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"I am the machine"
January 21, 2012 4:21 PM   Subscribe

Comedian Bert Kreischer was named the "top partier" at Florida State University in a 1997 Rolling Stone article. The 2002 movie "Van Wilder" was inspired by his life. Bert Kreischer is THE MACHINE (animated version). Bert Kreischer hangs out with Tracy Morgan. NSFW (language).
posted by IvoShandor (13 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
He recently appeared on WTF with Marc Maron. Guy's story reminds me of myself through much of my 20s and into my early 30s, before I realized that keeping it up just wasn't an option, and it was time to put down childish things, or at least make them marginal rather than central to the way I lived my life.

But it's good to have stories to tell, and he tells them well.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:37 PM on January 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


I came onto MF this minute to post a question and couldn't believe Bert Kreisher was front and center on the blue. Never heard of him before, but I listened to Marc Maron's WTF podcast about a week ago. If partying and college drinking hijinks are not your bag, it's worth a listen just for the way he characterized low level Russian Mafia muscle. It was enlightening. Essentially he states that these guys grew up connected on the low end of communism and the family work ethic was that there was no work ethic. So guys he met, protecting his "semester in Russia" white bread Florida crowd, were just guys who understood nothing of capitalism, working for a living, etc. They just arrived at adulthood with their support and value system collapsed. They were always intending to drink themselves drunk daily, never work, and die in their early 50's. Suddenly communism collapsed and took their expected adult live with it. Being a low level criminal and plugging into that network bought them the next closest thing; they were able to essentially not work, get drunk every day and this was the next closest thing to what they grew up to expect. Go listen.
posted by Rafaelloello at 5:02 PM on January 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


What Will The Maid Think, built during his free time while staying in hotel rooms. Video and commentary of the Little Red Riding Hood.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 5:48 PM on January 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Machine was hilarious. Thanks for this.
posted by Splunge at 6:00 PM on January 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Most ridiculous laugh ever. He's also been on Jay Mohr's excellent podcast several times, including this one.
posted by tetsuo at 6:49 PM on January 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Dude didn't know what side of the road people drive on in Russia. Lying lying fuck, called on my Mr. Rogan in the most polite way I've seen anyone called out publically.
posted by Yowser at 6:51 PM on January 21, 2012


Kreischer is a regular on The Icehouse Chronicles podcast. He laughs too much.
posted by troll at 7:25 PM on January 21, 2012


Happened to me once, a guy asked to use my lighter to light a blunt. He offered it to me I took a hit and started coughing like crazy he started laughing and said "yeah I made this one good, put extra coke in it". After the initial "oh shit, I just smoked coke with some random guy on the street" panic attack nothing else happened, bit of a letdown really.
posted by Ad hominem at 7:32 PM on January 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


It was because of people like him that I loathed FSU while I was there as an undergraduate in the later 90s, but man - THE MACHINE. What a great story.
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 2:03 AM on January 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


And don't forget Bert the Conqueror, his show on the Travel Channel.
posted by FreezBoy at 5:13 AM on January 22, 2012


After the initial "oh shit, I just smoked coke with some random guy on the street" panic attack nothing else happened, bit of a letdown really.

Fortunately or unfortunately, however you look at it, all he did was waste his coke. If you could just do that, they wouldn't have had to invent crack.
posted by DecemberBoy at 6:12 AM on January 22, 2012


Truthful or not, I thought his interview with Marc Maron was fucking hilarious...and he doesn't, to my knowledge, espouse any heinous political views or acts. What more can you ask of a comedian?
posted by Phire at 4:14 PM on January 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Fortunately or unfortunately, however you look at it, all he did was waste his coke. If you could just do that, they wouldn't have had to invent crack.

Incorrect, sir. Back in the day, er, this guy I know was quite fond of spicing up his tobacco with the demon powder occasionally. It tasted like burning and hooboy it made you feel nice for a wee while. Or, uh, so I heard. Back in the day.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:00 AM on January 23, 2012


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