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indecision + vulgarity + location-aware browsing = booze
December 16, 2011 1:08 AM   Subscribe

Where the fuck should I go for drinks?

Previously.
posted by grouse (92 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

 
It sent me to the bar where i used to work.

That's fucking... OK.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:15 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is neat, but the third place it's telling me to go is a dentist. Is it supposed to tell me to go to a dentist? I need to get a temporary crown replaced but there's no way it could possibly know that (?).
posted by Adventurer at 1:22 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


It sent me across the street. Also OK!
posted by jeffj at 1:22 AM on December 16, 2011


It directed me to a strip club, then another strip club, then a bar that closed three months ago.

FINE. I'LL JUST SIT HERE IN THE BASEMENT AND DRINK, THEN.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:24 AM on December 16, 2011 [13 favorites]


Dentists and strip clubs? You guys are lucky. I get

CAN'T FIND SHIT THERE. TRY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

My whole week has been like that. However, I do know of a place or two here. Anybody in Athens can meet me at the cafe beside the gyro place in Varnava Square after work for a whiskey or three.
posted by taz at 1:34 AM on December 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


I do love scrolling over the "No, that place looks shit" because I love when people say "FUCK YOU" to me.
posted by tracicle at 1:36 AM on December 16, 2011


It found some not-bad bars in a neighborhood full of bad ones here in Brighton. That's pretty cool.
posted by swingbraid at 1:38 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


WOT is throwing up huge red flags on this one, and Firefox suggested it was automatically trying to net location aware browsing. The idea behind it is great, but those flags bug me a bit.

Anyway, I live in Republican central. There's no really good bars here with air that doesn't choke chain smokers.
posted by Saydur at 1:45 AM on December 16, 2011


it's trying to send me to bitteroldpunk's basement.
posted by mannequito at 1:50 AM on December 16, 2011 [26 favorites]


It's only directing me to gay bars.
posted by quadog at 1:51 AM on December 16, 2011


CAN'T FIND SHIT THERE. TRY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Well fuck you too, buddy.
posted by daniel_charms at 1:53 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Can't find a pub in Dublin…
posted by nfg at 2:08 AM on December 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


Or coal in Newcastle.

I did get some sort of alert in Chrome, too, Saydur. It was trying to track my location or something, and I was like, TRY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Can anyone tell what's going on with that?
posted by taz at 2:27 AM on December 16, 2011


Amazingly it located a dusty bottle of Adnam's Lighthouse that had been languishing behind our bread machine. Shame it's only 10:30am here.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 2:28 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


It sent me to the bar where i used to work.

Interesting. It sent me to the brewpub of the brewery I used to work.
posted by The ____ of Justice at 2:28 AM on December 16, 2011


Shame it's only 10:30am here.

Yeah, too late for an early breakfast drink. You'll have to wait for lunch, now.
posted by Mikey-San at 2:32 AM on December 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


It sent me to Helsinki because that's the closest it could find a pub :(
posted by daniel_charms at 2:34 AM on December 16, 2011


"LIQUID AND MAINE STREET"
NO. FUCK YOU. THIS IS A SHIT PLACE TO DRINK. ALSO, FURTHER AWAY THAN ABOUT 10 OTHER BETTER PUBS.
posted by seanyboy at 2:38 AM on December 16, 2011


2nd choice was better though.
posted by seanyboy at 2:39 AM on December 16, 2011


It seems to have a half mile radius. And some places it gave me are hookah bars that don't have alcohol. Did appreciate the first selection, since it has the best beer of all my local bars.
posted by shinyshiny at 2:43 AM on December 16, 2011


My company firewall categorises this site as pornography and blocks it, which seems to be over-promising somewhat if you ask me.
posted by londonmark at 2:49 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


Sent me to a bar down the street. It is almost 6 am so that bar is closed. Y you no know any after hours spots website?
posted by Ad hominem at 2:50 AM on December 16, 2011


Its first choice is by a long chalk the best pub in Barnes. This could be a contender to replace the venerable Beer in the Evening
posted by dmt at 2:51 AM on December 16, 2011


CAN'T FIND SHIT THERE. TRY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I'm trying. Believe me. I'm trying.
posted by valkyryn at 2:52 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


ROBINSON PLUMBING AND HEATING IS MY ONLY CHOICE.
posted by archaic at 3:05 AM on December 16, 2011 [3 favorites]


Saduyr, taz: It's using the not-quite-HTML5-but-still cool Geolocation API to automatically find your location. Browsers don't hand it out willy-nilly - the warning is a bit over-the-top -, but it's very handy and common in mobile apps that benefit from geolocation tagging of events. (Like Fuelly!)

