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I have no idea how these goths climbed up these trees, or why.
January 5, 2012 11:46 AM   Subscribe

Goths up trees.
posted by LSK (61 comments total) 24 users marked this as a favorite

 
Man, I've been saving this joke for ages:

Q: How do you get a goth out of The Tree?

A: Cut the music.

You may be a goth and/or have goth friends if you get the joke.
posted by loquacious at 11:49 AM on January 5, 2012 [8 favorites]


EXCUSE ME. Some of these people are clearly metalheads.

People have died for this distinction. Respect it.
posted by griphus at 11:49 AM on January 5, 2012 [25 favorites]


This is one of the strangest sites I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their Goths wedged into their trees, or why.

</obligatory>
posted by McCoy Pauley at 11:49 AM on January 5, 2012 [7 favorites]


D'oh! Next time read the post title, chucklehead.
posted by McCoy Pauley at 11:50 AM on January 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


See what you've done? It's going to take for ever to get them down now!

HERE, NIGHTSHADE! *rattles Fields of Nephilim cassette*
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:51 AM on January 5, 2012 [14 favorites]


The final page of the classic children's book, Go Goth, Go.
posted by bondcliff at 11:52 AM on January 5, 2012 [9 favorites]


My brain wants to pun, but I'll just say ... been missing that look lately. I guess I'll have to look up more.
posted by Twang at 11:53 AM on January 5, 2012


Wow, turns out Skinny Puppy albums DO grow on trees.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 11:53 AM on January 5, 2012


Go to the bloody top!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 11:54 AM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Didn't expect there to be that many pictures.

My fave is the guy with the whiskey smoking a cigarette who is clearly prodding someone much less cool with that stick.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:54 AM on January 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm having a hard time believing that's Robert Smith. I don't see and say "hey, Robert Smith in a tree". It just looks like some dude.
posted by rainperimeter at 11:54 AM on January 5, 2012


"It's not even into January and we've already got Tree Goths."

"SIGH. I'll get the broom, you get the cage."
posted by The Whelk at 11:57 AM on January 5, 2012 [28 favorites]


Ahem.

(I'm partial to GiHW because I'm in it)
posted by gurple at 11:57 AM on January 5, 2012


Go Goth, Go.

See Goth Glower, Glower Goth.
posted by The Whelk at 11:58 AM on January 5, 2012


I'd suggest just putting out a Bauhaus album and some cider and black and seeing if they come down by themselves, TBH.
posted by Artw at 11:59 AM on January 5, 2012 [5 favorites]


Fleeing predators, the Goths took to the trees some like in the late 20th century, over time they developed large leathery wings and powerful for-claws. Their primary diet are owls and small dogs.
posted by The Whelk at 12:00 PM on January 5, 2012 [4 favorites]


I'm still looking for more Goths on Forklifts
posted by soft and hardcore taters at 12:02 PM on January 5, 2012 [4 favorites]


GET DOWN FROM THERE GOTH YOU WOULDN'T SEE A SQUIRREL DRINKING ABSINTHE WOULD YOU NO YOU WOULDN'T SO GOTHS SHOULD NOT CLIMB TREES
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:07 PM on January 5, 2012 [12 favorites]


i have been laughing for about 5 minutes now. merci
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 12:09 PM on January 5, 2012


SQUIRREL DRINKING ABSINTHE
posted by The Whelk at 12:10 PM on January 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


I love this and Goths in Hot Weather ( i think that's the name), mostly because of my goth past (mostly in the past, heh). It shows that most goths can and do laugh at themselves and don't take themselves too seriously either, unlike the stereotype, and the sites aren't mean spirited, just point out the oddness of the situations.
posted by usagizero at 12:11 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's all fun and games until someone sacks Rome.
posted by argonauta at 12:11 PM on January 5, 2012 [16 favorites]


I'm kidding of course, it doesn't take any effort at all to bring a Goth down.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:17 PM on January 5, 2012 [6 favorites]


Hahaha. Well, okay, here's my own goth-in-a-tree photo from... well... a decade ago.
posted by Mars Saxman at 12:29 PM on January 5, 2012 [6 favorites]


Well according to fashion blogs Goth is back in fashion so I expect a full harvest of Tree Goths some spring.


tree goths go great in pies, jams, or cobblers
posted by The Whelk at 12:30 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


tree goths go great in pies, jams, or cobblers

That's good to know, what with rabbits getting into the Skinhead patch last year.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:37 PM on January 5, 2012 [9 favorites]


Don't tell Tebow, he'll be crushed.
posted by Fizz at 12:38 PM on January 5, 2012


I'll be right back.

