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December 14, 2011 8:20 AM   Subscribe

The 20 Unhappiest People You Meet In The Comments Sections Of Year-End Lists
posted by box (69 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite

 
Don't say it.
posted by Arquimedez Pozo at 8:24 AM on December 14, 2011 [3 favorites]


I came here to say EXACTLY THAT and you're telling me I can't?
posted by mph at 8:25 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Makes me want to grab "Harry The Hipster-Hater" as a Metafilter username.
posted by demiurge at 8:25 AM on December 14, 2011 [5 favorites]


And those 20 people will rush to comment here with their witticisms in 5 4 3 2 1....
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:27 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


21. The MetaFilter Jackass. Meh. If this were on Cracked it would get deleted immediately, but I suppose that since it's on NPR it gets to stay. Psh, Best of the Web indeed.
posted by phunniemee at 8:28 AM on December 14, 2011 [29 favorites]


I haven't read this list, but I'm pretty sure it's not as good as the one in the previous FPP.

Meanwhile, "The Person Who Is Laughing But Is Actually Not At All Amused" sounds like a French-to-Chinese-to-English-back-to-Chinese-to-English machine translation of an unpublished Camus novel.
posted by griphus at 8:28 AM on December 14, 2011 [17 favorites]


I too am worried about the soon-to-be-not-very-witty quality of this thread, but in the meantime I'd like to say that 'The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo sounds like a Dr. Seuss book' has given me a fantastic idea.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:33 AM on December 14, 2011 [7 favorites]


By MetaFilter's Own.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:33 AM on December 14, 2011


Today I am not one of those people. I liked it.
posted by Glinn at 8:34 AM on December 14, 2011


These are all great usernames, actually. The Lucid Narcoleptic...The Person Who Wanted To Be Surprised. Excellent stuff..
posted by jquinby at 8:34 AM on December 14, 2011


I'm tempted to bookmark this so that, like Godwin's Law, I can start using it as shorthand to shut down stupid arguments. These types (and I'm not clearly sure that I'm not occasionally one of them) make the same "arguments" in more than just year-end lists. The Self-Punisher ("I always hate your tastes, so I knew this would be a miserable and useless list before I decided to click on it and read the whole thing, and now I know I was right.") is probably the most common. (I'd say 'you know who you are' but obviously they don't.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:37 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


This has a nice Life in Hell vibe to it. I can almost picture the little animal person for each one.
posted by theodolite at 8:38 AM on December 14, 2011 [11 favorites]


I just read the whole thing again. It is so good.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:39 AM on December 14, 2011


Funny article. What I particularly liked is how odd it was reading it on NPR. I love NPR but think of it as pretty stodgy old media, part of why I like it. It's interesting to see them write about Internet culture. It looks like it's an NPR blog post; did part of this make it on the radio?
posted by Nelson at 8:41 AM on December 14, 2011


Did Aristotle ever come up with a name for the mode of proof where being able to predict an objection makes it logically invalid?
posted by DU at 8:44 AM on December 14, 2011 [3 favorites]


I love NPR but think of it as pretty stodgy old media, part of why I like it.

I dunno. I used to listen to a lot of WNYC and it felt like breath of fresh air, culturally, compared to what everyone else is peddling.
posted by griphus at 8:48 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


These blow.
posted by spicynuts at 8:49 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


This was shockingly dead-on.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:50 AM on December 14, 2011


They're missing the Holier/Better-Than-Thou Conservative.

"Of course you liked Community/The Office/Any show on TV. It's made by stupid liberals for stupid liberals."
posted by HermanoBluth at 8:51 AM on December 14, 2011 [5 favorites]


The "Stuff Nerds Fear" thread has plenty of examples of another unhappy person, the Outside the Boxer -- the person who thinks the entire premise of your list is wrongheaded.
posted by straight at 8:51 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


Maybe we can just agree that top-XX lists are rarely all that compelling.
posted by bumpkin at 8:52 AM on December 14, 2011


They also left out the persecuted:

This comment will probably be deleted, but...
posted by inigo2 at 8:57 AM on December 14, 2011 [8 favorites]


how odd it was reading it on NPR.

I was just surprised how NPR let in a former "TWOP"-er and continue to hold out hope that it will find room for MeFi's Own Lore.
posted by oneswellfoop at 9:00 AM on December 14, 2011


in the meantime I'd like to say that 'The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo sounds like a Dr. Seuss book' has given me a fantastic idea.

