The Girl Who Couldn't Come

November 2, 2011 12:47 PM

The Girl Who Couldn't Come - This is a book of dirty stories. It is a book where sex is fun and good and people are kind to each other. Also there are ghosts and there is math and there are obsessive compulsive disorders. (Direct link to eponymous story - NSFW text)

Previously, other works by Mr. Comeau, as featured on Metafilter: A Softer World, Overqualified & One Bloody Thing After Another

Bonus Comeau (and Jess Fink): We are become pals!

posted by slimepuppy (29 comments total)

Hello. My name is Johnny Cash. Did you come yet?
posted by Postroad at 1:04 PM on November 2, 2011 [3 favorites]

Didja hear about the guy who couldn't come?

They went and got him.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:05 PM on November 2, 2011 [10 favorites]

If horror is more your thing, I highly recommend his Bible Camp Bloodbath book.
posted by soplerfo at 1:09 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

That story is adorable.
posted by Hicksu at 1:33 PM on November 2, 2011

I was expecting her to hook up with a boy named Sue.
posted by Kabanos at 1:47 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Cue the song!
posted by jscott at 1:53 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

wow some people must have some really uptight work enviornments
posted by nathancaswell at 1:53 PM on November 2, 2011

In related news, some women on a certain anti-depressant are coming when they yawn.
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:00 PM on November 2, 2011

Is this the same Comeau (or inspiration thereof) from the Scott Pilgrim books?
posted by zombieflanders at 2:03 PM on November 2, 2011

I knew there was a reason I learned to play Johnny Cash on the accordion.
posted by AccordionGuy at 2:21 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

She probably shouldn't listen to Norah Jones
posted by milnak at 2:22 PM on November 2, 2011

on preview, jscott beat me to it. :-(
posted by milnak at 2:22 PM on November 2, 2011

I was expecting a story about a slimepuppy. I think I'm relieved.
posted by The otter lady at 2:27 PM on November 2, 2011

I knew Joey Comeau (internet-ly) back when he was writing weird shit on Diaryland. Dude just keeps getting better.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:40 PM on November 2, 2011

Cue the song! (a slightly different take than Norah Jones)
posted by trackofalljades at 2:41 PM on November 2, 2011

In related news, some women on a certain anti-depressant are coming when they yawn.

We are going to have change the posting criteria for this site.
posted by srboisvert at 2:41 PM on November 2, 2011

In related news, some women on a certain anti-depressant are coming when they yawn.

Sex is about to get a lot more boring.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:56 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

Sex is never boring!
posted by emhutchinson at 3:02 PM on November 2, 2011

Thus, clomipramine is a little like a pharmacologic version of "The Lady or the Tiger?": You might get something very, very bad, or something very, very good.

I love that story, even though I still don't know how it turns out.
posted by emhutchinson at 3:06 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

This reminds me of a girl I used to live with who would orgasm if you squeezed her hard behind the knee. I make even less effort nowadays (because I'm old)!
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:58 PM on November 2, 2011

Surely "The Girl Who Couldn't Come" was the original title of the movie Shortbus?
posted by hippybear at 4:13 PM on November 2, 2011

Sex is about to get a lot more boring.

On the contrary -- boring is about to get a lot more sexy!
posted by LordSludge at 4:21 PM on November 2, 2011 [6 favorites]

My personal fave story: And then the werewolf

Because why can't dirty stories have surprise endings?
posted by slimepuppy at 4:25 PM on November 2, 2011

Telling your sex partner boring stories because they get off on it is the new hitting your sex partner because they get off on it.
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:25 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also dear lord there is something wrong with that sentence. I suggest reading it to anyone you suspect of being an evil robot, on account of it will probably make their parser fall right off.
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:28 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]

Thanks for these, I really enjoyed them and will now order the book for my public library.
posted by saucysault at 7:22 PM on November 2, 2011

I went to a party for premature ejaculators, but I left early...

/Red Buttons
posted by marienbad at 4:17 AM on November 3, 2011

Arrived early, surely...
posted by Sys Rq at 5:23 AM on November 3, 2011

I went to a party for premature ejaculators, but I left early...

Was it a fancy-dress party? No, just come in your pants.
posted by acb at 5:30 AM on November 3, 2011 [4 favorites]