Dealing with Gavin Tanner
October 23, 2011 2:30 PM   Subscribe

[SLYT, 2:47, AUS] "So you're thinking about dealing some weed? Well, I'm Gavin Tanner, pretty much the best dealer there is. So, listen up, and I'll tell you how you can be an awesome dealer, too."
posted by not_on_display (59 comments total) 21 users marked this as a favorite

 
Better call Saul...
posted by Renoroc at 2:38 PM on October 23, 2011 [10 favorites]


The irony is that he'll get busted by an undercover agent with the Australian equivalent of FBI printed on his t-shirt.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:48 PM on October 23, 2011


That guy is funny. This American, though, is unfamiliar with him--popular in Australia? Also, what are those red cans?
posted by zardoz at 2:57 PM on October 23, 2011


That guy is funny. This American, though, is unfamiliar with him--popular in Australia? Also, what are those red cans?

Not popular in Australia, Swan Draught.
posted by awfurby at 3:04 PM on October 23, 2011


http://www.gavintanner.com/
posted by IndigoJones at 3:07 PM on October 23, 2011


That guy is funny. This American, though, is unfamiliar with him--popular in Australia? Also, what are those red cans?

That's a fermented grain beverage known in the native language as Foster's.
posted by abcde at 3:12 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


And then the whole community suffers. I loved this line.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 3:14 PM on October 23, 2011 [3 favorites]


Swan Draught.

I dunno, just from Internet searching it. looks like the red can in questions are Emu export beer. Granted, Swan also makes emu so it's probably just as much pisswater.
posted by zabuni at 3:17 PM on October 23, 2011


popular in Australia?

Looks like he's trying to get a sitcom going, I guess? I enjoyed the burying the money in the forest bit.
posted by jessamyn at 3:33 PM on October 23, 2011


I'm an Aussie and I've never heard of Gavin Tanner, zardoz, but damn, he beautifully nails our local dealers who are quite sure they're performing a community service, and who do truly bury their excess cash. The one thing he forgot, though, is that they tend to still live with their mother. Being asked to rinse the billy (bong) and that the kitchen sink is the best place to do it - while mum is sitting at the kitchen table with her cup of tea - is quite an, um, interesting experience. Not that I'd know, of course.

And yes, it's Emu Export. Real Australians don't drink Fosters. Insert retching here.

Nice post, not_on_display, gave me a good laugh on a Monday morning.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 3:57 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm not going to watch this on a monday morning at work, so can't comment directly on the video, but zardoz, no he's not popular, at least I've never heard of him, and if the beer is Swan or Emu export, that is disgusting filth never seen in the eastern states, where we know better. If it's Melbourne or Carlton, then that's disgusting filth too.
posted by wilful at 4:05 PM on October 23, 2011


O_o ...Monday morning? OMG Aussies have time travel! AUSSIES HAVE TIME TRAVEL!!!! o wait
posted by not_on_display at 4:05 PM on October 23, 2011 [14 favorites]


So, like an Australian Trailer Park Boys? Not necessarily a bad thing.
posted by Flashman at 4:11 PM on October 23, 2011


I was planning to make a 10 Crack Commandments joke, and damned if that wasn't the first joke the video itself did.

Pretty funny, thanks n_o_d.
posted by penduluum at 4:51 PM on October 23, 2011


Australia has no good beer apart from Melbourne Bitter beer I don't understand why anybody drinks anything else let alone collects the cans!
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:21 PM on October 23, 2011


OMG I'm listening to "How Fortunate The Man With None" by Dead Can Dance and that fit perfectly! Imagine this in Brendan Perry's voice:

"Australia has no good beer apart from Melbourne Bitter beer
I don't understand why anybody drinks anything else
Let alone collects the cans."
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:23 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


^^ has an awesome weed dealer
posted by not_on_display at 5:57 PM on October 23, 2011 [5 favorites]


Australia has no good beer apart from Melbourne Bitter beer I don't understand why anybody drinks anything else let alone collects the cans!

The Australian attitude toward beer interests me. I've never met an Australian who will acknowledge the drinkability of more than one variety of Australian beer. That's fine, except it never seems to be the same beer. Obviously Fosters is despised (and with good reason), but is there some form of complex lager tribalism just waiting for anthropological study? Or is all your beer piss and you have just learned to choke down your single accustomed variety?