Its scansion cries out for it to the the final words in a limerick.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:00 AM on December 14, 2011 [3 favorites]


Are you seriously posting a list of people commenting on lists? What's wrong with you?
posted by dov3 at 9:00 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


That was really great. Most of these characters show up in any given Metafilter list thread, which is the only place I read comments about lists.
posted by Kwine at 9:02 AM on December 14, 2011


Is this something I would have to read comments sections to understand?
posted by dfan at 9:08 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


in the meantime I'd like to say that 'The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo sounds like a Dr. Seuss book' has given me a fantastic idea.

Its scansion cries out for it to the the final words in a limerick.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:00 AM on December 14 [+] [!]


There once was a commenting mook
whose remarks, the form of them took
sneered regard to
the Dragon Tattoo
"It sounds like a Dr Seuss book."
posted by troika at 9:08 AM on December 14, 2011 [3 favorites]


I really think the most important thing in that piece is the stock photo.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 9:10 AM on December 14, 2011 [17 favorites]


Doesn't even have the one who wants his five minutes back. I want my five minutes back.
posted by darksasami at 9:13 AM on December 14, 2011 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: I [Bleep]ed Your Grandmother With A [Blank] And [Bleep] You Too.
posted by rusty at 9:24 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


I haven't read the FPP yet but I am absolutely sure that those tired old hacks at NPR left out The Guy Who Judges The Post By It's URL.
posted by gompa at 9:25 AM on December 14, 2011 [6 favorites]


I really think the most important thing in that piece is the stock photo.

Agreed. I've never seen Lea Michele so expressive!
posted by maryr at 9:27 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


Now that you mention it, covering up half of the face in the stock photo and then covering up the other half shows just how awesome that model is at making faces. I did this because I was trying to decide whether or not she really looked like that girl from Glee. I wasn't going to admit to doing this but when the author of the linked piece shows up and makes a comment about something.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:28 AM on December 14, 2011


I swear to God I made mention of that prior to seeing maryr's comment.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:28 AM on December 14, 2011


This post is a troll, right? NPR hasn't been relevant since [year I pulled out of my ass].
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:29 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


12. The Person Who Never Says Die. "Why isn't Arrested Development on this list?"

Heh. And Firefly too. You people* are like Ron Paul voters.


*us people.
posted by villanelles at dawn at 9:34 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


I would totally read a site called KnittingWithDagmarAndLaura.com
posted by 1adam12 at 9:36 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


Linda_Holmes, I'm disappointed that The Person Who Is Disappointed By Something Left Off The List wasn't included in the list.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:44 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


I've been a longtime Metafilter follower but not subscriber, but when I saw this story in my twitter feed this morning, my first thought was how great a post this would be on Metafilter... twas then I knew for certain I should finally shell out the ungodly high sum of five dollars for a membership.
posted by Perko at 9:45 AM on December 14, 2011 [5 favorites]


Maybe we can just agree that top-XX lists are rarely all that compelling.

Unless by "compelling" you mean "everyone wants to read them and argue with them." Which actually seems like a pretty good definition of "compelling."
posted by yoink at 9:55 AM on December 14, 2011


I really think the most important thing in that piece is the stock photo.

Is "the self-deprecating Public Radio employee" an entry on the follow-up piece "The Twenty Unhappiest People Being Forced to Write Year-End Best-of Lists?"
posted by phearlez at 9:56 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


I can say anything I want in this thread and none of you will know if I am being snarky or not.
posted by lstanley at 9:56 AM on December 14, 2011


21. the bozarking-type

though by the gusto in their posts I wouldn't call these fellas 'unhappy'
posted by wcfields at 10:00 AM on December 14, 2011


Metafilter: A Woman Making a Disgusted Face.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:16 AM on December 14, 2011


There once was a commenting mook
whose remarks, the form of them took
sneered regard to
the Dragon Tattoo
"It sounds like a Dr Seuss book."


Today in a thread on the blue
on The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Seuss books were mentioned
But I think that the scansion
Is suited to limericks too.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:21 AM on December 14, 2011 [5 favorites]


Nice. Really Nice.

You may read that as sarcastic or not as you like.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 11:01 AM on December 14, 2011


Artw pretty much created the template for this a few weeks ago.
posted by Brocktoon at 11:13 AM on December 14, 2011


No Comic Book Guy? Worst. List. Ever.
posted by daniel_charms at 11:15 AM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


The Twenty Unhappiest People Being Forced to Write Year-End Best-of Lists

Ha. Believe it or not, nobody makes me write year-end best-of lists, which is kind of why I felt slightly more free to express those particular feelings. At NPR, that stuff is mostly directed at the music lists, but it's essentially the same anywhere you go, as far as movie and TV lists.