*heads to Home Depot to browse axe aisle*
posted by jonmc at 12:39 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll be right back.

*heads to Home Depot to browse axe aisle*


Can't stand the thought of people enjoying themselves? Jon... are you goth? It's all right, we're good people.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:44 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


The worst is when you park under a goth-filled tree and come back to find your car covered in clove cigarettes.

Oh, and goth shit. That's even worse.
posted by orme at 12:54 PM on January 5, 2012 [10 favorites]


Is this a climate-change related phenomenon? Cause several years ago, our trees were loaded with hippies and stoners. Looks like the growing zones have shifted again.
posted by Mcable at 12:54 PM on January 5, 2012 [4 favorites]


Do we have any idea how these goths got up trees, or why?
posted by tumid dahlia at 1:02 PM on January 5, 2012


I'd suggest just putting out a Bauhaus album and some cider and black and seeing if they come down by themselves, TBH.

I spray for tree-goths using a recipe you can make at home! Memail me for deets!

FACT: Those spiky things you think are backpacks are actually goth-eggs so if you see any in or about your trees it may already be too late.
posted by tumid dahlia at 1:11 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Do we have any idea how these goths got up trees, or why?

Haven't you read Where the Red Fern Grows? That's what dogs are for. Treeing Goths.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:12 PM on January 5, 2012


To be fair, these are clove cigarette trees.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:14 PM on January 5, 2012


Oh, and goth shit. That's even worse.

You, sir, have not spent enough time around punks. Goth shit is morning dew on summer grass compared.
posted by griphus at 1:17 PM on January 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


(Or ma'am.)
posted by griphus at 1:18 PM on January 5, 2012


needs more attenborough narration.
posted by oonh at 1:23 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


"I hope it doesn't ask me anything."
posted by tumid dahlia at 1:24 PM on January 5, 2012


goth shit.

This phrase brought to mind not actual feces but the after-club detritis that litters every flat surface of my room for at least two days after - flyers found on windshield, pieces of jewelry broke while dancing, synth hair pulled out in weary frustration, half-smoked cloves, ripped paper phone numbers, found shiny objects, torn lace glove, wittled down nub of black eyeliner.
posted by _paegan_ at 1:25 PM on January 5, 2012 [14 favorites]


But proper punk shit would most likely be actual shit.
posted by Artw at 1:27 PM on January 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


Q: How do you cook a Goth?


A: ?
posted by Skygazer at 1:27 PM on January 5, 2012


It's my belief that they are laboring under the misapprehension that they are birds.
posted by jbickers at 1:30 PM on January 5, 2012 [6 favorites]


I have no idea how these people got their goths wedged into their tree's or why....
posted by meeshell at 1:41 PM on January 5, 2012


Aw, poor Goths! They were obviously chased up those trees by Bands Posing in Forests.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:42 PM on January 5, 2012 [6 favorites]


But proper punk shit would most likely be actual shit.

When I worked at the punk rock shop, it was an openly spoken rule that if someone was on the can for more than five minutes, going in there before a good half hour was a Bad Idea.
posted by griphus at 1:43 PM on January 5, 2012


So unnatural.
posted by LarryC at 2:00 PM on January 5, 2012


How about a zombie in a tree?

