Luxury Tax

December 28, 2011 5:56 PM

Let us tax Gwyneth Paltrow's infected brain. Via zunguzungu.
posted by latkes (51 comments total)

On a complete side note, did anyone else notice that the music from Contagion was like note by note the music from Pandemic 2 ?
posted by The Whelk at 6:00 PM on December 28, 2011

There's a huge SPOILER for Contagion.
posted by P.o.B. at 6:00 PM on December 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

I actually really like that $100 million idea. Sorry, Adam Sandler, you gotta pay.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 6:00 PM on December 28, 2011

There's a huge SPOILER for Contagion.

I haven't seen the movie but are you talking about Gwyneth Paltrow's part? That can't really count as a spoiler.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 6:02 PM on December 28, 2011

What was this post about, again?

(Also, is it bad that I can enumerate several other reasons why people, and by "people" I generally mean "women in their 30s", dislike Gwynnie the Fishstick?)
posted by pxe2000 at 6:03 PM on December 28, 2011

The screenshot they used is priceless. No one can disagree!
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 6:04 PM on December 28, 2011

I like Tom Cruise in just about everything he's done. Nick Cage can pay Tom's portion of the tax, that would be fine with me.
posted by victors at 6:05 PM on December 28, 2011

I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE DOES IT
posted by The Whelk at 6:06 PM on December 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

I don't get the Gwyneth Paltrow hate. I really don't. Yes, she was born on third base and acts like she hit a triple. No, I'm not the target demo for Goop. No, I'm not overly fond of Coldplay , and neither do I like country music. And while I don't think Apple is a great name choice, I'm the guy that named his two sons after Marvel superheroes.

But.

I've never really disliked any of her movies. I can't hate.

I guess View from the Top was shit, but that was obvious shit that was rather easily avoided.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:06 PM on December 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

There's a huge SPOILER for Contagion.

Dude, relax. She's dead in the trailer.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:07 PM on December 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

Nick Cage can pay Tom's portion of the tax, that would be fine with me.

But he can't because his ex-manager or accountant stole all his money!

The author of the article should've watched Crazy, Stupid, Love. That was one of my favorite movies of the year.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 6:09 PM on December 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

neither do I like country music

Neither does she.
posted by drjimmy11 at 6:09 PM on December 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Huh. Until this moment I had no idea there was such a thing as Gwyneth Hate. I've enjoyed her performance in everything I've seen her in.

I can only assume it's something off the screen.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:15 PM on December 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Everyone should read I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE DOES IT. I had no idea!

"Paltrow: "But travel's always been very important to me. Especially now that I keep having children and naming them things."
Clifton: "Travel. This junket is really taking it out of me, honestly. Do you know that we've had this exact same conversation we're having with you, literally forty... What is it, forty-two times?"
Paltrow: "Thirteen of those times were en français.""
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 6:16 PM on December 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I don't get the Gwyneth Paltrow hate. I really don't. Yes, she was born on third base and acts like she hit a triple.

For some reason the combination of 'she' and 'hit' in that sentence caused my brain to parse it as "She was born on third and acts like she shit a triple."

As far as hating paltrow, well, it seems unlikely that she would have married Chris Martin if she didn't really like coldplay. I mean it's theoretically possible, but come on. And, lets be honest here, Coldplay sucks.

Other then that, though, I don't really see what the deal is.
posted by delmoi at 6:17 PM on December 28, 2011 [6 favorites]

That's pretty funny! Although it overlooks the fact that the reason these stars get paid so much is that so many people will pay to see movies with said stars in them.

How many people will go see the newest Mission: Impossible movie? Lots, I bet. How many would go see it if it starred some random person? Probably not as many. That's kind of how it works.