On a more general point, why do English speaking countries seem to produce such substandard lagers? I can drink delicious and varied bitters, stouts, milds, IPAs and more (although the Yanks pretty much had to show us how to do the IPAs, as we'd forgotten), but what British lager is on offer to me? Carling? Fuck that.

I digress.
posted by howfar at 5:57 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


oh we're talking Aussie beer now? Well Australia has heaps of decent small and mid-sized breweries producing lots of good beer. Some are even owned by the majors. However our mass-market brews, VB, Carlton Draught, Tooheys, XXXX, etc, are all utter swill. I don't even thing much of Boags or Coopers main lines. But you can always find a decent beer on tap in any pub.
posted by wilful at 6:07 PM on October 23, 2011


It's great we live in a world where we have FREEDOM of speech. Just think how many countries in 2011 still dont really have that right!
posted by Tech Historian at 6:18 PM on October 23, 2011


wilful: "oh we're talking Aussie beer now? Well Australia has heaps of decent small and mid-sized breweries producing lots of good beer. Some are even owned by the majors. However our mass-market brews, VB, Carlton Draught, Tooheys, XXXX, etc, are all utter swill. I don't even thing much of Boags or Coopers main lines. But you can always find a decent beer on tap in any pub"

I thank the powers-that-be that Little Creatures exists and make a pilgrimage to The Mothership every chance I get.
posted by barnacles at 6:22 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


On a more general point, why do English speaking countries seem to produce such substandard lagers?

Here in the US we have some killer lagers... they're mostly dopplebocks and other German clones (the good ones, anyway), but here in California we originated our own style in the 1800s: the California Common, also known as steam beer, some of which is damn good.

Yes, we also produce tons of Budweiser-style American Lagers, but I don't know anyone who drinks that crap.
posted by Huck500 at 6:22 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


Just think how many countries in 2011 still dont really have that right!

You mean countries like Australia?

Beer tastes in Australia are regional: you pretty much drink whatever low-bitterness lager is made by the largest brewery in your state.

Tasmania seems to be the exception, in that if you're out at a semi-formal or formal occasion, you'll drink Tasmanian beer, poured from a green bottle into a glass, rather than mainland beer straight from the stubbie. It's not that the Tasmanian stuff tastes any different; it's just in a green bottle.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 6:28 PM on October 23, 2011


Why do English speaking countries seem to produce such substandard lagers?

In general I agree, but one exception I know of is Castle Lager in South Africa. It's really sharp, with the delicious hoppy flavour of a European lager.
posted by Flashman at 6:36 PM on October 23, 2011


It's great we live in a world where we have FREEDOM of speech. Just think how many countries in 2011 still dont really have that right!

Like Australia. It's pretty horrendous.

I've never heard of that guy.

I drink Coopers Pale Ale. According to a recent study, this implies that I'm a 'bookworm who gets my news from ABC and SBS'.

This is untrue. I'm a bookworm who used to WORK at SBS, but now has crap reception.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 6:37 PM on October 23, 2011


It's amusing that Australian weed culture seems pretty identical to American.
posted by dis_integration at 7:22 PM on October 23, 2011


I doubt it. Aussies have being 'chilled out' and beachy as a virtue, like the admirable thing is to just take off your shoes and listen to Jack Johnson and just chill, man. Enjoy the waves. Take in some jams. Enjoy this funk. So being stoned is almost irrelevant. Despite the alcohol, its already a stoner feeling culture.

That said my stoner friends are normal stoners.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:25 PM on October 23, 2011


LIB, it seems like Oz is not a great fit for you.

I'm calling you LIB the same way Finn calls Lumpy Space Princess "LSP," for the record.
posted by pts at 8:09 PM on October 23, 2011


Obviously Fosters is despised (and with good reason), but is there some form of complex lager tribalism just waiting for anthropological study? Or is all your beer piss and you have just learned to choke down your single accustomed variety?

