How many Presidential candidates can you name?

January 20, 2012 7:47 PM

There are over 400 2012 Presidential candidates not named Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, or Ron Paul. Mental Floss lists 11 of them.
posted by SisterHavana (36 comments total)

They forgot HRM Caesar St. Augustine De Buonaparte (with whom I've spoken).
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:53 PM on January 20

The Naked Cowboy is actually wearing a suit? He's obviously not ready to shake up the status quo.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:56 PM on January 20

After about thirty seconds of research, I'm now convinced that Vermin Supreme is the candidate for me.

Vermin Supreme advocates strict dental hygiene, glitter-bombed Randall Terry, and donated a kidney to his mother.

He also wears a boot on his head.

YOU HAD ME AT HELLO.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:56 PM on January 20 [14 favorites]

Vermin Supreme: Ride Our Ponies Into the Future

This guy is awesome.
posted by Lutoslawski at 7:56 PM on January 20 [3 favorites]

Vermin Supreme advocates strict dental hygiene, glitter-bombed Randall Terry, and donated a kidney to his mother.


Don't forget funding for time travel research!
posted by Lutoslawski at 7:57 PM on January 20

“Stand Up America Now” makes me think of America in a pretty dress, sitting alone at a restaurant. She nurses a half-carafe of white wine and takes one last half-hearted glance at her phone. The waiter asks if she would like to order, and she says "just a minute, my date will be here soon." Seconds after these words leave her mouth, she realizes that her date will not be coming soon. Her date will not come tonight. It was so obvious. It was obvious even fifteen minutes ago. Her eyes dart to the exit, and she sees a line of couples waiting for an open table. Tears well up as she realizes that she didn't quite bring enough cash for the half-carafe. She will have to pay by charge.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:58 PM on January 20 [8 favorites]

VERMIN SUPREME FOR PRESIDENT EMPEROR 2012！！！
posted by XMLicious at 8:02 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Tears well up as she realizes that she didn't quite bring enough cash for the half-carafe. She will have to pay by charge.

I had spent about 30 seconds cackling at America's humiliation before it struck me that I might really be insane.
posted by planet at 8:02 PM on January 20

The Prohibition Party has disappointed me again. Instead of promising to bring back the days of Capone, all speakeasies and fast-talking and liquor barrels smashed in the street weeping their sweet, sweet tears, what do we get? A guy whose main platform is to send "Quality leather bound copies of this Bible ... to the Presidential Office, the Supreme Court, the Senate, the House of Representatives, the National Republican Party, the National Democratic Party, and the Federal Election Commission."

Oh well. At least he would outlaw New Order.
posted by mittens at 8:08 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]

They left out Perry.

No, not the loser governor from Texas who dropped out. The inimitable Al Perry, Tucson's local music god since forever, who grabbed a spot on the primary ballot
posted by Creosote at 8:16 PM on January 20

Who do you side with?
posted by furiousxgeorge at 8:23 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Who do you side with?

I got Ken Mesplay (Green Party) 69%, Barack Obama 50%. Not terribly surprised.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:49 PM on January 20

I got the Green Party too.
posted by The Whelk at 9:05 PM on January 20

Yeah just posted it for fun, it's not very accurate and says everyone loves Mesplay. It ranked Rick Perry above Obama for me. :|
posted by furiousxgeorge at 9:07 PM on January 20

I'm kinda sorta running

"Symbioid 2012: Together, we can make history... history."
"You call that socialism? I'll show you socialism!"

My Pre-Presidential Memoirs will be called "The Crushing Fist of my Father, The Mighty Robot Lord Zaktor From Grakus IX"

1) Rainbow Helicopters - No more shall the dark ominous creatures in the sky lurk in the shadows. The "Black Helicopters" ranted and raved about by the paranoid will no longer have a place in my administration. Instead, they shall be painted as rainbows. And no longer will they be made to perform surreptitious surveillance of the public. They will be required by Executive Order to announce at all times their arrival with the slogan "Taste the Rainbow" and/or "The Rainbow is WATCHING". We shall save taxpayer funds by slashing the budget for this black ops, and instead, utilize a public/private partnership through the Mars candy company and be funded fully as advertising revenue for Starburst candies. Should the observed start to act up, we shall fire non-lethal bullets made out of tasty Starburst candies, as well. In order to perpetuate the fascist regime's tendency, however, we shall not take a vote on the preferred flavor to be shot, but merely will shoot with whatever we feel like.

