I think I saw both London and France, Rusty...

November 17, 2011 2:04 PM

Rusty makes a turtleburger Watch it in 720p High Def if you can handle it.

Tie your napkin around your neck and prepare to be impressed.

posted by heyho (31 comments total)

Rusty opted to go for Turkey Bacon and Turkey Burger and no cheese.

Failure.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 2:09 PM on November 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh, the internet: I clicked it thinking "oh God why am I clicking it" and then I looked at it thinking "thank God he's not actually killing a turtle for its meat."

I'm not even a vegetarian so I don't know what my deal is, apparently I like turtles but feel like cows and chickens and pigs can go fuck themselves.

Finally, seriously: wrapping meat in bacon is really, really, really no longer worthy of getting specially pointed out, is it?
posted by nanojath at 2:32 PM on November 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

If you're wondering what a turtle burger is, and don't want to bother with the link:

Handmade ground beef patties are topped with sharp cheddar cheese and then wrapped in a bacon weave before [hot dogs] are inserted as the heads, legs and tails. Place them on a rack, cover loosely with foil and then put them into an oven heated to 400 degrees.

posted by zamboni at 2:34 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Now I want to go down to the Cayman Islands and start a turtle hotdog/sausage factory.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:35 PM on November 17, 2011

bacon lol
posted by Legomancer at 2:40 PM on November 17, 2011

hot dog turtle head loll
posted by Atom Eyes at 2:50 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Shameful obligatory SLYT comment. I like turtles lol.
posted by Bron-Y-Aur at 2:52 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Have you heard about this stuff, bacon? It's a kind of meat and it's bad for you. So I like to create overly elaborate meals with it, to showcase that I am totally brave and reckless and think myself invincible. Also, medical authorities and people who care even remotely about their health frown on bacon, so eating lots of it in one sitting shows how I am totally not PC. Lastly, I enjoy certain things that are seen as lowbrow, but I generally enjoy them with a side of winking irony because everyone knows that these lowbrow things are beneath an intelligent and cultured person such as myself, who reads Bukowski in public and can (and will!) go on at length about single malts.

For these reasons, some people are prone to thinking of my public documentation of my bacon consumption as pretentious. They're, like, just jealous of how awesome I am.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:11 PM on November 17, 2011 [13 favorites]

I was worried it involved the harming of turtles, which is a terrible thing. Having read the description, it's not on the level of turtle-cide, but still, gross.
posted by Fister Roboto at 3:23 PM on November 17, 2011

I am confused. Why would anyone be more bothered by turtle-eating than by pig-eating?
posted by IjonTichy at 3:25 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I like turtles.
posted by Fister Roboto at 3:26 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Well, turtle meat doesn't often come pre-packaged, so there was the fear of witnessing the actual slaughtering of the meat-bearing-animal. Also, TMNT and noses.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:30 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yes, I suppose I was fearful of seeing a turtle harmed. That's true for any animal except for Republicans, but especially turtles.
posted by Fister Roboto at 3:31 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't think I could eat it. Looks a little too much like Mitch McConnell.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:31 PM on November 17, 2011

"I'm not even a vegetarian so I don't know what my deal is, apparently I like turtles but feel like cows and chickens and pigs can go fuck themselves."

If MeFi had sigs, this would now be mine.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 3:34 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

How much longer is the bacon meme going to go on before hipsters get tired of it?
posted by Dasein at 3:39 PM on November 17, 2011

The video is being shown at the Chicago Food Film Fest in a few days. It's sort of odd and unnatural.
posted by heyho at 3:40 PM on November 17, 2011

How much longer is the bacon meme going to go on before hipsters nerds get tired of it?
posted by Legomancer at 4:07 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Turtle burgers?

Most pertinent: The QI panel discusses why it took 300 years to give the Giant Tortoise a Latin species designation.
posted by Anything at 4:29 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Given that the turtle comes with a shell, it's more pre-packaged than other meats, oneswellfoop.
posted by emelenjr at 4:29 PM on November 17, 2011

I, too, was expecting to see something about cooking a meal using one or more actual turtles, and I'm disappointed that this wasn't the case. Not for the use of bacon, but because if we can now name foods after what animals they are physically shaped into by hand, just think of the implications.

"Hi, I'd like to order the roasted California condor."
"Very good, sir."
Ten minutes later ...
"Waiter, what is this? I ordered the roasted California condor."
"That it is, sir."
"This is not. It is a pile of Spaghetti-Os arranged into the shape of a condor on a plate."

If that's the kind of world you want to live in, well, you go right ahead and live in it.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:35 PM on November 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

i was all set to be all like making turtle into fucking hamburger what is wrong with you, you fucking lunatic
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 5:04 PM on November 17, 2011

The practice of ostentatiously declaring one's love for, and ostentatiously consuming in quantity, bacon, is, EQUALLY, like that of straight girls kissing each other in bars, except without an obvious application specifically regarding attracting members of the opposite sex.
posted by kenko at 5:06 PM on November 17, 2011

The QI panel discusses why it took 300 years to give the Giant Tortoise a Latin species designation.
That clip justifies the existence of television. It's what I want played at my funeral.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:08 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hipsters dont give 2 shits about your stupid bacon meme, nerds.

Sincerely,
A. Hipster
posted by nathancaswell at 5:16 PM on November 17, 2011

Yeah! We liked bacon before it was "cool."

Sincerely,
Another Hipster.
posted by Bron-Y-Aur at 7:30 PM on November 17, 2011

You know what's reeeally tasty? Duck. Seriously, go try it!

Sincerely,
A pig.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 7:46 PM on November 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

That video had much more asscrack than I was expecting for a cooking video.
posted by deliquescent at 8:33 PM on November 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Also, I really liked how somber he looked the first time he held up the uncooked turtleburger: "I hate what I've become."

He seemed happier with the finished product, though, so that was nice.
posted by deliquescent at 8:35 PM on November 17, 2011

$12.99!!!?????
posted by L.P. Hatecraft at 10:51 PM on November 17, 2011

An old cajun man once told me that "tutta soup's so good it'a make yo tongue slap yo brain!"
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 4:57 AM on November 18, 2011