(We did a workshop in partnership with the local parkour club. I was seriously worried at one point that we'd have to pull out the demo weapons to chase the parkour instructors out of the trees so we could get started.)
posted by restless_nomad at 2:02 PM on January 5, 2012


I'm not going to lie, this photo confuses me.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:04 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


I don't understand what is so confusing about a giant man and his giant cat.
posted by griphus at 2:09 PM on January 5, 2012


Jesus Christ, this is desperate. What next? Punks on a hill? Neo-cons in Shrewsbury? Druids on the bus? Cheese up my arse? Fish on rollercoasters? Post-modernists in a ditch?

This wouldn't even be classed as a good post on the r/fuckmethisisdumbshit subreddit
posted by Decani at 2:15 PM on January 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Those spiky things you think are backpacks

You maniac! What have you done to Bowser?
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:15 PM on January 5, 2012


The weird thing about trying to get a Goth out of a tree is when you say, "Here, Pretty Kitty, Good Kitty, come on down now?" They just smile back at you and stretch.

Okay, that one Goth came down when I rattled the Friskies, but we couldn't keep it.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 2:34 PM on January 5, 2012


Decani: Jesus Christ, this is desperate.

I think it's an odd extension of pics like these - woeful/dead women, draped in mist-shrouded trees (or at least, post-processed to make the image seem as if in a hazy dream).
posted by filthy light thief at 2:37 PM on January 5, 2012


In the pantheon of high school cliques it turns out that the scariest looking groups (goths, metalheads) were the nicest and most inclusive. And pretty much every other group (jocks, cheerleaders, student government) was full of the worst possible human beings (I'm sure they all grew up to be wonderful investment bankers and home flippers, though!).

Though I never was goth, whenever I see some forlorn-looking soul skulking around in a black duster with knee high combat boots (and waaaaay too many zippers/buttons/safety pins) I just want to pull over and high five them and give them that Cure mixtape that's been kicking around in my car for the past decade.

goths>metalheads>nerds>everyone else 4 LIFE
posted by Doleful Creature at 3:37 PM on January 5, 2012 [14 favorites]



Those spiky things you think are backpacks


I want one of those entirely more than a 36 year old woman should.

Doleful Creature, I agree with you. The Goth kids, metal kids, geeky kids are always the first to offer my gimpy self a hand with getting around, putting groceries in my car, helping me in a store or restaurant they work in. Then, I go into other stores where what the jock types, or what we called "preppy" kids work, and they ignore me, or make fun of the fat, gimpy woman.

Of course, the goth/metal/geek types may just like me for my (fuschia) hair.
posted by SuzySmith at 7:30 PM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Q: How do you get a goth out of The Tree?

Much, much nicer than the usual version of this joke. Thank you.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 11:54 PM on January 5, 2012


I'm having a hard time believing that's Robert Smith. I don't see and say "hey, Robert Smith in a tree". It just looks like some dude.

That's because what you think is the tree is actually Robert Smith.
posted by atrazine at 7:45 AM on January 6, 2012


Brings new meaning to the boy with the thorn in his side.
posted by The Whelk at 8:53 AM on January 6, 2012


Oh my god. Somewhere in a storage unit in Florida is a photograph of 16-year-old millipede, goth, in a tree.

Thank god the internet was less sophisticated in 1998. Thank god I lacked a scanner.
posted by millipede at 10:38 AM on January 6, 2012


rainperimeter: I'm having a hard time believing that's Robert Smith. I don't see and say "hey, Robert Smith in a tree". It just looks like some dude.

Atrazine: That's because what you think is the tree is actually Robert Smith.
posted by atrazine at 10:45 AM on January 6 [+] [!]



A Forest off of The Cure's second LP 17 Seconds, 1980:

Come closer and see
see into the trees
find the girl
while you can
Come closer and see
see into the dark
just follow your eyes
just follow your eyes

I hear her voice
calling my name
the sound is deep
in the dark
I hear her voice
and start to run
into the trees
into the trees

into the trees


Suddenly I stop
but i know it's too late
I'm lost in a forest
all alone
The girl was never there
it's always the same
I'm running towards nothing
again and again and again




Robert Smith prophesied this and it's got to be the first sign of the Rapture.
posted by Skygazer at 5:40 PM on January 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


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