But, you know... logic. Sorry to be the wet blanket. It's not as funny, I agree.
posted by ErikaB at 6:21 PM on December 28, 2011

She's a rich sucessful actress who produces a newsletter about how everyone could be happy and centered if they followed her advice and spent a lot of money on things. People hate her cause she's the living breathing embodiment of the societal ideal for women, blond, skinny, rich, talented, from a good background, and into all the " right" things like organic food and smiling at poor people and yoga.

I know the audience of her stupid newsletter are her other rich friends, but it's also hilarious in a " Posh Nosh" kinda of way and if she feels bad about it she can light a green tea candle, have a good cry about, and begin to recover on fourteen carat yacht.
posted by The Whelk at 6:22 PM on December 28, 2011 [29 favorites]

Dude, relax. She's dead in the trailer.

That's not the huge spoiler. He appears to tell you whether the human race is wiped out or not in the 2nd sentence (haven't seen the movie and was looking forward to watching the DVD - oh well).

latkes, could you please use the contact form at the bottom right of the page to ask the mods to put "SPOILER for the movie Contagion" in your post?
posted by mediareport at 6:23 PM on December 28, 2011

There's a huge SPOILER for Contagion

That bit in the first paragraph? While watching the movie, I didn't care about that part at all.
posted by vidur at 6:23 PM on December 28, 2011

As for the mystery of Gwyneth Hate, I believe most of it is due to her unabashed one-percent-ism.
posted by ErikaB at 6:25 PM on December 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Anyway everyone knows the best part of Contagion is Jude Law's teeth.
posted by The Whelk at 6:27 PM on December 28, 2011 [5 favorites]

Hate? Or jealousy? The woman is not a politician (yet). Unlike, say, Jenny McCarthy, she does not seem to agitate in favor of politics and behavior that are legitimately dangerous to everyone at once.

I don't get hate. It's like having a hate hard-on for Elmo from Sesame Street -- hating a fictional, carefully constructed, vapid little character that's occasionally entertaining for a sub-set of the audience.

Indifference, I get.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:35 PM on December 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm the guy that named his two sons after Marvel superheroes.

Please tell me it's Logan and Wade.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:35 PM on December 28, 2011

I haven't seen the movie but are you talking about Gwyneth Paltrow's part? That can't really count as a spoiler.

I assure you, Gywneth Paltrow having a part in a movie absolutely constitutes a spoiler.
posted by nathancaswell at 6:44 PM on December 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

once society has given you $100 million for essentially playing pretend-time in front of a camera,

Oh, fuck you blogger guy. This is the same argument about how athletes shouldn't get paid so much because they're just playing a game. A very few actors and athletes make millions, but they do because even fatter cats running studios and owning teams are able to make even more money off of them than unknowns.

"Pretend time in front of a camera." Hey blogger guy, how are you enjoy playing pretend intellectual in front of your keyboard?
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:44 PM on December 28, 2011 [10 favorites]

to develop hatred of GP is a fine way to bring about a better world. It should all begin
there. Alas, after seeing (3 times) her outstanding performance in Shakespeare in Love, I
guess I will have to hope for a different way to right the world.
posted by Postroad at 6:45 PM on December 28, 2011

One of the few New Year's resolutions I've managed to keep with me over multiple years is "Don't hate on people who mean well." Gywneth Paltrow means well. That she doesn't always know how to do well, eh, we're all human. For her part, I'm not aware of any prima dona tirades, random do-you-know-who-I-ams, or cynical "Give me an Oscar" roles (seriously, one glance at the script for that country music debacle should have been enough to warn her there was no Oscar here - I think she just wanted to sing some songs).
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:53 PM on December 28, 2011 [11 favorites]

It's super irritating that she's actually talented and engaging on camera.
posted by The Whelk at 6:53 PM on December 28, 2011

Please tell me it's Logan and Wade

I couldn't do Logan because it would create a rather silly rhyme with my last name.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:16 PM on December 28, 2011

I think Paltrow-hate, like a lot of online animosity toward famous people, is thought of as a necessary and useful reaction to the culture of celebrity. It's not. It instead contributes to the culture of celebrity.