So far, I have managed to avoid being forced to do Top Tens. Sometimes I'll do a list of great things, or stuff I loved, or stuff that was interesting. But I generally hate doing year-end best-ofs, and until someone makes me, I won't do them.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 11:30 AM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


I generally hate doing year-end best-ofs

Which reminds me. Recently, from The New Yorker's Culture Desk-- the top ten reasons I Hate Top Ten Lists
posted by Perko at 11:45 AM on December 14, 2011


This is a list.
posted by clvrmnky at 11:46 AM on December 14, 2011


Why the internet makes me laugh: Someone made KnittingWithDagmarAndLaura.com into a real site. I am so happy, I could burst.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 12:29 PM on December 14, 2011 [6 favorites]


Ha, a comment in the source of the knitting website:

I really should be actually working right now...
posted by mikepop at 1:01 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


5. The Mother Of Tim "Freckles" Matterley. "There is a musician in Ann Arbor named Tim Matterley who is better than all these songs! You would like his music. He has a web site at FrecklesMatterley.com, and you can get his songs free on your computer! Please check out Tim Matterley, who does not have a big record contract YET but is very very good!!!!" Two comments later, she will often come back. "Also, Tim Matterley is in this YouTube video where he plays 'Imagine' at a children hospital. I am just one fan but I think he is great and he will go far!!!

This is amazingly hilarious.
posted by naoko at 1:02 PM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


I just want to see more Dagmar and Laura.
posted by sweetkid at 1:11 PM on December 14, 2011


You know, that reminds me of two things:

Back when (putting on hipster-pants) The Pains of Being Pure At Heart weren't particularly well-known, there were only one or two videos on YouTube of their playing live sets. One of them had, as the second comment, a shoutout to the lead singer from either their father or their uncle. It was adorable.

The other was when I was contacted on Flickr by the mother of the lead singer (?) of the band Avi Buffalo because she wanted to know if she could use my photo in the digital scrapbook they were making for their kid as he was on tour. Equally adorable.
posted by griphus at 1:13 PM on December 14, 2011


What do you expect from NPR anyway? Typical liberal media garbage.
posted by octothorpe at 1:21 PM on December 14, 2011


I hate to be a #11, but I'm surprised by the omission of The Pedant. "I don't mean to split hairs, but the quote is actually, 'I don't have an ego; my Facebook profile pic is a landscape.'; not a 'sunset'."
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 1:49 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


I ushered a concert of The Low Anthem recently and we had several older audience members that I wouldn't have expected at an indie band show. While the band in question is on the folky end of the indie spectrum, I wouldn't have expected the over-50s.

Turns out most of them were friends of parents of the band. One couple had let the band crash on their floor the previous night. It was pretty endearing.
posted by maryr at 1:59 PM on December 14, 2011


No doubt there's a McSweeney's piece with this same title that has a much droller tone.
posted by aught at 1:59 PM on December 14, 2011


Artw pretty much created the template for this a few weeks ago.

Ah man. That list. That was the list to end all lists. As in you read it and realize just how utterly arbitrary the concept of listing things as good (or bad) can become and never want to read one again, and in fact life and the world all start seeming a little more bleak and pointless. As such nitpicking that list was like shaking my tiny fist at the oncoming forces of death and entropy, a gesture of defiance that will, ultimately, be crushed by the horrible knowledge of the futility of everything.
posted by Artw at 3:02 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


That's the spirit!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:03 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]


We're all going to die no matter how hard we strive to make the ultimate list. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
posted by Artw at 3:05 PM on December 14, 2011 [2 favorites]


Why hasn't anyone mentioned Arrested Development?
posted by smudgedlens at 5:48 PM on December 14, 2011


21. the bozarking-type

though by the gusto in their posts I wouldn't call these fellas 'unhappy'


oh my god why did you link to this, I was so happy not knowing about it
posted by en forme de poire at 7:21 PM on December 14, 2011


Someone made KnittingWithDagmarAndLaura.com into a real site.

Ah, it's like the free-range internet of old. That's utterly fabulous.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:55 PM on December 14, 2011


troika & ricochet biscuit: In the theater of my mind those came out in Carl Kasell's voice.


Someone help me.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 9:06 PM on December 14, 2011


It's not just knitting.

Do not go to FrecklesMatterley.com ha!
posted by bystander at 11:47 PM on December 15, 2011


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