"From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology."

December 22, 2011 4:27 PM

Senator Amy Koch, who campaigned this year to put a constitutional amendment on next year's ballot to define marriage as the union between a man and a woman. has admitted that she had "a relationship with a Senate staffer" who is not her husband. She has stepped down as Majority Leader of the Minnesota Senate, announced she will not seek re-election, and issued an apology. In response, the gay and lesbian community of Minnesota has issued their own apology, for "ruining the institution of marriage and causing her to stray from her husband"

Minnesota Public Radio has reported that Republican staff knew of the affair months ago.

"Last Friday, Michel in a news conference had told reporters that Senate leaders had learned of the behavior issue in the
last few weeks. Michel acknowledges the misleading timeline and says he fudged the timing to protect the source, who at that time was unidentified."

"As to why he or others didn't simply go to Koch directly after Sheehan's report and tell her to end the relationship, Michel said the senators' understanding was that even after Koch and the staffer admitted the relationship to Sheehan that they kept it going. ‘We knew they'd been confronted already,’ Michel said, and ‘that had not resulted in any changed behavior from either of the individuals involved."

posted by dubold (70 comments total)

Is there even anything to say anymore??
posted by spicynuts at 4:31 PM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]

the gay and lesbian community of Minnesota has issued their own apology, for "ruining the institution of marriage and causing her to stray from her husband"

Oh, how I love you political snark. One day we will marry.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 4:33 PM on December 22, 2011 [51 favorites]

Michael: Well, this year's gonna be different. We're gonna have fun. It's not gonna be tacky. It's going to be, you know what, the food is going to be austere. It is not going to be tacky, deli platter food. It's not gonna have a big, fat, gross Santa Claus. It's gonna be cool, sleek Santa.
Angela: Maybe I'll bring my boyfriend. I'll invite him.
Michael: Okay. Sure.
Angela: I mean, unless there's any chance there could be press at this party.
Michael: You never know about the press.
Angela: Well, I only ask because he's a senator.
Michael: Could he help us with some parking tickets?
Angela: I don't think that's appropriate.
Michael: Well, then he's not a senator.
Angela: Yes, he is.
Michael: Okay.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:33 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Kevin: Angela, are you bringing you new boyfriend to the party.
Angela: I wouldn't subject Robert to that. He's a very busy senator.
Oscar: State senator.
Angela: I would not expect you to know what it's like to date someone in the public arena.
Oscar: Who are you dating in the public arena?
Angela: The senator.
Kevin: Oh, right. The state senator.
Angela: We went to a picnic thrown by the Comptroller's wife.
Kevin: Oh, that would be impressive... if anyone knew what a comptroller was.
Oscar: Well...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:34 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

That Office episode was playing on my flight this morning, CPB.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:35 PM on December 22, 2011

It's always weird when this happens and the anti-gay campaigner turns out to be straight.
posted by Artw at 4:38 PM on December 22, 2011 [60 favorites]

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of "adultery."

There's some weapons-grade snark in there.
posted by Decimask at 4:39 PM on December 22, 2011 [23 favorites]

I am willing to accept the apologies of lesbians everywhere. I have no idea what they need to apologize for, but I can't hold a grudge.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:41 PM on December 22, 2011

Thaaaat's gonna leave a mark. As it should.
posted by Xoebe at 4:41 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

If I ever manage to execute a sick burn even half as beautiful as this one in the years I have left, I will consider this a life well spent.

Well played, Mr. Medeiros. Well played indeed.

[Golf clap]
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 4:45 PM on December 22, 2011 [9 favorites]

Why do things by halves? I'd be for defining marriage as between a man and woman only, so long as legislators are put to death, once found committing adultery. Let's raise the stakes and make this a real theocracy.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:47 PM on December 22, 2011 [33 favorites]

I have no idea what they need to apologize for, but I can't hold a grudge.

They're a threat to the sacred institution of marriage, as former Senator Koch has discovered.

That's why you need Homo Be Gone® spray! Just a few coats in the morning helps keep those harmful gay rays away, ensuing peace and tranquillity for your marriage and affair!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:47 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

How do you pronounce her last name properly?
posted by straight_razor at 4:47 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

I just chortled Dr Pepper all over my monitor.

DAMN YOU, GAY MINNESOTANS! LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
posted by BitterOldPunk at 4:47 PM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]

> "I spent endless hours hiring the best staff...

