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What ever happend to predictability? The milk man, the paper boy, evening TV...
November 2, 2011 3:28 PM   Subscribe

Every episode of Full House hilariously reviewed in chronological order.
posted by SkylitDrawl (62 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
This confirms my belief that not only is unemployment a bigger problem then previously thought, but that Bravo's entire target demographic are people who write episode re-caps on the Internet.
posted by The Whelk at 3:34 PM on November 2, 2011 [16 favorites]


Reviewing Full House episodes with cynicism and snark seems like fighting the hypo. I mean, the show is what it is, and by now everyone kind of knows what it is, so what's really to be gained in repeatedly pointing out that it's sentimental and cutesy and silly?
posted by eugenen at 3:35 PM on November 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Not nearly as charming as Huxtable Hotness!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:36 PM on November 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


That said, my love of Full House will force me to read this blog from beginning to end.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:38 PM on November 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


In the words of Steve Jobs: "Oh Wow. Oh Wow. Oh Wow."
posted by mazola at 3:40 PM on November 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


Isn't the little blonde one a robot? I don't see any mention of that.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:42 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


I missed a word and thought it was every episode of House "hilariously reviewed in chronological order." Oh, the hijinks in the hospital! But no, it's a sorrowful attempt to snark on a poorly aged show (that lasted ... eight seasons? good god damn).
posted by filthy light thief at 3:43 PM on November 2, 2011


but, why?
posted by Flood at 3:47 PM on November 2, 2011


No.
posted by zzazazz at 3:47 PM on November 2, 2011


I don't know whether to feel sorrier for the blogger or the cast, writers and crew of Full House but either way there's so much despair oozing out of that website my monitor is shimmering.
posted by The Card Cheat at 3:48 PM on November 2, 2011


I blame Full House's intro for my terrible mental map of San Francisco. I thought the Painted Ladies were adjacent to the Golden Gate Bridge, and just a short cable car ride from the Marina.
posted by 2bucksplus at 3:50 PM on November 2, 2011 [7 favorites]


Call it! Snarky re-capping died on Nov 2nd, 6:53, 2011
posted by The Whelk at 3:51 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


It's Kimmy with a Y, asshole!
posted by Sys Rq at 3:52 PM on November 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Here's why editors are valuable. If this idea were distilled into a single essay of a couple pages, "hilariously" tracing the family across the chronology of the show, I would definitely read it and I bet Atlantic Monthly or The New Yorker would publish it. But a blog that drills the joke sequentially through episode after episode after episode...? Forest for the trees, pal. I clicked, glanced, and I'm done. Plus the author doesn't get published.

It's still a better-written show than Two and a Half Men.
posted by cribcage at 3:52 PM on November 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


The American sitcom is a very frightening thing.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 3:53 PM on November 2, 2011


I am 3/4 of the way down the first page and I want to end it all.
posted by elizardbits at 3:53 PM on November 2, 2011


Don't feel bad for Saget
posted by mannequito at 3:53 PM on November 2, 2011


I blame Full House's intro for my terrible mental map of San Francisco. I thought the Painted Ladies were adjacent to the Golden Gate Bridge, and just a short cable car ride from the Marina.

Hm. That makes me wonder which intro is the more accurate Chicago: Perfect Strangers or Family Matters?
posted by Sys Rq at 3:54 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


What an interesting example of masochism.
posted by JimmyJames at 3:54 PM on November 2, 2011


I figure I can at least keep reading until they mention gay subtexts.
posted by box at 3:54 PM on November 2, 2011


Don't feel bad for Saget

Why would I? He's the most powerful one and he has that awesome General's cap.
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:55 PM on November 2, 2011 [3 favorites]


Or is that M. Bison?
posted by drjimmy11 at 3:56 PM on November 2, 2011 [4 favorites]


There's only one uncle, asshole!

