Hi Pirate!

December 12, 2011 11:50 AM

"Hi Pirate! We got you! (In our database). You like torrents, don’t you? At least someone in your house does. It looks like you are from United States ..."
posted by jbickers (68 comments total)

So now we're trying to scare people into using private torrent trackers?
posted by koeselitz at 11:53 AM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Spoiler alert:

Don't take it seriously
The privacy policy, the contact us page — it’s all a joke. We came up with the idea of building a crawler like this and keeping the maintenance price under $300 a month. There was only one way to prove our theory worked — to implement it in practice. So we did. Now, we find ourselves with a big crawler. We knew what it did but we didn’t know how to use it. So we decided to make a joke out of it. That’s the beauty of jokes — you can make them out of anything.

However, if you have a better idea — don’t hesitate to contact us.

posted by mullingitover at 11:56 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I just looked at in on my iPhone and it told me I downloaded an episode of a show I've never heard of four months before I bought the phone in a state I've never lived in.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:56 AM on December 12, 2011

Not to mention, lots of trackers inject fake IP addresses. I wouldn't be surprised to see a slew IP addresses from the MPAA/RIAA/White House/Vatican/etc in their list.
posted by mullingitover at 11:57 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I tried this website while using Tor just for kicks, and it's hilarious how much of the downloads were porn.
posted by azarbayejani at 11:58 AM on December 12, 2011

I just looked at in on my iPhone and it told me I downloaded an episode of a show I've never heard of four months before I bought the phone in a state I've never lived in.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:56 AM on December 12 [+] [!]



Anyone with any kind of a dynamic IP, or behind any kind of gateway is going to have a pretty similar experience, as are a lot of people.

For some this might be educational, but the site doesn't really seem to be informative in any useful way. It's good opening for a discussion about what your IP is, and what can and cannot be done by someone that has it, but that doesn't seem to be the conversation that the author is looking for.
posted by Stagger Lee at 11:59 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

But seriously, don't use Tor for torrenting, that's a real douchebag move.
posted by azarbayejani at 11:59 AM on December 12, 2011 [7 favorites]

It's dangerous to go alone! Take this.
posted by LogicalDash at 11:59 AM on December 12, 2011 [6 favorites]

I just looked at in on my iPhone and it told me I downloaded an episode of a show I've never heard of four months before I bought the phone in a state I've never lived in.

Unless you have a static IP, your address likely changes every few weeks on broadband, and by the minute or hour if you're on a mobile device. I wouldn't pay any attention to old results on a site like this, though your provider can certainly figure out who was on what IP at what time if they need to.
posted by crapmatic at 11:59 AM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

posted by azarbayejani at 11:58 AM on December 12 [+] [!]

Can you run torrents through TOR? I thought that only worked for things like browser traffic, but then I haven't done much research.

Obviously any kind of proxy is going to confuse this thing. On the other hand I ran through a static IP at work where I HAVE run several legitimate torrents (distros and such) and it has no record of them.
posted by Stagger Lee at 12:00 PM on December 12, 2011

If you only use Tor for tracker connections, that's fine. Some clients allow you to specify a special proxy for just tracker connections.
posted by LogicalDash at 12:00 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

But seriously, don't use Tor for torrenting, that's a real douchebag move.
posted by azarbayejani at 11:59 AM on December 12 [+] [!]

It doesn't seem like it would do good things to your ratio, but it wouldn't prohibit uploading, would it? I want to know more!
posted by Stagger Lee at 12:01 PM on December 12, 2011

Somebody in my office likes Game of Thrones and porn.
posted by brundlefly at 12:05 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

You'll never catch me alive coppers!

{jumps out second-story window, hobbles down the street to a waiting stagecoach}
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:06 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Somebody EVERYBODY in my office likes Game of Thrones and porn.

Fixed.
posted by Fizz at 12:06 PM on December 12, 2011 [12 favorites]

Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you!
posted by orme at 12:07 PM on December 12, 2011

Related : Does Mega Media Control 90% of Content? (Skip past enormous infographic)
posted by jeffburdges at 12:08 PM on December 12, 2011

Hi. We have no records on you.

~ S M I R K ~
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:13 PM on December 12, 2011 [26 favorites]

Seriously, people, PeerBlock is your friend.
posted by thanotopsis at 12:14 PM on December 12, 2011 [8 favorites]

I just looked at in on my iPhone and it told me I downloaded an episode of a show I've never heard of four months before I bought the phone in a state I've never lived in.

Solving this mystery will be a good way to pass time as you rot in prison, pirate!
posted by mullacc at 12:14 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Hi. We have no records on you.

This means you are using a private torrent tracker or, of course, you may not be a torrent user at all! It happens. Please, entertain yourself. Feel free to see what other people have downloaded. The search box is on the top. If you have any friends who use torrents, use it to scare them off. We also have a widget that you can install in your website, blog or Facebook page. Or you can just send them a link to this site. They will see a table similar to what you see below. The only difference — they will see their downloads.

