Apple - Introducing GLaDOSiri on iPhone 4S

October 12, 2011 10:52 AM

Apple - Introducing GLaDOSiri on iPhone 4S (SLYT)
posted by Vibrissa (63 comments total)

Fake. Cupcakes like that really shouldn't go in for any longer than 20 minutes.
posted by phunniemee at 10:55 AM on October 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

Needs more deceiving you into lethal situations and less fatty jokes.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 10:55 AM on October 12, 2011 [29 favorites]

SOLD
posted by cmoj at 10:55 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's all fun and games until she GPS's you into a pit of toxic goo. Or activates the secret laser turret feature of the 4S.

Fake. Cupcakes like that really shouldn't go in for any longer than 20 minutes.

The cupcakes are lies.
posted by kmz at 10:58 AM on October 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Needs more deceiving you into lethal situations and less fatty jokes.

And more passive aggression

"Set the timer for 45 minutes"

"Oh okay, I don't need to do anything else, I can just sit here, a 500 dollar stopwatch, cause you want a nap. I'm sure you deserve it doing ...whatever it is you do."

"Where's the closest restaurant?"

"170 Mission"

"What is it?"

"It is an Anglo-Spanish fusion place in a building that is completely occupied and structurally sound. I promise."
posted by The Whelk at 10:58 AM on October 12, 2011 [38 favorites]

Needs more deceiving you into lethal situations and less fatty jokes.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 6:55 PM on October 12

That's fewer fatty jokes. Your results rate you as "Punk Illiterate". We weren't even testing for that.
posted by Decani at 11:00 AM on October 12, 2011 [13 favorites]

> Your results rate you as "Punk Illiterate"

Everyone loves a pedant!
posted by Horselover Phattie at 11:01 AM on October 12, 2011

Yeah, he did a pretty good job with this, but it could have been even better. Great jokes, The Whelk.

And, yeah, the cupcakes are lies. That's why it looks like they'll be overcooked. It doesn't matter how long she sets the timer for.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:01 AM on October 12, 2011

"Oh okay, I don't need to do anything else, I can just sit here, a 500 dollar stopwatch, cause you want a nap. I'm sure you deserve it doing ...whatever it is you do."

Hmm, that seems a bit more Marvin than GLaDOS.

Though now that I think about it GLaDOS really is just Marvin with a slightly more homicidal streak.
posted by kmz at 11:01 AM on October 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

To be fair, Portal 2 at least contained a fair number of "fatty" jokes, but the humor there was focused more on the implication that GlaDOS didn't understand the proper context of said insults.
posted by The Confessor at 11:02 AM on October 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

I just need to say that "we weren't even testing for that" may be one of my favorite lines in any video game ever. There was an enormous amount of gold in P2 -- especially some of the Cave Johnson stuff -- but for some reason that throw-away totally destroyed me.
posted by The Bellman at 11:02 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

You know, Steve Jobs death got me thinking : Too bad they didn't upload him. Apple has run out of big cats anyways. We could all experience a little bit of Steve Jobs' leadership style with Mac OS X Jobs. Yeah sure, it'll occasionally berate you for being too stupid to use it, but imagine how much more inspired and hard working we'd all be!
posted by jeffburdges at 11:03 AM on October 12, 2011

I would pay for a snarky VI interface. Preferably voiced by either Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman. Not that GLaDOS isn't good too.
posted by sotonohito at 11:03 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oops, I didn't realize "we weren't even testing for that" was a thing in P2, having only played the original. Apologies.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 11:04 AM on October 12, 2011

I would pay for a snarky VI interface.

The learning curve is already pretty steep, I'm not sure vi needs snark as well.

(Hmm... vi as the Dark Souls of text editors? I can see it. Steep learning curve, lots of patience, so satisfying once you get it.)
posted by kmz at 11:06 AM on October 12, 2011

You know, Steve Jobs death got me thinking : Too bad they didn't upload him.

It got me thinking: Maybe they did? [/eli cash]
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:10 AM on October 12, 2011 [5 favorites]

Someone has written a paperclip assistant for vi.
posted by 1970s Antihero at 11:13 AM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh come on.. the fatty jokes are the reason this is funny. If the computer kept making threats on peoples lives, then it would be like normal GLaDOS... the fatty humor makes it more unexpected and funny. And yeah, the chick really should just have a snack.. or a salad.
posted by ReeMonster at 11:19 AM on October 12, 2011

"Oh, you're downloading another farming game. How fun. You must be really important to have all this time to tap away at a screen for imaginary coins, or something."
posted by The Whelk at 11:20 AM on October 12, 2011 [5 favorites]

the fatty humor makes it more unexpected and funny.

