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It's Decorative Gourd Season
October 20, 2011 8:11 PM   Subscribe

Because it's Fall, f*ckfaces. Realizing that McSweeney's is disfavored on MeFi, and that many will have seen this before, I offer this nonetheless. Because it's that time of the year, and goddamit, it's funny.
posted by mikeand1 (59 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
“It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”
posted by zeek321 at 8:13 PM on October 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


I like McSweeny's just fine. I just don't understand why people think there's an asterisk in the word fuck.
posted by eyeballkid at 8:15 PM on October 20, 2011 [18 favorites]


It reads, like Jim Anchower's now under-utilized commentary from The Onion. Which is perfectly fine by me.
posted by efalk at 8:18 PM on October 20, 2011


Either an FPP is good or it isn't. Don't justify what you post in what you post. Just post something you think is good and that people will enjoy. (Also I love McSweeney's, and this was hilarious.)
posted by Mikey-San at 8:38 PM on October 20, 2011 [7 favorites]


Nice,

Reads like Jim Anchower and those infographics that float around the web, you know the ones:

"Look at this fucking marmoset. Just look at him goddamn you. This motherfucker has fucking claws instead of nails and a prehensile tail. Your sorry ass don't have shit. He will climb all up in your motherfucking trees and just relax in those bitches. You can't do shit about it. He spends his days muching on fucking breadfruit and all kinds of delicious fruits."

I like those.
posted by Ad hominem at 8:40 PM on October 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


Hahaha. Brilliant.

“It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”
posted by disillusioned at 8:44 PM on October 20, 2011


Read. Liked. Shared.

Thanks, fuckface!
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:52 PM on October 20, 2011


Its spring.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:55 PM on October 20, 2011 [11 favorites]


Metafilter: You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.
posted by PueExMachina at 8:58 PM on October 20, 2011 [7 favorites]


Not a clue about American autumnal customs, so much of the humour was lost on me, but I submit that the juxtaposition 'wicker fucker' would delight the author of Beowulf, so expertly does it mine to the very bedrock of our language.
posted by Abiezer at 9:05 PM on October 20, 2011 [12 favorites]


I don't like McSweeney's and I didn't enjoy this article but then I read all these comments and they made me feel like a curmudgeon so I read the article again and now I like it.
posted by 256 at 9:08 PM on October 20, 2011 [10 favorites]


I read this last year and thought it was funny. Then I read it again this year, and guess what? It's still funny, fuckfaces!
posted by jefbla at 9:21 PM on October 20, 2011


I like McSweeney's a lot, and a lot of other people do too even if they don't often speak up about it. If you like it, post it. Same goes for Boing Boing stuff. Eventually you've got to stop playing to the room and just put forth what you like. Don't apologize for it.
posted by JHarris at 9:25 PM on October 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


Is this something I would need to own a honey badger to understand?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 9:37 PM on October 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


I like McSweeney's. Cursing can be funny, too?

Sexual molestation as a punchline, or prop for "wacky extreme in your face" piece? Not so much.
posted by ShawnStruck at 9:55 PM on October 20, 2011


God damn bitch, cursing the fucking shit out of your internet tough guy asshole sentences sure is motherfucking ironically funny, yo
posted by crayz at 10:02 PM on October 20, 2011


I had no idea that McSweeney's was "disfavored" on MeFi. I like it just fine.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:02 PM on October 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


It's not sexual molestation as a punchline. It's A Very Special Episode of Diff'rent Strokes starring Gordon Jump as your friendly neighbourhood pedophile as the punchline. With gourds.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:03 PM on October 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


That shit always makes me laugh.
posted by ph00dz at 10:03 PM on October 20, 2011


I don't fuckin' get it. McSweeney's has sucked balls since after the comics issue.
posted by ReeMonster at 10:17 PM on October 20, 2011


Why is McSweeney's disfavored on MeFi? Too many hipsters? Not enough references to this or that favorite causes?
posted by Yakuman at 10:24 PM on October 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


