It's the wrong Miliband!

December 3, 2011 11:27 PM

"John Humphrys and the velociraptor had decided to take the opportunity to play a friendly game of tennis, which had turned competitive very quickly."

Simple stories of dinosaurs and the elderly British celebrity men who love them: Jarvis Cocker, Philip Schofield and David Miliband. Clearly a case of Rule 34, but why these men and why dinosaurs only the anonymous writer knows. NSFW obviously.

posted by MartinWisse (16 comments total)

I'm sorry. I was ready to give this the serious consideration it deserves, but nipples and cocks on a dinosaur? This ruined my suspension of disbelief.

I demand hot cloaca action and nothing less.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:34 PM on December 3, 2011 [5 favorites]

Clever girl.
posted by ShutterBun at 12:44 AM on December 4, 2011 [4 favorites]

Rubbish, the man is from Splott and would not indulge in this sort of shenanigans. Now if he was from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch it would be a different story.
posted by unliteral at 1:27 AM on December 4, 2011

if he was from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch it would be a different story

...probably one featuring a Micropachycephalosaurus rather than a Velociraptor.
posted by misteraitch at 1:32 AM on December 4, 2011

You know, a lot of people get grief for jumping to the comments and the more inside sections before they read the linked article, but good lord do I ever wish I'd done that this time.
posted by Silentgoldfish at 2:17 AM on December 4, 2011 [7 favorites]

Minor derail: Jarvis Cocker is elderly? Crap, I'm old
posted by arcticseal at 2:40 AM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Gotta put the nsfw on the outside, not the more inside....
posted by jenkinsEar at 2:58 AM on December 4, 2011 [3 favorites]

I expected the velociraptor eventually, after whatever tendernesses, to shred and devour Humphrys. That he turned out to not be that kind of velociraptor was much more distressing than that he turned out to be that kind of velociraptor.
posted by adoarns at 3:47 AM on December 4, 2011

Velociraptor? He hardly knew her.
posted by ShutterBun at 4:24 AM on December 4, 2011 [5 favorites]

Some kind of genius
posted by criticalbill at 6:28 AM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

When I looked at this, my first thought was 'If David Foster Wallace ever wrote pornographic fanfic, it'd be a little like this. Only with more tennis. And footnotes about the raptor's anatomy.'
posted by KHAAAN! at 8:08 AM on December 4, 2011

Perhaps the right place to link the man who writes about wrapping Roy Orbison in clingfilm?
posted by Sebmojo at 11:54 AM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Jarvis gasped at the tyrannosaur’s warm touch

Warm?
posted by kagredon at 11:56 AM on December 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yes, this kind of thing is why I generally read the comments first on mystery meat posts. Not that there is anything wrong with consensual love between man and extinct sentient predators.
posted by winna at 12:01 PM on December 4, 2011

Needs more anatomically incorrect tags
posted by fistynuts at 1:59 AM on December 5, 2011

Yeah, another vote for this needs a NSFW tag on the outside. Not cool.
posted by allkindsoftime at 1:53 AM on December 6, 2011