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A dramatic retelling of the nativity and baby Jesus
December 24, 2011 4:50 AM   Subscribe

The true story of the nativity and baby Jesus.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (34 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
She's not drunk is she? Is this some weird take on historical re-tellings?
posted by artof.mulata at 5:10 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


No, it's rigorously authenticated.

Oh, my god. Literally.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:14 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


So, like, the compulsive swallowing? And the unrelenting display of Cool? And like, Irony? And stuff? Not to mention all of the lilting? Yep, this is where all should satisfy their nativity knowledge needs!
posted by likeso at 5:35 AM on December 24, 2011


This is a joke right? right?


please let this be a joke..nobody is that dim..
posted by defcom1 at 5:36 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


My theology just isn't up to this. Can someone tell me whether this answers the age old question of whether baby jebus was a sparkly wampyre, or a zombie?
posted by Ahab at 5:48 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


The production value on this still looks better than the first film.
posted by Fizz at 5:52 AM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I love Kristen Stewart. No, really. She's vastly underated as an actress (due in large part to the Twilight films, which she is self-aware of enough to make fun of in this clip) and was the best thing about The Runaways film, where she managed to out-Joan Jett Joan Jett. I This was hilariously offensive and is now going to be aholiday staple on my Facebook feed every year.
posted by KingEdRa at 5:52 AM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Ahab, clearly the baby is an adorable non-venomous hybrid of vampire and human, who retains all the awesome parts of being a vampire (immortality, super-strength) with none of the pesky drawbacks (eternal thirst for blood) plus a brucey bonus of built-in body shimmer! Hurray, slightly shimmery baby saviour!

This video totally made my day.
posted by ukdanae at 5:52 AM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Are we all pretending that she is really Kristen Stewart, or am I confused? That's not Kristen Stewart.
posted by ukdanae at 5:56 AM on December 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


Are we all pretending that she is really Kristen Stewart, or am I confused? That's not Kristen Stewart.

Thank you for clearing that up.
posted by Fizz at 5:57 AM on December 24, 2011


I was not impressed.
posted by Stynxno at 5:59 AM on December 24, 2011


This thread wins. In the future watch the video before you enable your Markov generator for posting. Merry Christmas!
posted by selfnoise at 6:22 AM on December 24, 2011


I would like to consider everyone taking this video at face value to be my Christmas miracle for the day. Thanks everyone!
posted by m0nm0n at 6:23 AM on December 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


I like this retelling much more...
posted by DreamerFi at 6:25 AM on December 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


She's vastly underated as an actress (due in large part to the Twilight films, which she is self-aware of enough to make fun of in this clip)

This comment is so good it's like something from an Onion article: Fan of Kristen Stewart's acting ability unable to differentiate between Stewart and amateur impersonator.
posted by mediated self at 6:26 AM on December 24, 2011 [27 favorites]


Are we all pretending that she is really Kristen Stewart, or am I confused? That's not Kristen Stewart.

Thanks for clearing that up for those of us who live in a world where we don't actually know what Kristen Stewart looks like.
posted by defcom1 at 6:30 AM on December 24, 2011 [5 favorites]


What's a Kristen Stewart?
posted by Knigel at 6:40 AM on December 24, 2011


i wish i could stop hearing about twlight and what people think of it
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 6:58 AM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: Like the Onion, only you can't be sure if they're joking.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:58 AM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


I was hoping for sparkly caganers.
posted by Mcable at 6:59 AM on December 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


Hilarious :)
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:13 AM on December 24, 2011


And so, inspired by this, I watched the suggested followup of "How to talk like Kristen Stewart", and then finally actually watched "K-Stew" herself for the first time ("KS at the People's Choice Awards", where fans slip a dollar bill in stars' g-strings).

Wow. Dead on. (no pun intended)
posted by IAmBroom at 7:14 AM on December 24, 2011


She reminds me of an 18yo coop student at a former company of mine hired. Her math profs in HS declared her "one of the brightest students they'd ever taught."

She said the word "like" seven times in one sentence.

And her profs either let her beauty deaden their judgment, or they lied. Or maybe everyone in that county is stupid. Anyway, she like wasn't, like, really like all that like good in like math at all. (brushes hair out of face, bites lip.)
posted by IAmBroom at 7:17 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Fan of Kristen Stewart's acting ability unable to differentiate between Stewart and amateur impersonator.