Oh, and until this moment I thought McSweeney's ceased publication around 2008.
posted by Yakuman at 10:25 PM on October 20, 2011 [1 favorite]


This has caused me to browse around the McSweeney's site. I just read Klingon Personal Ads and I find that I'm deeply, deeply disturbed by the fact that I'm in the extremely tiny demographic for whom this piece was written. (Though I don't get the Klingon-head-under-glass reference, so perhaps there's still hope for me.)
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:30 PM on October 20, 2011


Sans honey badger or a giant scorpion, I enjoyed this creative literary exercise. However, I couldn't shake the thought of imagining this being read or narrated to me by a gangly, polo-shirt wearing "bro".
posted by nataaniinez at 10:40 PM on October 20, 2011


However, I couldn't shake the thought of imagining this being read or narrated to me by a gangly, polo-shirt wearing "bro".

I think that makes it better.
posted by clorox at 10:42 PM on October 20, 2011


swears + quaintness = comedy?

Welcome to This Muhfukkin Old House, Bitchaaaasssssss
posted by not_on_display at 10:48 PM on October 20, 2011


There were a few good lines and images in there. Especially the one with the freaky-ass harvest, as mentioned several times upthread.

I love "I'm Comic Sans, Asshole", by the way.
posted by flippant at 10:54 PM on October 20, 2011 [2 favorites]


God damn bitch, cursing the fucking shit out of your internet tough guy asshole sentences sure is motherfucking ironically funny, yo

Get back to cooking, Pinkman.
posted by Mikey-San at 10:54 PM on October 20, 2011 [6 favorites]


If Martha Stewart wrote articles like that, I'd buy her magazine.
posted by seawallrunner at 10:56 PM on October 20, 2011 [4 favorites]


This seemed familiar, like something I'd read in The New Yorker's "The Talk of the Motherfuckin' Town" section. You know, the section of short articles at the front of the magazine, where the first and longest one is always "here's the fucked-up shit that went down this week" and then there's a few shorter articles on topics like: how hard it is to get your kid in a private kindergarten that isn't full of lame-ass fools, some guy from Queens with a fucked-up job like mosquito whisperer or some shit, 1000 words about stepping in dog shit in Central Park, a band from Brooklyn with three bass players and a flugelhorn, and then there's a one-page obit for some dead rich dude who endowed a goddamn bicycle museum.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:55 PM on October 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: I read the article again and now I like it.
posted by FrereKhan at 12:07 AM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


McSweeney's is OK, but I know where it is.
posted by Segundus at 12:10 AM on October 21, 2011


Not a clue about American autumnal customs, so much of the humour was lost on me

No, it's just McSweeney's.
posted by Justinian at 12:56 AM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Sexual molestation as a punchline

Yea, because the author thinks molestation is funny - amirite?

For all the doubters: picture Alec Baldwin reading this in his shweaty balls/NPR voice. It's pretty funny.
posted by victors at 3:37 AM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Hey there, fuckface.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 3:53 AM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


> If Martha Stewart wrote articles like that, I'd buy her magazine.

She does, actually. Her editors have a lot to answer for.
posted by scruss at 4:23 AM on October 21, 2011 [3 favorites]


Is this something for which I'd have to have seen Diff'rent Strokes to understand?
posted by mippy at 4:56 AM on October 21, 2011


I hope Ursula K. Le Guin doesn't see this.
posted by TedW at 5:07 AM on October 21, 2011


“It’s Metafilter, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”
posted by Renoroc at 5:18 AM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


I came expecting this.
posted by incster at 5:37 AM on October 21, 2011


Sorry Horselover Phattie beat me to it.
posted by incster at 5:40 AM on October 21, 2011


Makes me think of this.
posted by exlotuseater at 6:24 AM on October 21, 2011


(click the "search inside this book" for samples.)
posted by exlotuseater at 6:26 AM on October 21, 2011


Yes, I read this a week or so ago and was literally crying at my desk. It was right after reading this and my coworkers thought I was going to hyperventilate.
posted by tr33hggr at 6:34 AM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


