If a ship was under siege, sailors would unload it by throwing things overboard,” said Garrick. “The first thing to go was stuff stored in the hull. Tortoises don’t swim, but they float like wine corks, and it so happens that the prevailing current runs northeast through the islands. The last place a tortoise might catch land before being swept into the ocean was the northern part of Isabela island. This is where they would have washed up."
"Drizzle, Drazzle, Drozzle, Drome, Time for this one to come home" posted by DaddyNewt at 1:00 PM on January 9 [5 favorites]
Open the gun ports, Mr. Smee. Lower the mainsail, eject the tortoises and prepare for action!
The first sentence in the FPP sounds like a headline from the Onion. So glad it's actually real. posted by Kevin Street at 1:00 PM on January 9
This sounds like an animal that exists in a Terry Pratchett book. Probably on Fourecks. posted by Polyhymnia at 1:02 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]
It's great to see the researchers stick their necks out like this. posted by argonauta at 1:03 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]
We don't even care whether or not we care. posted by ninjew at 1:04 PM on January 9
Wait, did you see that its scientific name is Chelonoidis elephantopus? Definitely a Pratchett beast. posted by Polyhymnia at 1:04 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]
Has anybody looked closely at one of these guys to see if there's four elephants riding on the back of one of them with a strange flat disk on top of the elephants? posted by kmz at 1:08 PM on January 9 [7 favorites]
No, but we looked underneath one and there weren't any more tortoises there. posted by etc. at 1:36 PM on January 9 [9 favorites]
I demand to watch a Brad Bird cartoon about exactly this scenario.
In the direction Byrd's politics have been headed, it would involve evil altruists trying to take away his Reardon-metal shell to give it to poor iguanas so they could be tortoises, too. Also, he learns he can't trust any of his friends or colleagues, and that the biological family is the only social structure you should rely on, but only if you can contribute meaningfully.
(I mean, it's immoral for the starving to steal a bite of bread? In Paris? For real? It's a wonder Victor Hugo hasn't erupted right out of his grave.) posted by Slap*Happy at 1:37 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]
I'm so glad this isn't an Onion headline. posted by Catblack at 1:48 PM on January 9
Did someone wang it into the sea? posted by fullerine at 2:05 PM on January 9
Pirates. Is there no end to the nonesense they'll stir up? posted by Phreesh at 2:24 PM on January 9
After much thought and deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that I don't need the definitive Brad Bird version of this tale; I'd be perfectly happy with a shakycam Paul Greengrass version where the hero tortoise, on jumping out into the water after a riveting three-movie chase sequence, stays underwater for a bit to convince the baddies and neutrals that he's dead, only slips away quietly to a safe refuge to some electronic rock OST.
(Or if Hollywood doesn't do this into a movie, I will most certainly spin it into a yarn for my four year old niece and nephew)
African Sulcata Tortoise Hatchlings Pose For Family Portrait
Will no one stop the blinking in those ads! Please, for the love of all that is good, stop the blinking! posted by GenjiandProust at 5:56 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]
This is what I tell people when the subject of the Ivory Billed Woodpecker comes up - "it's not extinct! It's hiding in the Galapagos!" posted by Biblio at 7:52 PM on January 9
posted by Afroblanco at 12:44 PM on January 9 [6 favorites]