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Fucking librarians.
January 30, 2012 12:41 PM   Subscribe


 
Who here has a librarian friend? (Someone who is a librarian or works at a library.) Who here immediately e-mailed, text, tweeted this link to that friend?

I know I do. I know I did.
posted by Fizz at 12:47 PM on January 30, 2012 [9 favorites]


(* cough *) I delayed commenting because I was busy sending this to every librarian I know (including the one to whom I am married.) So Fizz, that would be "Do. Did."
posted by Mike D at 12:50 PM on January 30, 2012 [3 favorites]


Just as I was letting this thought settle in, I began to hear moaning sounds. At first, I dismissed these as some kind of auditory hallucination, an occupational hazard of reading too much porn. But then I looked around and determined that this particular moaning belonged to a real woman standing a few rows away. To be precise, she was in the process of being properly pinned to the bookshelf by a male companion. After a hasty glance, I retreated to my carrel

The only sound I ever heard coming from a library carrel were muffled burps and not a few farts.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:50 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


My mom's a librarian. I did not email, text or tweet this to her.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:50 PM on January 30, 2012 [21 favorites]


My mom's sister's a librarian. I did not email, text or tweet this to her.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:51 PM on January 30, 2012


I am a librarian. I posted it on Metafilter.

(It's actually quite a thought-provoking and insightful article, above and beyond the obvious lulz.)
posted by twirlip at 12:58 PM on January 30, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm currently at work in my library, so I'll probably wait until I get home to read/tweet it.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:59 PM on January 30, 2012


Oh for crying out loud, don't tell me you guys forgot about jessamyn?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 1:00 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


I work in a library, read this at my desk, and wear my hair in a bun with glasses...hilarious! Secret shagging bed in the stacks not so much though? Unless that's hidden in the dewey Dewey decimals. Related: the Philadelphia Free Library is offering speed dating.
posted by jetlagaddict at 1:02 PM on January 30, 2012


jessawho?
posted by ODiV at 1:02 PM on January 30, 2012


I'm working at the reference desk right now and I need to put my hair back up.
posted by mareli at 1:05 PM on January 30, 2012


I'm an unemployed librarian, so I wasn't sure if I should tweet this at myself or if that would just make myself feel like I was missing out.
posted by Biblio at 1:05 PM on January 30, 2012 [4 favorites]


don't tell me you guys forgot about jessamyn?

I am not getting it on the stacks

[watch very closely for the removal of this sign]

posted by nathancaswell at 1:05 PM on January 30, 2012 [22 favorites]


I'm a librarian too, but someone would have to be mighty brave to have sex in our stacks. It's 50 degrees back there.

However, the study rooms at the Lycoming College library were often a hotbed of carnal activities because they were floor to ceiling glass on the edges of the building. I hear the view is beautiful.
posted by sperose at 1:12 PM on January 30, 2012


I have dated librarians.

Beauty and knowledge.

Can't be beat.
posted by gcbv at 1:17 PM on January 30, 2012 [5 favorites]


no human being would stack books like this
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:24 PM on January 30, 2012 [10 favorites]


Metafilter: muffled burps and not a few farts
posted by The White Hat at 1:27 PM on January 30, 2012


Actually I immediately sent it to my porn writer friend. The librarians have heard it all before.
posted by restless_nomad at 1:29 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: a ponytailed dude taking it from behind from another ponytailed dude while the first dude gets sucked off by a chick, who is also taking it from behind from yet a third ponytailed dude, all while another chick—who happens to be wearing a lovely Dormeuse-style cap—rides piggyback on the first dude, which positions her perfectly to flog the third dude, while being orally pleasured from behind by the second dude.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 1:31 PM on January 30, 2012 [5 favorites]


That's not going to fit on the logo.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:44 PM on January 30, 2012 [10 favorites]


From the looks of it, library porn is way better than the "sexy" action bookstores get, which mainly consists of people sneaking lads magazines into the bathroom.
posted by drezdn at 1:45 PM on January 30, 2012


Of course, I shouldn't tell you this but she advocates dirty books.
Chaucer
Rabelais
Balzac!
posted by charlie don't surf at 1:51 PM on January 30, 2012 [3 favorites]



Of course, I shouldn't tell you this but she advocates dirty books.
Chaucer
Rabelais
Balzac!


Bookslut.
posted by Fizz at 1:54 PM on January 30, 2012


a ponytailed dude....

.....................
........o...........
........|--\.........
..o~//o...\_......
..|_./_o...o\....
../\./\....\ _|.....
.........../\ /\.....
......................

man i am terrible at that
posted by nathancaswell at 1:55 PM on January 30, 2012 [4 favorites]


It's ponytails all the way down. So to speak.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:56 PM on January 30, 2012 [3 favorites]


I enjoyed this article, except that I just couldn't accept the lovely fold-down bed hidden in the stacks, much as I would love to--I can't imagine any feat of engineering that could keep the real books in a bookcase from falling out when you were drawing the bed down or putting it back up. If someone in here can, though, please share.

Also, could you maybe work up a detailed schematic for the bed? Because, damn.

Students in my college claimed the seventh floor of our library as the designated sex spot. There were a lot of reference materials up there that barely ever were checked out, let alone regularly browsed.

