"You wouldn’t go to a restaurant that hasn’t been reviewed. Especially in the era of Internet dating, why would you go on a date with a person who hasn’t been reviewed?” NY-based founder Tom Padazana

October 12, 2011 9:48 AM

Rate your EX. ExRated's mission is to empower singles by giving them character reviews of potential dates, and allow them to express themselves through multiple choice reviews designed to help them realize what went wrong in the past and how to make the right dating choices in the future. How does it work?
posted by Fizz (65 comments total)

This seems like a healthy way to have closure with a bitter breakup.
posted by mccarty.tim at 9:50 AM on October 12, 2011 [16 favorites]

Having occasionally looked at Rate My Professors, I can assure you that this is an idea that could never possibly go wrong....
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:50 AM on October 12, 2011 [24 favorites]

It's objective and impartial, that's what I like about it.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:51 AM on October 12, 2011 [10 favorites]

"I'm afraid of people and don't trust my perceptions, so this will be a great way for me to have some front-end baggage before the first date!"
posted by Horselover Phattie at 9:55 AM on October 12, 2011 [11 favorites]

And of course the subjects of the entries will be given equal airtime for rebuttal.
posted by chavenet at 9:56 AM on October 12, 2011

But this is assuming that people can't grow and learn from their mistakes, right? Virtually every breakup has some hurt feelings -- otherwise there wouldn't have been a breakup in the first place. This is not just "going to go wrong", but it IS wrong.

And seriously, a ".co" domain?
posted by taumeson at 9:57 AM on October 12, 2011

Since people never change, nor do they ever learn from bad relationships, this is a great idea. Should go swimmingly.
posted by spiderskull at 9:57 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've litigated enough defamation lawsuits to suspect that this will not go particularly well.
posted by The World Famous at 9:58 AM on October 12, 2011 [8 favorites]

Sounds like a service two libel lawsuits away from being sold on Flippa for the price of a private torrent tracker invite.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:01 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Between ExRated and this...*trails off, softly whispers a prayer of thanks for being off the market*
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:02 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm guessing that RateMyDump.com was already taken. Also, might be misleading.
posted by Fizz at 10:03 AM on October 12, 2011 [12 favorites]

Oh man, I've been to so many restaurants that were never reviewed. Sometimes I don't even know their names. Then I wake up the next morning, the leftovers are still in my fridge, and I'm wondering how I'm going to get rid of them so I can just forget it ever happened.
posted by katillathehun at 10:08 AM on October 12, 2011 [11 favorites]

The Ex: Travis S. of Savannah, GA

Relationship length: October 1990-November 1990

Review: We had a good run. He drew me a picture of a cat. I made a cut paper snowflake for him. We shared our goldfish crackers at lunch and pushed our mats together during nap time. But then he stole my Michaelangelo action figure and hid it outside during recess, and I just won't stand for that. 4/5 stars.
posted by phunniemee at 10:13 AM on October 12, 2011 [21 favorites]

Yikes. I picture some poor, cowering lawyer using his briefcase to meekly defend against an Everest-sized meteor screaming in from the sky with the word LIBEL written in flaming letters across it. How can they... wait... maybe... they'll introduce a little PayPal button to delete negative reviews for a nominal service fee... OHHHH NOW I GET IT!
posted by condor at 10:16 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

This site provides a useful service. You can look up the name of a person you're considering dating, to see if they've provided reviews of any of their exes. If they have, you know not to date them.
posted by gurple at 10:18 AM on October 12, 2011 [31 favorites]

This is like reading the last page of a book before you begin the book proper. Finding out how fucked up I am all at the beginning ruins months (or years!) of half-truths and avoidances for whoever would date me.
posted by TheRedArmy at 10:24 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Between ExRated and this...*trails off, softly whispers a prayer of thanks for being off the market*

Hey, I thought I was off the market for good too.
posted by Naberius at 10:26 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've only one question about this site : What do you call "slash fanfic" written about real people like celebrities? Just slash? If it's straight?

I foresee a match made in heaven between this site and that genre. Imagine the ARGs the slash community could build here! Btw, the internet loves Gates-Jobs slash apparently.
posted by jeffburdges at 10:27 AM on October 12, 2011

I've only one question about this site : What do you call "slash fanfic" written about real people like celebrities? Just slash? If it's straight?