Ugh, it's like he doesn't care at all!
posted by Sys Rq at 3:56 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: What lesson does that teach us? It encourages us to coddle people who are overbearing and obnoxious. That’s all this show’s ever about!
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 3:57 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I just read through the Season 1 recaps, and the blogger is already declaring the entire show sucks. So...why keep reviewing? I feel there should be a little bit of love in a project like this, or what's the point, who wants to read 8 seasons of whining?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:57 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


I thought it was pretty funny. The cultivated disdain, yet masochistic inability to stop is at least entertaining.
posted by codacorolla at 3:57 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


The suspension of disbelief required to view a show about three men living together in a house in San Francisco and raising kids and still all being heterosexual is enough to drive a person MAD!!!!
posted by hippybear at 4:01 PM on November 2, 2011 [6 favorites]


Still, there were those very few episodes where David Coulier had a full beard... those were oddly attention-grabbling. For me, anyway.

Annoyingly, I cannot easily find photos of him in that state. :(
posted by hippybear at 4:04 PM on November 2, 2011


Is this where I snark about somebody's twenty-years-removed snark about a show I admittedly enjoyed/lost a portion of my brain to? Is nothing sacred?
posted by obscurator at 4:09 PM on November 2, 2011


During my last couple of years of university in the mid-1990s, I developed an obsession of nearly this scale with Mr. Belvedere. It came on in syndication every night at 3:30am or something, which was when I was all too often just finishing studying. I'm quite happy the internet was still a 2400-baud dial-up infant in those days, or else there'd be long screeds on Mr. Belvedere laden with Postman and Chomsky and Gramsci references out there in the bowels of the Wayback with my fingerprints on them.

That said, it is a museum of '80s sitcom archetypes. Bob Uecker is Cosby + Steven Keaton + Sam Malone + Urkel. Add in fish-out-of-water character with strange accent and manners, precocious scheming preteen, image-obsessed intellectual daughter, mom who is the only competent parent and professional. Dump all into hack-writing blender and pulse as necessary.

Mr Belvedere: The eighties as one carcinogenic but strangely palatable smoothie.
posted by gompa at 4:11 PM on November 2, 2011


I think I'd rather read the Mr. Belvedere recaps, somehow. And I barely remember that show.

Yeah, I second the "if you just hate it, why dredge through 8 seasons?" remarks.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:17 PM on November 2, 2011


I feel there should be a little bit of love in a project like this

The intro post talks about that a little, TPS (and jenfullmoon)--it's kind of a love/hate thing.

"Some people who come across this blog may be wondering whether or not I’m a fan of the series, which is not a question I have a simple answer for. Although I find myself watching Full House any time it happens to be on, I don’t think it’s a good show. As a matter of fact, I think it’s a really awful show. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it the worst sitcom of all time, but it’s probably the worst one to build as large a following as it did. So why do I watch it? Part of me is compelled by how bad it is, like when you can’t help but look at a car accident while you’re driving by. Part of me is hooked on a sort of visceral reaction the show provokes. There are so many obnoxious catch-phrases, hammy performances, and emotionally manipulative “touching” moments in every episode that I often experience flashes of rage or hysteria during a viewing. Having watched this show for years, I almost wonder if I haven’t become addicted to these knee-jerk flashes of raw emotion. So, I don’t know, it’s like drugs or something. Finally, I just can’t believe this show exists. Does anyone actually think it’s funny? Everyone seems to remember watching this show, but I’ve never talked to one person who regards it as a quality program. So why was it so popular? Although I’ll keep this question in the back of my mind throughout these upcoming reviews, I sincerely doubt myself or anyone else will ever be able to find an answer."
posted by box at 4:21 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yeah, fuck the snark, these reviews are hilarious and oddly captivating.
posted by ReeMonster at 4:22 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Full House is the old Jersey Shore
posted by LogicalDash at 4:25 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


That guy must've unknowingly suffered a stroke.
posted by Horselover Phattie at 4:26 PM on November 2, 2011


I think I'd rather read the Mr. Belvedere recaps, somehow. And I barely remember that show.

As do I, apparently - I totally forgot the poor man's Jason Bateman playing the preppy older brother in my capsule review.