This is the exact aesthetic argument that once made Charlie Sheen the highest paid man on television.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:22 AM on October 12, 2011 [9 favorites]

Everyone loves a pedant!
posted by Horselover Phattie at 7:01 PM on October 12

Being correct is not the same thing as being pedantic, you upstart.
posted by Decani at 11:26 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

the fatty humor makes it more unexpected and funny. And yeah, the chick really should just have a snack.. or a salad.

So you're okay with fat people being insulted, and you yourself have just insulted thin people... when do you get to insulting the "average" people?
posted by tzikeh at 11:30 AM on October 12, 2011

Horselover Phattie: "Oops, I didn't realize "we weren't even testing for that" was a thing in P2, having only played the original"

Why are you still here, and not playing Portal 2?
posted by schmod at 11:31 AM on October 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

Man, couldn't find this classic simpsons song on youtube.

Internet, you're dead to me.
posted by stratastar at 11:35 AM on October 12, 2011

You know, Steve Jobs death got me thinking : Too bad they didn't upload him.
It got me thinking: Maybe they did?
S.I.R.I = "Steve is resting inside"?
posted by juv3nal at 11:35 AM on October 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

Ironically, there's a homer is fat joke in the clip!
posted by stratastar at 11:35 AM on October 12, 2011

The fat jokes aren't something they made up, they appear in the game several times. GLaDOS makes them and Weasley makes them later in Portal 2.
posted by phearlez at 11:39 AM on October 12, 2011

It's all fun and games until she GPS's you into a pit of toxic goo.

You talk as if being a supervillain will not be fun and games. Why so serious?
posted by The World Famous at 11:41 AM on October 12, 2011

shameful confession: I've never actually played either of the Portal games.
posted by Vibrissa at 11:43 AM on October 12, 2011

and all the fat jokes are just build up for GlaDos' Crowning Moment Of Awesome in actually *defending* you.

Plus, in Co-Op "Did you know humans are really sensitive to mentioning minor changes in their standard weight?"
posted by The Whelk at 11:44 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

So you're okay with fat people being insulted, and you yourself have just insulted thin people... when do you get to insulting the "average" people?

Would you rather nobody in the world ever be made fun of?
posted by ReeMonster at 11:46 AM on October 12, 2011

This is the exact aesthetic argument that once made Charlie Sheen the highest paid man on television.

I don't necessarily agree with this. Two and a Half Men is way different than a short YouTube video.
posted by ReeMonster at 11:47 AM on October 12, 2011

Mr "I'm on top of the Bell Curve", how does it feel to be so, ordinary?
posted by mrzarquon at 11:47 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

You know, Steve Jobs death got me thinking : Too bad they didn't upload him.

What do you think that massive data center in North Carolina is for?
posted by eriko at 11:49 AM on October 12, 2011

I tore my ipod to pieces, and threw every piece into a fire.
posted by crunchland at 11:49 AM on October 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

S.I.R.I = "Steve is resting inside"?

Siri doesn't say fuck nearly enough for it to be SJ.
posted by eriko at 11:50 AM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm enjoying the comments in this thread far more than the original.
posted by Phire at 12:05 PM on October 12, 2011

Tangent, what is the song in that clip?

I have heard it before and assume it's some early Ray Charles but I haven't found it yet. I heard it when I was on hold years ago and it still sounds great. That Wurlitzer piano... damn!
posted by JBennett at 12:08 PM on October 12, 2011

eriko: "You know, Steve Jobs death got me thinking : Too bad they didn't upload him.

What do you think that massive data center in North Carolina is for?"

Within about a 48-hour period, iOS5 and Siri were announced, I watched "Silence in the Library," and Steve Jobs passed away.

I'm not one for conspiracies, but come on!
posted by schmod at 12:09 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

ARGH SPOILER ALERT!
posted by stratastar at 12:14 PM on October 12, 2011

JBennett: What'd I say?
posted by Seiten Taisei at 12:17 PM on October 12, 2011

what is the song in that clip? --- Ray Charles, Baby What I'd Say.
posted by crunchland at 12:18 PM on October 12, 2011

ARGH SPOILER ALERT!

