Comments on: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THIS GOLD???

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THIS GOLD???

ThePinkSuperhero — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:03:41 -0800

The Best Doritos Commercial You Will Never See on TV

How that commercial didn't make the finals of the Doritos Superbowl ad competition, I'll never know.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:06:03 -0800

They also made this ad, another one I can't believe didn't make the finals.

By: Ducks or monkeys

Ducks or monkeys — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:07:52 -0800

June 43rd and Crayon make me giggle. I would not have expected that.

By: griphus

griphus — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:25:15 -0800

Does anyone know if any flavor of Doritos is lactose-free outside of purple?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:35:00 -0800

Purple? You mean Sweet & Spicy Chili? (I bought some Sour Cream & Onion Doritos last night but I haven't tried them yet.)

By: cmoj

cmoj — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:37:26 -0800

I be it didn't make the finals or whatever because the long list of nonsensical ingredients (plus salt) hits way too close to home.

By: cmoj

cmoj — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:37:52 -0800

Bet. I bet.

By: TheTingTangTong

TheTingTangTong — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:40:06 -0800

I like the thrust of the post, where I'm supposed to email Doritos and beg them to put the commercial on the air. Like, my commercial enjoyment sessions will be so enriched by another mediocre commercial. What a weird concept.

By: hwestiii

hwestiii — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:40:17 -0800

Please tell me that there are more of those.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:43:00 -0800

Spoiler: This ad is an homage to Merlin's early attempts to turn Tortilla Chips into gold. I don't know what he thought adding ranch dressing would do.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:44:45 -0800

Does anyone know if any flavor of Doritos is lactose-free outside of purple? Try the chartreuse or medium-aquamarine flavors. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

By: headless

headless — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:45:28 -0800

STAFF OF ANUBIS PHILOSOPHER STONE RUBBER HAMMER RUBBER NAILS MOON ROCK SALT ARCHIMEDES SCREW HARPSICHORD PARACHUTE BLANK BAG OF HOLDING CLOUD MIST ELVEN JOY LUCKY PENNY LOVE SONG ERLENMEYER FLASK MARCOSCOPE SENSE OF WONDER BLANKETY BLANKS TEMPORAL GLITCH HAIKU NODS SWEEPS BEEPS DEEPS SNEEPS REEPS WINKS MEMORIES FIREBALLS CONGRATULATIONS LAUGHTER LIGHTENING STAR DUST RINGS OF A TREE MOTHER'S APPROVAL MOUNTAIN AIR CHEESINESS INSPIRING FOOTAGE SMILES SECRET INGREDIENT [UNICORN TEARS] SMELL OF MORNING LOVE SALT

By: Auden

Auden — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:50:07 -0800

boy, does that actor sound like David Cross...

By: Anoplura

Anoplura — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:02:04 -0800

Does anyone know if any flavor of Doritos is lactose-free outside of purple? Right now, that's the only lactose-free flavor. The Kettle brand "Salsa Picante Tias" are a lactose-free alternative that a lot of my vegan friends are big fans of.

By: gcbv

gcbv — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:06:36 -0800

boy, does that actor sound like David Cross... I was about to say, his delivery of the "angry lines" is right out of Mr. Show.

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:06:39 -0800

I can't believe didn't make the finals. I suspect it's because they weren't flashy enough and look low budget. Super Bowl commercials gotta have a certain about of bling, it's their version of Make the Logo Bigger.

By: mcstayinskool

mcstayinskool — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:08:04 -0800

Those were really good, they get my vote. If you are considering making a Doritos commercial, a nice how-to from a previous winner. Lots of good tips!

By: timsteil

timsteil — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:11:42 -0800

Doritos Blew.

By: the sobsister

the sobsister — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:17:25 -0800

This is about, hold on, let me do the figures, a bajillion times better than the entry that won, which (i) is endless and (ii) requires you to have seen Se7en to get the point. This, as they used to say, wuz rigged.

By: the sobsister

the sobsister — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:18:16 -0800

Here's the winner, which I should've included in the preceding.

By: GenjiandProust

GenjiandProust — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:19:52 -0800

This, as they used to say, wuz rigged. Hey, man, the chips fall as they will, OK?