Is that what they're calling it these days?
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:48 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

It's Christmas. The staffer arrives at work having donned gay apparel. State Senator Koch tells him to take it off. Adultery ensues.
posted by anothermug at 4:52 PM on December 22, 2011 [35 favorites]

teh gayz have corrupted her to the core. She signed her letter 'Happy Holidays' instead of Merry Christmas. For shame.
posted by hot_monster at 4:52 PM on December 22, 2011 [5 favorites]

*gasps for breath between waves of laughter*
posted by brundlefly at 4:55 PM on December 22, 2011

How do you pronounce her last name properly?

If this is a serious question, I'd go with: kosh. There is a local car dealership in my area owned by people with the Koch name and that's how they say it in their ads.
posted by asnider at 4:55 PM on December 22, 2011

Remember: Adultery is between a man and a woman only.




How do you pronounce her last name properly?

Coke
(I believe)


Of course what is doubly amusing about this whole thing is not only was the pro family values party headed up by an adulterer in the MN Senate, the fiscal responsible party also is in debt and it's chairman resigned recently due to just out and out fiscal ineptitude.

I swear this shit writes itself.
posted by edgeways at 4:57 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]

I...I think it's Cook.
posted by punchtothehead at 4:58 PM on December 22, 2011

How do you pronounce her last name properly?

Coke
(I believe)

Based on the MPR news audio, this seems correct.
posted by ZeusHumms at 4:58 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

A marriage can be a sacred contract before god and still have a little wiggle room for some stranger danger.
posted by Foam Pants at 4:58 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

I believe that the appropriate penalty now is for them both to be stoned. Would they prefer the conservative definition of that, or the liberal one?
posted by aeschenkarnos at 5:00 PM on December 22, 2011 [49 favorites]

If you want to be a Republican politician, you need to have two things:

1) A firm and unwavering commitment to capitalism, national defense, Christianity and the traditional American values that have made this country great!

2) A horrendous, exploitative, broken, hypocritical, guilt-ridden, shameful, utter failure of a personal/sexual life.

We are now accepting applications for this highly competitive position!
posted by Avenger at 5:02 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]

Booty calls, then duty calls, or versa vice.
posted by y2karl at 5:03 PM on December 22, 2011 [4 favorites]

Give her a break, at least her husband wasn't cancer-stricken or something heinous like that.
posted by storybored at 5:07 PM on December 22, 2011

It would be funnier if it was cock.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:07 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: It would be funnier if it was cock.
posted by subbes at 5:13 PM on December 22, 2011 [3 favorites]

People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
posted by hippybear at 5:21 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]

If you want to be a Republican politician, you need to have two things:
1) A firm and unwavering commitment to capitalism, national defense, Christianity and the traditional American values that have made this country great!
2) A horrendous, exploitative, broken, hypocritical, guilt-ridden, shameful, utter failure of a personal/sexual life.


3) An almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.

... If you want to be a Republican politician, you need to have FOUR things.. no..
*Amongst* the things... are such elements as fear, surprise....

I'll come in again.
posted by mrbill at 5:22 PM on December 22, 2011 [31 favorites]

Oh, there's more. The affair was likely with a fellow named Michael Brobkorb, who was recently fired from his GOP job.

Who is he? Well, for a long time he was the author of the Minnesota Democrats Exposed blog, a site that engage in the most vicious of attack-dog politics, for which he was rewarded with a communications jib in the MN-GOP. So there's a lesson there is hiring somebody whose only experience is fucking other people. It also shows that the real threat to heterosexual marriage is right wing blogging, so can we pass an amendment outlawing that?

Is that all? Well, no. There's a real possibility that this was the MN-GOP eating its own. Details of this broke quite a while ago, but only recently was a leaked and Koch and Brobkorb were asked to step down. What? Why? According to Cyndy Brucado (full disclosure: I also write for this site), the issue wasn't infidelity, but the push for a new Vikings stadium, which the MN-GOP doesn't want to address until 2013. Brobokorb was apparently pretty affective at pushing the Vikes agenda forward, and the problem with hiring somebody who is used to bullying to get what they want is that they tend to be pretty good at it. So Brobkorb, and, by extension, his boss and possible lover Koch, had to go.