For a long time, Hollywood tried to groom celebrities and control their exposure. They were a bit baffled when Confidential magazine came out and exposed the seedier side of celebrity. But a funny thing happened -- stuff like news that Robert Mitchum smoked dope didn't destroy him, but actually seemed to bolster his reputation. And so tabloid journalism because a staple of celebrity culture, and Hollywood work with it -- scoops are often leaked to tabloids by publicists -- because it turned out that audiences have a very odd relationship with stars. They enjoy hearing about some who misbehave, because they like the idea of celebrity misbehave. And others they like to hate. It doesn't affect the performer's career negatively, and probably helps them, because it keeps their name in circulation.

What publicists have realized is that the culture of celebrity is just the mass media expression of gossip, and gossip can be quite nasty (for many celebrities, the experience of being in public is the experience of constantly being battered with endless waves of animosity), but it doesn't really matter. There is power in being talked about, and the thing you really need to worry about is when people stop talking about you.

By expressing outrage and contempt for people we have never met, based exclusively on an image of them fed to us by a highly suspect media, we are not undermining the culture of the celebrity. We are feeding it.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:22 PM on December 28, 2011 [23 favorites]

How many people will go see the newest Mission: Impossible movie? Lots, I bet. How many would go see it if it starred some random person? Probably not as many. That's kind of how it works.

If I see the new MI movie it will be in spite of Tom Cruise, not because of him.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 7:22 PM on December 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Tom Cruise is actually really good in the new Mission: Impossible. I'm not a fan of either him or the franchise but Brad Bird got a terrific performance out of the old guy. I just got back from seeing it and it's a way better movie than it has any right to be.
posted by octothorpe at 7:31 PM on December 28, 2011

Hey blogger guy, how are you enjoy playing pretend intellectual in front of your keyboard?

For what it's worth, zunguzungu's Aaron Brady has been one of the most interesting and thoughtful bloggers I discovered last year, regularly feeding me killer links to things like Sahel Blog's Africa Blog Roundup, sharp analysis of the Arab Spring/Winter, etc (his involvement with the Oakland Occupy has shifted his focus noticeably over the last few months but I like the way he draws interesting connections between the movements in the US and elsewhere). Can't speak to this article, since I stopped reading after the first spoilers, but he's generally been a great find.
posted by mediareport at 7:35 PM on December 28, 2011

Oops, confused zunguzungu for the author of the linked article, when Aaron was just the 'via.' Well, the plug stands.
posted by mediareport at 7:38 PM on December 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

If I see the new MI movie it will be in spite of Tom Cruise, not because of him.

Me too. But the only reason I *will* see it is for Simon Pegg.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:41 PM on December 28, 2011

Also Brad Bird, and the last MI was also surpringly entertaining in spite of Tom Cruise.
posted by The Whelk at 7:45 PM on December 28, 2011

I went for Brad Bird and Simon Pegg. I skipped the last two MI films. And I think Tom Cruise is always pretty good in a film, and sometimes fantastic. But he doesn't open a film for me.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 7:57 PM on December 28, 2011

I want to second what mediareport said about Aaron. The essay where he lays out how he came to think about Occupy Oakland is one of the best things I read in 2011. Furthermore, his "Sunday Reading" posts are among the most eclectic and interesting links roundups I've seen (imho, much better than Felix Salmon in that I usually have seen most of what FS/Nick Rizzo posts...though to be fair, FS/NR do it daily).

If I was a more creative person, I'd definitely try some sort of zunguzungu FPP.
posted by Hypnotic Chick at 8:26 PM on December 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I can't hate on Paltrow for marrying the Coldplay guy since it's pretty much in the constitution that being a successful rock star means that you can marry a skinny blonde actress and/or model. Why would any guy learn to play the guitar otherwise?
posted by octothorpe at 8:46 PM on December 28, 2011

She thinks people are jealous of her, when I think most of us are pretty appalled by her total tone deafness and pretension, none of which characterize a whole pile of pretty and rich actresses who somehow know better than to say pretentious shit.