What's crazy is how accurate it can be when using your desktop or laptop, thanks to Google's massive store that maps SSIDs to latitude and longitude. Chrome sends over the SSIDs that your computer can see plus their relative strengths and the Google API can pinpoint you with remarkable accuracy.
posted by lantius at 3:09 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


ROBINSON PLUMBING AND HEATING IS MY ONLY CHOICE.

Wait, it's suggesting that you cure your hangover with antifreeze?!?
posted by daniel_charms at 3:11 AM on December 16, 2011


YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DRINK? LIAR, YOU'VE GOT ANTIFREEZE!
posted by daniel_charms at 3:15 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


The Wilbur Theatre in Boston??? Er, no thanks.
posted by kinetic at 3:23 AM on December 16, 2011


COOL KIDS DRINK IN THE PARKING LOT.
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:33 AM on December 16, 2011


WHY DONT YOU FUCKING GO TO.... 824 PINE ST. THE ASSHOLES THERE GO TO BED AT 10, THERES COORS IN THE FRIDGE AND THE WIFE HAS A FUCKING BOTTLE OF STOLI HIDDEN IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM
posted by crapmatic at 3:38 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


'Why don't you fucking go to.. Bristol Bus Station'

Hmmm. I know its early here, but drinking in the bus station seems a wee bit desperate.
posted by ainymeek at 3:40 AM on December 16, 2011


lantius- Thanks. I'm still a bit wary what with the WOT meter pinging deep red and the general atmosphere about the internet lately, but I'm glad to know it's a regular API and not something entirely sinister.
posted by Saydur at 3:43 AM on December 16, 2011


This is neat, but the third place it's telling me to go is a dentist. Is it supposed to tell me to go to a dentist? I need to get a temporary crown replaced but there's no way it could possibly know that (?).

CROWN AND COKE, FUCKER.
posted by Rodrigo Lamaitre at 3:55 AM on December 16, 2011 [4 favorites]


It doesn't have my favorite fucking bar yet, so I told it to fucking update its records because the new place I go to is the shit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:08 AM on December 16, 2011


Hmmm. I know its early here, but drinking in the bus station seems a wee bit desperate.

If you believe the angels, they're fairly drowning in sherry in there.
posted by daniel_charms at 4:23 AM on December 16, 2011


My work web filter doesn't like "fuck" in URLs.
posted by tommasz at 4:43 AM on December 16, 2011


It told me to "WAIT THE FUCK UP". Hours ago. Still waiting the fuck up.
posted by klarck at 4:55 AM on December 16, 2011


The Wilbur Theatre in Boston?

Seriously, I got that one as my first option as well. I can leap out my office window, action movie style, and roll to more bars, having a drink in each, in less time than it'd take to walk to the Wilbur... where I couldn't have one as IT'S A GODDAMN THEATRE.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:56 AM on December 16, 2011


Apparently it only knows 6 fucking bars in Brooklyn.
posted by nathancaswell at 5:18 AM on December 16, 2011


I think maybe your fuck up has already arrived, klarck.
posted by Segundus at 5:23 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


Apparently it only knows 6 fucking bars in Brooklyn.

Oddly, it knows a dozen in Oswego (pop. 17500 and falling), just within 5 blocks of my house. I knew we had a lot of bars for a small town, but that's ridiculous.

Their second choice lost their liquor license this summer (AND really looked shit even before then), but I don't think we can blame them for not knowing that.
posted by ubiquity at 5:24 AM on December 16, 2011


Apparently it only knows 6 fucking bars in Brooklyn.

You may have to specify that you're talking about Brooklyn in NEW YORK CITY. Try entering your exact address -- my own address modified itself to "## EmpressCallipygos Avenue, Brooklyn, NEW YORK, New York", for some fucked-up reason.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:29 AM on December 16, 2011


It sent me to the place I was at last night. I approve of its fucking choices.
posted by maurice at 5:30 AM on December 16, 2011


You may have to specify that you're talking about Brooklyn in NEW YORK CITY.

I put in "BROOKLYN, NY" and I got 6 bars. If I put in just "BROOKLYN" I get the same 6 bars. If I put in "MY ADDRESS, NEW YORK, NY" I get a different 6 bars, but still only 6. Same as if I put in "MY ADDRESS, NEW YORK, BROOKLYN, NY" which it wants to autofill for me. Something is fucking fucked.
posted by nathancaswell at 5:37 AM on December 16, 2011


It wants to send me a half mile away when there's three bars within a block of my house, including one right behind me that I can get to through a hole in the fence behind my garage. Stupid website.
posted by padraigin at 5:38 AM on December 16, 2011


Although if I put in RED HOOK, NEW YORK, BROOKLYN, NY it does try to send me to Ice House, so it has that working in it's favor.
posted by nathancaswell at 5:43 AM on December 16, 2011


Huh. Maybe it thinks that if it gives us more than 6 bars at a time we'd get too fucked up?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:43 AM on December 16, 2011


Two bars apparently exist in Fredericton: the campus pub, which has cheap food and beer, and the Rogue, which has the best scotch selection in town (or maybe the province).

