Join 3,411 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


My sphincter has not yet unclenched.
December 19, 2011 9:36 AM   Subscribe

Rding a bike must suck when your balls are this big. Via.
posted by unSane (48 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite

 
Oh HELL no.

Wow.
posted by everichon at 9:45 AM on December 19, 2011


I'm still leaning to the left as I type this.
posted by orme at 9:45 AM on December 19, 2011 [16 favorites]


0.05 No.
0:20 No.
0:40 I have new divots in my mouse.
0:55 Fuck no.
1.20 If I watch any more I'm going to hork my lunch.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:48 AM on December 19, 2011 [5 favorites]


Awesome.
posted by silby at 9:50 AM on December 19, 2011


I particularly liked the short section of safety railing towards the end.
posted by unSane at 9:51 AM on December 19, 2011 [5 favorites]


I love riding bikes, but I'm cool with hiking too.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 9:52 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


A bit wider. A LOT faster.
posted by CynicalKnight at 9:58 AM on December 19, 2011 [17 favorites]


Looking at this, I'm surprised that combination cycling-BASE jumping isn't more popular. It would have been the perfect way to end the video.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:05 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


Eh, at least one of those guys isn't very good at riding singletrack, and maybe probably shouldn't be riding that kind of trail yet - IE, sandy, extreme vertical drops. None of them appear to be very sure-footed (wheeled) with their off road biking skills, and that trail is really quite smooth.

I've ridden trails like that at high speeds and you don't really want to ride the way they're riding. They're high-siding the trail too much (staying too close to the left/uphill side) which is increasing the odds their bike tires will slip sideways underneath them. It also increases trail damage and erosion.

And, well, the excessive "dabbing" (foot placement) is driving me crazy. Go faster! It's easier to stay balanced!
posted by loquacious at 10:07 AM on December 19, 2011 [7 favorites]


Portal Trail, Moab. More hike than bike, but exposed as all getout.
posted by the painkiller at 10:07 AM on December 19, 2011


This seems to be in Austria
posted by joost de vries at 10:07 AM on December 19, 2011


Looking at this, I'm surprised that combination cycling-BASE jumping isn't more popular.

A good entry level full suspension mountain bike starts at around $1,500 USD these days. People aren't too eager to throw them away off of cliffs. Err, well, excluding actually riding them off of cliffs. A really good mountain bike will easily exceed the cost of a BASE jumping parachute by a factor of two or three.

And there's only a few places in the world that are vertical enough for the Earth part of BASE jumping, and they tend to be remote and inaccessible.

Besides, the adrenaline rush of BASE jumping probably makes riding a singletrack a lot less exciting or thrilling and kind of pointless.
posted by loquacious at 10:13 AM on December 19, 2011


Did anyone else experience vertigo in the first couple minutes of watching that? The closest I've gotten to anything like that is driving the road to Hana, and that is not at all what this is.
posted by mysterpigg at 10:16 AM on December 19, 2011


Yeah, the rider in front of the camera bike was a little sketchy. I've ridden stuff like this and as loquacious said, it's easier and more fun if you keep your speed up.

How about combination slacklining and BASE jumping?
posted by exogenous at 10:17 AM on December 19, 2011 [4 favorites]


Eh, at least one of those guys isn't very good at riding singletrack

Stay classy.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 10:18 AM on December 19, 2011 [3 favorites]


I'm looking forward to loq's video.

Just don't die

Or if you do, get it on video.
posted by LordSludge at 10:25 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


Stay classy.

What, I'm not allowed to critique biking skills? The most "terrifying" part of this video to me isn't the drop or the trail but the inexperienced riders. The wide angle of the GoPro camera lens is making that trail look a lot more vertical and exposed than it really is. Most of the trail seems to be only 20-30 feet or so above the stream bed that it's following.
posted by loquacious at 10:26 AM on December 19, 2011


Yeah, ditto (thirding) loquacious. That trail is really smooth and not too hard, and yes, they're riding too far left, freakin' me out that they're going to bump a handlebar against the rock at times. And they put foot down a lot more often than I expected, pretty slow.

Stay classy.

Meh... I've been riding mountain bikes since a few years after they were invented (grew up in Oregon in the early 1980s). You learn things that aren't immediately obvious from watching a helmet-cam like this, which looks more wobbly and uncertain than a trail like that feels in reality.

