DON'T DRINK THE NECTAR OF PROPAGANDA UNTIL AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED WHAT'S ON YOUR PLATE

January 5, 2012 12:33 PM

JENNY HOLZER, MOM

CONTEXT INFORMS, PROTEXT LIBERATES

posted by Chipmazing (63 comments total)

IF YOU DON'T WATCH YOUR MOUTH SOMEONE JUST MIGHT PROJECT EMBARRASSING BABY PICTURES AGAINST THE SIDE OF YOUR SCHOOL'S GYMNASIUM
posted by The Whelk at 12:34 PM on January 5 [6 favorites]

Excellent.
posted by everichon at 12:35 PM on January 5

WHY ARE WE ALL SHOUTING!?
posted by Dark Messiah at 12:35 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

TRUISMS ARE SPOKEN IN THE OUTSIDE VOICE
posted by The Whelk at 12:36 PM on January 5 [23 favorites]

LEAVING SOCKS ON THE LIVING ROOM SOFA IS UNFORGIVABLE

Heh.

I wanted to hate this, but it's really rather well done.
posted by zarq at 12:38 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

If Dorothy Gambrell isn't behind this I will be super surprised.
posted by The Whelk at 12:39 PM on January 5 [5 favorites]

Mom? Is that you?
posted by Man with Lantern at 12:40 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

My favorite:

ROUTINE IS A NARCOTIC AND THAT'S WHY WE CAN'T GET PIZZA EVERY NIGHT.
posted by Kitteh at 12:40 PM on January 5 [18 favorites]

This is great!

THE APPROVAL OF AUTHORITY FIGURES IS A PURSUIT OF THE IDLE BUT YOU ARE NOT BUSY ENOUGH TO JUSTIFY GRADES THIS LOW
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:41 PM on January 5 [8 favorites]

I was very pleasantly surprised by how much I liked these.

LANGUAGE IS A CONSTANTLY EVOLVING CREATURE BUT YOU CALL THIS CLEAN?
posted by SpacemanStix at 12:41 PM on January 5 [5 favorites]

Heh!

A CASUAL BETRAYAL IS THE CRUELEST KIND OF -- HEY EXCUSE ME I'M TALKING TO YOU
posted by OmieWise at 12:41 PM on January 5 [5 favorites]

Someone... someone has built an art career out of their capslock key?

I hate to say it, but I'm impressed.
posted by mhoye at 12:41 PM on January 5

Jenny Holzer is older than ME. Should be JENNY HOLZER, GRANDMA, which would take a whole different tone. (okay, which of us is going to go get that Twitter handle first?)
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:44 PM on January 5

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CHALLENGE AUTHORITY UNLESS THAT AUTHORITY IS ASKING YOU, POLITELY, TO PLEASE TURN DOWN THE RENT SOUNDTRACK
posted by SpacemanStix at 12:45 PM on January 5

It seems like it would be incredibly easy to make a KanyeWestDad twitter account:

Sometimes my grammar is wrong but my thinking is right, you still need to study for tomorrow's English test son.

I don't want to see any movie that doesn't have mind blowing special effects... #EVERAGAIN but we gotta pick something PG-13 or lower.

Ok, what does Rock the Casbah mean exactly and wouldn't it sound better if you turned the speakers down a little sweet heart?

Context is everything... something good taken out of context can become bad so be sure to use your please and thank yous.

posted by 2bucksplus at 12:49 PM on January 5 [8 favorites]

MISTAKING SARCASM FOR WIT IS A ROOKIE MANEUVER

YOU NEED TO SWALLOW YOUR IDEALS BEFORE YOU SPEAK -- NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU WITH A MOUTH FULL OF IDEALS

WASTING DAYS ON THE INTERNET IS A SLOW FORM OF SUICIDE


MOM! Stop reading my posts on Metafilter!
posted by mstokes650 at 12:49 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

This is one of the greatest Twitter accounts.
posted by naju at 12:53 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

Didn't even hate the caps. Nicely done.
posted by Glinn at 12:54 PM on January 5

YOU NEED TO SWALLOW YOUR IDEALS BEFORE YOU SPEAK -- NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU WITH A MOUTH FULL OF IDEALS
posted by zachlipton at 12:56 PM on January 5