Why do people hate her? For crap like this: Gwyneth Paltrow Gives “Helpful Advice” To Busy “Working Moms” Like Herself

Actually, I love the whole series Videogum does on Gwyneth, who is totally insufferable.

Want to feel really grossed out by her? Read the following:

"Gwyneth Paltrow Interviews Jay-Z And Vice Versa"

"Gwyneth Paltrow's Advice To Working Moms Costs $3606.50"

There's so many reasons here.

A sampling of obnoxious Paltrow quotes:

“I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a -Soup.”

“Every woman can make time (to workout) - every woman - and you can do it with your baby in the room. There have been countless times where I've worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place. You just make it work.”

"I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin."

"When you go to Paris and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback, it's like, 'No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?'"
posted by anniecat at 8:53 PM on December 28, 2011 [14 favorites]

Thank you, anniecat. I was compiling that very list in my head as I scrolled, preparing to illustrate the inanity that is Gwynnie offscreen, and you've nailed it. Lots of celebrities manage to avoid giving "advice" to the common folk. She can't stop. GOOP, indeed.
posted by thinkpiece at 4:26 AM on December 29, 2011

I don't think anyone is hating Gwyneth Paltrow as part of some miscalculated campaign against celebrity culture. IME, people who hate her do so because they are more tolerant of celebrity culture than most people, to the extreme of actually paying attention to it. People who don't care about celebrity gossip imagine it's all bitter squabbling over who ended up with Brad Pitt and evil sniping at actresses in bikinis, but it isn't. Here's what's on the front page of Oh No They Didn't! right now: Behind the scenes of Smash (Glee rip-off TV show), 2011's worst-dressed TV character, what the American Psycho remake should be like, Kelly Clarkson supporting Ron Paul drama, new Demi Lovato video, Shannon Doherty and Holly Marie Combs are friends (300+ comments!), Kings of Leon dude is having a baby with Lily Aldridge, are Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana dating?, Jay-Z went to a basketball game, Drake went to California, Billboard charts update. Like all geek-type people, these people keep up with some seriously boring shit. Irrelevant ceremonies, perfunctory photoshoots, minute updates on movies that haven't started filming, European actors no one has heard of, millions upon millions of interviews where nothing of significance happens. Why does it feel so important to them? Why does anything feel important to anyone? But it's only natural for people who are invested in a culture and constantly exposed to the players in that culture to start having opinions about what is going on. That Gwyneth Paltrow sucks is only one of them, and as anniecat illustrates above, it's not for no reason.

Also, people have this fantasy that their indifference to the assholes of other people's cultural worlds is a sign of their sensitivity and tolerance and humanity, when actually it's just a natural consequence of having absolutely no investment in what happens, and perhaps a little disdain for the idea that anybody might.


Oh, fuck you blogger guy. This is the same argument about how athletes shouldn't get paid so much because they're just playing a game. A very few actors and athletes make millions, but they do because even fatter cats running studios and owning teams are able to make even more money off of them than unknowns.

So what?
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 4:34 AM on December 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

octothorpe: "Tom Cruise is actually really good in the new Mission: Impossible. I'm not a fan of either him or the franchise but Brad Bird got a terrific performance out of the old guy. I just got back from seeing it and it's a way better movie than it has any right to be."

Yes. Um. That Tom Cruise.... I Have Nothing But Positive Things To Say About Him On The Blue. Yes Sir. He's a Top-Notch Guy.