Speaking of which, if I'd offered you a bet in 1990 that Jason Bateman and Neil Patrick Harris would be paragons of graceful middle-aged cool in 2011, would you have taken it?
posted by gompa at 4:26 PM on November 2, 2011 [7 favorites]


The show reliably gets some kind of reaction out of whoever watches it. That's a difficult effect to achieve.
posted by LogicalDash at 4:31 PM on November 2, 2011


Ugh, is this where I can talk about how much I hated this show as a kid/tween? Because of Kimmy. The way they treated Kimmy, the whole lot of them! They were adults and acted really shitty to her, mocking her to her face.

Well, Tanner household, let me tell you something about your precious DJ. Your precious, prissy, sanctimonious little snob of a DJ. While she is living a life of quiet desperation, Kimmy went out and had adventures and travels and wonder and excitement and is WAY BETTER in every way than DJ.

So yeah, if this is the thread where I get to talk about that, I'm ready.
posted by Windigo at 4:34 PM on November 2, 2011 [20 favorites]


Okay so I hadn't thought about Full House in a long while and just did some research.

DJ's boyfriend was named Steve Hale?

The inspiration for Arrested Development's Steve Holt?

I dunno, just saying.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 4:35 PM on November 2, 2011


Isn't the little blonde one a robot? I don't see any mention of that.

Perhaps you're thinking of this.
posted by emjaybee at 4:44 PM on November 2, 2011


this actually makes me want to unread a lot of the TV re-caps I've read, even the really smart and funny ones. It makes the whole thing seem creepy and sweaty and pointless. It makes me feel shame. It invites claustrophobia. There is no honor here.
posted by The Whelk at 4:44 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


there I did it : Urban Dictionary

Working On My Full House Blog
Idiom:

A polite way to say you're cripplingly depressed in conversation.

"Hi Sally, no one's heard from you in a while, are you okay?"

"I've been working on my Full House blog for a while now."

"OMG, do you need someone to talk to?"

posted by The Whelk at 4:58 PM on November 2, 2011 [32 favorites]


Or, if depression has you too far down to be polite: "Working on my Urban Dictionary entry for 'Working on my Full House Blog'."
posted by applemeat at 5:12 PM on November 2, 2011 [6 favorites]


Seriously...This is on topic.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:20 PM on November 2, 2011


so what's really to be gained in repeatedly pointing out that it's sentimental and cutesy and silly?

Seriously. This guy should just Cut. It. Out.
posted by inigo2 at 5:22 PM on November 2, 2011 [6 favorites]


I can tell I am going to read a lot of this blog. God damn it.
posted by everichon at 5:26 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Cortex does it better.
posted by AElfwine Evenstar at 5:30 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


They left out the episode where the younger sister becomes a meth addict
posted by Renoroc at 5:32 PM on November 2, 2011


This guy should just Cut. It. Out.

I see what you did there (and I heartily approve).
posted by oddman at 5:46 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Glad I got some work done today... 'cause I'll probably be reading this for awhile.

My Dad and I greet each other by saying, "Hey, Dude!" because of this show.
posted by luckynerd at 5:54 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


RE: Mr. Belvedere:

When this show first started airing in Saudi Arabia, it enthralled me. (Note: I was 8 at the time.) Here's this English dude who seems like he did alright for himself in England. He moves to America and is no better than a common servant. Plus, he knew the Royal Family, corresponded with British officials, and seemed to possess things that only a rich person could afford. It made me think that America was a place where any immigrant would be forced to live in servant quarters and serve his new American master. Which was significant because the next year, my dad announced we were moving to the USA.

Also, didn't he own a Faberge egg?
posted by reenum at 6:17 PM on November 2, 2011 [6 favorites]


No matter what the odds are this time, nothings gonna stand in my way! This pain in my heart...

... oh wait, that was another 80s sitcom.
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:18 PM on November 2, 2011


I have a sister 15 years younger than me. I hated this show, but when she was 5, she loved it.
posted by jonmc at 7:16 PM on November 2, 2011


Ugh, is this where I can talk about how much I hated this show as a kid/tween? Because of Kimmy. The way they treated Kimmy, the whole lot of them! They were adults and acted really shitty to her, mocking her to her face.