I am OK with this selection.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:53 AM on December 16, 2011


No matter what I type in it tells me to "Wait the fuck up" and flips me the bird. I think I pissed it off.
posted by the other side at 6:08 AM on December 16, 2011


It's only directing me to gay bars.

I live near a small cluster of gay bars (some of which I already patronize!) and it appears to be studiously skipping over them. Hmmm.
posted by psoas at 6:12 AM on December 16, 2011


There are no bars in Amsterdam. Just so you know.
posted by digitalprimate at 6:14 AM on December 16, 2011


it sends me to a place i already frequent. i've been going there less lately after an employee--who i later learned was the owner--mouthed off to me. when i clicked on the second choice button i just get a fuck you message.
posted by lester at 6:15 AM on December 16, 2011


You'll need to refer to this site beforehand: Should I go the pub?
posted by Richard Holden at 6:29 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


The first bar it directs me to is a sort of yuppie-ish restaurant, the second is a nightclub that closed a week ago for drug arrests and the third....the third Shepherd and I aren't even sure there is a bar there, no matter what it says on the map.
posted by Kitteh at 6:46 AM on December 16, 2011


I'm in Tribeca and it suggested I go to a nearby park to get drunk. Done and done.
posted by zerbinetta at 6:52 AM on December 16, 2011


It appears to be using Google places for locations, so if the pub it suggests is closed / is a travel agent, and this bothers you, click on the offending venue and "Report a problem".
posted by zamboni at 6:54 AM on December 16, 2011


That's pretty fucking cool.
posted by brand-gnu at 6:57 AM on December 16, 2011


The London ones are tourist dives
posted by DanCall at 7:06 AM on December 16, 2011


It sent me to the city cathedral, which is just it for me. Religious nutjobs infiltrating my drink recommendation applications is just too much!
posted by benzo8 at 7:14 AM on December 16, 2011


Apparently there is no place to drink in Dearborn Michigan. WE ARE NOT UNDER SHARIA LAW, dammit!
posted by Kokopuff at 7:22 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


It blows. It keeps trying to send me to a mobile party DJ for my zip code. It's hard enough to get home without having to drive while drinking.
posted by zzazazz at 7:25 AM on December 16, 2011


It sent me to the city cathedral, which is just it for me. Religious nutjobs infiltrating my drink recommendation applications is just too much!

Communion wine is a drink.
posted by madcaptenor at 7:26 AM on December 16, 2011 [2 favorites]


I am looking at a place in Hollywood a half block from Musso and Frank.

The site never recommended it. However, The Viper Room, in West Hollywood, repeatedly came up, despite the fact that it's a rock venue known for overpriced drinks that are best described as "strong," rather than "good." Musso and Frank, which pours a classic cocktail perfectly, doesn't come up.

Where else could they have sent me? Oh, Boarnder's, a half block from Musso and Frank. Or the Cat & The Fiddle. None of them come up.

Is this pay to play? Did they set up the site and then start contacting bars to see if they wanted to be listed? Because this is useless to a consumer.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:42 AM on December 16, 2011


Whoohoo! Discovered an "Irish Pub" a few blocks from work. Lunch looks liquid, now!
posted by IAmBroom at 7:52 AM on December 16, 2011


It wants me to go to Joshua Tree in Davis Square. Fuck you, wherethefuckshouldigofordrinks.com, I'm not a Tufts student.
posted by maryr at 7:53 AM on December 16, 2011


This is neat, but the third place it's telling me to go is a dentist.

Adventurer, don't knock it until you've tried their Early Bird Nitrous Knockback.

Ignore the umbrella; it's not a girlie drink.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:53 AM on December 16, 2011


It will send me to the Six Point Brewery, where I can't get a drink, but not to Rocky Sullivan's next door? Hrm.
posted by pupdog at 8:17 AM on December 16, 2011


Why the hell can't you get a drink at a brewery?
posted by maryr at 8:25 AM on December 16, 2011


I think that Rocky Sullivan's has a deal WITH Six Point Brewery to be the "if you want to have a drink of Six Point, Rocky Sullivan's is serving it" official designated serving point.

