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Papa Jesus is passed out drunk again...
November 25, 2011 7:11 PM   Subscribe

Renaissance Babies in various stages of choking and passing out from noxious fumes: A Study. This is what happens when the Madonna eats way too much turkey, yall. Happy Thanksgiving! (Warning: Tumblr)
posted by Hal Mumkin (25 comments total) 38 users marked this as a favorite

 
I read that as Renaissance Barbies. o.0
posted by deborah at 7:15 PM on November 25, 2011 [2 favorites]


This is great. A lot of times you have to wonder: have these artists actually seen a baby before?
posted by Gordafarin at 7:28 PM on November 25, 2011 [13 favorites]


I would also like to call attention to wtfarthistory.com, which I have discovered linked to the FPP site, and which I am finding to be also quite amusing.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 7:31 PM on November 25, 2011 [1 favorite]


Seconding wtfarthistory, Hal Mumkin. The post, "When his mistress is his wife" is great!
posted by heatherbeth at 7:45 PM on November 25, 2011 [4 favorites]


Gordafarin, this is obvious in some of the ikons, in which Baby Jesus is represented as a miniature adult.

They obviously just gave up.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:10 PM on November 25, 2011


Jesus in "Virgin and Child Enthroned, Master of Bigallo" looks exactly like J Smooth
posted by Hoopo at 8:13 PM on November 25, 2011


I had always just assumed that weird baby Jesuses were painted to resemble the artist's patron: "See, Jesus totally had your nose and hairline! It's almost like you're divine too! Can I have my money now?"
posted by sysinfo at 8:13 PM on November 25, 2011 [11 favorites]


Kind of a mixed bag here, but I admit to LOLing at Herp Derp Baby Jesus 2.0.
posted by ook at 8:44 PM on November 25, 2011


As one so often does.
posted by ook at 8:46 PM on November 25, 2011


OMG. IM WATCHING U.

I'm dying. And gordaferin, I literally said out loud: "have these fuckers ever SEEN a baby?" Love this.
posted by peep at 8:59 PM on November 25, 2011



I had always just assumed that weird baby Jesuses were painted to resemble the artist's patron: "See, Jesus totally had your nose and hairline! It's almost like you're divine too! Can I have my money now?"


That would explain my favorite - Infant Jesus as lecherous middle-aged midget, complete with receding hairline. SO GREAT.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:01 PM on November 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


“It took Giotto like three hours to finish the shading on baby Jesus’ chin. It’s probably the best drawing he’s ever done.”

oh this is sweet.

Seriously, though, anyone who spends a lot of time looking at altarpieces and other devotional images thinks this stuff all the time.

There need to be more representations of those paintings of The Annunciation where the angel is tossing the infant Jesus at Mary like he's a football.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:14 PM on November 25, 2011 [5 favorites]


I would like to point out that in this picture, Cupid is not only urinating on Venus, he is in fact pissing on her through a laurel wreath.

I just want to understand this. Every time a godess is micturated upon in this fair city-state, I am to compensate her worshippers?
posted by arto at 10:06 PM on November 25, 2011 [6 favorites]


Urinating through a hoop! I love pointing out that painting at the Met, it's better than magical breast milk squirting ( also in the Met).

I've always heard the way Jesus was portrayed as a baby had to do some with monastic artistics being really removed from actual babies in daily life, but most,y the insane demands of iconography on depictions of the infant Christ when met with a more realistic style, super human man child icon is fine in a gothic cartoon, a bit more unreal when depicted in state if the art oils and perspective.
posted by The Whelk at 10:15 PM on November 25, 2011


And " depicting things as they really are" wasn't a main thrust in the arts until like the 1800s, maybe. Art taught, art informed, art told stories and showed you the best way, the ideal to obtain, the lesson to learn. Magical man babies are just part of the equation.
posted by The Whelk at 10:18 PM on November 25, 2011


Well, I guess my humor was a little over the top.
I apologize if I hurt anyone's sensibilities.
Peace.
posted by quazichimp at 11:22 PM on November 25, 2011


This is great. I LOLed at a lot of these. And the descriptions for some of the newer ones are really what makes the difference between "hmm" and "heh!".
posted by CrazyLemonade at 12:39 AM on November 26, 2011


The artists also weren't allowed to look at the nude figure, so they had to fill in the blanks with what they imagined might be under there, based on their own anatomy, thus we have infants with adult proportions and women with masculine musculature and breasts sort of stuck on.


Magical man babies are just part of the equation.

An equation that, to the contemporary eye, equals HILARITY.

Especially if you look at them every day. They start to take on stories and personalities beyond the original intent. Those man babies all look very different, not just from children, but from one another.

Sometimes they look different from anything human, period.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:54 AM on November 26, 2011


Some of the proportions also have to do with being intended for hanging relatively high up on walls -- they might look a little more natural from 20 feet below in dim light.

Or that's what they told me in Art History class anyway.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:15 AM on November 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


Finally! The horror of Renaissance "Babies" unmasked. As someone who has gazed at a lot of ugly infant Jeusus let me just say, thank kod that others share my distaste. Really I think it would be much more difficult to find adorable babies. The skin is usually mottled and gray, the fat is droopy and roapy, the face is pinched and the eyes bulging. Even the hair is unnatural looking. They repulse, rather than fill one with adoration.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:47 AM on November 26, 2011


Wow, this is awesome.
I dimly remember a museum plaque that explained how most Renaissance men weren't very involved in childcare (or were monks), and therefore had never seen a nekkid infant. That doesn't explain the scary-ass faces though...
posted by Nibbly Fang at 6:58 AM on November 26, 2011


Several people have made reference, but I'm not sure anyone has come right out and just clarified...

In renaissance times, there was a tension in the culture about how to portray the baby Jesus. Was he just a human baby, not yet introduced to his knowledge, wisdom and powers? Or, was he a god-man, fully informed of his faculties and living in a baby's body? The Bible doesn't talk much about Jesus between birth and life in his 30s. So, the artists struggled how to represent this god-child in art, and these painting illustrate that struggle. There was no clear consensus.
posted by PigAlien at 7:48 AM on November 26, 2011 [6 favorites]


The funny thing is there is a lot of Christian apocrypha that is all about Magical Super Baby Jesus, flying around, flexing muscles, saving calves.
posted by The Whelk at 8:19 AM on November 26, 2011 [1 favorite]


This reminds me of an annual event in City of Heroes in which you have to rescue Baby New Year from the Red Caps that are holding him hostage. The game developers didn't bother to make a new character model for BNY (although numerous digital examples exist) so they used some of the existing ones, and came up with this midget wrestler.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:27 AM on November 26, 2011


Treats and snoozin'. Snoozin' and treats. That is EXACTLY what my 10-month old is doing right now. I'm shaking with laughter and trying not to wake him up.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 12:31 PM on November 26, 2011


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