Oh, you're playing with your schticky

January 10, 2012 9:12 AM

"You're gonna like the little schticky, but you're gonna love the big schticky." Pitchman Vince Offer (previously, previouslier) has returned to the airwaves to hawk a reusable silicone lint roller. This is his first new ad campaign since his 2009 arrest for aggravated battery against Sasha Harris (Vince wryly spoofs his own mug shot in the commercial). The bizarrely innuendo-laden video blurs the line between truth and parody, arguably shining a spotlight more on the polarizing salesman than on the product itself — which, for those still skeptical, is indeed real.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis (53 comments total)

What a schtick.
posted by box at 9:13 AM on January 10, 2012

Who the hell spends $100 a year on lint rollers?
posted by odinsdream at 9:16 AM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

We got some about a year ago (special sales deal at a Fred Meyer in Oregon) and they work ok. They don't rinse off nearly as easy as they speel shows, but they do pick up pretty good.

On the speel-pretty decent, an improvement over the slap chop!
posted by bartonlong at 9:20 AM on January 10, 2012

I probably spend somewhere $100 a year on lint rollers. One every few weeks?
posted by Jairus at 9:21 AM on January 10, 2012

"According to the police report, Shlomi paid Harris $1,000 for "straight sex" but Harris bit Shlomi's tongue and would not let go."

Schticky indeed.
posted by chavenet at 9:22 AM on January 10, 2012

Schticky Blue?
posted by deezil at 9:26 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

My god, that is so many levels of awesome. The double-entendres...the self-reference...the production quality...Vince Offer can do no wrong.

Well...
posted by davidmsc at 9:27 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

My mouth. It is agog.

AGOG I SAY!
posted by bpm140 at 9:30 AM on January 10, 2012

Is it just me, or does Vince move sort of like a creepy insect?
posted by uncleozzy at 9:31 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

"The dirt comes right off" sounds really similar to his 'Slap Chop' video.

(oddly enough while searching for 'Vince Offer', google helpfully suggests 'Vince Offer dead')
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 9:33 AM on January 10, 2012

Is it just me, or does Vince move sort of like a creepy insect ?

Yes.
posted by NerdcoreRising at 9:33 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

As usual the target audience seems to be the casual idiot, slob, or the dispirited housewife (why are all these hot women married to these slobs?! DTMFA!). Also, the constipated voice at the end could probably need some schtickying.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:34 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Is he trying to channel a Borscht Belt comedian with this? His style and delivery is weird.
posted by the dief at 9:35 AM on January 10, 2012

Wait, so it's funny because he beat up a prostitute?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 9:36 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

What got me, actually, is how up until they pulled out the "Big Schticky" I was at least sympathetic to the product. Okay, I get it; it's a washable lint roller. Not exactly new, but whatever. Infomercial.

Why would you need a giant lint brush? If you are tidy enough to own lint brushes, you already have a vacuum cleaner. It "gets the hairs the vacuum won't pick up?" Then your vacuum is broken.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 9:40 AM on January 10, 2012

My god, that is so many levels of awesome.

No, it's not. It's him using the fact that he beat up a prostitute to sell crappy consumer goods. It's disgusting.

You're better than this, MeFi.
posted by regicide is good for you at 9:42 AM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]

The CBS Money coverage makes it sound like he was in a brawl with a nutty whore. It's not like sex workers have some kind of alien-type evolutionary adaptation that allows their teeth to reach in to bite someone's tongue. He sound like a creepy evil shit.
posted by bonobothegreat at 9:48 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Who the hell spends $100 a year on lint rollers?

Normally I would ask the same thing, but I overheard the damnedest thing playing on TV last night--my wife was watching a show about a guy who's really cheap, and he's explaining how he hoards fast food ketchup packets and uses it to refill his ketchup bottle at home. He says it saves him $80/year on ketchup. THIS MAN USES $80 OF KETCHUP IN A YEAR.
posted by Hoopo at 9:49 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's not like sex workers have some kind of alien-type evolutionary adaptation that allows their teeth to reach in to bite someone's tongue.