So there's actually a completely messed-up flash-forward episode of Full House, where, in the midst of a totally dismal fantasy about how the Tanner children will grow up to be spoiled brats, Kimmy shows up. She's grown up to be really beautiful, and since this show is a total creep-fest, the shorthand for "really beautiful" is "has a nice rack."

Jesse in particular is really INTO this, and they all stare at Kimmy gobsmacked. Finally, Kimmy says, "You should have been nicer to me when I was a kid."

That seems...like a totally disturbing fourth-wall meta-analysis of this show, in retrospect.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 7:21 PM on November 2, 2011 [5 favorites]


I remember that episode! It was the one where Danny, Uncle Jesse, and Joey had grown old and become servants to the girls. If I recall correctly, wasn't Michelle portrayed as a 20 something sucking her thumb? And yeah, I remember the Kimmy thing. Creepy

In defense of the Tanner family, Kimmy was a destructive force. She'd come over, eat whatever was in the fridge, and then nauseate all around her by taking her socks off. Plus, she had a stalkerish love of Uncle Jesse. If I was Danny, I might have asked DJ to go over to Kimmy's house more often.
posted by reenum at 7:32 PM on November 2, 2011


During my freshman year in college I did WAY too much acid. For some reason in the midst of my Jim Morrison inspired "prolonged derangement of the senses" I would take refuge in Full House. 23.5 hours a day I was a hippie/druggie/intellectual snob, but for that 1/2 hour every afternoon I would call a timeout and escape into a painfully simplistic parallel universe. With no sense of irony, either. Nothing led to it, no childhood spent watching F.H., and my addiction to the show died as soon as freshman year ended.

Just a personal koan that never computed.
posted by karst at 8:19 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


Whenever I find myself becoming too emo and feeling like no one cares about me, I tell myself to stop being so Stephanie and I snap right out of it.
posted by HotPatatta at 8:26 PM on November 2, 2011 [2 favorites]


You may have crashed the car into an orphanage and killed 37 kids, but what's important is that you admitted it, and now we've all learned a valuable lesson about sharing.
posted by Palindromedary at 10:13 PM on November 2, 2011 [1 favorite]


During my last couple of years of university in the mid-1990s, I developed an obsession of nearly this scale with Mr. Belvedere.

I was so hoping this was written by mefi user Brocktoon.
posted by Challahtronix at 12:31 AM on November 3, 2011 [1 favorite]


t’s like, now that she’s not cute anymore, the shows creators were like, “let’s just made her a sadistic asshole.”

See, I really do think this is a labor of love.
posted by psoas at 4:14 AM on November 3, 2011 [1 favorite]



In defense of the Tanner family, Kimmy was a destructive force. She'd come over, eat whatever was in the fridge, and then nauseate all around her by taking her socks off. Plus, she had a stalkerish love of Uncle Jesse. If I was Danny, I might have asked DJ to go over to Kimmy's house more often.


That's what kids do, they eat from your fridge and some of them have stinky feet and some have silly girl crushes. No, they mocked her and teased her and told her she was weird and dumb right to her face. Seriously, they were really creepy to her.

I'm telling you, DJ is a slowly unraveling work-a-holic, Type-A, borderline alcoholic who "did everything right" and can't figure out why her life is falling apart and so empty and why all her co-workers loathe her and none of the other moms want to have play-dates with her.

Kimmy has turned out so awesome that she has not only traveled the world having adventures, making friends, kicking ass, and spreading her own special kind of Gibbler magic around...she is kind and gracious to the Tanners in a awy they never were to her whenever she comes back to town to visit her own family. She's that awesome.
posted by Windigo at 5:03 AM on November 3, 2011


I think the moment it really hit home that the company of children can at times be anathema to an adult was the time my niece Peaches, who was then about four or five, asked me to "play Mary Kate and Ashley" with her.
posted by orange swan at 8:38 AM on November 3, 2011


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