Dave Barry + swearing == Miller Lite + Four Loco.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:48 AM on October 21, 2011


For those of us who missed the memo, would someone explain why "McSweeney's is disfavored on MeFi"?
posted by General Tonic at 7:45 AM on October 21, 2011


McSweeny's single-link FPPs invariably end up with comments about how lame McSweeny's is. There are also Deletions just as there would be for single-link Onion FPPs.
posted by infinitewindow at 7:51 AM on October 21, 2011


A whiff of apples and cinnamon toast, air that is corduroy-cold,. The street is ablaze in crimson and brown, and the sun shines pumpkin gold.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:59 AM on October 21, 2011


ha. I'm pretty sure the author of this is the father of one of one of my kid's playdate friends. Random.
posted by gaspode at 8:10 AM on October 21, 2011


Hadn't seen "I'm Comic Sans, Asshole" in a good while. That's some sweet shit right there. "Like daffodils in motherfucking spring" - I'm gonna use that one every chance I get.

For those of us who missed the memo, would someone explain why "McSweeney's is disfavored on MeFi"?

At a guess: because it's very smart and has been very popular for a good long while (at least in this sainted circle), and it's associated with the extremely smart and quite popular Dave Eggers, and both the site and Eggers can sometimes be a little too smart for their own good and the alt-angsty kids always hate the popular kids, and none moreso than one of their alt-angsty comrades gone popular.

At a guess.
posted by gompa at 8:35 AM on October 21, 2011 [4 favorites]


Hadn't seen "I'm Comic Sans, Asshole" in a good while. That's some sweet shit right there.

The first half was unfortunately voiced in my head by Charlie Sheen, but then it somehow transitioned to Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder and then it was plenty fine.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 9:20 AM on October 21, 2011


Do you know that if you grow too many zucchinis and a couple of them get too fucking big to eat you can just put it away for a few months (make sure it's unblemished) and it turns as orange as a fucking pumpkin? It takes a few months.
posted by kozad at 10:08 AM on October 21, 2011


LOOK AT THESE FUCKING PEPPERS.
posted by eyeballkid at 10:34 AM on October 21, 2011 [1 favorite]


For those of us who missed the memo, would someone explain why "McSweeney's is disfavored on MeFi"? At a guess: because it's very smart and has been very popular for a good long while (at least in this sainted circle), and it's associated with the extremely smart and quite popular Dave Eggers, and both the site and Eggers can sometimes be a little too smart for their own good and the alt-angsty kids always hate ...

McSweeney's isn't really disfavored here. Single-link posts to McSweeney's, The Onion, and other hugely popular humor sites are disfavored, I think, because many articles on those sites are funny. And most of us are aware of those sites.

What distinguishes this specific article from the rest of McSweeney's? Nothing.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:14 AM on October 21, 2011


That just made a few minutes of my interminable DMV wait bearable. Thanks.
posted by purenitrous at 12:08 PM on October 21, 2011


i love mcsweeney's in general but adding alot of swear words to things hasn't been funny since the onion's 'holy shit, man lands on fucking moon' and that was mainly because of the palpable astonishment, which gourds just do not inspire.

why is this the thing that finally made me put up $5 and join metafilter after years of lurking
posted by rap and country at 6:34 PM on October 21, 2011 [2 favorites]


I don't like McSweeney's and I didn't enjoy this article but then I read all these comments and they made me feel like a curmudgeon so I read the article again and now I like it.
posted by Mael Oui at 7:40 PM on October 21, 2011


No Son of Mine Plays Oregon Trail Like That
posted by jcruelty at 10:31 AM on October 22, 2011


why is this the thing that finally made me put up $5 and join metafilter after years of lurking

Duh, because someone was wrong on the Internet.

adding alot of swear words to things hasn't been funny since the onion's 'holy shit, man lands on fucking moon

Namaste, bitches!

great username, btw.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:20 AM on October 24, 2011


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