RICK

RICK

RICK

PROTECT ME FROM WHAT I WANT RICK
posted by LionIndex at 12:58 PM on January 5 [32 favorites]

GREG NOG WE NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER
posted by not_on_display at 12:59 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE STOP MAKING SENTENCES.
posted by y2karl at 1:01 PM on January 5

very well done - love it -
posted by facetious at 1:05 PM on January 5

My favorite, largely because it's dead-on true:

TRYING TO BE POPULAR IN HIGH SCHOOL IS LIKE TRYING TO BE MAYOR OF A CITY THAT WON'T EXIST IN FOUR YEARS
posted by kgasmart at 1:06 PM on January 5 [31 favorites]

Now Jenny Holzer knows how MLK Jr. felt after that Facebook/Twitter debacle.
posted by filthy light thief at 1:07 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

AT TIMES INACTIVITY IS PREFERABLE TO MINDLESS FUNCTIONING, BUT THOSE DISHES AREN’T WASHING THEMSELVES.
posted by Chrischris at 1:10 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

I love Jenny Holzer, I love that there's a Jenny Holzer twitter that some anonymous non-Jenny Holzer soul has been running since 2007 (the first twitter account I followed I think!), and JennyHolzerMom is a fantastic remix.
posted by silby at 1:10 PM on January 5 [4 favorites]

ok, yes, this is very very good.
posted by peachfuzz at 1:12 PM on January 5

REGRET IS A POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR THAT VASE YOU BROKE PLAYING FOOTBALL IN THE HOUSE

Okay, SO. There's this dude I am Facebook friends with -- an old friend from elementary school -- and he is really, really heavily into scams and MLM. I stay friends with him just to keep up on the latest scams. Anyway, he seems to have switched his Facebook into some sort of downtime mode where he posts absolutely nothing except inspirational quotes typed onto stock photos that, most of the time, have absolutely nothing to do with the quote. For instance, a photo of a duck with the phrase "In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary" on the bottom. I don't know either.

Anyway it's all saccharine, upbeat inspirational-poster material. Except for one. The image is that of a woman walking on a sandy beach at dusk. The text?

"SORRY DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO FIX WHAT YOU'VE DESTROYED."

I don't even
posted by griphus at 1:12 PM on January 5 [18 favorites]

so i guess twitter is what we're doing instead of books now
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 1:14 PM on January 5 [6 favorites]

[this is good]
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:16 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

I've stared at this for hours, but just now "got" the Twitter feed. /clueless
posted by JoanArkham at 1:17 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

THE FAMILY WILL GET A BIGGER TV WHEN YOUR MOTHER WINS A MACARTHUR GRANT, THAT'S WHEN
posted by Weebot at 1:26 PM on January 5 [3 favorites]

WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE DECAYED WORLD YOU HAVE INHERITED, LOOK WITH YOUR EYES, NOT WITH YOUR HANDS

I snorted
posted by Danila at 1:31 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

so i guess twitter is what we're doing instead of books now

No no, that's television you're thinking of. Twitter is what we're doing instead of discussing the philosophy of virtue and its applications in the contemporary world.
posted by griphus at 1:36 PM on January 5 [5 favorites]

JENNY HOLZER, MOM LOLCAT
posted by charlie don't surf at 1:47 PM on January 5 [6 favorites]

griphus - simply reposting all that kind sounds like a great Tumblr to me.
posted by maryr at 1:50 PM on January 5

i've just introduced my facebook wall to jenny holzer. hilarity is sure to abound (or, you know, being ignroed...maybe i should post these on unrelated images)
posted by nadawi at 1:56 PM on January 5

This, of course, alludes to you: "so i guess twitter is what we're doing instead of books no"

It's better for short attention spans, which is what happens when ... HEY LOOK, SPARKLY THING!
posted by I am the Walrus at 1:56 PM on January 5

OH, I SEE.
I misread the link to read JENNY HOLZER NOM

This is very different.
Never mind.
/EmilyLitella
posted by dorkydancer at 1:58 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

This is amazing. Thank you.
posted by davidjmcgee at 2:02 PM on January 5

So half of these seem like meaningless cut-up garbage and the other half seem like vacuous dross that doesn't even deserve to be dignified with the term "platitude". Except in all caps.