RPF (real person fic) or RPS (real person slash).

And now I will find some way of denying I ever typed that.
posted by Salieri at 10:35 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Wow, judging from the comments here, this is a vastly different site than I pictured. Am I the only person who is still fond of most of his exes? I think they would be great partners, just for someone other than me.

(In fact, I kinda sorta introduced one of mine to her current husband. Over IRC!)
posted by Eideteker at 10:40 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I'm still friends with the majority of my exes from the past 10-12 years or so. Seems odd not to be, idk.
posted by elizardbits at 10:41 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

That said, now that I'm technically dating (I think?), I'd love exit interviews. "What about that date didn't work for you?"
posted by Eideteker at 10:48 AM on October 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

How do they keep people from gaming the system? Assuming for a second that this actually takes off, what stops someone from creating a few accounts that post about what a great person (or lay) they were. Alternatively, what's to stop someone from creating a bunch of reviews to make someone they don't like look like a sleazebag?

This is, of course, assuming that anyone would want to use this.
posted by Hactar at 10:52 AM on October 12, 2011

Call me old fashioned, but I still prefer smearing my exes on Facebook.
posted by orme at 10:57 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I don't know how well this will work as a dating site, but if you're a vindictive asshole trying to ruin your exes life, hey, another tool in the arsenal!
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:01 AM on October 12, 2011

Seeing as one of my exes is much more stable when he's in a relationship, I'd be likely to emphasize his good qualities.
posted by pernoctalian at 11:02 AM on October 12, 2011

Call me old fashioned, but I think that fire is magic and it scares me a lot.
posted by The World Famous at 11:04 AM on October 12, 2011 [8 favorites]

Yeah, this is... I mean... But...

No. Just... no.
posted by valkyryn at 11:04 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

looks like the site is filled with fake entries reviewed by those with fake names, go figure.
posted by Shit Parade at 11:11 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Call me old fashioned, but I'm a prokaryote.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:12 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

You wouldn’t go to a restaurant that hasn’t been reviewed.

Yes, I would.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:15 AM on October 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Here are my ratings of all my serious exes.

1977- 79 ex: Stunningly beautiful, used to look very like Agnetha Fältskog in her seventies pomp. I was once walking with her through the grimy streets of Leeds when two grimier Leeds youths stopped in astonishment and stared at her. One of these tactless yobboes offered me the following unsought opinion: "Fuck me, she's too fucking good for you." I had the presence of mind to offer the following rejoinder: "I couldn't agree more, mate, but here we are, and there you are... with your handsome friend." Narrowly escaped a beating there. Anyway, unfortunately she was as mad as a satchel of knees and ended up pushing me through an upstairs window. It was worth it, though. No regrets.

1981 - 1984 ex: A lovely, lovely person whom I did not appreciate enough and who had the good sense to see that I was not worth persisting with, at the time. She got engaged to someone else five months after she left me, married him soon after. They are still together and, from what I hear, very happy. This makes me happy also.

Four years of storm-tossed, arse-blasted, beer-drenched celibacy followed. The last two years of this were great. I almost didn't escape. Later, I'd wish I hadn't.

1988 - 1997 ex-wife: FUCK YOU YOU DECEITFUL, COLD-HEARTED, FAITHLESS HARPY. Ah god, how I loved her. Look guys, I can totally see why you'd go nuts over her but SHE WILL RIP YOUR HEART OUT OF YOUR CHEST WITH LONG POISONED TEETH THAT AREN'T EVEN IN HER MOUTH.

What? Of course I'm over her!

1998 - Present: A long cool American who has no truck with any nonsense. Not even mine. So the point is, hands off, she's mine.
posted by Decani at 11:20 AM on October 12, 2011 [9 favorites]

I also wouldn't fuck a restaurant.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:20 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I also wouldn't fuck a restaurant.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:20 PM on October 12

You've clearly never been to Per Se.
posted by Decani at 11:22 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Give me an Old Fashioned with plenty of bitters.
posted by swift at 11:23 AM on October 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Am I the only person who is still fond of most of his exes? I think they would be great partners, just for someone other than me.