(Rocky Sullivan's is good in its own right, in my opinion too.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:44 AM on December 16, 2011


Google Maps gives me better results, with far less abuse. But whether this is good or bad I guess is up to you!
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 8:46 AM on December 16, 2011


"CAN'T FIND SHIT THERE. TRY SOMEWHERE ELSE" is pretty much the default answer for anywhere in Utah.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 8:48 AM on December 16, 2011


The first place it sent me to was the bar we went to after ThePinkSuperhero and Stynxno's wedding. Good times, good times.
posted by gaspode at 8:54 AM on December 16, 2011


Uncannily, it sent me to a series of the most abject megabrewery-owned pissholes in a twenty mile radius, completely ignoring nice pubs on the same map section.

I'm guessing the whole thing is elaborate anti-CAMRA propaganda funded by Big Lager.
posted by jack_mo at 9:04 AM on December 16, 2011


(Rocky Sullivan's is good in its own right, in my opinion too.)

Oh I'm a big fan (although I moved 1000 miles away nearly and haven't been in far too long). I followed the gang from Manhattan to Red Hook. Just was amused at the places the site skips over. If I put in my home address here, it tries to send me to some dude's house down the road...
posted by pupdog at 9:11 AM on December 16, 2011


Weird. I get WAIT THE FUCK UP for any location.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:14 AM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


It sent me to half a dozen perfectly servicable pubs around where i am (Toronto) but not my local
posted by PinkMoose at 9:20 AM on December 16, 2011


The first place it suggested was the meeting hall of a fraternal organization I had never heard of. The second place was a dive. Then it suggested the first place again, and just swapped back and forth between the two, completely ignoring the awesome bar & restaurant that you have to drive past to get between its two shitty recommendations.

Why the fuck should I use "where the fuck should I go for drinks?"
posted by kcds at 9:22 AM on December 16, 2011


Sent me to a wedding DJ who was listed under a PO Box.
posted by lostburner at 10:18 AM on December 16, 2011


This reminds me that I live near a lot of fucking awesome places to drink.
posted by Bunglegirl at 10:43 AM on December 16, 2011


WTF, it didn't pull up the tavern a half mile from me or any of the 3 or so within a mile of me??
It couldn't shit even after I typed in my (baltimore) address :o
posted by Librarygeek at 11:36 AM on December 16, 2011


It's not working for me either. Are people entering their addresses or intersections or what? All I'm getting is "WAIT THE FUCK UP"
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 11:41 AM on December 16, 2011


Where the fuck should I go for drinks?

Go where I always go. To your mom's house.

booyah.
posted by anniecat at 11:49 AM on December 16, 2011


It only gave me six places, which is weird, because there's nothing to do in Palm Springs BUT drink. At least it left out the confederate flag waving place across the street.
posted by Space Kitty at 12:21 PM on December 16, 2011


A brief message from the author of the site, in response to complaints that the service fails to find certain drinking establishments.
posted by zamboni at 12:49 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


The Twitter account is a veritable model of excellence for web customer service.
posted by grouse at 1:05 PM on December 16, 2011


At home, because if I'm going to spend $50 to get my buzz on I'd rather spend it on a better recreational drug than alcohol.
posted by WhitenoisE at 6:23 PM on December 16, 2011


It's only directing me to gay bars.

You say it's a bug, I say it's a feature.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:06 PM on December 16, 2011 [1 favorite]


"@xelpmoc FUCK YEAH YOU DICK LOVING ALCO-SLOTH.
17 hours ago
Wtfsigfd
wtfsigfd Wtfsigfd
"

You know, as a proud owner* of one, I've always found this simultaneously homophobic and misogynistic sentiment to be particularly upsetting. I love dicks and have a special appreciation for those who share this love.

*Owner? possessor? caretaker? significant other? steward? wing-person? I suppose its a complicated relationship.
posted by Blasdelb at 6:41 AM on December 17, 2011


Dentists and strip clubs? You guys are lucky. I get

CAN'T FIND SHIT THERE. TRY SOMEWHERE ELSE.

My whole week has been like that. However, I do know of a place or two here. Anybody in Athens can meet me at the cafe beside the gyro place in Varnava Square after work for a whiskey or three.

There's also a nice little bar in Markou Moussourou close to you.
posted by ersatz at 8:24 AM on December 17, 2011


That's actually sort of the most aesthetically nicest, and definitely the closest to me, but a little pricey for people who don't nurse a single drink/coffee for long time. We go there now and then, but it's more like a have-one-drink place when we're feeling slightly opulent. :)
posted by taz at 12:01 PM on December 17, 2011


Yes, that 'inexpensive drinks' movement was long overdue in Athens.
posted by ersatz at 10:21 AM on December 18, 2011


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