Well, you are in the clear. But look what others do....

posted by zarq at 12:15 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Instructions : Visit iblocklist.com, select the blocklist you want, copy its url into your torrent programs blocklist field. Voila!
posted by jeffburdges at 12:19 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

No, seriously, don't use Bittorrent with Tor.
posted by twirlip at 12:24 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Aw, nothing on my office computer. I guess none of my predecessors torrented, either.
posted by dirigibleman at 12:28 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Hi. We have no records on you.
This means you are using a private torrent tracker or, of course, you may not be a torrent user at all!

There's at least one more option that you may not have considered. Hint: I torrent the shit out of Doctor Who, Project Runway, and a couple other shows.
posted by Legomancer at 12:29 PM on December 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

It correctly identifies that I've not downloaded anything to my phone. Indeed, I'm incapable of downloading anything to my phone. The phone doesn't support it. I am disappointed that this didn't produce some wacky, wildly inaccurate information.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:30 PM on December 12, 2011

Somebody in my office likes Game of Thrones and porn.

I'm sure for some people, that YT of Tyrion slapping Joffrey for 10 minutes covers both bases. :)
posted by xedrik at 12:42 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

From their stats page: Torrents: 111,000. That doesn't seem like a lot, but they do claim 52 million users tracked.
posted by Runes at 12:50 PM on December 12, 2011

OneSwam provides Tor-esque protections for BitTorrent by routing connections through a friend-to-friend network. I donno if the transfer rates suck for people without many friends though.
posted by jeffburdges at 1:22 PM on December 12, 2011

"Hi. We have no records on you."

You're kidding, right? Yeah, not taking this one too seriously.
posted by tyllwin at 1:36 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

NNTPS. Port 443.
posted by tracert at 1:50 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Huh, it worked for me. Three recent torrents.
posted by atrazine at 2:22 PM on December 12, 2011

Usenet ftw.
posted by jessamyn at 2:50 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm squeaky clean!

*Diabolical grin...*
posted by schyler523 at 2:51 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Someone downloading Adobe CS 5 keygen at an arts school? I'm SHOCKED!
posted by furtive at 2:54 PM on December 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

With as many users as we have routed through a single external facing IP address, this may have to be a daily stop for me. Meetings will be so much more fun.

"So is this the guy downloading 'Sexy.Girls.Like.It.Big.XXX.DVDRip.XviD-Jiggly'?"
posted by JaredSeth at 3:02 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

You must have a Facebook account to get an answer from them.

Go pound sand developers.
posted by rough ashlar at 3:07 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

they just changed to require facebook login
posted by atomicmedia at 3:08 PM on December 12, 2011

If you don't want to log in via Facebook, you can choose to type in the 27 char capcha.
posted by octothorpe at 3:16 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Go pound sand developers.

Look, I hate Facebook as much as anyone, but the very next sentence says

If you're one of the thousands of people that have no FaceBook account yet — we have a terrible CAPTCHA for you. Sorry, we don't like them either. [Show CAPTCHA]

Admittedly, it really is the worst CAPTCHA I have ever seen, and it seems very fucking evil to put a Facebook gateway into an app that your use of is more or less an admission of possible lawbreaking. Then again, if people are stupid enough to do so, I'll be amused to see the results.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:17 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I tried three times to get that CAPTCHA to work and couldn't.
posted by octothorpe at 3:18 PM on December 12, 2011

I've failed to enter the captcha 3 times now.
posted by garlic at 3:20 PM on December 12, 2011

Yeah, I can't get the captcha to work either after 4 tries.
posted by immlass at 3:21 PM on December 12, 2011

jessamyn, the first rule...
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 3:23 PM on December 12, 2011

Someone (maybe the record companies) tried to scrape all of the information from our site. We cannot let this happen. Our database is for your entertainment only. It's not for corporate games. Please, could you confirm that you are a real human?
Login with your FaceBook account

Yeeeeah... these guys can go fuck themselves.
posted by indubitable at 3:39 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you're one of the thousands of people that have no FaceBook account yet...

Apparently it's inevitable.
posted by brundlefly at 3:46 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't know. Switching to a Facebook login seems might fishy when the CAPTCHA is inoperable. What is the deal with logging into a site with Facebook anyway? What information does that allow the site operator to see about you?
posted by Roger Dodger at 4:01 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

The CAPTCHA absolutely doesn't work. And I can't imagine anyone being stupid enough to voluntarily associate their facebook login with the data these people have collected, if it's real. So.... how are you guys testing this?
posted by The Bellman at 4:03 PM on December 12, 2011

I also like that "thousands" of people don't have Facebook. They're likely among the dozens who don't own a Kindle.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:05 PM on December 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

WOT warnings, so it looks like they're doing something with that facebook data.
posted by Ahab at 4:28 PM on December 12, 2011

Yeah, wouldn't touch this with a ten-foot pole. So it sounds like at first it didn't require any login, but once it started getting linked everywhere they thought they could mine a bunch of data from people?
posted by Gordafarin at 5:00 PM on December 12, 2011

I'm not seeing a login - it just tells me it doesn't have my IP on file.
posted by winna at 5:17 PM on December 12, 2011

The Bellman: "So.... how are you guys testing this?"

