Animals Talking in All Caps

November 28, 2011 10:34 AM

Sometimes animals talk in ALL CAPS.

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’RE JUST DRIVING AROUND OR YOU’RE IN H&M OR SOMETHING AND SOME STUPID SONG COMES ON AND IT JUST DIGS UP ALL THESE FEELINGS THAT YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WERE BURIED IN THE SEDIMENT AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART AND YOU’RE JUST SITTING AT A RED LIGHT OR FONDLING A SWEATER AND YOU START GETTING THE WEEPS? LIKE YOUR EYES JUST START LEAKING AND SUDDENLY YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT THE WAY YOUR EX’S HAIR SMELLED OR A T-SHIRT THEY HAD THAT WAS FALLING APART AND IT’S JUST AVRIL LAVIGNE’S ‘MY HAPPY ENDING’ OR FUCKING HALL & OATES OR SOMETHING AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU’RE CRYING, LET ALONE CRYING TO THE MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF A STICK OF GUM, AND YOU START THINKING ABOUT TIME MACHINES AND L’ESPIRIT DE L’ESCALIER OR RILKE QUOTES OR WHATEVER AND THE SALESGIRL IS JUST LOOKING AT YOU LIKE, “WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?”

Animals Talking In All Caps: "It's just what it sounds like." Some entries, of late, have a certain topical bent to them [authorial exegesis here], when they're not busy just being very funny, unexpectedly sweet, or kind of both.

ATIAC's author, Justin Valmassoi, has a blog [possibly NSFW] and maintains online versions of at least two of his zines: SO ME AND YOU ARE READING THIS ‘ZINE AND YOU’RE ALL LIKE, “WHOA, THIS IS GREAT,” AND I’M ALL, “I KNOW.” and Rosario Dawson Loves Me.

posted by pts (49 comments total)

I know some of this has been posted before, around Capslock Day, and subsequently deleted for belonging in the capslock thread, but there does not appear to be a link to it in said post, nor in any of the comments in the thread, so I'm going ahead with this, and if it still gets nuked, well, fair enough.
posted by pts at 10:34 AM on November 28, 2011

rick.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 10:37 AM on November 28, 2011 [32 favorites]

HA HA HA!

DID YOU WANT SOME LITTLE ORANGE BERRIES, STRANGER?

WELL YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM! BECAUSE THEY ARE MINE! ALL THE LITTLE ORANGE BERRIES BELONG TO ME!

I AM THE ORANGE BERRY KING!

GUARDS! SIEZE HIM! PUT HIS HEAD ON A PIKE OUSIDE THE CASTLE GATES!

LET THE PEASANTS KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE ATTEMPTS TO TOUCH THE PRECIOUS ORANGE BERRIES OF LORD BLACKTHROAT OF BERRYLAND!

posted by The Whelk at 10:39 AM on November 28, 2011 [5 favorites]

This made me laugh, but I may just be a sucker for a bunny who is lacking a nose.

What? It's a sad story, and I am moved.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:41 AM on November 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

Would these be less humorous if they used case appropriately?
posted by Stagger Lee at 10:42 AM on November 28, 2011

I think a lot of these would be funnier if they were shorter. Although "IT’S LIKE JÄGER DRESDEN UP IN HERE!" is pretty funny.
posted by Hoopo at 10:44 AM on November 28, 2011

tiny lowercase is how i feel inside rick
posted by argonauta at 10:44 AM on November 28, 2011 [5 favorites]

LOLCAPS.
posted by three blind mice at 10:45 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

TAWNY
posted by The Whelk at 10:46 AM on November 28, 2011 [7 favorites]

This website is ludicrous. Everybody knows animals have terrible grammar and spelling skills.
posted by entropicamericana at 10:48 AM on November 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

I love this site. I have a little area at the bottom of my site where I pimp things that I like. I put this in there a month or two back. The guy that writes it is a decent fellow.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:50 AM on November 28, 2011

I was on board for LOLcats and that BBC show with the shouting prairie dog. I've favorited any "RICK" that appears on this site. If you pretend to make an animal talk, I'm in.
posted by gladly at 10:58 AM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've favorited any "RICK" that appears on this site.

You missed one.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 10:59 AM on November 28, 2011

Oh, there, you got it.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:03 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

This dude's really quite funny. Thanks for posting this.
posted by jbickers at 11:10 AM on November 28, 2011

The Whelk, you owe me a keyboard. When I saw "TAWNY" all I could think of was "DANGER POINT" and may have spit sweet tea all over my desk.
posted by deezil at 11:16 AM on November 28, 2011

rick.