I can't ride singletrack as often as I'd like (I ride during our lovely 2-hour French lunches, and the singletrack trails in Sophia Antipolis are off-limits to bicycles now), but last time I did, it was a track a lot like the one those guys are riding, cliffs slightly less straight (but not by much). And it had mud and big frakking rocks, as most trails here do.

Regarding the prices of good bikes – I paid 2 grand for my GT i-drive XC in 2006. It was a 2004 model, on sale from its regular price of 2500, and the bike shop threw in a free bib short, jersey, and shoes (including SPD cleats), easily worth 250. Like loquacious says – bikes like that, you reeeeaaally don't want to risk hurting them. On the other hand, they're such a beautiful ride, it makes you want to go out more often. I still have that GT, haven't even needed to replace the shocks on it yet. I'm not a big fan of downhill though; I actually like to climb, so the shocks aren't bumped around much. Shaley rock climbs can be hella fun when you know what you're doing.
posted by fraula at 10:28 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


I see the above video I linked was a copy - apologies to the originator, whose excellent channel is here.

Portal Trail , Moab. More hike than bike, but exposed as all getout.

For technical challenge, physical difficulty and fear factor, on a scale of 1-10 I think Rider Mel rated that one 11/11/11. Supposedly people have been blown off the cliff to their death just walking their bike.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:34 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm looking forward to loq's video.

I have a city bike now, and I have no idea where to find vertically exposed single track like in the video here in Seattle, but I used to ride stuff like this in California and Arizona. Except without a motorcycle. And downhill and much faster.

And usually on old hardtail mountain bikes with no suspension at all, or later, with early fork-shock suspensions.

I'm not claiming to be a bad mofo with huge balls. Quite the contrary. It's just easier to ride these kinds of trails than most people seem to think. It's actually easier, less technical and less scary to ride a trail like the one in the video than it is to commute on asphalt in urban traffic.
posted by loquacious at 10:37 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


I was just happy to hear some neat music instead of the execrable heavy metal bullshit that most sporty folks believe is the soundtrack to their adventures. That music sampled "Timesteps," for Pete's sake.
posted by sonascope at 10:39 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


I just assumed that every camera cut represented a fall and the next condemned man being strapped in and the unseen rear-point rifleman prodding him forward.
posted by phearlez at 10:49 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


No sir, not for a million dollars or all the adrenaline in the world. I'll stick to single track where I only run a 1/100 chance of breaking my fool neck instead of 1/1 chance.
posted by RolandOfEld at 10:50 AM on December 19, 2011


Here's helmetcam from a fun trail that I rode a while back. The section starting about 2'30" gets your attention.
posted by unSane at 10:53 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


Having hike-a-biked it, I don't know about 11/11/11 difficulty on the Portal Trail. Well above average technically for sure, but physically not particularly demanding as it's flat-to-downhill the whole way. The mental part of it is really off the charts, though. In lots of places there is exactly zero room for error but there are lots of spots on the trail that are juuuuust challenging enough to provoke one... Fantastic views from the top!
posted by the painkiller at 10:58 AM on December 19, 2011


Partially related, pretty different but still insane actions on a bike that I'm not interested in performing (but would love to watch) can be seen here.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:06 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


Yeah, I'm not sure about Rider Mel's ratings. I think he rated the Whole Enchilada as 10/10/10 but I rode it pretty easily from the top and I'm no stud.
posted by unSane at 11:13 AM on December 19, 2011


I wish I had videos of when we used to ride bikes in the woods. Leaf litter + hills + rocks + curves + crazy speeds = stupid, flying kids. The best part was that it ended at a cliff, hidden behind bushes. How I came through childhood with intact bones is beyond me.

And, well, the excessive "dabbing" (foot placement) is driving me crazy. Go faster! It's easier to stay balanced!

There were a lot of people and blind turns on that trail.

Doesn't seem that technically hard. Just kind of foolish to ride.
posted by zennie at 11:28 AM on December 19, 2011


It's all fun and games until Charlie Croker's bike goes halfway off the cliff with a zillion dollars' worth of gold strapped to the back rack.
posted by Spatch at 11:37 AM on December 19, 2011 [2 favorites]


I was just happy to hear some neat musicinstead of the execrable heavy metal bullshit that most sporty folks believe is the soundtrack to their adventures. That music sampled "Timesteps," for Pete's sake.