By: silkyd

silkyd — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:22:37 -0800

Ok, so when a post like this makes it to MetaFilter, i always just assume it was put here by a Social Media consultant paid to generate page views to a commercial that wasnt used, but could still result in some page views. I also just assume that the subsequent comments are mostly posted by people from the same consulting company. But my question is: how many of you are there right now, posting to this thread? Like 5, or, just a couple? Do you do it in shifts? Are you watching analytics in real time right now to see if this is a good place for starting a social media campaign? The commercial is funny and all, but it's not really the kind of post you normally see on the Blue. You might want to try Reddit, instead. But I do really want to know the logistics of a fake meme campaign.

By: straight

straight — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:22:39 -0800

If you are considering making a Doritos commercial, a nice how-to from a previous winner. Lots of good tips! Guys, click mcstayinskool's link up there. It's really funny.

By: hwestiii

hwestiii — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:31:25 -0800

That was the winner? !? Noooooooo........!!!!!!!

By: The Hamms Bear

The Hamms Bear — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:34:29 -0800

That may be the winner but they are not running a two minute commercial during the Super Bowl; it would cost 12 million dollars to run that ad in its entirety.

By: andreaazure

andreaazure — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:34:30 -0800

Click on ThePinkSuperhero's name to see her profile. For one thing, she's been here for nearly 8 years. For another AAAAAAHHHHH PINK BACKGROUND

By: 23skidoo

23skidoo — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:41:27 -0800

The commercial is funny and all, but it's not really the kind of post you normally see on the Blue. You might want to try Reddit, instead. You might want to read more posts. "Here is a funny commercial" posts are a normal occurrence at Metafilter. Not like every day, but geez.

By: GhostintheMachine

GhostintheMachine — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:47:53 -0800

107 posts tagged with commercial. Yep.

By: adoarns

adoarns — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 10:51:24 -0800

Okay. The top post advert is clever in just the right demographic way. The winner is not just not clever, it's also meaningless if you haven't seen the movie and tasteless if you have. So much for intertextuality. And now I get to hate myself for enjoying, as entertainment, coldly-calculated commercial messages, which in most other contexts I am taking unreasonable pains to avoid, and against which I typically rant and rave.

By: Big_B

Big_B — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:00:44 -0800

the sobsister: "Here's the winner, which I should've included in the preceding" Based on the comments, date, and it not being listed on Doritos' website I don't think that's the winner. Oh and it sucks.

By: fancyoats

fancyoats — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:08:57 -0800

This is my favorite Doritos "commercial" ever.

By: supermedusa

supermedusa — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:13:01 -0800

I was not expecting that to make me LOL so hard!!

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:25:48 -0800

silkyd: "But my question is: how many of you are there right now, posting to this thread? Like 5, or, just a couple? Do you do it in shifts? Are you watching analytics in real time right now to see if this is a good place for starting a social media campaign?" 1) There are twelve of us posting to this particular thread; I will not "out" any of my colleagues, but in the spirit of disclosure: twelve. 2) We are expected to wait at least seven minutes before commenting, so that we don't "cluster" our favorable comments. 3) Yes we are, and yes it is. 4) supermedusa, please clean out the coffee pot in the break room; you were the last one to use it. Also, wipe down the counter to remove the rings you left with your coffee cup.

By: Marisa Stole the Precious Thing

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:32:47 -0800

Ok, so when a post like this makes it to MetaFilter, i always just assume it was put here by a Social Media consultant paid to generate page views to a commercial that wasnt used, but could still result in some page views. Television commercials aren't going anywhere anytime soon. They've been developed for decades, with competing ad agencies trying to develop better and more effective ways to advertise. By the point, it's as much an art as a science. They're not really much different from 30-second short films. You have a script, a director, actors, a story. Occasionally, some people come up with the notion that creating a commercial that's funny, entertaining, moving or clever is the way to go. When that happens, why not enjoy it? Because someone's trying to sell something? People are trying to sell me stuff all the time. Few of them are trying to entertain me. In short, it's toasted. *takes sip of bourbon*

By: ChurchHatesTucker

ChurchHatesTucker — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:39:34 -0800

This one strikes me as a contender for the actual contest.

By: The Hamms Bear

The Hamms Bear — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:55:07 -0800

Hey, I think I've seen that one before.

By: Hither

Hither — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:58:06 -0800

This Doritos ad won a Bronze British Arrows advertising award.

By: anothermug

anothermug — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:59:06 -0800

This is my favorite Doritos "commercial" ever. Of course, anything with Kristen Schaal in it is going to be damned good (and sexy).