If I were a mod I'd say "This is not a good post for Metafilter, or indeed, anywhere." I wouldn't delete it though. That's not how I roll, Rick.
posted by Decani at 2:05 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

This is actually just perfect. Many thanks.
posted by Verdant at 2:10 PM on January 5

Hilarious! Great post. Made even better by Decani's comment
posted by mumimor at 2:11 PM on January 5 [6 favorites]

A GOOD POST MUST RISE BEYOND THE LEVEL OF MERE PLATITUDE
posted by naju at 2:12 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

I might start projecting these on my kitchen wall.
posted by looli at 2:15 PM on January 5 [4 favorites]

ABUSE OF THE CAR COMES AS NO SURPRISE AND THAT'S WHY OUR INSURANCE IS SO HIGH
posted by pernoctalian at 2:18 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

Anyway, he seems to have switched his Facebook into some sort of downtime mode where he posts absolutely nothing except inspirational quotes typed onto stock photos that, most of the time, have absolutely nothing to do with the quote. For instance, a photo of a duck with the phrase "In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary" on the bottom. I don't know either.

Oh man, I know someone EXACTLY like that. The images are a half-step above image macros, because the text is semi-aesthetically arranged, and sometimes the images are JUST text on a white background or something like that makes "TOMORROW IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT, YESTERDAY IS ONLY WHAT YOU HOLD ON TO" somehow that much more psychically resonant. I thought she was creating them out of whole cloth as some sort of boredom exercise, but maybe this is some deeper compulsion that affects thousands....
posted by FatherDagon at 2:18 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

This is really fantastic.
posted by graventy at 2:27 PM on January 5

PARODIES ARE SO MUCH FUNNIER AND INTERESTING THAN THE ORIGINALS.

(See also: The Onion's coverage of Joe Biden, Loaded Santa)
posted by Scoo at 2:31 PM on January 5

A FISH IN THE PANTS IS BETTER THAN TWO HANDS
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 3:16 PM on January 5

I never thought her work would last long enough to be parodied, but it does have an oddly sticky quality. Very funny ... thanks for posting.
posted by texorama at 4:12 PM on January 5

A WELL-MEANING LIE IS A KIND OF TRUTH AND ON THAT NOTE YOU CAN BE ANYTHING IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
posted by storybored at 5:14 PM on January 5 [1 favorite]

ALL YOUR FRIENDS JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE IS A LIFE-DESTROYING ACTIVITY.
posted by newdaddy at 6:47 PM on January 5

(Ok I made that one up myself. This is fun!)
posted by newdaddy at 7:02 PM on January 5

THIS IS THE BEST USE OF TWITTER EVER.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 7:30 PM on January 5

NOBODY HAS SEX IN HIGH SCHOOL AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE LIARS.
posted by straight at 7:52 PM on January 5 [2 favorites]

This reminds me of the crowd of ten or so gradeschoolers I once saw in my museum, staring up at a Jenny Holtzer LED sign and chanting the slogans out loud as they scrolled. It was downright eerie.
posted by PussKillian at 9:23 PM on January 5 [5 favorites]

This was amusing enough on its own that it prompted me to look up who Jenny Holzer is, and now I like it even more.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 7:09 AM on January 6 [4 favorites]

403 Forbidden (Rate Limit Exceeded)

Well, that was inevitable. Up next: JENNY HOLZER, HTTP STATUS CODE.
posted by newdaddy at 9:47 AM on January 6 [2 favorites]

403.15 - CLIENT ACCESS IS A LUXURY NOT A NECESSITY.
posted by newdaddy at 9:50 AM on January 6 [6 favorites]

404 Not Found - CONFUSING YOURSELF IS A WAY TO STAY HONEST

503 Service Unavailable - AT TIMES INACTIVITY IS PREFERABLE TO MINDLESS FUNCTIONING
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:08 PM on January 6 [2 favorites]

EVERY YEAR WE GET A CROCKETY BLOAT
posted by benzenedream at 10:36 PM on January 10