Believe it or not, there is a site where you can make sales pitches for your exes. It's an online dating site, except rather than me making my own ad, one of my exes (they've since expanded to friends) makes an ad FOR me.

And yeah, two of my exes are hands-down flat-out two of my best friends in the world and I actually have dropped a couple hints that he and his girlfriend should make a profile for me on that "date my ex" site.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:30 AM on October 12, 2011

Where have we seen this before? Oh yeah, global defense policy from 1955 – 1989. Perhaps the most brilliant use of this site would be Mutually Assured Destruction, thereby ensuring that both exes keep their behaviour in check.

Ensure the break-up is civil... or else. Thinking about getting drunk and going ex-smearing late night on the interwebs? Think twice, or find that One Time A Few Years Ago... Yes, That Time, When You Lost Your Temper, taken out of context and broadcast worldwide, forever.

Based upon an admittedly shallow pool of evidence (actually, it was in 2001 that I was dumped for being shallow, if you must know), every couple, from 1 month to 10 years, has a pile of dry kindling sitting at arm's length. It's the breakup that decides whether the match is light and a fire starts.

As father said to son in those angst-filled teenage years, "It doesn't have to be messy, son." Obviously that is the kind of advice that makes sense... later in life, after one has had to 1) change a phone number, 2) change locks, and/or 3) file a restraining order.

I can hear the deep-voiced announcer now...

"Oh you've made a proper ass of yourself again this time haven't you. And in doing that, you have triggered... PSYCHO EX. For the next three months, your voicemail will be filled with hang ups from unknown numbers. All of your friends will ask you how THAT is going, wink, wink. And by that they mean your STD treatment. You could have avoided it all by being a kinder, gentler person when the inevitable day came to go your separate ways. You were almost there, but you had to add in that final comment about their sister. For that comment, you earn one-star. Game over, good look." (God help you if you then hit on the sister afterward, does the site offer negative stars?)

I bet we'll all think twice knowing we'll be rated on the internet, for all perpetuity. And be we I mean women. Because I think us men are doomed for a life of relationship embarrassment, regardless of how advanced technology gets.

"Yeah, baby, I didn't mean to ((get in a fight) or (spend the rent money at the casino) or (respond slowly when you asked me if you looked fat) or ((insert 38% of your decisions while intoxicated here)), but I'm impulsive. I thought you liked that about me."

Men, this website constitutes a material threat to the national security of ManLand. Act accordingly.
posted by nickrussell at 11:43 AM on October 12, 2011

Call me old-fashioned, but I don't have a telephone so I'll miss your call. No voicemail, either. Sucker.
posted by Eideteker at 11:57 AM on October 12, 2011

That said, now that I'm technically dating (I think?), I'd love exit interviews. "What about that date didn't work for you?

I am such an INTJ that there have been times that I've wanted to pull a date aside (or email him after the date) and say "hey, that thing you just did? That was was really offensive/disrespectful/weird, and it's why I won't return your calls after tonight." I'm pretty sure that wouldn't actually do any good, so I never did it.

Like that time a date ended around 10:30pm, I had a long way to walk in the dark back to my car, and my date was all "goodnight!" and didn't bother to make sure I got back to the care safely.
posted by litnerd at 12:13 PM on October 12, 2011

Ha ha, I'm fairly NT myself (XNXX (?), technically), so I would appreciate that.

I always walk a lady home, though. Or follow her if she declines an escort. For safety.

hashtag: #creepinitreal
posted by Eideteker at 12:24 PM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

So... what's to stop someone from just making shit up about people? Either as a joke or just to be a jerk.
posted by usagizero at 12:29 PM on October 12, 2011

I think they really missed the mark, here. They should have named the site, "That's What She Said."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:34 PM on October 12, 2011 [7 favorites]

Oh noes...I think I had a date with the woman who wrote that Atlantic mag article. Not kidding...


Lies! Lies! All %^&*(&!! LIES!!!
posted by Skygazer at 12:46 PM on October 12, 2011

Call me an Old Fashioned but I'm whiskey, sugar, bitters, a dash of soda and a twist of lemon peel.
posted by The Bellman at 12:51 PM on October 12, 2011

Sorry, swift, I missed that. You are older fashioned than I.
posted by The Bellman at 12:53 PM on October 12, 2011

Rosanna Arquette and Steve Guttenberg did a promo for this company back when it launched in 1987.
posted by Chichibio at 1:15 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

So this is ratemyprofessors.com for dating? Seriously, the only people who are going to use a site like this are people who had bad breakups.

(I have bad reviews on rmp.com and at least one ex that hates my guts, so these seem disturbingly parallel to me.)
posted by madcaptenor at 1:19 PM on October 12, 2011

"So... what's to stop someone from just making shit up about people? I mean, I do it all the time. Either as a joke or just to be a jerk.
posted by usagizero at 3:29 PM on October 12"

Wow, you're a terrible person. =(
posted by Eideteker at 1:20 PM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

And seriously, a ".co" domain?

They're waiting for IANA approval of '.codependent'
posted by zippy at 1:37 PM on October 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

1986: It's one thing to have your date pick the most expensive meal in the restaurant, but how exactly do you plan for $78 million and end up at $1.5 billion?! Still, it put Vancouver on the map.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:58 PM on October 12, 2011

Well, I am glad I am not apparently listed on there.

And, I don't dislike any of my ex's. Although I am a little bitter about wasting $25K in inheritance money to buy a house I didn't want to make the ex-wife happy. Lost the wife, lost the house.

My one problem with ex's is that I cannot be around them in a purely platonic way. My emotions just don't shut off like that.
posted by Samizdata at 2:02 PM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Upon further reflection, I should clarify that I mean that I don't stop caring about them. Not that I am embittered and angry and that one day they will all pay for their rejection of me or anything like that.
posted by Samizdata at 2:25 PM on October 12, 2011

i am truly honored to be the first to reference this classic, in which steve guttenberg and patricia arquette predict this back in 1987.
posted by Señor Pantalones at 2:29 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

ExRATED: Review quote of the moment!

"Im awesome im awesomeim awesomeim awesomeim awesomeim awesome im awesomeim awesomeim awesomeim awesome"


Good idea, poor execution.
posted by Winnemac at 2:32 PM on October 12, 2011

It's a bad idea, a very bad idea.
posted by cool breeze at 2:33 PM on October 12, 2011

It's a bad idea, a very bad idea.

Well, I meant padding your score with fake reviews, but it probably won't work if you mention that you are the one doing it.
posted by Winnemac at 2:36 PM on October 12, 2011

I did something similar in 2003 / 2004, but it never got beyond a downloadable pdf I was you were supposed to fill out and give to whoever you had broken up with. Haven't heard of anyone actully using it…

Relationship Evaluation Form [PDF]
posted by monocultured at 2:54 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I stole my sister's boyfriend. It was all whirlwind, heat, and flash. Within a week we killed my parents and hit the road.

nb: not actually done by me. my life's not that exciting.
posted by Zack_Replica at 3:00 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

"The restaurant was good at the beginning. Nice lighting, comfortable tables, cosy, great service, and the food was served promptly, was delicious, and was very reasonably priced. But after going there for a while IT TURNED OUT THE RESTAURANT WAS FUCKING CRAZY. 1/5"
posted by tumid dahlia at 4:30 PM on October 12, 2011 [7 favorites]

"This person Skygazer from the Internet says to take it with a grain of salt."
posted by rhizome at 9:49 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Balls.
posted by Skygazer at 2:39 AM on October 13, 2011

"I couldn't agree more, mate, but here we are, and there you are... with your handsome friend."

OK, hands up if you so want this thread to devolve into people posting humorous summaries of their old relationships.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:39 AM on October 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

Raising my hands in the air like I just don't care...

OOOoooo Ooooooo!
posted by Samizdata at 10:38 AM on October 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

Bunny Ultramod: "I also wouldn't fuck a restaurant."

Yeah, well, it's been such a long dry spell you shouldn't think I don't see that deli sitting there, shamelessly provocative, making eyes at me, shaking that roomy loading dock...

Damn it! Did I type that out loud again?
posted by Samizdata at 10:42 AM on October 13, 2011 [2 favorites]

I considered that "[You] wouldn't fuck a restaurant" snark, Bunny Ultramod, but I couldn't make the obvious connection work out.
posted by jeffburdges at 12:22 PM on October 13, 2011