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:59:49 -0800

Ironically^**, the outrage that this video didn't win will send it viral. ^** or completely planned

By: justkevin

justkevin — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:21:23 -0800

silkyd wrote: Ok, so when a post like this makes it to MetaFilter, i always just assume it was put here by a Social Media consultant paid to generate page views to a commercial that wasnt used, but could still result in some page views. I also just assume that the subsequent comments are mostly posted by people from the same consulting company. But my question is: how many of you are there right now, posting to this thread? Like 5, or, just a couple? Do you do it in shifts? Are you watching analytics in real time right now to see if this is a good place for starting a social media campaign? Social Media puppet master here. I cross referenced our shill database with the posters here, and every single one is contracted for the Doritos buy. There's a note here that says 'have silkyd "out" the campaign after about 20 posts to get traction with the jaded cynics. justkevin will hang a lampshade on it later on in case anybody gets wise.'

By: martinX's bellbottoms

martinX's bellbottoms — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:39:01 -0800

As always, there is a relevant article from The Onion.

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:47:35 -0800

I'm a cynical anti-consumerist bastard, but this has been 100% effective. I've sent some links to friends, and since I'm planning on watching the play-offs tonight I am now probably going to buy a bag of Doritos, where I wasn't before.

By: midmarch snowman

midmarch snowman — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 13:20:01 -0800

Okay. The top post advert is clever in just the right demographic way. The winner is not just not clever, it's also meaningless if you haven't seen the movie and tasteless if you have. So much for intertextuality.

[SPOILER ALERT] Yeah... the way they aped the final scene perfectly makes it impossible to forget that in the original the box didn't contain a yummy product of Frito-Lay Corp but actually held the severed head of the detective's pregnant wife. Granted I saw Se7en when I was 18 and much more impressionable, less inured to graphic violence, but I found a surprise violent decapitation did not actually create the emotional resonance that would increase my enjoyment of salty flavored snack chip. And as good as the original movie and the production values of the winning ad was, I'm kinda befuddled that Doritos would want crux of their ad to be "Hey, you may be familiar with this movie where the character whose the film's embodiment of hope and innocence is murdered, possibly raped, then chopped into pieces to be presented to the audience and the main characters in the final act. Perhaps your familiarity will make you hungry."

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 13:32:26 -0800

I hate commercials, I hate junk foods that smell like feet, and I hate nerd humor. There I said it. I do not like this.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 13:49:51 -0800

Ok, so when a post like this makes it to MetaFilter, i always just assume it was put here by a Social Media consultant paid to generate page views I wish. For the record, Frito-Lay, I'm willing to accept a thank-you gift for this post in the form of ONE MONTH'S SUPPLY OF DORITOS. Cool-Ranch and Nacho Cheese only, thanks in advance.

By: oliverburkeman

oliverburkeman — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 13:52:49 -0800

Whole Corn, Vegetable Oil (Contains One or More of the Following: Corn, Soybean and/or Sunflower Oil), Corn Maltodextrin, Salt, Tomato Powder, Corn Starch, Lactose, Whey, Nonfat Milk, Corn Syrup Solids, Onion Powder, Sugar, Garlic Powder, Monosodium Glutamate, Cheddar Cheese (Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes), Dextrose, Malic Acid, Buttermilk, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sodium Acetate, Artificial Color (Including Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5), Sodium Caseinate, Spice, Citric Acid, Disodium Inosinate, and Disodium Guanylate.

By: yerfatma

yerfatma — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 14:02:04 -0800

The commercial is funny and all, but it's not really the kind of post you normally see on the Blue. You might want to try Reddit, instead. Ok, so when a comment like this is posted to Metafilter, i always just assume it was made by a guy in their late 20s who is impatient to let the world know just how much smarter and more righteous than everyone else he is. A new sort of überman slouches toward Bethlehem (PA) to act as a guiding star, dragging us up from the ignorant muck we wish to wallow in. Thank God for you dear sir. The truth, Binkley, is that you resemble a carrot.

By: the young rope-rider

the young rope-rider — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 14:13:56 -0800

Finally someone is willing to speak truth to ~~power~~ viral marketers disguised as long-term involved members of both the online and offline Metafilter community!

By: hincandenza

hincandenza — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 14:20:14 -0800

andreaazure: Click on ThePinkSuperhero's name to see her profile. For one thing, she's been here for nearly 8 years. For another AAAAAAHHHHH PINK BACKGROUND

Ugh, these damn Social Media consultants, paid to manufacture a fake meme campaign to get us to click through to Metafilter user profile pages. Superhero Pink.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 14:25:35 -0800

My Social Media consultant friends and I are working on a meme: 1. Send someone a link to a webpage "they will really like" 2. The link actually opens to a page in full #FF66CC glory 3. The sender yells, YOU GOT PINKED 4. ??? 5. PROFIT!