2) Even buns and dogs - Americans are forced to waste money to make "even" the number of hot dogs and the number of buns they buy due to a collusion of the hot-dog(bun)-industrial complex. Instead of wasting money trying to match up the number of hot dogs and buns, Americans could be saving that for a rainy day. I will take on the vast and powerful Hot Dog Lobby to make sure we have a more efficient American Hot Dog & Bun Industry. There will be 6 Hot Dogs and 6 Buns per package. But I realize Americans like choice. Perhaps they prefer 8 of each. Then we shall implement a law giving 8 as an option. 6 OR 8. We are not unkind masters. We will give the people what they want, but we know that people are really annoyed with these money-making schemes by American Industry, and I promise to put a stop to such collusive practices.
posted by symbioid at 9:16 PM on January 20

You know, it's funny. The 'green' or environmental party seems to win, place or at least show as the peoples' choice in almost every test like this I have seen, in every country on earth.

Just a thought, and I've no time to graph this, but maybe those nations where the actual party itself gets no respect, funding or footing are those same nations that have the most broken, out-of-whack election systems?
posted by rokusan at 9:29 PM on January 20 [4 favorites]

The Naked Cowboy is actually wearing a suit? He's obviously not ready to shake up the status quo.

I used to pass him on my way to work every day.

Believe me, he's ready to shake.
posted by rokusan at 9:51 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]

>Who do you side with?

I got the Green Party candidate too. I liked though how Obama ranked lower for me than the guy from the Rent is Too Damn High Party.
posted by xbonesgt at 10:34 PM on January 20 [6 favorites]

I have never heard of Ken Mesplay, but 84% of the time, he and I fail federalism together 100% of the time. Together our policies will expand definitions of fundamental rights at a federal level, help needy people, save the planet, and probably bankrupt America.
posted by Dr. Zira at 10:48 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Wow, the Naked Cowboy seems to be taking it totally seriously. No irony. (Unless it's on a meta-level that's whooshing over my head). Also, he's an idiot.
posted by zardoz at 11:01 PM on January 20

Alas, the world and this list are just not ready for a Kinky Friedman/Jello Biafra ticket.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:19 PM on January 20 [1 favorite]

Wow, the Naked Cowboy seems to be taking it totally seriously.

If he isn't going to do it in the underpants and hat he's going to alienate his base. HUGE fail, he needs to sack his campaign manager.
posted by Meatbomb at 1:20 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]

I'd really want to vote, if I was allowed to, for one of the 11 Stunning Cakes That Look Exactly Like Other Foods, but I have this gnawing doubt that they're misleading us with their position on key issues.
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 3:54 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]

HUGE fail, he needs to sack his campaign manager.

So to speak.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 4:16 AM on January 21

I'm backing Marvin E. Quasnicki. He's the first candidate who is literally a stuffed shirt.
posted by drezdn at 5:07 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]

I was all set to vote for symbioid until I saw his anti-Hebrew National hot dog platform.

Additionally, Barack Obama is also not named Barack Obama; his Kenyan birth certificate clearly lists him as "Barry Sotero".
posted by TedW at 5:21 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]

Who Do Renoroc Side With?

Gary Johnson 75%
Newt 61%
Obama: 28%

Damn.
posted by Renoroc at 5:36 AM on January 21

Apparently I should vote Mesplay over Obama, 58% to 53%

Also, I got the 'Rent is too damn high' guy, at 47%
posted by the man of twists and turns at 6:22 AM on January 21

That iSideWith thing is kind of insane. Sure I agree with the Green Party... but the Libertarians do not come in second above Obama. I would vote for Vermin Supreme or even, say, Snooki, before considering a Libertarian.

It's rather telling to me that under healthcare, the single-payer option wasn't even mentioned.
posted by Foosnark at 6:24 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]

Aleister Crowley 2012!
posted by entire_owl at 6:51 AM on January 21

It is mentioned if you click on the 'other ' button.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 6:58 AM on January 21

Only 1 Jedi?
posted by MtDewd at 7:15 AM on January 21

Vermin is my GUY! He lives here on Cape Ann and we had a lengthy conversation about zombies and flouride when he came to visit our table at the Farmer's Market. He's a really entertaining dude. Really, really personable.
posted by kpht at 7:50 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]

Naked Cowboy is a right winger! Talk about not understanding your own interests! Does he think his "work clothes" would be acceptable to his political base?
posted by Obscure Reference at 8:23 AM on January 21 [1 favorite]

So apparently according to that test earlier I'm most in alignment with Kent Mesplay of the Green party. Huh. And I'm in line with the Rent is Too Damn High party more than Barak Obama. And Ron Paul is one point behind Obama.
posted by charred husk at 11:23 AM on January 21

A came to write about Al Perry, and somebody beat me to it!
posted by atomicmedia at 5:44 PM on January 21