I mean, you get this in the US too, with non-beer-snobs. You'll definitely hear from people who insist that [pick one] PBR/Coors/Miller/Iron City/Lone Star is damn good beer and [the other beers on the list] are total pisswater. I vote for acclimation.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:14 PM on October 23, 2011


I doubt it. Aussies have being 'chilled out' and beachy as a virtue, like the admirable thing is to just take off your shoes and listen to Jack Johnson and just chill, man. Enjoy the waves. Take in some jams. Enjoy this funk. So being stoned is almost irrelevant. Despite the alcohol, its already a stoner feeling culture.

That's just like, your opinion, man

LIB, it seems like Oz is not a great fit for you.

I don't know, I've come to enjoy LiB's dispatches in a completely non-ironic way. I'm sure there's things about Australia he likes, and if he wants to keep them to himself that's his choice to make.

I can't stand Jack Johnson either.
posted by Ritchie at 8:27 PM on October 23, 2011



LIB, it seems like Oz is not a great fit for you.

I'm calling you LIB the same way Finn calls Lumpy Space Princess "LSP," for the record.


I'm afraid that like Finn and Jake in Lumpy Space Princess' dimension the more time I spend in Australia the more Australian I sound.

I'm sure there's things about Australia he likes, and if he wants to keep them to himself that's his choice to make.

How many Aussie bands have you made FPPs about? In the past month I've repped about 10. And it's not the just the indie stuff - I unironically love Cold Chisel, The Angels, and the Choirboys.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:46 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


I drink Coopers Pale Ale.

Sure, many of us would be willing to do the same if the bartenders remembered to roll the fucking bottle before they crack it. Also I was being hyberbolic about MB being the only beer worth drinking, it really isn't: 3 Ravens is the only beer worth drinking.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:48 PM on October 23, 2011


I unironically love Cold Chisel

Bogan!
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:50 PM on October 23, 2011 [2 favorites]


Viewed from the outside, they appeal to the same part of me that loves Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi. Hell part of the reason I dislike modern America is there's more dance/indie/beat-sy stuff than pub rock. I covered a Hitmen song last week, FFS.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:53 PM on October 23, 2011


er, modern Australia.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 8:56 PM on October 23, 2011


AUSSIES HAVE TIME TRAVEL!!!!

It's either the Australium or their beer.
posted by WalterMitty at 9:08 PM on October 23, 2011


Obviously Fosters is despised (and with good reason), but is there some form of complex lager tribalism just waiting for anthropological study

there was just a study about this, but I can't find it!
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:18 PM on October 23, 2011


Viewed from the outside, they appeal to the same part of me that loves Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi.

"The Chisel" certainly have a lot of recognisable songs about drinking and going to jail and and having a car and mining. In many ways they have effectively captured the Australian zeitgeist. Also, I do like that Springsteen album that is named after a state. My girlfriend adores Bon Jovi and went to the concert without even having to pay to go to the concert (she just sat outside the stadium and heard it clear as a bell).
posted by tumid dahlia at 9:20 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


They've also both used Khe Sanh in a song.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:21 PM on October 23, 2011


there was just a study about this, but I can't find it!

I think we all know the real reason that scientists "study" beer and I submit to you that the researchers can't find any of their data either, likely because they cooked a great deal of it into a pie that seemed like a good idea at the time but in the clear light of day it's just a big fucking mess in the kitchen.
posted by tumid dahlia at 9:23 PM on October 23, 2011


Nothing like a nice bowl of khe sanh when you've been drinking, I'll admit.
posted by tumid dahlia at 9:23 PM on October 23, 2011


give him the weed / take his money / sit around chatting for an hour or two

This last step is the bane of my existence. I eagerly await full scale legalization so that I can but my weed as a business transaction rather than a social event.
posted by Meatbomb at 9:46 PM on October 23, 2011 [6 favorites]


malibustacey9999: "And yes, it's Emu Export. Real Australians don't drink Fosters. Insert retching here."

A few years ago I was on a job that meant I was living in the Commercial Hotel in Heyfield, VIC as a home base for a few months while taking week-long trips up into the Victorian Alps for remote area survey. The hotel was the sort of place where the regulars introduced themselves by trying to pick a fight. Once we'd defused that moved on, life was pretty good there (highly recommend it! The publican is hilarious and great).

