so I feel smarter than that guy! He does use bigger words than me though.

This is one of those rare metafilter moments where I watch a youtube video and I don't want my 5 minutes back.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:51 PM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


If your poop is splashing, it's because your toilet was designed badly. It's eliminated easily enough by optimising drop height and water depth.

That said, better a splash than OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK, GERMANY
posted by Sys Rq at 6:52 PM on October 8, 2011 [6 favorites]


So, this idea (putting a few squares of TP in the bowl first to suppress splash-back) is new to some (American*) people?

Really? Is it because I'm an engineer (by nature) that I thought of this in grade school? Or is it much more obvious than these two think?

(*American, because AFAICT it just doesn't happen with nearly-waterless European bowls. And from what I hear Asian/Mid-East toilets don't have standing water in them at all.)
posted by IAmBroom at 7:03 PM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


but surely this really only pertains to American style toilets. We in the other "non American" part of the world eliminated this problem years ago with our metric toilets.
posted by the noob at 7:03 PM on October 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


Sys Rq: If your poop is splashing, it's because your toilet was designed badly.

No arguments. Certainly right.

It's eliminated easily enough by optimising drop height and water depth.

How does one do this? I mean, besides by ordering an expensive and code-violating foreign toilet.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:05 PM on October 8, 2011


The first blue sample presented in this video has successfully burned into my mind the idea of a "platonic poop"
posted by waxboy at 7:12 PM on October 8, 2011 [2 favorites]



See also: mint doesn't make your teeth cleaner, but that doesn't stop toothpaste purveyors from advertising a "minty blast." It just makes you think they're clean because you taste mint and not your own tooth goobers.

At least it marginally makes sense in that it might make your breath smell minty, but the thing that gets right up my nose (so to speak) is lemon scented Dishwasher Detergent. I mean what the fuck? 1) you don't actually want your dished smelling and tasting like lemons, 2) you are not going to even smell the detergent when it is locked away washing the dishes. So the whole point of the odor is to briefly catch your nose as you fill the cup just prior to closing the door and turning the machine on.
posted by edgeways at 7:35 PM on October 8, 2011 [3 favorites]


How does one do this? I mean, besides by ordering an expensive and code-violating foreign toilet.

Toilets vary a lot, even (nay, especially)the legal domestic varieties. Some won't wet the bum. Unfortunately, without taking a prospective fixture for a test drive, which is an obvious impossibility, avoiding poop splash is a matter of luck.

But it'd be cool if the crapper makers gave it some consideration. That's really all I'm saying.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:39 PM on October 8, 2011


All right... An opportunity to talk about the most comprehensive book on designing bathrooms and their facilities. More than you wanted to know about bathrooms, toilets and urinals.

The Bathroom
posted by jgaiser at 7:57 PM on October 8, 2011


better a splash than OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK, GERMANY

Some people like to inspect their stool, on the ledge.
posted by me & my monkey at 8:01 PM on October 8, 2011 [1 favorite]


1.) I liked the guy's accent.

2.) The simulated corn kernels were not funny.

3.) Poop splash is not a problem that affects me every day.
posted by bukvich at 8:14 PM on October 8, 2011


Wadsworth constant applies.
posted by davey_darling at 8:17 PM on October 8, 2011


That said, better a splash than OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK, GERMANY

And I was going to say this was a previously solved problem, courtesy of the poop shelf.
posted by hoyland at 8:45 PM on October 8, 2011


The guy seems like a nice person, but damn, some people need to get a life.
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 10:22 PM on October 8, 2011


They took an awful long time to make a pretty obvious point.
posted by Wh1teboy at 10:41 PM on October 8, 2011


Best PSA ever.
posted by elphTeq at 11:35 PM on October 8, 2011


Sooooo, save trees or have a shitty ass?

This is SO not a pleasant choice....
posted by Samizdata at 11:50 PM on October 8, 2011


edgeways: "See also: mint doesn't make your teeth cleaner, but that doesn't stop toothpaste purveyors from advertising a "minty blast." It just makes you think they're clean because you taste mint and not your own tooth goobers.

