Nighttime Housecat Routine Revealed

January 18, 2012 4:32 PM

Here is what your cat does at night.
posted by mudpuppie (55 comments total)

lol'd heaps.
posted by tumid dahlia at 4:36 PM on January 18, 2012

This is why you must spoon with your cat always.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 4:38 PM on January 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Why won't he stop thrashing about, disturbing his cat? What a jerk.
posted by thelonius at 4:38 PM on January 18, 2012 [15 favorites]

Actually my cat spends all night not existing.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:43 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Isn't this why they made doors?
posted by T.D. Strange at 4:44 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I like how it wakes up and looks at him sleeping and clearly thinks, "Oh hell no. If I'm awake, you better be!" Not shown: knocking things off shelves. Meowing. Pawing at partly open doors. Meowing. Stomping on your tender bits. Meowing.

Hairball vomiting.
posted by The otter lady at 4:44 PM on January 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Where is the cat knocking things off of the night stands because it's 4am and you're not awake and maybe if you don't wake up and chase me downstairs I'll go over to the kids room and paw at the door and make lots of noise wake up the baby and then we'll see who is boss asshole.
posted by iamabot at 4:45 PM on January 18, 2012 [10 favorites]

I'm aware of the fact that if I shut my cats out of the bedroom I would sleep much better at night, but gosh darn it, I just can't bring myself to do it.

Who owns who, I often wonder.
posted by Fister Roboto at 4:46 PM on January 18, 2012

ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE RICK. ALL THE TIME.
posted by griphus at 4:47 PM on January 18, 2012 [21 favorites]

(Also I just turned to my girlfriend and said "aren't you glad the dog doesn't do this?" to which she replied with an incredulous look and requesting to know if I had forgotten what happened this morning. Apparently I had blocked out the fact that the dog woke me up by standing on my face.)
posted by griphus at 4:49 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

link is down
posted by weezy at 4:49 PM on January 18, 2012

He needs to get another cat. Cats are nocturnal. Of course they get bored when they don't understand why nobody wants to play when they are most awake.

Or just do what I do and shut the bedroom door.
posted by melissam at 4:49 PM on January 18, 2012

Can't access. Is this an only regionally working link? [Damn, here goes my before-bedtime cat link!]
posted by Namlit at 4:50 PM on January 18, 2012

That cat didn't stick its butt in his face AT ALL.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:50 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

RICK.

RICK.

RICK.

IT'S 8 A.M. RICK.
posted by vidur at 4:50 PM on January 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

It's what my kids do to me at night too. And that's why there's no co-sleeping in the Crisps household.
posted by The Giant Squid at 4:51 PM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Isn't this why they made doors?
AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA....That's a good one.

You know what my cat does in the middle of the night when he encounters a closed door? He sits back on his hind quarters and starts pounding on the door with his fronts. Hard and loud. While meowing. Until you open the damned door.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:52 PM on January 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

Sorry about the site. Here's an alternate link. Hopefully it works better.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:53 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Mine just digs and digs and digs in the litter box like she's searching for treasure. There's no treasure there, cat! ONLY POO.
posted by zennish at 4:59 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Original source
posted by the_artificer at 5:01 PM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Am I the only person that thought of Paranormal Activity?

This feels way scarier though.
posted by dutcherino at 5:04 PM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Who stuck the camera in my bedroom?? That looked like last night except only one of my cats present instead of two of the stinkers. Like Thorzdad's cat, ours do NOT approve of closed doors either.
posted by leslies at 5:06 PM on January 18, 2012

I did NOT authorize that webcam!
posted by Navelgazer at 5:09 PM on January 18, 2012

I was really hoping to see more nocturnal hunting, not some dude asleep in a bed.

Of course the cat bothers you if locked it in the bedroom whilst its owner is asleep - it's a highly efficient hunter, locked in a room with a slumbering source of meat.
posted by The River Ivel at 5:13 PM on January 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

1) Cat's being a pest
2) SHOVE cat off bed
3) "GET THE FUCK OUT!"
4) Sleep

Actually works pretty well. Mostly cuz they don't like 5) Enraged Fat Man in Briefs Chasing Them Down

But closing the door?! That would so not fly and the trim would be destroyed.
posted by wallabear at 5:17 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is awesome and hilarious.

But it's also a little heartbreakingly amazing, when you think about it. Think about just how much of that cat's life revolves around that dude -- how much my cats' lives revolve around me. We're their whole worlds. All they wanna do is cuddle up next to us...until we feed them.
posted by meese at 5:20 PM on January 18, 2012

Cats are nocturnal

Actually, they're crepuscular. Hence the 4 am wakeup. The light is just beautiful then.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 5:21 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

The date on the video is 5.10.08.

The date on the original FPP this was link in is 10.11.08.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:22 PM on January 18, 2012

Linked. Linked in.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:23 PM on January 18, 2012

After watching the video I'm curious, do we move that much before 4am?
posted by Memo at 5:26 PM on January 18, 2012

(And, really, I should have said 11.10.08. WHATEVER.)
posted by Sys Rq at 5:27 PM on January 18, 2012

I was almost expecting to see the cat fetch a baseball bat at the end.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:27 PM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yeah, add another cat, three shih tzus,one or two Tibbies, and the occasional golden retriever to that picture, and you'll know why I wake up tired.
posted by FelliniBlank at 5:28 PM on January 18, 2012

My cat sleeps in a cage, two floors down in the basement. I sleep very soundly.
posted by grounded at 5:29 PM on January 18, 2012

Pro tip: Feed your kitty before you go to bed and it'll let you sleep for 10 hours.
posted by i_have_a_computer at 5:31 PM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Pro tip: Feed your kitty before you go to bed and it'll let you sleep for 10 hours.

