The Candy Critic

November 28, 2011 6:52 AM

The Candy Critic This candy catalog shows (almost) everything from Ramen candy to Kit Kat apple vinegar, reviewed.
posted by Tarumba (24 comments total)

No Valomilk? Can't take him seriously.
posted by jonmc at 7:11 AM on November 28, 2011

I don't have anything constructive to comment about this. I just love candy. I do wish the website were better organized.

I may as well take this opportunity to plug my favorite candy company, Ferrara Pan. Even if you've never eaten their Lemonheads, Grapeheads, Orangeheads, Cherryheads, or Appleheads, or their Jawbusters (jaw breakers), or their Boston Baked Beans, you've probably had their Red Hots once or twice in your life, and you've also probably suffered through one of their Atomic FireBalls. I believe they also are responsible for producing Nestle's Goobers and Raisinets, although this may no longer be the case. The name "pan" comes from the panning process used to make the candy, where a small "seed" candy is placed in a giant metal cylinder (or "pan" if you will) which rotates while candy material is slowly added. As the pan rotates, the candy material clings to the seed and builds up coating after coating. You can see this if you ever look at the cross-section of a fireball or other panned candy.

A look inside the Ferrara Pan factory.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:14 AM on November 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

JunkFoodGuy does the same thing better, I think.
posted by jonmc at 7:15 AM on November 28, 2011

Volomilk reviewed elsewhere. We're not going to get anywhere if we start comparing candy review websites. Probably best to just enjoy each candy website on its own merits.
posted by Deathalicious at 7:22 AM on November 28, 2011

They haven't updated in years, sadly, but The Ultimate Bad Candy Website is very similar, and is worth a read for the phrase "plum salted suck fruiters" if nothing else.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 7:28 AM on November 28, 2011

The best candy review I've ever seen is on bad-candy.com:

Screaming like a lunatic, I lit my head on fire, stripped naked and stuffed myself into the garbage disposal, while Ben stood by helplessly, photographing the whole thing.

posted by MrMoonPie at 7:29 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I wonder if Chicken Bones are anything like Chick-O-Stick. Hardly have the teeth for it anymore but doggone I could go for a Chick-O-Stick.
posted by rahnefan at 7:37 AM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

He doesn't even have creme eggs. Pfft.
posted by biffa at 7:45 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Coincidentally I was looking at this in another tab when I noticed this article

many of your sour candies are really really sour. The sourness comes from their acidity levels. Many are so acidic as to erode away your teeth enamel.
posted by 2manyusernames at 7:56 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was hoping to see a review of the Ice Breakers Sours. I just discovered those things. They are sugar free and ridiculously flavorful. I mean, they are just absurd. The only problem is that, when you go through a whole pack, the inside of your mouth feels a little shredded. Otherwise, best candy I've run across in ages.
posted by Edgewise at 8:00 AM on November 28, 2011

On the subject of ramen candy: you can get chocolate bars with ramen noodles in them. I've never had one, but I hear they're fantastic.

Of course, you could probably also melt a bag of chocolate chips and pour it over a brick of ramen for the same price.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:05 AM on November 28, 2011

But where can I buy these things? That ramen candy belongs in my kids' christmas stockings.
posted by headnsouth at 8:08 AM on November 28, 2011

Ooh, shoulda previewed. Thank you Metroid Baby!
posted by headnsouth at 8:08 AM on November 28, 2011

What a great looking website.
posted by jbickers at 8:09 AM on November 28, 2011

If you've had haystacks, ramen noodle candy isn't surprising.
posted by MrMoonPie at 8:20 AM on November 28, 2011

Pfft. It's no Candy Blog.
posted by elsietheeel at 9:06 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

What kind of market is there for people that want to eat tennis balls? Are tennis fans that fanatical that they have an interest in eating tennis equipment?
posted by eugenen at 9:46 AM on November 28, 2011

I have to sneak into Canada and get some banana Kit Kats. I wonder if Publix sells them in the ethnic food aisle.
posted by dirigibleman at 10:02 AM on November 28, 2011

If we're going to name other candy blogs, I'll throw in ZOMG Candy. Full disclosure: my friend runs it and I sometimes guest post, though I get no remuneration. In fact, I have to pay for my own candy that I review. And I sometimes buy her stuff. Blogging for profit, I'm doing it wrong?

Funny story about the name. I was at the location of a candy artist that I will not name, to save them the embarrassment, and the proprietor said "Our X has even gotten a high rating on a national candy blog...ZOG!" But, seriously, how WOULD you say it?
posted by knile at 10:41 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I have to sneak into Canada and get some banana Kit Kats. I wonder if Publix sells them in the ethnic food aisle.

It's been my experience that if you ask Publix to special order it for you, that they will. I've ordered Orangina, Hungarian paprika and other odd stuff. Always happy to oblige.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:42 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

No reviews of salty licorice???
posted by Numenius at 2:38 PM on November 28, 2011

Oh, I have had the best candy domain name for FOREVER and still I'm an inexplicable lagger. Too busy eating candy, I guess.
posted by rhizome at 3:21 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Worst candy ever is Swedish Fish! It's a sort of salty licorice, the lutefisk of the candy world.
I like Chinese salty licorice, it has lemon and salt and I have not had any in decades. It cures a cough almost as well as a shot of rakija.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 1:10 AM on November 30, 2011

Swedish Fish are awesome!


I used to live near the Ferrara Pan factory, and in summertime (riding my bike to the public pool) I could tell which candy they were making that day. :) It is one of my favorite childhood memories to this day.
posted by wells at 4:25 PM on December 1, 2011