And good riddance.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 5:24 PM on December 22, 2011 [15 favorites]

It would be funnier if it was cock AND if it was a gay affair, but you can't have everything, can you? Still, the schadenfreude is strong with this one.
posted by ob at 5:27 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Schadenfreude can be a dangerous drug. But oh so niiiicccceeee!
posted by Danf at 5:28 PM on December 22, 2011

Thank you, gay and lesbian community of Minnesota for making me pee my pants a little this holiday season. I'm not sure how to reciprocate.
posted by Mcable at 5:29 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

his boss and possible lover Koch

possible lover, certainly a fuck buddy.
posted by hippybear at 5:31 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

Thank you, gay and lesbian community of Minnesota for making me pee my pants a little this holiday season. I'm not sure how to reciprocate.

Um... post the video to Xtube?
posted by hippybear at 5:32 PM on December 22, 2011 [5 favorites]

What? Maybe it's time to change your name to watersportsbear.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 5:34 PM on December 22, 2011 [5 favorites]

Sanctimonious, hypocritical, freedom-hating bitch. At least she's in the right party.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 5:35 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

I hope this swings people against the proposed amendment, yet I fear conservatives will again show that massive capacity for cognitive dissonance they're famous for. This is a hard time to be GLBT.
posted by jiawen at 5:43 PM on December 22, 2011

What? Maybe it's time to change your name to watersportsbear.

Hey, I don't have to want to watch them to know there are all kinds of pants-pissing videos on Xtube. It's impossible to avoid them if you're browsing their listings.

Once again, let me reiterate: knowledge about something != interest in that thing. Not in the way you're implying.
posted by hippybear at 5:58 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

How do you pronounce her last name properly?

BOH-ner
posted by Navelgazer at 5:59 PM on December 22, 2011 [5 favorites]

I think the correct pronunciation of her last name is "hypocritical shitbag", but I am not a linguist.
posted by kcds at 6:01 PM on December 22, 2011 [8 favorites]

"legislating sexual morality when i don't follow it myself - that's where i'm a viking!"
posted by pyramid termite at 6:02 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Sanctimonious, hypocritical, freedom-hating bitch. At least she's in the right party.

This doesn't seem like the best response to anything.
posted by swift at 6:10 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ah, the dichotomy of electing a Republican -- getting the opposite of what you voted for. Now, if people could only understand that the ruse is not confined to screwing around on your spouse (note Mr. Gingrich, for example).
posted by Sparkticus at 6:17 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

This doesn't seem like the best response to anything.

I actually measured it before I wrote it. It is bad enough to think that you are worthy of something and other people are not. It is orders of magnitude worse to actually try to legislate that viewpoint against fellow citizens and human beings. And it's even worse than that to act in direct contravention of your professed superiority.

We have gotten to the point in this country where these kinds of attitudes and behaviors by our government officials are laughed at and shrugged off. Fuck that.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 6:18 PM on December 22, 2011 [12 favorites]

The complaint may have been with the word bitch.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 6:19 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

Having tried to employ irony against evil people in the past, I can testify that they're usually too stupid to get it.
posted by jabah at 6:56 PM on December 22, 2011

God, I love this country.
posted by evilDoug at 6:59 PM on December 22, 2011

It would be funnier if it was cock.

This is a universal truth. In the summer we were playing a game at work where you take any movie title and replace one of the words with cock (works with vagina too). The eventual winner was Teenage Mutant Ninja Cock 2 : The Secret of the Ooze. 2nd place was The Hunt For Red Vagina.

ok I'll leave now
posted by mannequito at 7:07 PM on December 22, 2011 [11 favorites]

mannequito: the problem with this game is one word movies... Crank, Rocky, Akira, Blade, Capote...

...Capote? BUT which is it Cock or Vagina?
posted by mrgroweler at 7:21 PM on December 22, 2011

According to Cyndy Brucado (full disclosure: I also write for this site), the issue wasn't infidelity, but the push for a new Vikings stadium, which the MN-GOP doesn't want to address until 2013. Brobokorb was apparently pretty affective at pushing the Vikes agenda forward, and the problem with hiring somebody who is used to bullying to get what they want is that they tend to be pretty good at it. So Brobkorb, and, by extension, his boss and possible lover Koch, had to go.

So this little scandal both helps move forward marriage equality and possibly hinders the effort to tax hard-working lower and middle-class state residents to pay for building mega-stadiums for out-of-state rich guys.

Boo-yah!!
posted by marsha56 at 7:45 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, this is so rich I think I just gained weight.
posted by LMGM at 7:55 PM on December 22, 2011 [6 favorites]

Metafilter Grammar Elite: it would be funnier if it were cock.
posted by newdaddy at 8:41 PM on December 22, 2011 [1 favorite]

It would be funnier if it was cock.