This makes me laugh.
posted by Lame_username at 5:37 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

The orange beast on my lap does not think this is funny. Therefore, I do not think it is funny.
posted by strixus at 5:39 PM on January 18, 2012

Nice tags.
posted by lalochezia at 5:39 PM on January 18, 2012

Solution:

1. Close bedroom door at night, with cat left on other side.

2. Position vacuum cleaner sentry outside of door. Run cord under door to power strip (with on/off switch) attached to side of bed.

3. When cat annoys, reach over and activate sentry. Listen to cat scramble down hallway. Cat will most likely require only one or two treatments.

4. Enjoy yoour sleep!
posted by orme at 5:40 PM on January 18, 2012 [10 favorites]

RICK.

RICK.

RICK.

IT'S 8 A.M. RICK.

Have we come up with a name for the time it takes for Rick to be mentioned in a cat thread? Perhaps the "CAPS LOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE Constant?"
posted by zombieflanders at 5:40 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

My dog sleeps pretty soundly between my partner and me. Except about once a week, she does this weird nocturnal rabbit-kick that usually catches me on my belly or chest. It goes like this:

Me: zzzzzzz -> OMG WTF! -> karate pose -> sigh -> wide awake ->make coffee
Dog: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
posted by kamikazegopher at 5:41 PM on January 18, 2012

What part of my brain does all that complex movement while I sleep, and, alternatively, why doesn't that part of my brain do something more useful than fidget around with the pillow. Like hop on a treadmill. Or get a part-time job.
posted by dgaicun at 5:42 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Our cat lacks ambition and is a shame to her feline brethren. She spends all night curled peacefully in the corner of a chaise lounge snoozing. For reals. Her days are spent escaping an inquisitive toddler though so I can't really blame her.
posted by Go Banana at 5:44 PM on January 18, 2012

The best part was his brushing the cat's face at the end.
posted by Trurl at 5:45 PM on January 18, 2012

My cats either A) sleep all night or B) decide to be jerks and scratch at the bed for attention or canned gravy bits, who knows? They are cats! It doesn't matter if they've been fed, nor that they have dry food and water available to them.

If they so much as hear me breathe differently, they are right there, giving me kitty CPR accompanied by very loud purring or walking across my head. They know when I'm awake.

Luckily, I have learned to ignore them and my husband gets up and feeds them when they scratch on the bed. They have him trained.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 5:52 PM on January 18, 2012

This is what my cats do during the night. I sleep fine with one or more cats laying on my back or my hip, but one of them lay down right on my frickin head that night. I didn't wake up (or not much), but still, come on, cat. That video was made during the gray cat's "hey, let's try to wake rmd up at 430!" phase which has thankfully ended.
posted by rmd1023 at 5:53 PM on January 18, 2012

Four cats, none of which bother us at night.

It might have something to do with the 50lb Husky that sleeps on the bed. Who knows, might just be luck.
posted by HuronBob at 5:55 PM on January 18, 2012

He needs to get another cat. Cats are nocturnal. Of course they get bored when they don't understand why nobody wants to play when they are most awake.

So not a solution. We tried that, and now we have double the annoying.
posted by Miko at 5:55 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Have we come up with a name for the time it takes for Rick to be mentioned in a cat thread? Perhaps the "CAPS LOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE Constant?"

CLIHIFIC. Yeah, might work. Maybe go for capslock, lose the l.

"Musta been posted late at night. Took 25 comments before it got cihific." "That thread was cihificked in one."
posted by likeso at 5:56 PM on January 18, 2012

This is what my new, not really named cat does all night.[1]


[1] And as soon as I get more than a few crappy instagram photos of him, askmefi is going to help me name that huge new jerk.
posted by jeather at 5:56 PM on January 18, 2012

This is why our cats are no longer allowed in the bedroom at night. This, and the fact that they would start meowing very loudly at the first hint of movement around 6am, because they knew that you were awake and really wanted their food -- snooze button be damned.
posted by asnider at 5:57 PM on January 18, 2012

My cat sleeps between my legs all night. I know because when I have to get up I take great care to slide out and back in around him snoring away. He might try to encourage me when the alarm goes off but will easily curl back up on my side if he's ignored. I've had to reported that he will sometimes climb up on my butt to snooze there but I've never noticed. I think it helps that I keep the bedroom frosty, so it's in his interest to find and maintain a warm spot.
posted by marylynn at 5:57 PM on January 18, 2012

Ours are shut out of the bedroom at night, so they tried to dig their way in. Now we have a hole in the carpet in front of the bedroom door.
posted by subbes at 6:01 PM on January 18, 2012

My cat sleeps between my legs all night.

I find that incredibly annoying, because I tend to move around a lot when I sleep. I am the jerk that annoys his cat all night long.
posted by asnider at 6:01 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Three nights ago, I had just gotten into bed and was drifting off, one of my cats came tearing across the room at full speed, up onto the bed - and across me. He planted a back foot directly on my face as he ripped through space, tearing open a three inch gash on my face from just under my eye to my jawline. I staggered to the bathroom and washed my face as well as I could. There was more blood than I have seen come out of me in a very long time.

I now look exactly like one of my old G.I. Joe action figures with the scar. I even have the cropped hair and short beard to go with it.

Not sure if I want it to heal cleanly or not, to be honest. It's pretty scary looking. My son told one of his friends I was in a knife fight. Great.

As for the cat, I now realize why we really say they have nine lives. It isn't because they repeatedly survive long falls or close encounters with coyotes - it's all the times they have pissed off their owners beyond words. Of course I didn't do anything to him, but for a moment, I was considering life without him.
posted by Xoebe at 6:02 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]