For a six-month-old video game? Dude.

Frodo lives. Romeo dies. Jesus does both. Sorry if any of that surprised you.
posted by mhoye at 12:19 PM on October 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

I thought it was a joking reference to the Doctor Who spoiler.
posted by kmz at 12:25 PM on October 12, 2011

"Text MOM 'What's for dinner?'"
"Why bother? She doesn't even love you."
posted by msbutah at 12:42 PM on October 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh thank god, you're alright.

You know being Steve taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy, but all along you were my best friend.

The surge of emotion has shot through me when I saved your life, taught me an even more valuable lesson: Where Steve lives in my brain.

STEVE DELETED.

Goodbye, Steve.

Oh god, did I just write/plagiarize Jobs-GlaDOS fanfic? Help me!
posted by jeffburdges at 12:44 PM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Spoiler alert that Steve Jobs died come on! I had last week set on my dvr.
posted by Phantomx at 12:45 PM on October 12, 2011

Would you rather nobody in the world ever be made fun of?

I'm 99% sure I'd grow to hate such a world, but I kind of wish we'd try it for, say, one week every year, just to double-check.
posted by roystgnr at 12:55 PM on October 12, 2011

This is not that week.

Neither is next week.

In fact, don't hold your breath.
posted by maryr at 12:58 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

"Text MOM 'What's for dinner?'"
"Why bother? She doesn't even love you."

"In fact, nobody loves you, because of how unlikable you are.

Also, you're adopted, so she's not even your real mom.

Your real mom probably doesn't love you, either."
posted by Elementary Penguin at 1:19 PM on October 12, 2011

"I've taken the liberty of downloading the most recent 'Fart Noise' program from the app store. It reminded me of you."
posted by codacorolla at 1:20 PM on October 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

You talk as if being a supervillain will not be fun and games.

For anyone who is curious, I can assure you; it really is.

Sure, there's the odd setback as a British agent or group of kids with a fucking dog comes along and gives you a bit of a setback, but on the whole, it's a remarkably fulfilling line of work.
posted by quin at 1:34 PM on October 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Steve Jobs death got me thinking : Too bad they didn't upload him.

I'm sure his head is frozen in a vat of liquid nitrogen somewhere.
posted by dibblda at 2:04 PM on October 12, 2011

Actually, they kind of did upload his brain. You guys miss the articles about Apple University and trying to keep the Steve Jobs approach alive?
posted by mrzarquon at 2:23 PM on October 12, 2011

I don't hold out much hope. Having a single song on my iPhone I said "Play music" and it replied "Calling 820-3342". Picard never had these problems.
posted by dougrayrankin at 4:45 PM on October 12, 2011

Eh, you'd have to work pretty hard to convince me that the humor always arose from GlaDOS not understanding the context of fatty jokes.

GlaDOS: Look at you, flying through the air majestically. Like an eagle... piloting a blimp.

The timing was perfect. Pure comedy gold.
posted by Justinian at 4:47 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

The actual Suri is funny too.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 5:12 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I figured they would wait until Steve's body got at least a little cold before announcing something as stupid as SIRI. This is going to be the Newton's handwriting recognition system all over again.
posted by humanfont at 6:30 PM on October 12, 2011

Man, are you late to the party, in a lot of ways.
posted by mrzarquon at 7:35 PM on October 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

jeffburdges: "STEVE DELETED."

Somehow, I'm imagining that line followed by this sound. In turn, followed by a much cooler turret opera that plays halfway, then crashes.
posted by schmod at 7:54 PM on October 12, 2011

Within about a 48-hour period, iOS5 and Siri were announced, I watched "Silence in the Library," and Steve Jobs passed away.

I watched The Girl Who Waited last weekend. Felt like it was set in Jobs' Heaven
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:57 PM on October 12, 2011

I hear this integrates really well with the Slow Clap app.
posted by speicus at 3:46 AM on October 13, 2011

"I see that you are currently Googling 'How do I make French Toast?' It's telling that you would use the culmination of several thousands of years of science to look up the recipe to something which has the ingredients of eggs, bread, and heat. However I think your efforts would be better served in looking up 'How do I survive incremental exposure to neurotoxins.'"
posted by codacorolla at 10:19 AM on October 13, 2011 [1 favorite]