At least it marginally makes sense in that it might make your breath smell minty, but the thing that gets right up my nose (so to speak) is lemon scented Dishwasher Detergent. I mean what the fuck? 1) you don't actually want your dished smelling and tasting like lemons, 2) you are not going to even smell the detergent when it is locked away washing the dishes. So the whole point of the odor is to briefly catch your nose as you fill the cup just prior to closing the door and turning the machine on.
"

There are machines that wash dishes?
posted by Splunge at 1:05 AM on October 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Weird. I always thought everybody had figured that toilet paper thing out on their own by age 8. Thank you, Internet, for correcting my mis-assumption.
posted by Herr Fahrstuhl at 2:43 AM on October 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


Actually, from what I can tell, the problem is actually that American toilets hold like ninety-seven litres of water and keep it two inches away from the lip of the toilet.
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:56 AM on October 9, 2011 [1 favorite]


Poop shelf brings to mind a shelf where those display their trophies, which makes me think of that South Park I wish I had never seen, where the guy breaks the world poop record (and we find out Bono of U2 is animated poop, which I found to be a bit lazy comedy, frankly)
posted by angrycat at 6:11 AM on October 9, 2011


For those of you (few hundred million) that do not shit on the ground, or squat over a waterless porcelain trough, or poop into a hole dug into the ground: please notice that the poop splash is just water, and it is doing a small part in helping to wash your poopy bunghole. Consider it a bonus feature of your extravagant waste of water, a mini-bidet. Why is this something that needs to be "solved" when it is in no way a problem?
posted by Meatbomb at 7:12 AM on October 9, 2011


Oi, shit, BoP stole my thunder long ago. Shame on me for not carefully reading...
posted by Meatbomb at 7:27 AM on October 9, 2011


Yet another reason why pooping in the shower is better.
posted by orme at 7:42 AM on October 9, 2011 [3 favorites]


I am so schtoopid. I thought (God help me) that I could skip the link and just read the discussion without being grossed out (Basically: I'm not going to click on that. posted by goethean at 7:34 PM) however it turns out the link is fine, the discussion is euuew.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:13 AM on October 9, 2011


Poop splash is not really the problem. The real problem are these seats that seem to be designed to cut off leg circulation after about five minutes. I don't care if it's unhealthy, it's my right as an American to play Angry Birds for an hour on the john if I want.
posted by fungible at 9:24 AM on October 9, 2011 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: the link is fine, the discussion is euuew
posted by Mitheral at 7:48 AM on October 10, 2011


For those of you (few hundred million) that do not shit on the ground, or squat over a waterless porcelain trough, or poop into a hole dug into the ground: please notice that the poop splash is just water, and it is doing a small part in helping to wash your poopy bunghole. Consider it a bonus feature of your extravagant waste of water, a mini-bidet. Why is this something that needs to be "solved" when it is in no way a problem?

Meatbomb, apparently you poop and pee at different times. I generally do both when I poop. And, therefore, poop splash is not "just water".

Also, congratulations on never having had a loose stool in your life... which would also make it not "just water".
posted by IAmBroom at 9:08 AM on October 10, 2011


I'd say that there are more like 1.5 billion people who use water toilets.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 9:10 AM on October 10, 2011


LOOONG late to the party on this one, but a few notes:

1) I *knew* the answer was going to be "put a few pieces of toilet paper in there"
2) Regarding "too much water" in the bowl - I replaced two toilets in my house with low flow, dual flush toilets (with flush options for #1 or #2). They have very little water sitting in the bowl. The problem that results is that after a particularly... voluminous... or sticky... #2, the low water level means that there is... residue... sitting on the side of the bowl. Residue that is particularly resistant to water rinsing it off, since the sides of the bowl were dry before it was... deposited. Resulting in a double, or occasionally triple flush. Negating the water saving benefits of this "environmental" toilet in the first place.
posted by antifuse at 8:18 AM on October 26, 2011


antifuse: this is what a toilet brush is for.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:27 AM on October 27, 2011


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