Try to beat this "1-click", Amazon

December 19, 2011 2:05 AM

When the world is going crazy and life is just awful, you can count on The Internet to MAKE EVERYTHING OK.
Service provided 'as is' with no warranty implied or suggested. Your perception of what's OK may vary, but that's YOUR problem.
posted by oneswellfoop (40 comments total)

I feel better already.
posted by flippant at 2:10 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Make-Everything-Ok.com is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Zombocom, Inc.
posted by hincandenza at 2:13 AM on December 19, 2011 [14 favorites]

Just what I needed on a monday morning.
posted by Sailormom at 2:14 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

I pushed it, and next thing I know, Kim Jong-Il has died. So it's got that going for it.
posted by chavenet at 2:17 AM on December 19, 2011 [28 favorites]

Huh. That happened.
I pushed it twice, just to be sure.
posted by zoinks at 2:24 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I sent this to some of my friends in the DRC. Hopefully it works.
posted by AndrewKemendo at 2:36 AM on December 19, 2011

This is surprisingly comforting.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:46 AM on December 19, 2011 [5 favorites]

It's amazing, placebos always work on me.
posted by seriousmoonlight at 2:49 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

I can't be the only person who came for kittens and left disappointed?
posted by mnfn at 3:10 AM on December 19, 2011 [14 favorites]

This site would work well with this site. Of course, YMMV.
posted by lampshade at 3:17 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

If you disable Javascript, everything is already OK.
posted by Saydur at 3:35 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

A button? Pah! All I need to make everything okay is tea and kittens.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:49 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was expecting a kitten too. Where is my kitten?
posted by carter at 3:54 AM on December 19, 2011

It worked, but only for a moment, then I felt sadder than before.
What was in it?
posted by hat_eater at 4:02 AM on December 19, 2011

Hey, does anybody know about this? THE REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING seems to be broken. I keep pushing the button, but it doesn't do anything. Really.
posted by twoleftfeet at 4:08 AM on December 19, 2011

I did not travel back in time.
posted by maxwelton at 4:17 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

THE REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING really does what it says on the tin... Except it's not a tin...

And if kittens made everything OK, there are already plenty of kittens on the web so you wouldn't have needed the button, would you?

Carry on. (And remain calm)
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:31 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Somehow "Devastating Explosions" works a lot better for me.
posted by dominik at 4:44 AM on December 19, 2011 [8 favorites]

If you want a picture of the future, imagine everything being stuck at 99% ok .. forever.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:47 AM on December 19, 2011 [3 favorites]

I'll bet the Donate button produces more concrete results.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:54 AM on December 19, 2011

this button produces more accurate results.
posted by h0p3y at 5:10 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I pushed it, rolling my eyes at the whole gimmicky bullshit. Then I saw the progress bar and thought oh good, it's going pretty fast.
posted by Tomorrowful at 5:16 AM on December 19, 2011 [10 favorites]

That was strangely cathartic. I suddenly felt that really, everything in my life is pretty okay. I almost teared up a little.
posted by PercussivePaul at 5:24 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm used to clicking on something and everything becoming OK, but this one is broken; it produced no porn.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:24 AM on December 19, 2011

I'M TELLING YOU IT'S NOT A CLIENT ISSUE
posted by yoHighness at 5:26 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't find a button that rewrites the rules of morality to be at all comforting. What is wrong with you people?
posted by oddman at 5:27 AM on December 19, 2011

The timing of the progress bar is, I think, all-important.

10 second progress bar: this is moving along! Anticipation.
10 minute progress bar: this better be good! WTF?
10 year progress bar: I remember this! Muted anticipation, like an odometer rolling over to some big number.
10 century progress bar: new religion. People of the world await The Change, where Everything will finally be OK. Task bar completes; riots break out. New testaments are written. Witnesses are killed.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 5:55 AM on December 19, 2011 [4 favorites]

I pushed the button and metafilter stopped serving requests briefly.

Looks like it's working!
posted by clvrmnky at 6:27 AM on December 19, 2011

As someone with anxiety issues... it worked!
posted by IAmBroom at 6:48 AM on December 19, 2011

I needed this today, thank you!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:51 AM on December 19, 2011

I hit that button six times between 7am and 9am. Thanks. It would have been a much worse morning otherwise.
posted by Yellow at 7:23 AM on December 19, 2011

"Firefox can't find the server at www.make-everything-ok.com."

Sounds about right.
posted by anthom at 8:06 AM on December 19, 2011

I'm home with a sick son today.
ITS NOT WORKING!!
posted by ducktape at 8:27 AM on December 19, 2011

It doesn't work. All it did was give me a cup of something that tastes almost , but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
posted by Decani at 9:41 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]

It doesn't work. All it did was give me a cup of something that tastes almost , but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

That's what it does when used in close proximity to a towel. It's called the Douglas Adams Bug, or Issue #42.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:03 AM on December 19, 2011

I was expecting a kitten-shaped button.
posted by storybored at 10:08 AM on December 19, 2011

They told me everything
was going to be
okay.

Only, I don't want everything
to be okay.

I want some things
to be okay, and some things
to be terrible.

And especially, I want some things
to be awesome.
posted by gauche at 10:09 AM on December 19, 2011

Could replace the in-case-of-bad-trip note ("EVERYTHING IS OK"). Unless the site is down. That could be bad.

Also the possibility that the progress bar might seem to take forever.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:20 AM on December 19, 2011

This also satisfies a ten year old pony request.
posted by moss at 11:08 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]

Was really expecting it to time out at 98% or so. I guess that is enough of a comment on my perception of objective reality.
posted by never used baby shoes at 12:34 PM on December 19, 2011