And I know university librarians now that have taken full advantage of their library's dimly-lit nooks and crannies, accommodating wide tables and just-right-height carrels. I've always thought this was a nice perk of the job (provided they didn't actually go kanoodling on a "stack of uncirculated books" because as a book lover I don't want them actually damaging any of the pages).
posted by misha at 1:57 PM on January 30, 2012


kanoodling on a "stack of uncirculated books"

shhh, metafilter doesn't do the uncirculated vs circulated debate well
posted by nathancaswell at 1:58 PM on January 30, 2012 [6 favorites]


The 'Sexy Librarian' meme started for me with TV's Batgirl's secret identity (I think her secret lair was behind a bookcase in the Gotham City Library) and ended when Craig Ferguson commented that Sarah Palin had a "naughty librarian vibe" (in his defense, it was a year before we all learned what an evil nutcase she was, and she had just declared Craig an 'honorary citizen of the state of Alaska').
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:03 PM on January 30, 2012


Do you reshelve self-help manuals as if it were your profession?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:04 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


buriednexttoyou, you really should have included the next sentence following your quote:

The caption to this illustration reads, “A Typical Scene.”
posted by Hello, I'm David McGahan at 2:07 PM on January 30, 2012


"Dewey and his Decimal"? I can't even begin to articulate why that sounds so dirty, but I'm really glad we switched to LC.
posted by bibliowench at 2:11 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


Although "The Library of Congress" doesn't sound that innocent either.
posted by bibliowench at 2:16 PM on January 30, 2012 [7 favorites]


Wow I think that was actually the worst ASCII art I've ever seen.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:18 PM on January 30, 2012


I'll be in my bunk stacks.
posted by hot_monster at 2:25 PM on January 30, 2012 [2 favorites]


jessawho?

jessawhat?
posted by Edison Carter at 2:45 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


I've learned about the cooter clock today! woo!
posted by jeffburdges at 3:18 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


There should be a campaign of linking to historical analysis of porn or similar to disrupt the pagerank for the major porn sites. I'd lol.
posted by jeffburdges at 3:19 PM on January 30, 2012


I know the asshat who wrote this. My boyfriend worked with him a while ago.
posted by pxe2000 at 3:20 PM on January 30, 2012


He... doesn't have a ponytail, does he?
posted by delfin at 3:33 PM on January 30, 2012 [2 favorites]


I, a librarian, have had certain knowledge of another librarian during the time in my life when I had a ponytail. How many points does that get me?
posted by Halloween Jack at 3:34 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


The only thing I have to add to this discussion is that this is not my first encounter with Bang the Librarian Hard, a book whose charm is strangely accentuated by the curious English deployed within its covers -- the sentence structure is a bit off, and it employs delightful turns of phrase like "turgid cock rod," which, now that I think of it, would make a fine user name.....
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:43 PM on January 30, 2012 [1 favorite]


I just want to give you props for the title of the post. Because man, not a day goes by that I don't find myself muttering that under my breath at some point... ;-)
posted by librarianamy at 3:51 PM on January 30, 2012


He has one of those stupid mushroom haircuts, like Bobby Briggs. Also, he is apparently a little vain about his hair.
posted by pxe2000 at 3:59 PM on January 30, 2012


Chaucer
Rabelais
Balzac


I played Maude Dunlop in Music Man and got to say Balzac in the most scandalized tone possible, only to spend the rest of the scene in the background doing some business with the other pickalittle-talkalittle ladies where we absolutely pored over our volumes, pointing out all the good bits and fanning ourselves. Best role for a librarian. Marian is a twerp. Plus she doesn't even have an MLS.
posted by Biblio at 4:18 PM on January 30, 2012


The Professor told us to read those books
and we simply adore them all.
Chaucer
Rabelais
Balzac!
posted by charlie don't surf at 5:07 PM on January 30, 2012


Under Soracte (Kenneth Rexroth)

Another day, deep in the stacks,
Where no one had come for years.
Walled in by the forbidding tomes
Of Migne's Patrologia,
I stood, reading the heart tearing
Plaints of Abelard. All at once
I realized that for some time
I had been smelling a sweet, light
Perfume, very faint, and very chic;
And then I heard the shiver
Of thin bracelets, and a murmur
That went on and paused and went on again;
And discovered that beyond me
In the next aisle a boy and girl
Made love in the most remote
Corner of knowledge.
posted by mfoight at 5:55 PM on January 30, 2012 [3 favorites]


I and a particular lady friend both had our first, or near-first, orgasms with another underneath the library steps of the bottom floor of my home town university.

Sigh.
posted by IAmBroom at 6:39 PM on January 30, 2012 [2 favorites]


My university had these little study rooms in the library with full doors and no windows. In my junior year my girlfriend and I would take midday...study breaks. Good times.
posted by Ber at 7:49 PM on January 30, 2012


http://www.librarygentlemensclub.com/
posted by CharlesV42 at 8:03 PM on January 30, 2012


yes, smart women are hot
posted by caddis at 8:50 PM on January 30, 2012


The caption to this illustration reads, “A Typical Scene.”

Where can I find this illustration? I need it for research.
posted by troll at 12:35 AM on January 31, 2012


Samantha is a proud activist, a progressive. Her passionate approach to library science also makes a strong impression on the conservative head librarian, an older woman who hasn’t benefited from women’s lib. There is a poignant cultural moment when Ms. Gustafson turns to Samantha during a threesome and says, “I’m so grateful to you, my dear.”

There's an interesting little bit, I think in Solitary Sex that discusses the moral panic over the novel as a literary genre that inflamed the passions of young women.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 6:50 AM on January 31, 2012


don't tell me you guys forgot about jessamyn?

I did not know about this! I was the second librarian pornographer on the internet and had linked to that Nympho Librarian book cover back in the nineties. This guy was the first and I'm not sure where his site wound up. I'm a little surprised it wasn't cited in this article. I agree, this a good article for people who didn't know that this was a well-trod subgenre. Avi Steinberg is a good writer and seems to understand that writing about libraries and librarians [I know he worked in a prison library but I really think of him as writer who sometimes works in libraries and not librarian-who-writes] and yet really... another Checking Out title?
posted by jessamyn at 11:19 AM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


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