But more importantly, at the hotel I saw one of the strangest things I've seen in my time in Australia: a huge tradie with a gigantic Ned Kelly beard would pop into the hotel's bottleshop every few weeks, buy a case or two of Foster's, and leave.

I always figured the Foster's one sees in bottle shops is just for sale to Irish backpackers, but apparently there is at least one person who almost certainly considers himself a "Real Australian" who drinks the stuff. Crazy, I know!
posted by barnacles at 9:51 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


give him the weed / take his money / sit around chatting for an hour or two

hey um if someone leaves and say they're going to buy weed and then they end up not coming back because they got tired that's just normal weed stuff and not them ditching you right?

if weed were legal i'd be a much more chilled out poster?
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:57 PM on October 23, 2011


Somehow, the national lager in Kenya - Tuskers - is far better than one would expect. And it's cheaper than water, to boot.
posted by kaibutsu at 10:10 PM on October 23, 2011


I always figured the Foster's one sees in bottle shops is just for sale to Irish backpackers, but apparently there is at least one person who almost certainly considers himself a "Real Australian" who drinks the stuff. Crazy, I know!

posted by barnacles


No accounting for taste, I guess. One schooner, just to taste it to see what all the fuss is about, I can understand... but cases of the stuff?!?

Signed,

An Aussie who won't admit which mainstream beer she prefers because y'all will laugh at me - but will admit that a night out at a local micro-brewery a couple of weeks ago gave me the worst hangover I've ever had. Small batches of finely brewed ales, my arse. Small batches of finely brewed poison, more like it.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 10:47 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


Wait, in Australia you go to the weed dealer? He doesn't come to you?

Y'all need full-service weed dealers.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:09 PM on October 23, 2011 [1 favorite]


Y'all need full-service weed dealers.

we briefly had two competing people who would deliver us booze anywhere in Sydney
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 11:16 PM on October 23, 2011


not only that BitterOldPunk, but in Australia, we can only buy hydro skunk and the occasional random variety of "bush-weed" (non-hydro).. no selection of quality varieties, no tie(thai)-brown, no charice, no slate.. you get what the dealer has.. i don't understand it.. i'm generalising, but goddamn how i miss the choices in europe..
posted by bigZLiLk at 12:18 AM on October 24, 2011


I hope Gavin has adequately prepared his business, and the potential disruption to cashflow, for the rollout of the BasicsCard.
posted by kithrater at 12:47 AM on October 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Also I was only just now able to actually watch this video and I lol'd.

"What the fuck?"
"I'M PUMPIN UP YA TIRES DICKHEAD!"
posted by tumid dahlia at 2:16 AM on October 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


we briefly had two competing people who would deliver us booze anywhere in Sydney

The Blind Pig is still going, although the novelty of 4am beer has kind of worn off on me now.
posted by gronkpan at 2:21 AM on October 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


rather than mainland beer straight from the stubbie.

Well, then, this explains the color of the "beer", at least.
posted by eriko at 5:53 AM on October 24, 2011


It's not that the Tasmanian stuff tastes any different; it's just in a green bottle.

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE WANTS A FIGHT
posted by Sutekh at 6:17 AM on October 24, 2011


Aw, I love socializing with my dealer. Like last weekend:

Me: "So I'm gettin' back on the El, where you off to?"
Him: "Gotta go see my mom."
Me: "Aw yeah? How's your mom?"
Him: "Aw, she good, she good. I'm bringing her weed too."

END SCENE
posted by angrycat at 7:51 AM on October 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I came into this thread for the pot, but I stayed for the beer.
posted by Hoenikker at 4:37 PM on October 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


As my friend says, "grass then beer, you're in the clear, beer then grass, you're on your arse."
posted by wilful at 5:43 PM on October 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


He's wearing a West Coast Eagles away guernsey from the late 1980s / early 1990s. The Eagles are the original AFL team from Perth.

The Wet Toast E-Girls [as they are sometimes known] went from wooden spoon last season to prelim final this season.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 3:10 AM on October 25, 2011


I want to see more of this guy.
posted by BurnChao at 3:41 AM on October 25, 2011


« Older Though seemingly worlds apart, the Occupy folks an...  |  Yesterday was Franz Liszt's 20... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments