Yuoo hefe-a nutheeng tu luse-a boot yuoor cheeens

December 10, 2011 6:34 PM

Ereese-a yuoo preesuners ooff sterfeshun. Ereese-a yuoo vretched ooff zee iert. Fur joosteece-a thoonders cundemneshun. A better vurld's in burt. It is zee feenel cunffleect. Let iech stund in hees plece-a. Zee Interneshunele-a shell be-a zee hoomun rece-a.

BORK BORK BORK!
posted by jason's_planet (25 comments total)

But the Muppets beat Tex Richman through FREE MAEKET PRINCIPLES for gods sake!
They didn't use government. They didn't put him in a gulag.
They made and marketed a product and used the demand for that product to generate the money to beat Tex straight up.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 6:39 PM on December 10, 2011 [5 favorites]

Kermit probably gives better stock market tips than Fox Business news.
posted by arcticseal at 6:43 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

We are ruled by morons.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:09 PM on December 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

If the Muppets are communists.... I ... I wanna be a communist too. Or at least a Communist of the Muppet persuasion
posted by edgeways at 7:14 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

If the Muppets are communists.... I ... I wanna be a communist too. Or at least a Communist of the Muppet persuasion
posted by edgeways at 7:14 PM on December 10 [+] [!]

If I'm a communist, then I'm a muppet of a communist.
posted by gc at 7:18 PM on December 10, 2011 [18 favorites]

The muppets attempted to beat Tex Richman through handouts. I hear there's an ayn randian fan script where the muppets graciously thank Tex Richman for blessing them with his industrial brilliance, and take their proper place below his boot, as they truly deserved their failure as much as he deserved his success. The musically numbers aren't as good but I like the victoria Jackson cameo.
posted by Betty_effn_White at 7:27 PM on December 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

My friends and I had a debate immediately after the movie about whether a telethon is a capitalist mechanism or a charitable one. The results were inconclusive, possibly because we were irrevocably corrupted by the Muppets on their first go-round, and taught to resolve our differences with song-and-dance numbers (at least when there are no Insta-Grow pills at hand).
posted by EvaDestruction at 7:34 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's no wonder the Muppets are communists. You'd be a communist, too, if you'd had The Man's hand shoved up your ass for sixty years.
posted by briank at 7:38 PM on December 10, 2011 [25 favorites]

It seems to have started, or at least started to take off, with this straightforward Tweet by blogger Metafilter's own Oliver Willis

FTFY.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:42 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

You have nothing to lose except those wires that are controlling your arms.
posted by Bromius at 8:14 PM on December 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

If you had given me a year to guess what this post was about, using only the title, I wouldn't have got it.
posted by bongo_x at 8:54 PM on December 10, 2011

I, for one, was disappointed that the link did not actually lead to the Swedish Chef singing the Internationale.
posted by naoko at 9:03 PM on December 10, 2011 [10 favorites]

I, for one, was disappointed to discover that Swedes don't actually speak like this.
posted by desjardins at 9:31 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

All these years, I was people had said that the various client states of the former Soviet Union had puppet governments.
posted by kcds at 9:45 PM on December 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the proletarians, the vanguard party, and me,
la dee da dee da da doo...
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 9:57 PM on December 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

First it was Burt and Osama Bin Laden and now this. It's time for the Miss Piggy vs Rupert Murdoch cage match.
posted by warbaby at 10:23 PM on December 10, 2011

I think it's finally lost forever.... my faith in the human race, it's fallen behind the couch or under the bed and I'm never going to get it back. What a sad day when people choose to go there, straightfaced, with the muppets.

I hope the ghost of Jim Henson comes over to fox news and releases some Skeksis and Yoda browbeating on them, followed by the Dinosaurs batting cleanup. After that Hoggle can come in and lead them to the castle at the center of their confusion-maze and let the Dinosaurs beat them on the head with a frying pan while telling them they're not our mothers. Finally the 'Doozers can come in and rebuild things while the Fraggles sing happy songs of encouragement and goodwill to each other.

[edited to remove curse words that might have gotten this comment some serious flags]
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:26 PM on December 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

I think it's finally lost forever.... my faith in the human race, it's fallen behind the couch or under the bed and I'm never going to get it back. What a sad day when people choose to go there, straightfaced, with the muppets.

OH GOD YOU READ THE COMMENTS TOO
posted by louche mustachio at 2:11 AM on December 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

Show me a young Conservative and I’ll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old non-Communist and I’ll show you someone with no brains.
posted by Twang at 3:08 AM on December 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

I'm getting really, really tired of everyone pretending that mindless stupidity should somehow be respected as "conservatism" or as political thought at all. It should be called out for what it is.

Last night I was visiting a self-described "conservative" who was heating an enclosed space with one of those outdoor propane floor torch things. I commented that they should really not use that indoors, since it consumes oxygen and produces carbon monoxide which would kill them in their sleep, but my concerns were met with the old "manufacturers have to put all kinds of useless warnings on their goods because of regulations. It's perfectly safe."

I'm really, really tired of it.
posted by odinsdream at 5:50 AM on December 11, 2011 [7 favorites]

Well, odinsdream, that specific instance does sound like kind of a self-correcting problem.
posted by Naberius at 6:55 AM on December 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

There is a pig engaging in an inter-species relationship with a frog. This is literally the slippery slope that sprang into people’s minds when they voted yes on Prop 8.
posted by Obscure Reference at 10:01 AM on December 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

Communism on the Muppet Wiki
posted by jason's_planet at 12:26 PM on December 11, 2011

They... they said 'liberal hollywood' with absolutely no shame. Liberal. Hollywood.

I'm getting more of a handle on how Fox News works: it's all about intimidating your faithful viewers. I bet lots of people who watched Fox also saw the Muppets movie and enjoyed it in a unreflective kind of way. But now they're looking back on that past innocent enjoyment in shame: how could they have been so blind as to not see the evils that was being shoved down their throats? And down their children's throats too? This creates an internalised sense of paranoia about anything and everything, while adding an impossible high bar to what counts as Conservative. It's the No True Scotsman fallacy let loose.

Incidentally, it's so weird how that segments acts as an ad for the Muppets while attacking it. They choose to have the fun, happy and exciting segments from the movie shown in big while their resident holier than thou commentator attacked the movie. It's a mix of aggressive marketing and propaganda. It's kind of terrifying.
posted by litleozy at 2:24 PM on December 11, 2011

But the Muppets beat Tex Richman through FREE MAEKET PRINCIPLES for gods sake!
They didn't use government. They didn't put him in a gulag.
They made and marketed a product and used the demand for that product to generate the money to beat Tex straight up.

You're underselling the very final deus ex machina.

<MAJOR SPOILER>

Tex Richman won. The telethon's money counter had an off-by-100 display glitch. Those upstart Muppets only ended ended up raising 1% of the money they needed to save the theater, because the tens of thousands of supporters who had gathered outside the theater to show their support didn't pledge any money to save it, and the deadline passed before their riotous enthusiasm could be translated into cold hard cash to exercise the buyout option. Tex was in the middle of his victory dance when ChekovGonzo's gun went off and clocked him in the head. It was only then that Richman had a change of heart and embraced the warm gooey liberal principles he had previously ridiculed. We are literally being told that leftist thought was flat-out defeated by the tenets of capitalism, and that liberal sensitivities can only spring from traumatic brain injuries.

</MAJOR SPOILER>

So what I want to know is, why is liberal Hollywood doing such a piss-poor job of advancing their own softheaded leftist ideology in children's movies?
posted by Mayor West at 11:26 AM on December 12, 2011