It was not Facebook/CAPTCHA-protected when it was first posted.
posted by brundlefly at 5:31 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

And now it isn't again. Huh.
posted by brundlefly at 5:32 PM on December 12, 2011

"Hi Pirate! We got you! (In our database). You like torrents, don’t you? At least someone in your house does because they just got the new Louise CK video in just a few minutes for a fraction of the normal cost and sent the proceeds directly to the creator. It looks like you are from United States ..."
posted by Midnight Rambler at 5:33 PM on December 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Legomancer: I torrent the shit out of Doctor Who, Project Runway, and a couple other shows.

Are you me?
posted by Hal Mumkin at 8:05 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I don't know. Switching to a Facebook login seems might fishy when the CAPTCHA is inoperable. What is the deal with logging into a site with Facebook anyway? What information does that allow the site operator to see about you?

It lets you get their friends list. But it also basically means you don't have to operate your own user authentication database. You don't have to ask people for a password, you don't need their email, you don't need to store anything other then their FB ID.

It basically cuts down on the amount of coding you have to do.
posted by delmoi at 8:22 PM on December 12, 2011

I'll happily use openid but facebook gets blocked voluntarily.
posted by jeffburdges at 9:48 PM on December 12, 2011

So... this has quite a few flags, which I'm assuming happened during the Facebook + unworkable captcha interval. Okay now?
posted by taz at 10:45 PM on December 12, 2011

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: "I also like that "thousands" of people don't have Facebook. They're likely among the dozens who don't own a Kindle."

embarassedly raises hand

Anyone got a spare?
posted by Samizdata at 11:01 PM on December 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh man, either I'm a computer genuis way beyond what I thought or this is really funny. I've downloaded Sex and the City 2? I wouldn't take a free copy of that movie to save a kitten from being thrown in a volcano while watching Justin Bieber be beaten with all the covers he's ruined. And the only Rhianna thing I've ever downloaded were her naked pictures. FYI, they weren't that great.
posted by lpcxa0 at 4:18 AM on December 13, 2011

> Not to mention, lots of trackers inject fake IP addresses. I wouldn't be surprised to see a slew IP addresses from the MPAA/RIAA/White House/Vatican/etc in their list.

I wouldn't be surprised even without fake IP addresses.
posted by lucidium at 4:32 AM on December 13, 2011

Now that the CAPCHA's gone again, I can see that "Hi. We have no records on you." Which, I guess is a good thing.
posted by octothorpe at 4:49 AM on December 13, 2011

If you're one of the thousands of people that have no FaceBook account yet — we have a terrible CAPTCHA for you.

1) The "must check to see if you are human - because humans have Facebook accounts" is insulting. I'd say I'm far *MORE* Human having chosen not to get one due to the CEO willing to take user passwords and logging into other services.
2) It is a terrible CAPTCHA - I tried it for the LOLs and it didn't work.
My guess is the CAPTCHA doesn't actually work - and that is why it is terrible.
(and it seems that is was such a bad coding job they got rid of it)

And the FPP posters framing - "Hi Pirate" and their database output is wrong:
Hi. We have no records on you.
This means you are using a private torrent tracker or, of course, you may not be a torrent user at all!

Or I torrent things like the HOPE conference, BSD, various GNU/Linux forks - which makes me a torrent user using non-private trackers along with not a pirate.
posted by rough ashlar at 6:16 AM on December 13, 2011

Yeah— I checked from a static IP that's been running a torrent client nearly nonstop for the last year or so (seeding most of that time, obviously), and got no results. Presumably because it's downloading things like BSD images and a bucketload of CC and similarly licensed video. Too boring, I guess?
posted by hattifattener at 7:37 PM on December 13, 2011

Samizdata: "Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: "I also like that "thousands" of people don't have Facebook. They're likely among the dozens who don't own a Kindle."

embarassedly raises hand

Anyone got a spare?"

Ummm, should clarify. I have a Facebook account. Need a working ebook reader other than a Linux running Acer Aspire One with a near dead battery (five minute charge) due to a feline originated toilet accident.
posted by Samizdata at 10:55 PM on December 13, 2011

Feline originated toilet accidents account for 26% of all necessary tech repairs and replacements in the United States.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:44 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing: "Feline originated toilet accidents account for 26% of all necessary tech repairs and replacements in the United States."

They also account for, in my research 100% of offers to said feline to be taken to a dubious restaurant.

Not as a guest, but as supplies...
posted by Samizdata at 11:18 PM on December 26, 2011