You've heard of kissing, right? In the Parisian fashion?
posted by DU at 9:53 AM on January 10, 2012 [5 favorites]

I only watch the remixed version of Vince.
posted by orme at 9:53 AM on January 10, 2012

Who the hell spends $100 a year on lint rollers?

Seriously. I just let the cat hair accumulate in a two-inch-thick layer over everything I own.
posted by Greg Nog at 9:55 AM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

It "gets the hairs the vacuum won't pick up?" Then your vacuum is broken.

Indeed. My wife complains about this all the time. ALL vacuums are broken (according to her [I'm not saying they aren't, just clarifying the authorial voice]). They ALL leave stuff behind and they ALL drop stuff out when you turn them off. She hates them all. We basically use a dustbuster for everything and throw it away every 6 months and buy a new one.

If it weren't for the fact that a giant lint brush fill up after rolling across the carpet a single time, I'm sure she'd love this thing.
posted by DU at 9:55 AM on January 10, 2012

Who the hell spends $100 a year on lint rollers?

You should see the size of my cats.
posted by malocchio at 9:58 AM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

Who the hell spends $100 a year on lint rollers?

Nearly anyone with pets. Of course, there are already reusable lint rollers.
posted by asnider at 10:00 AM on January 10, 2012

You've heard of kissing, right? In the Parisian fashion

Oh! I had no idea Parisian women had this capability

I thought that maybe she was feeling helpless and terrified for some reason and when he stuck his tongue in her mouth, she saw it as a chance to defend herself.
posted by bonobothegreat at 10:04 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Guys I think everyone agrees he's a slime and he did a terrible thing.
posted by Hoopo at 10:17 AM on January 10, 2012

...she was feeling helpless and terrified for some reason and when he stuck his tongue in her mouth, she saw it as a chance to defend herself

There is perhaps a little too much hat being hung on the available amount of hook.
posted by DU at 10:17 AM on January 10, 2012

I no longer have to love his nuts?
posted by KingEdRa at 10:19 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Errr...that wasn't an attempted pun on "hooker" except maybe subconsciously.
posted by DU at 10:19 AM on January 10, 2012

Nearly anyone with pets. Of course, there are already reusable lint rollers.

We have two cats. We also have a vacuum cleaner. I think we bought a 10-pack of lint rollers a few years ago at CostCo for maybe $10.

Seriously, $100 annually for lint rollers is absolutely crazy.
posted by odinsdream at 10:21 AM on January 10, 2012

We've come full circle. First, Vince makes the ads. Next, JaboodyDubs* parodies his ads (though their Billy Mays parodies still bring tears of laughter to my eyes, even though I should know better). Now, Vince makes an ad inspired by JaboodyDubs' parodies.

*Warning: Auto-play is on.
posted by stannate at 10:38 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Who the hell spends $100 a year on lint rollers?

Clearly, you people have never enjoyed the luxurious feel and superior cleaning power of a truly premium lint roller.

I use the Trump® brand exclusively, but I think you'll find that the Gosselin® or even the Dirty Bastard^TM models will make a surprising improvement to the lint-rolling experience.
posted by PlusDistance at 10:41 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't know the specifics of how it transpired, but if ANYBODY bit down on my tongue and wouldn't let go while I was french kissing them, you'd damn well better believe I'm going to defend myself, including punching them if that's what it takes to get them to let go. And that's regardless of their gender or occupation.

That said, hiring a hooker is sleazy. Having sex with anyone you don't know and can't trust is just stupid. And for these reasons alone, Vince makes my skin crawl a little bit.
posted by darkstar at 10:54 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

We have two cats. We also have a vacuum cleaner. I think we bought a 10-pack of lint rollers a few years ago at CostCo for maybe $10.