By: Renoroc

Renoroc — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 15:12:44 -0800

@Midmarch Snowman: I read your comment and began to drool. I now hunger for doritos.

By: beaucoupkevin

beaucoupkevin — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 15:29:39 -0800

Boy, if only these people could get as many views for clever short videos that aren't trying to sell me diabetes in a bag. The amount of time, energy and creativity put into making a commercial for a major brand¹ the results of which they won't own in the end, depresses me, especially since they won't own the results of their efforts. ¹That could, of course, afford their own clever advertising

By: beaucoupkevin

beaucoupkevin — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 15:30:54 -0800

Argh, missing a comma there. Whatever.

By: Miko

Miko — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 15:46:53 -0800

From oliverburkman's link: Disodium Inosinate – is a flavor enhancer, much like MSG. Its source is either pigs or fish. On Frito Lay's website, Doritos is marked as porcine free, leaving us to guess that fish is the source. Disodium Guanylate – another flavor enhancer, usually found together with Disodium Inosinate. Again, sourced from fish. Not recommended for babies or asthmatics. Well. I've learned something here today.

By: Awakened

Awakened — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 16:29:07 -0800

Interesting fact: Cool Ranch Doritos are called Cool American in Iceland, which is ironic, since I saw way more ranches traveling around Iceland than I ever saw driving through the Midwest. Stunning country. Even their horses are beautiful.

By: cmoj

cmoj — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 16:42:02 -0800

MetaFilter: sourced from fish. Not recommended for babies or asthmatics.

By: bukvich

bukvich — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:00:15 -0800

Lactose is probably the one ingredient in any variety of Doritos which most closely resembles food.

By: Miko

Miko — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:04:50 -0800

I saw way more ranches traveling around Iceland than I ever saw driving through the Midwest. To be fair, Midwest = corn, West/Southwest=ranch.

By: Marisa Stole the Precious Thing

Marisa Stole the Precious Thing — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:05:19 -0800

Cool Ranch Doritos are called Cool American in Iceland Which is why it feels weird to me to buy them. "Cool American buying the apprpriate snack here, that's right."

By: essexjan

essexjan — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 18:13:00 -0800

ThePinkSuperhero forced me to eat a Dorito once. It was one of the most vile things I've ever put in my mouth. Then Lassie (or it might have been Eideteker) set one on fire and it burned like a candle, there was so much fat in it.

By: Miko

Miko — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 18:18:00 -0800

Huh, I didn't know they would burn like that! I've never liked them in the least. The orange powder tastes like nothing so much as the inside of the mouth immediately after an unpleasant episode of vomiting.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 18:21:45 -0800

It did burn for a long, long time. Good life lesson: keep a bag of Doritos around to burn in case of a power outage!

By: sevenyearlurk

sevenyearlurk — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 19:05:54 -0800

In Canada we've had a Doritos flavour called 'sweet chili heat' for a long time. Is this the same thing as the one in the purple bag from the Seven parody?

By: orme

orme — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 19:18:13 -0800

This post delivers a powerful crunch that unlocks the bold and unique flavors I crave!

By: troll

troll — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 19:54:49 -0800

The Best NSFW Skittles Commercial You Will Never See on TV

By: adamt

adamt — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 20:04:00 -0800

Well... it did make me want to watch Se7en again, so there is that. I don't know... I don't think I often go all get-off-my-lawn-you-damn-kids, but surely I can't be the only one who prefers the toasted corn taste of actual corn chips over the flavoured yellow powder caked over them? I'm sure it used to be much more of a dusting than a coating but... that's probably just remembering the past with rose tinted taste buds.

By: obiwanwasabi

obiwanwasabi — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 01:25:25 -0800

taco shells + ramen seasoning packets + ziplock bag + sharp whack = _____________ awesome

By: Miko

Miko — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:06:05 -0800

I use these corn tortillas in the refrigerator section at the store. YOu can toast them in a 350 oven and get a great crispy corn chip that tastes like corn. Barring that, I like Utz, especially the 40% less fat kind which sound like they'd be less good, but are actually better because they're crisper and not as chewy/oily.

By: RavinDave

RavinDave — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 03:48:58 -0800

I switched to Tostitos when they stopped making "Sesame Seed Doritos". I hold grudges for decades.