And that's the last time I log on to Metafilter the morning after downing 8+ Rob Roys at a Christmas Party. Apparently I have mistaken "still being drunk" for "amazing recuperative powers over a hangover". Yeesh! I am never going to live my original comment down, am I?

*For the record, I still love Kristen Stewart. Both real and ersatz, apparently.
posted by KingEdRa at 7:47 AM on December 24, 2011 [7 favorites]


I'm one of those people who don't really know what Kristen Stewart looks like. I saw the first Twilight movie hoping for pretty sparkly vampire boys, and I guess she was in the movie too but she was so indistinctive and amorphous I can't really remember much about her. Maybe I was glamoured.

The YouTube page describes who all made this. "As seen on Tosh.0 Blog"!
posted by Nelson at 8:08 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm reasonably certain that this thread can only get less funny if I actually watch the video.
posted by yoink at 8:23 AM on December 24, 2011 [2 favorites]


Ahab, clearly the baby is an adorable non-venomous hybrid of vampire and human, who retains all the awesome parts of being a vampire (immortality, super-strength) with none of the pesky drawbacks (eternal thirst for blood) plus a brucey bonus of built-in body shimmer! Hurray, slightly shimmery baby saviour!

You're making this WAY to complicated; Pilot's only mistake was not having them cut off the head.
posted by Gygesringtone at 8:45 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


Twilight is great. But not as good as dusk.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:55 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I can't stand her. She's like this not-very-attractive person with marginal talent if any. Even if I was at the age where the Twilight debacle was appealing (13 and 1/2) I wouldn't like her.
posted by PuppyCat at 8:58 AM on December 24, 2011


Yeah. Here's the Public Speaking clip.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:03 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


She reminds me of an 18yo coop student at a former company of mine hired. Her math profs in HS declared her "one of the brightest students they'd ever taught."

She said the word "like" seven times in one sentence.

And her profs either let her beauty deaden their judgment, or they lied. Or maybe everyone in that county is stupid. Anyway, she like wasn't, like, really like all that like good in like math at all. (brushes hair out of face, bites lip.)


Even giving you the benefit of the doubt that this person was actually bad at math (which I suspect isn't true), this is still the worst way to talk about it. You're letting the fact that she has (completely normal) speech patterns that you don't like and a pretty face make your argument for you, and that's really quite terrible.
posted by TypographicalError at 9:11 AM on December 24, 2011 [4 favorites]


yeah math is like hard
posted by bonehead at 10:15 AM on December 24, 2011 [1 favorite]


I've got to agree with (and laugh at) KingEdRa here. I am a firm believer that Stewart actually has a load of acting chops hidden away, and is using the Twilight thing as a way to set herself up to spend the rest of her career making any movies she wants. I think both of the leads are kinda tripped out and sick of the whole Twilight thing. Pattison is very funny talking shit about Myers and the fans, but I think she's just checked out. She works her ass off, has been in 6 films (other than the Twilight films) in the past 3 years, and is only 21. I am really curious to see what projects she's doing in a few years time when she gets past the twilight hype. I have absolutely no explanation for the way she talks right now though. The only other people I've ever seen with those mannerisms are present or previous addicts (not in any way suggesting that's why).
posted by Iteki at 10:43 AM on December 24, 2011 [3 favorites]


She reminds me of an 18yo coop student at a former company of mine hired. Her math profs in HS declared her "one of the brightest students they'd ever taught."

She said the word "like" seven times in one sentence.

And her profs either let her beauty deaden their judgment, or they lied. Or maybe everyone in that county is stupid. Anyway, she like wasn't, like, really like all that like good in like math at all. (brushes hair out of face, bites lip.)


1) Most high school students' instructors are not professors. Sometimes, though not often, they are doctors, but we usually just say "teacher" or "instructor."

2) Are you seriously conflating a completely normal verbal tic with deficiency in mathematics? The fact that a teenage girl may have verbal tics commonly associated with teenage girls has exactly nothing at all to do with her mathematical prowess or lack thereof.

Maybe you let her beauty and/or annoying speech habits deaden your judgement.
posted by Tomorrowful at 5:58 PM on December 24, 2011


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