That's really what I was going for originally. I'm sticking with that pronunciation, it's more memorable.
posted by straight_razor at 9:37 PM on December 22, 2011

I'm trying hard to feel sorry for this dim-witted, loud-mouthed, hate-mongering, lying bigot.
posted by onesidys at 10:06 PM on December 22, 2011

Oh, and Geoff Michels = lying liar who lies.
posted by onesidys at 10:10 PM on December 22, 2011

Any time I hear "We have gotten to the point in this country..." I know I'm speaking with someone who has little knowledge of history, or global culture, whatever the topic. It's always been this way, everywhere. It's awful, terrible, hypocritical and vile, yes, but it's neither new, nor exclusively American.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:42 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

yeah.. MMP is very correct.

The only thing new about Fox news is the 24 hour cycle, the only thing new(ish) about Amy K. is it is a woman and people aren't out in the streets calling her a harlot (although it came close here) or trying to prosecute her for adultery, because you know all that mealy mouthed "indiscretion" bullshit is talking about adultery. (shall we follow the bible here? Leviticus 20:10 “If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.")

For me? I do admit to a certain delight in the misfortunes of the MN GOP for some very passionately held views on what utter poison and bile they did last session, it still makes me so god damned mad. The fact that Koch had an affair? Frankly, as an isolated incident I truly don't give a shit, IT. IS. BORING. ALREADY. consenting adults willing to screw up their family lives? Yeah ok, we all have crosses to bear. But, it is the combination of regressive morality with the inability to follow the same fucking rules they want to set down (ooh family is sacred, zzzzziiippp). Same thing with Spitzer, yeah bust up those prostitution rings Spitz boy, way to fucking go, couldn't keep it in your pants at the same time eh? Law and Order all the way.
posted by edgeways at 11:03 PM on December 22, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ha Ha /Nelson Muntz

I love it when a hypocrite gets shown up for who they are. Unfortunately their respective families now have to pay for their actions.
posted by arcticseal at 11:48 PM on December 22, 2011

Any time I hear "We have gotten to the point in this country..." I know I'm speaking with someone who has little knowledge of history, or global culture, whatever the topic.

I'll cop to lazy rhetorical shortcut.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 6:07 AM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oh, this explains all the Republican reps writing nasty letters about my district's (R) representative who supports the new Vikings stadium and is against any anti-gay marriage bills.
posted by Electric Elf at 6:19 AM on December 23, 2011

Since no one else has yet, I think this is as good a place as any to highlight my favorite part of the letter:

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that "gay marriage" is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

hahahalol. Minnesota gays FTW!
posted by triggerfinger at 8:45 AM on December 23, 2011

By far the saddest part of this is that both implicated in this affair have children. When Koch made her strange announcement that she would not seek reelection, before the real reason was revealed, she mentioned spending more time with her daughter (should have thought of that sooner).

Cindy Brucato's theory tying in the tax payer funded stadium issue is amazing for its admission that the GOP wanted to squelch the stadium deal until after the election...they want to give tax payer money for a stadium, they just don't want voters to know that until after the election.
posted by chrismc at 9:34 AM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

To repeat a quote that Lauren Berlant made about the Spitzer affair years ago: Whenever there's a sex scandal, I feel sorry for sex.
posted by LMGM at 9:46 AM on December 23, 2011 [3 favorites]

Oh crap! So, I had this backwards and this means that it's actually more likely that the Vikes will get what they want, just that they'll have to wait until after the 2012 election when it'll be too late for us to punish the politicians who ram this down our throats. God, with all the NCAA scandals and how pro-teams hold local and state governments hostage to their whims, I've grown to hate all spectator sports.
posted by marsha56 at 11:59 AM on December 23, 2011 [1 favorite]

Bunny Ultramod

Can you explain a little more regarding the MN-GOP and the stadium? They wanted to use the stadium discussion as a political knife for the democrats in the next cycle; while also make sure gambling taxes aren't used to fund the stadium?
posted by stratastar at 3:41 PM on December 23, 2011

As unhelpful and polarizing as the trend toward identity politics has been in electing officials on either side of these issues, who genuinely show promise in being willing and able to hold off the corrupting influences around their offices instead of giving everyone lip service and not backing it up, and although Amy Koch will never listen to this nor her constituents give any credence to it, it's hard not to love this delicious bit of snark from the other side of the fence.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 3:50 PM on December 23, 2011

Republicans are idiots who can read and write.
posted by Flex1970 at 8:23 PM on December 23, 2011