?
posted by Navelgazer at 11:20 AM on November 28, 2011

rick
posted by ChuqD at 11:22 AM on November 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

rick

rick

rick

my friends and i text each other with "RICK"s during our respective workdays now. this is obviously why unlimited texting plans were invented.
posted by bewilderbeast at 11:23 AM on November 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Navelgazer rick
posted by deezil at 11:25 AM on November 28, 2011

Aw, thanks you guys.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:26 AM on November 28, 2011

At first I was "meh," then I got to the No Scrubs Giraffes, and I was "OK nice one, but brevity is still the soul of wit."
posted by Panjandrum at 11:28 AM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also, HELLO I AM LOOKING FOR MY FRIEND JEREMY WHO IS AN ANT has made me collapse into a giggling fit every time I so much as remember it exists for the last two months. Them that think these would be funnier if they were shorter, read back in the archives a bit—the earlier ones are mostly a sentence or two long.
posted by bewilderbeast at 11:31 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Thanks for the "rick" explanation. In my dotage, I was operating under the assumptions it was a Young Ones reference.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:34 AM on November 28, 2011

I didn't think I needed this because I've got 'rick' but then I saw the ice cream sandwich one and died.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:44 AM on November 28, 2011

CAPS LOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE RICK
ALL THE TIME



Personally I think Louis vs Rick is funnier. This website seems to hit or miss, like, drastically. Is there more than one person writing this? I did laugh at the simple seagull, though.

GOD?
Yes, Linda?
WHY DID YOU MAKE MY ANKLES LOOK LIKE KNEES?
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:56 AM on November 28, 2011

Yeah, this isn't perfect, but it is cracking me up.

Plus, I'm calling all my friends JÄGERNEIGHBORS from now on.
posted by elmer benson at 12:02 PM on November 28, 2011

I think what I love most about Animals Talking In All Caps is that it isn't always funny. Sometimes it's just weird. Sometimes it's sad. Sometimes it breaks my heart a little. Sometimes it honestly gives me something to think about for the rest of the afternoon.

I also kind of appreciate that it expects me to have an attention span. I can go to Twitter if I want one-sentence gags.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 12:15 PM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Hit and miss sure, but all of it entirely justified by JÄGERNEIGHBORS.
posted by Drastic at 12:48 PM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

HAPPY LEAF DANCE is the greatest of all time.
posted by elizardbits at 12:49 PM on November 28, 2011

THE MACHINE REQUIRES CALIBRATION

was apparently what it took for me to lose it totally at work
posted by little cow make small moo at 1:07 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Whelk!! :( I wanted to post the Orange Berry King. At least I can still link the picture.
posted by jinjo at 1:25 PM on November 28, 2011

Oh yay! Justin is a friend of mine and has been keeping brilliant blogs all over the internet for a while. It's nice to see him get some love. His writing is brilliant in large part because of it's equal parts of heartbreaking sensitivity and black humor. He's kept a few over the years, and sadly nuked some of my favorites. He also writes about music here and has a twitter account here. He's worth watching as he will often put up a new blog, write in it fabulously and furiously for a while, then move on somewhere else. But he's always fantastic.

(He's just as great in real life too. My favorite Justin story would have to be the time he decided to cheer me up after a death in the family by kicking down the fence from an abandoned lot, stealing the wood, burning it in his fireplace, feeding me whiskey and making me watch Harvey as he couldn't believe I was unfamiliar with James Stewart. A gentleman and a scholar that one is.)
posted by troublewithwolves at 1:39 PM on November 28, 2011 [8 favorites]

This thing is the best thing.
posted by zoetrope at 2:06 PM on November 28, 2011

WE’RE NOT EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE I’M A DOG AND YOU CAN’T TALK TO DOGS. THINK ABOUT IT.

Confirmed. I officially love this.
posted by Drastic at 2:09 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hah! I was thinking of posting this the other day, but when I went through and wrote it the preview said "hey here are some deleted posts to this from October" so I didn't. Perhaps I should have gone ahead anyway.

I loved loved loved the gay interracial wolf couple.
posted by kavasa at 2:43 PM on November 28, 2011

rick knockknockknock
rick knockknockknock
rick knockknockknock
posted by Soliloquy at 3:23 PM on November 28, 2011

rick
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 3:29 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Chickadees in the hot tub thing was hilarious. There is not enough bird related humor out there.
posted by Horatius at 4:13 PM on November 28, 2011

Oh my god this is amazing. Sometimes I wonder what we did with our lives before tumblr.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 4:24 PM on November 28, 2011

oh man he has my number
posted by The Whelk at 4:25 PM on November 28, 2011

Wow, this is really hit or miss for me....mostly miss-- although the pictures are damn cute.

They seriously need to be about 80% shorter.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:05 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Along similar lines: NastyCute - The Nastiest Thought of the Cutest Animals. Featuring waffles for one, the legend of PittyPat the Raccon, the bear who just wants a sweet dollhouse, and others.
posted by D.Billy at 5:32 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

WE HAVE TO GO BACK, KATE.

This may be the most brilliant animal picture caption I've ever seen.
posted by no mind at 11:10 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

love this so much!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:28 AM on November 29, 2011

I spent hours on this today. Hours. So awesome. But yes, yes, some of them could do with a bit of snipping.
posted by Alnedra at 5:43 AM on November 29, 2011

best thing ever
posted by liza at 7:31 AM on November 29, 2011

I miss yelling bird.
posted by kjell at 7:41 AM on November 29, 2011

I love this blog! I also agree with bewilderbeast -- if you don't like the lengthier ones, definitely go through the archives. (Or go through the archives regardless because everything is so funny!)
posted by jouir at 3:57 PM on November 29, 2011