*Shuffles around nervously.*
posted by schmod at 5:31 AM on December 29, 2011 [4 favorites]

I'm not sure what it says about me, but I like Gwyneth Paltrow. She's quite good in a lot of her movies, I loved her songs on Glee, she's definitely not hard on the eyes and as long as he's not murdering people or raping cats or something off screen, I really don't care. She's presented to my view for consumption as an actress and singer. She's not a role model, she's not my wife or my mom or any important figure at all in my life. So I enjoy what she's putting out on the screen and that's it. I guess a shallow analysis like that doesn't foster much outrage and conversation though.
posted by Godspeed.You!Black.Emperor.Penguin at 6:33 AM on December 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry to go on about this, but I really think there's a good lesson to be learned from Paltrow's inability to cultivate mainstream popularity. It's like having all the goods to make a decent impression on someone, and then weirding them out enough that they just don't want to be around you anymore. Then wondering why people don't like you and assuming it's all their fault because they're mean or "haters."

Paltrow fascinates me, actually, because she's a good example of how someone tries to hard to get people to like them and can't help but fail. She really wants to be cool and admired (which is why I'm guessing she's doing all these interviews), but she just ends up sounding pretentious and awkward. She has all the qualities that would make her really likable or admirable, but what she channels outwardly is this awkwardness.

I don't think anyone "hates" her or is "outraged" by her. People just don't really like her very much. And I guess the problem is is that she desperately wants people to approve of her, which is why she always does interviews and puts herself out there. She doesn't grasp that even if most pretty, thin, rich actresses are well-liked enough, it doesn't mean that just being pretty, thin, rich and an actress is enough to be likable.

So Paltrow tries to get people to admire her by calling her dead Nana a cunt, or namedropping Beyonce and Jay-Z constantly, and explicitly saying that there's a side to her that nobody knows that would make her instantly lovable, and insisting that she's a fun and awesome person because Beyonce and Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld isn't likable anymore either) like her. She just keeps insisting, "I'm just like you! People like me! Stars you guys like think I'm great and I swear and cuss and I'm awesome! Why won't you people believe me? Is it because I'm too pretty?"

The most interesting thing to me is how she even moves awkwardly, like she really lacks body awareness, which is either part of this movie or just the best she could do. It's enough to make someone feel embarrassed for her because they feel so sorry for her and all the mistakes she makes constantly, pretty singing voice and all.
posted by anniecat at 8:21 AM on December 29, 2011

I'm fascinated to learn about this phenomenon of people not hating Gwynneth Paltrow.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:37 AM on December 29, 2011 [5 favorites]

Complete indifference to celebrities will take you a long way in this life.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:26 AM on December 29, 2011

He's a Top-Notch Guy.

ISWYDT.

I think Paltrow-hate, like a lot of online animosity toward famous people, is thought of as a necessary and useful reaction to the culture of celebrity. It's not. It instead contributes to the culture of celebrity.

But of course. Now, why won't more people join my passionate movement of Paltrow-ignore?
posted by dhartung at 1:14 PM on December 29, 2011

Paltrowagnostic
posted by The Whelk at 2:02 PM on December 29, 2011

Interesting. I had no idea that people love to hate or dislike or what-have-you Paltrow. I've enjoyed some of her movies tremendously. I also think it's kind of ridiculous to suggest that having been brought up privileged disqualifies her from taking a role as a country singer. She's an actor. They act. That's their job. That she may be a completely obnoxious person is of pretty much zero interest to me.
posted by bardophile at 3:51 AM on December 30, 2011

I used to hate Paltrow's public persona especially during her Brad Pitt days, but I've warmed up to her. My biggest pet peeve are celebrities who want to be just an everyday Joe who takes out the trash just like you! What I like about Paltrow is that she's not an apologist for the way she grew up. She doesn't pretend that she's the type of girl who would eat at Cheesecake Factory or shop at Target.

As far as her newsletter, it's not any worse that the "must-haves" section in GQ or Vogue. It speaks to a privileged demographic and despite the criticisms of her 1% status, she refuses to give in and go clearance sale.

Funny enough, at one time she did seem to want to be liked and be an average joe, but she got hated for that as well. The girl can't win.
posted by savvysearch at 4:05 PM on January 1