I am you. Except that I use a reusable lint brush and so have forgotten how cheap the paper ones are. I concede defeat.
posted by asnider at 11:02 AM on January 10, 2012

The bizarrely innuendo-laden video blurs the line between truth and parody, arguably shining a spotlight more on the polarizing salesman than on the product itself

He really missed his shot at the Republican nomination this year, didn't he?
posted by octobersurprise at 11:17 AM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]

A cheap pack of disposable razors is the cheapest way to solve your cat-hair problems.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 11:53 AM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

A cheap pack of disposable razors is the cheapest way to solve your cat-hair problems.

I'm sure the Vince likes a shaved pussy, but ignoring the innuedo: ha! Cheap? Sure. Life threatening? Absolutely.
posted by asnider at 12:12 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Never heard of this guy but I totally want the Schticky.
posted by edheil at 12:39 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

My family used these for a while. The biggest problem is that you end up washing a bunch of dirt, hair, and other stuff down your sink drain, which is generally not a good idea.
posted by drklahn at 2:33 PM on January 10, 2012

Disgusting. Everything about this is disgusting.
posted by Scientist at 2:46 PM on January 10, 2012

We miss you, Billy Mays.
posted by Golfhaus at 3:02 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

I want to believe in him again, but after the disappoint of the Slap Chop (it doesn't chop fucking ANYTHING) I don't know if I can let myself trust him. My heart is still too fragile.
posted by Saxon Kane at 5:13 PM on January 10, 2012

I'll wait for the Steve Porter remix, thx.
posted by Slothrup at 5:27 PM on January 10, 2012

...stuff down your sink drain...

drklahn, couldn't you wash it off with the garden hose?

I am, of course, referring to the lint roller.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:11 PM on January 10, 2012

I just let the cat hair accumulate in a two-inch-thick layer over everything I own

This also describes the condition of the CRT in my grandmother's TV.

It was like Aliens in there.
posted by zippy at 6:52 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

HI



BILLY MAYS HERE
posted by subbes at 8:01 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]

drklahn, couldn't you wash it off with the garden hose?

That's not really an option when it's -25C outside.
posted by asnider at 9:48 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ah tvore late night TV comercials for random shit....
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 10:36 PM on January 10, 2012

*those!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 10:37 PM on January 10, 2012

We miss you, Billy Mays.

I understand he was a great guy, nice personality, hard worker, good family man. I'm really sorry that he passed away.

But my GAWD I thought he had an obnoxious pitch. I couldn't dive for the remote fast enough when his hyperbaric commercials came on. They were the sonic equivalent of being beaten intensely with a pillowcase full of junk mail. Srsly.


Still, R.I.P. Billy Mays.
posted by darkstar at 6:24 AM on January 11, 2012

Why would you need a giant lint brush? If you are tidy enough to own lint brushes, you already have a vacuum cleaner. It "gets the hairs the vacuum won't pick up?" Then your vacuum is broken.

Even with a 100% vacuum, you're still limited to air atmospheric pressure, which is 14.6 PSI. On the other hand, glue can 'suck' much harder. Up to thousands of PSI, which would probably just tear out your whole carpet.

On the other hand, it wouldn't surprise me if there was dust that couldn't be gotten even with an 'ideal' vacuum cleaner.

Obviously adhesive cleaning can do better then vacuum cleaning.
posted by delmoi at 2:26 PM on January 11, 2012

Oh and btw, the interesting thing about this guy is that he's completely independent. He wasn't just hired by some company, he actually runs the importation of these products, produces the ads himself, etc. Obviously if he was a hired guy, he'd never get work again. But since he's in charge, he can obviously still get work.

The odd thing, though, is that he didn't just hire some other spokesman. It seems like he cares as much about being on TV as he does about money.
posted by delmoi at 2:28 PM on January 11, 2012

I've tried reusable rollers (3M brand, I think) and they kind of suck after a few washings. I would gladly buy something like this if it worked better. (I have four hair machines pets.)
posted by desjardins at 3:26 PM on January 11, 2012