I suspect adding an RJD2 track, much less "Ghostwriter", to most montage videos would make for happy viewings.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:40 AM on December 19, 2011


Loqaucious, you'll need to travel about 40 minutes east on 90 out of Seattle before you get to anything decent.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:46 AM on December 19, 2011


What a beautifully maintained trail! The bike riding was, you know, cool and stuff, too.
posted by kprincehouse at 11:50 AM on December 19, 2011


You know, my friend used to ride competitively a lot in the mountains, but what ended his biking days was a stupid accident in a stupid forest descending a stupid 20 feet "hill" when a walker crossed his path so he went over the handlebars and damaged his spine, as it turned out weeks later.
Not the actual risky stuff.
posted by hat_eater at 11:53 AM on December 19, 2011


I'm just glad that this didn't link to this idiotic video, pilloried on BSNYC here.
posted by Aizkolari at 11:54 AM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


Spatch, I bet you have never pulled a muscle, not when you stretch that well.
posted by holdkris99 at 12:04 PM on December 19, 2011


I kept thinking, "Man, I hope that 'Radwanderung' doesn't translate to 'rider falls to his death' or something."

That said, I've never done any trail riding, so this probably seems way more intense to me than others.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 12:07 PM on December 19, 2011


I don't know, I've done plenty of trail riding, and that seemed pretty intense to me.
posted by OmieWise at 12:14 PM on December 19, 2011


Rider gets stopped, loses footing, survives. (youtube)
posted by jjj606 at 12:27 PM on December 19, 2011 [1 favorite]


I wouldn't even want to WALK that.
posted by monospace at 12:29 PM on December 19, 2011


That looks like Porcupine Rim. I've ridden it a couple of times - here's the helmetcam. The section where the rider falls starts about about 3'00.
posted by unSane at 12:33 PM on December 19, 2011


I wouldn't even want to WALK that.

Especially with all those cyclists whizzing by!
posted by mazola at 12:42 PM on December 19, 2011 [3 favorites]


I love the part with the ladder'd bridge that forces them to slow down and get off their bikes to walk across...right on top of/next too the earlier, now busted, obvious sign of someone's demise bridge. whistle.past.grave.
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 12:53 PM on December 19, 2011


Yeah, funny thing is that I'm not sure I'd want to walk that path, but watching it on a bike, knowing how good my slow speed handling skills are, it almost seems like it would be cozy. The imp of the perverse doesn't sit on my shoulder so much when I'm on my bike, I guess?

I think I've been jaded by watching guys bomb downhill on loose surfaces at what looks like 30+ mph. That scares me.
posted by Kyol at 12:54 PM on December 19, 2011


I was wondering what the equivalent to free climbing would be in the world of mountain biking. I guess this is the answer.
posted by Seymour Zamboni at 1:26 PM on December 19, 2011


> the equivalent to free climbing would be in the world of mountain biking

That would be trials riding.
posted by ardgedee at 3:50 PM on December 19, 2011


I particularly liked the short section of safety railing towards the end.

I wonder how those sections of boardwalk even got there in the first place.

Was some groundskeeper up there weeding one day and thought, "That's it! The cyclists can handle a four inch wide trail, but two inches!? Forget it - to the hardware store!" who then spent the next week hauling lumber, rakes, shovels and implements of destruction up the path, excavating that section and assembling a proper walkway?

When I watch these, I like to imagine that each rider is carrying one wooden board that they'll add to a boardwalk in the most treacherous part of the trail, so that after enough have passed there will be a safe walkway from start to finish.
posted by ceribus peribus at 7:35 PM on December 19, 2011


Besides, the adrenaline rush of BASE jumping probably makes riding a singletrack a lot less exciting or thrilling and kind of pointless.

Yes.
posted by Kiwi at 5:52 AM on December 20, 2011 [3 favorites]


Here's your balance. Enjoy.
posted by misterpatrick at 10:50 AM on December 20, 2011


« Older 2011 in Lego Pictures....  |  Ceci n’est pas un hipster and ... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments