Skip

Piss
January 31, 2012 6:01 PM   Subscribe

"Piss" Sometimes a girl just wants to get peed on. Filmmaker Bette Bentley has written, produced, starred in and co-directed a funny and very sweet short film on the bedroom negotiations of piss play. [NSFW - also possible trigger]
posted by stray (88 comments total) 34 users marked this as a favorite

 
The way to bypass age-verification on YT is to replace the "you" in the URL with "puri" like this,
posted by DU at 6:06 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


The way to bypass age-verification on YT is to replace the "you" in the URL with "puri" like this,

If you're already using the "/v/[videoid]" format (instead of "/watch?v=[videoid]"), plain old youtube.com works too.

posted by kmz at 6:11 PM on January 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


Oh damn that looks familiar. Piss isn't my thing, but that awkward dance of negotiation and no you can't want this just to make me happy I need YOU to want it too or it's too nice sure does strike a chord.

This was spot-on and really great. It's so nice to see these sorts of scenarios being illuminated, with grace and humor.
posted by WidgetAlley at 6:12 PM on January 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


Wow. I don't think I've ever been quite that awkward, but I've sure been there in that "my turn-ons are completely at odds with my ethics and morals" bit. (Though granted in this situation it's her turn-ons, but close enough...)

Mostly, though, I was hung up on the thought of what they planned to do about cleaning up the mattress afterwards??? I mean did they have a plastic sheet over it under the bottom sheet? Uck.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 6:14 PM on January 31, 2012 [5 favorites]


that was fantastic and adorable and like WidgetAlley says, it feels really true. also, she should have known to start in the shower. don't make someone's first time pissing on you be in a place they haven't pissed on as an adult, like on the bed. in the shower there's no backup thoughts about cleaning afterwards and make sure to aim away from the pillow and is this going to fall onto the carpet.
posted by nadawi at 6:16 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, also. Jesus Christ people, it's called a safeword. It's not a difficult concept. If you're that shy about it, get a necklace.
posted by WidgetAlley at 6:16 PM on January 31, 2012 [11 favorites]


That started out scaring me to death, and then turned lovely. Thanks.
posted by koeselitz at 6:20 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]




In a funny way this reminded me of Mr Show's The Audition
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:26 PM on January 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


My advice: do this in the bathtub, or at least be prepared to clean this up in the morning. I've witnessed what happens when you don't plan ahead. And to think, that was only the 3rd craziest party I've ever been to.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 6:28 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


Not the best topic to broach on a first date, I've found.
posted by Flashman at 6:35 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


I guess I have to ask the more initiated: what exactly is it that makes someone desire to be micturated upon?
posted by jsavimbi at 6:37 PM on January 31, 2012


I've been wanting to tell this story on MeFi for a while, but I never thought that I'd get the opportunity. stray, if you're ever in Los Angeles, I owe you a beer.

There was this girl with whom I'd gone on a few dates, and one day while we're fooling around she tells me "Just so you know, if you wanted to piss in my mouth, I'd be totally ok with that."

Now, I'd never done this before, but I was of the opinion that an offer like that isn't something that a person just makes unless they really want it. This wasn't something that I'd ever given any thoughts to doing previously, and when I considered it I wasn't precisely turned on, but I figured that she'd been pretty GGG about my particular brand of perv, so it would be ungentlemanly of me to not return the favor. In the spirit of charity, I agreed to piss in her mouth.

There were a couple of things that, had I known about them beforehand, probably would have prevented me from complying with her request. The first is that getting your body to produce urine when you're already aroused is difficult, particularly if you're not accustomed to thinking of the human face as a urinal. The second thing that I didn't know when I agreed to do this thing was that I was about to produce one of the Five Longest Pisses of My Life.

I had no idea, when I started, that this piss was going to be the epic flood that it turned out to be. Everything started normal, but then it just kept going. I started to feel bad about it, particularly at the point when she began looking up at me with "what the living fuck?" eyes, but I didn't know what to do. I mean, if I stopped I'd be too uncomfortable to continue fooling around, which I knew that we both wanted to do afterwards, so I just kept on going. Occasionally I'd think that I was just about done, but nope, it would start right back up again.

When I eventually finished, we spent some time awkwardly discussing it. Apparently, the duration of time during which those buckets of piss splashed down her chin afforded her the opportunity to think up a lot of questions about what a urination of this length meant about my health. I didn't have any good answers for her. The best that I could guess was that some part of my unconscious mind (incorrectly, it turns out) guessed that I'd never encounter another person who would make me a proposition of this sort, and so it instructed my body to empty every last ounce of fluid that it could spare without causing catastrophic organ failure onto this poor girl's face.

Long story short, she and I don't see each other any more.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 6:40 PM on January 31, 2012 [140 favorites]


Parasite Unseen: Oldest story in the book, really.
posted by phrontist at 6:43 PM on January 31, 2012 [7 favorites]


Is she a never nude?
posted by Brocktoon at 6:43 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


That was really sweet, actually. I'm not into the peeing thing, but I think most of us can relate to the awkwardness and the confusion.
posted by Forktine at 6:45 PM on January 31, 2012


i don't have a fetish for being pissed on and it used to be on my very short immediate no list. but, then i was with someone who wanted to piss on me and i realized that i wasn't really as opposed as i had thought. we never did it as a big degradation thing, but more as a super silly play thing that taps into the "lets play doctor" part of the naughty side. i'm still not interested in drinking pee or anything, and i wouldn't want to be with someone who had to pee on me to get off, but i learned that it can be kind of totally delightful in the right circumstances.
posted by nadawi at 6:45 PM on January 31, 2012


I guess I have to ask the more initiated: what exactly is it that makes someone desire to be micturated upon?

Some people have submissive fantasies whereby they derive sexual excitement from the idea of being powerless against a powerful, dominating sexual partner who simply uses them for their own desires. Being pissed on is an extension of this!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:46 PM on January 31, 2012 [5 favorites]


@jsavimbi If I had to guess I would say it is a power thing: Subjection, degradation, pretty much what she said in the film. Essentially the same reason people like being called 'sluts', 'whores', 'fucktoys', etc during sex, but with a specific slant on it. If any mefite has better then speculation then feel free to correct me.

Now the DEEPER question of why a percentage of the human race desires that humiliation is something that I wouldn't even try to guess.
posted by Canageek at 6:47 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


but i learned that it can be kind of totally delightful in the right circumstances.

It's a totally non-sexual context, but there is nothing in the world quite like the face your significant other makes when you're in the shower and they realize you are intentionally peeing on their foot.
posted by WidgetAlley at 6:56 PM on January 31, 2012 [17 favorites]


Now the DEEPER question of why

That's what I was getting at. I'm no novice to internet porn, but the pee thing just seemed like a whole separate act from the sexual and my mind isn't able to tie those two together.
posted by jsavimbi at 6:57 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


They also have trouble with Purchase names.
posted by unliteral at 7:00 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


I would have guessed that most of the negotiation would revolve around assignment cleanup duties...pisser or pissie?
posted by Chekhovian at 7:08 PM on January 31, 2012


@Chekhovian: As a general rule I'd go with whomever is requesting a specific act should do cleanup duties..and not just for piss. Getting whipped cream or jello or whatnot out of a bead spread can't be easy.
posted by Canageek at 7:11 PM on January 31, 2012


This is really getting kinky, 'cuz I don't even know what a "bead spread" is... and I don't WANT to know, thank you very much.
posted by HuronBob at 7:52 PM on January 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


This thread pisses me off. But better to be pissed off than pissed on!

sorry
posted by jonmc at 7:53 PM on January 31, 2012


Bed spread, bed spread.
posted by Canageek at 7:55 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's what I was getting at. I'm no novice to internet porn, but the pee thing just seemed like a whole separate act from the sexual and my mind isn't able to tie those two together.

I find piss play totally incomprehensible too. But I feel like on a rational level, if I'm into anything at all above and beyond "fucking" and "looking at aroused genitalia," then that's equally arbitrary and in some sense weird.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:04 PM on January 31, 2012 [2 favorites]


holy crap watching that was uncomfortable. I gave up during the second long, long, long recitation of abuse as the dude tried to work up to peeing.

I dunno, I've enertained fantasies of being pissed on a couple times. Haven't made it happen. Came real close to suggesting it one time when I was in a nice hotel for a weekend with my SO, and there was an AMAZING tub. But it totally would have been "Whee! Piss on me!", maybe with a side dish of "scent-mark me!" what with being Goddamned Furries and all, instead of "hold me down and call me names and piss on me."

Also we would have had the help of actually having the concept of a "safeword". Which in my life comes in two forms: the word "safeword", or "no, stop" delivered in a VERY flat tone of voice - there's a certain register that's very much the "okay no I am not playing here this is serious" register for me.
posted by egypturnash at 8:13 PM on January 31, 2012 [2 favorites]


Geeze, talk about attractive people's problems. Unless I develop multiple personality disorder or something, this is just totally alien. I can't imagine ever negotiating anything with anyone in the bedroom.
posted by planet at 8:16 PM on January 31, 2012 [4 favorites]


@planet Would that be the same problem I have of 'It has been so long since I've been in a relationship that it almost feels like it happened to another person'?
posted by Canageek at 8:18 PM on January 31, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Dammit, Andrew, you had asparagus at dinner, didn't you?"
posted by bondcliff at 8:28 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


For the love of God we need to get Parasite Unseen's comment sidebared. Flag as fantastic if you have an ounce of human decency in you.
posted by no regrets, coyote at 8:30 PM on January 31, 2012


@planet Would that be the same problem I have of 'It has been so long since I've been in a relationship that it almost feels like it happened to another person'?
In my case, it actually would've happened to another person -- and only if reincarnation is true.

And actually, I've negotiated lots of things in my bedroom. But it was all for work, over the phone, and it was much less awkward in every case than that video.
posted by planet at 8:39 PM on January 31, 2012


Gotta say, bit awkward that my first name is also Andrew...
posted by usagizero at 8:48 PM on January 31, 2012


Left during the "How do I know when you really want me to stop?" once it became clear that the safeword concept was not going to come into it.

A safeword makes the difference between consensual BDSM and rape, people. If you're playing without one then you're in grave danger of psychologically traumatizing someone.

Safewords should be a part of all sex in my opinion (not just kink) as I feel like it'd really clarify a lot of boundaries. Just because someone isn't tied up doesn't mean that they wouldn't benefit from an unambiguous way of withdrawing their consent.
posted by Scientist at 8:52 PM on January 31, 2012 [6 favorites]


I guess I have to ask the more initiated: what exactly is it that makes someone desire to be micturated upon?

Because it is fun and gives me a boner. Why else do people desire?

I always find it condescending when people ask questions like this. I am sure you had good intentions, but when people want to know exactly what makes someone get off on what they get off on there is an assumption of normalcy. After all, know one aks someone why they get off on vanilla sex.
posted by munchingzombie at 8:53 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


(And yes, that means that in my ideal world, both partners would have safewords.)
posted by Scientist at 8:53 PM on January 31, 2012


You guys are freaks.

/infamous CBT freak
posted by bardic at 8:56 PM on January 31, 2012


A safeword makes the difference between consensual BDSM and rape, people. If you're playing without one then you're in grave danger of psychologically traumatizing someone.

Though, I mean, even in a lot of BDSM contexts, "Ow fuck stop that" works just fine.
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:14 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


That was much more charming than the peeing videos I've stumbled across browsing Fetlife. But yeah, I kept waiting for the safe word....
posted by showmethecalvino at 9:17 PM on January 31, 2012


If you came here looking for a pee joke
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Urine luck
posted by growabrain at 9:31 PM on January 31, 2012 [15 favorites]


Scientist: "A safeword makes the difference between consensual BDSM and rape, people. If you're playing without one then you're in grave danger of psychologically traumatizing someone. "

I know what you're getting at, but this is some serious hyperbole. Playing without a safeword most empathically does not make it rape, or anything similar or comparable to rape. And depending on your type and style of play, and how well you know your partner, it might be totally redundant.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 9:39 PM on January 31, 2012 [3 favorites]


Aw, that was sweet.

I breathed though my mouth for most of it, but still, sweet.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:52 PM on January 31, 2012


Even knowing a playmate well still means I use a safeword. I...ummmm...my friend has gotten into sexual situations in the heat of the moment which are the type I...errrrr...he wishes had never started. Knowing a safeword is there makes those moments much more endurable. And avoids issues like in the film.

Of course, I..erm...my friend also believes in safe symbols. Getting someone all done up, gag and all, can make safe words difficult, so you use a back up.

Or so my friend says.

And I...ummmm...that one friend says it's fun to do in a marking your possessions fashion. Sort of a "Now you are MINE" thing. His giving moments have gone well, but he seeks a dom who would be willing to offer...
posted by Samizdata at 9:53 PM on January 31, 2012


If you came here looking for a pee joke

Little Johnny is sitting in class and raises his hand. Miss Jones says "Yes Johnny?"

"Miss Jones! Miss Jones! I need to go to the bathroom!" exclaims Little Johnny.

"Not right now Johnny, go later."

"But Miss Jones, I need to go the bathroom now!"

"Okay," says Miss Jones, "but first you need to say your ABCs."

So Little Johnny says "Okay. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."

Miss Jones says "What about the 'P'?"

"It's running down my leg."
posted by Mister Fabulous at 10:23 PM on January 31, 2012


Oh yeah, the friend says she's hot and wouldn't have to negotiate at all, although he might try to leverage as a shot at the buttsecks.
posted by Samizdata at 11:29 PM on January 31, 2012 [1 favorite]


My friend also says "'leverage IT as a shot', dumbass."
posted by Samizdata at 11:30 PM on January 31, 2012


hooray for teh buttsecks! ♥
posted by egypturnash at 12:43 AM on February 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Samizdata, your friend sounds like a fun completely mysterious person! I imagine that he doesn't necessarily need a dom in order to get peed on. Bossing someone into peeing can also be fun (and secretly hilarious out of context).
posted by the young rope-rider at 6:07 AM on February 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Having thought about it a little, am I the only one who thinks her problem was that she tried to get him to go whole-hog the first time? He obviously has some barriers, and she is trying to shove him past them all at once. I think such things would be better if she did something small, like they did at the end in the shower, first, then worked up to what she actually wants.

Or am I totally off my rocker?
posted by Canageek at 7:38 AM on February 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


Now the DEEPER question of why a percentage of the human race desires that humiliation is something that I wouldn't even try to guess.

I think the deeper question is why we as a society have an instinctive need to always pathologize sexualities that differ from our own. :)
posted by Theta States at 7:45 AM on February 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


@ThetaStates Because we can see parallels between that desire and desires we have? Because if you asked me to list three personality traits I have I'd probably put curiosity as number one? Because I'm a scientist (in training) and the fact there are unanswered questions in the world seems like a personal challenge? (Though the wrong type of sciensist to answer this one....'Just lay your brain on the table. I'm going to homogenize, dissolve it in a dueterated solvent, then put it in the NMR...)
posted by Canageek at 7:50 AM on February 1, 2012


Canageek, if we're getting science-y with it, I'd personally start by looking at the way our brain interprets intense stimuli. As you probably know, the brain interprets, "explains", and learns from physical arousal but doesn't always do so accurately or with nuance. The intense physical arousal associated with shame and the proximity of urine to the genitals could easily cause the brain to misfire and think "oh, wow, I'm excited...why am I excited...genitals are involved...SEX"
posted by the young rope-rider at 8:06 AM on February 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


From the surveys I've seen done it looks like some amount of dom/sub action is involved in most heterosexual relationships and percentagewise it tends to be the females who are more often on the submissive end.

So what I want to know is what sort of pathology causes the deviants who think sex is about "gentle nurturing equality" and things of the sort to have this abnormal concept?

According to my non-scientific calculations, all sexual desire is pathalogical and very very naughty and we're all deviants. Hopefully we can all find therapy to tell us about how naughty and pathological we are for having very naughty sexual desire. A good therapist wants to hear all about it, in detail, because therapists aren't pathological like this (therapists by default- above such naughtiness), but it's important for them to have lot's and lot's and lot's of details about naughty people's pathological desires. Not for sexual purposes or anything. .... ... And we probably need some discipline in here. Discipline!
posted by xarnop at 8:50 AM on February 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


Because I'm a scientist (in training) and the fact there are unanswered questions in the world seems like a personal challenge?

Science has a pretty bleak (and often horrifying) track record trying to deal with the psychological reasonings of sexuality, so please understand the suspicion.
And the worst part is: understanding the pathological backgrounds of psychosexual desire is probably the least useful aspect of sex-related research out there.
posted by Theta States at 9:13 AM on February 1, 2012


The intense physical arousal associated with shame and the proximity of urine to the genitals could easily cause the brain to misfire and think "oh, wow, I'm excited...why am I excited...genitals are involved...SEX"

I never thought I'd spend my day defending pissplayers (a bit squick for me...), but I just wanted to point out that you labeled their reaction a "misfire".
It's a tiny point, but in the realm of sexual research there is a large history of labelling homosexuals as deviants, dysfunctional, having their desires "misdirected", and such.

My point is: instead of focusing on why someone has the sexual desires they do, why not focus on how to best integrate them in to their life in a healthy way?
As an example: In to spanking? Great! Either A) have a nervous breakdown about it B) let us electroshock the sexual impulses out of you or C) let's discuss how to bring it up in your relationship like a responsible human being in a progressive society. :)

People who try to cure homosexuality are always talking about the reasons they are that way, their "Root' to it, etc. i.e. trying to pathologize it and find why they aren't just normal like everyone else.
So finding out WHY someone's sexuality is the way it is isn't as useful as say, making sure gay people can be themselves, safely, with the same rights as anyone else.

To bring it back to pissplayers, I can't imagine any use to understanding why they like what they do.
Best to focus on safe play, consent discussions, and saving for rubber sheets.
posted by Theta States at 9:21 AM on February 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


@Theta States: I am aware of that, and it is quite sad. Also: I can see challenges with getting people to perform kink acts inside MRI machines so that we can image their brains during it. Well, except possibly the exhibitionists. :D

I also like my area of study: Chemicals don't complain if you strip away their privacy and prob their innards with photons, magnetic waves and neutrons. No one complains about molecules rights. Heck, if you make your research basic enough you can avoid pretty much all ethical issues (I have made a new compound of a type never seen before that tells us much about the basics of how chemistry works! However, it decomposes if not kept in liquid nitrogen at all times.)
posted by Canageek at 9:27 AM on February 1, 2012


last winter me and ms. beefetish got so bored that we peed on each other. that's what love means, man. that's what love is.
posted by beefetish at 9:35 AM on February 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


also it's surprisingly warm, so, you know, good seasonal activity.

I never thought I'd spend my day defending pissplayers (a bit squick for me...), but I just wanted to point out that you labeled their reaction a "misfire".


I'm talking about it in the basic biological sense where the brain evolved to do one thing (identify dangerous situations and avoid them) and ended up doing another thing (identify dangerous situations and...find them hot and seek them out).

That said, as a non-apologetic kinkster I see why the terminology I used could be hurful, and were I to write it again I'd probably use something like "side effect" or "unintended consequence" (of course, unintended by whom is the question with that phrasing.)
posted by the young rope-rider at 9:46 AM on February 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also: I can see challenges with getting people to perform kink acts inside MRI machines so that we can image their brains during it.

Now there's a hypothesis bubbling up: does the brain of someone who is aroused by a deemed-kinky act experience the same brain activity when exposed to an image of it, as say, a heterosexual male exposed to their typical heterosexual pornorgraphy?

My guess would be yes, but if you have an MRI machine... science it up!
posted by Theta States at 10:07 AM on February 1, 2012


I can't imagine a more exciting research project, than observing kinky people in an MRI. Might be kind of fun to be observed, too.
posted by Goofyy at 10:09 AM on February 1, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll re-state my hypothesis more clearly: I hypothesize that all pornographic stimulation excites similar statistically normal areas of the brain, regardless of the type of pornography, provided that the pornography is not also coupled with feelings of shame, self-hatred, confusion, etc.
(i.e. the subjects have a healthy and positive relationship with their sexual desires.)
posted by Theta States at 10:10 AM on February 1, 2012


I'm really disappointed nobody got my Nathan Barley reference.
posted by dunkadunc at 10:11 AM on February 1, 2012


"healthy and positive"? So, only those of whom you approve.

Look out! It's a bedroom monitor!
posted by Goofyy at 10:12 AM on February 1, 2012


I can't imagine a more exciting research project, than observing kinky people in an MRI.

Potential confounds to control for: exhibitionism; medical play; confinement/mummification fetish....
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:22 AM on February 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


Ah, I love a happy ending.

You have to try to do the mad sex shit your partner wants. Especially if you want her/him to do the mad sex shit you want. Just try not to say "EW...EW...EW...EW" while you're doing it.
posted by Decani at 11:56 AM on February 1, 2012


"healthy and positive"? So, only those of whom you approve.


Controls are important. I suppose you COULD have a test where all subjects report feeling shame and guilt about their sexuality...



Potential confounds to control for: exhibitionism; medical play; confinement/mummification fetish....

Get to it, science!
posted by Theta States at 12:23 PM on February 1, 2012


@Theta States: I was about to issue a snarky comment about physical science getting funding first, but a better map of the brain could be really useful, couldn't it? So yeah, lets get more kink in MRI machines.
posted by Canageek at 6:27 PM on February 1, 2012


Goofyy: "I can't imagine a more exciting research project, than observing kinky people in an MRI. Might be kind of fun to be observed, too."

Better invest in some plastic hardware, or...

Ow!
posted by Sportbilly at 6:46 PM on February 1, 2012


@Sportbilly: Kink hardware is made out of metal? I thought it was mostly, you know, leather and silicon and such.
posted by Canageek at 7:24 PM on February 1, 2012


Kink hardware is made out of metal?

Oh yes, it often is. Not all of it easy to remove, nor cheap.
posted by Forktine at 7:55 PM on February 1, 2012


(Need I mention that those links are very, very NSFW?)
posted by Forktine at 7:56 PM on February 1, 2012


...and they are made of iron or steel? Not base metal? Those must be painfully heavy.

Oh yeah, I guess that would be the point, wouldn't it?

I'm sure you could check the toys ahead of time though; If it sticks to the magnet, it doesn't go in the MRI room.

Also: Bring one of those near my precious NMR and I will make sure the security camera footage winds up on youtube in vengeance for hurting my baby
posted by Canageek at 8:02 PM on February 1, 2012


Oh yeah, I guess that would be the point, wouldn't it?

That's the idea I get; other than jewelry I've never ordered any of those things, so can't contribute any first-hand knowledge. I'd think warming them up first would be a good idea, too.
posted by Forktine at 8:05 PM on February 1, 2012


I guess I have to ask the more initiated: what exactly is it that makes someone desire to be micturated upon?

It's warm and wet and hot and sexy and naughty and dirty (but safe and easy to clean!) and it's intimate. It's everything great about sex and we've been taught since kids that pissing yourself (or, god forbid, pissing on someone else) is a terrible thing to do so it's a nice fuck-you to mum and dad. There's nothing inherently "wrong" with pee, it's just water and vitamins and a few other bits and pieces, and I'm sorry but if you haven't tried it you're missing out. But yeah, start in the bath or shower before progressing elsewhere, and gents will need to learn to pee with an erection. And that's all for tumid dahlia's Unnecessary Sharing Time for today!
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:37 PM on February 1, 2012 [4 favorites]



(Need I mention that those links are very, very NSFW?)


And the second one contains the phrase "World's Most Comfortable Butt Plug," which is just calling out for some sort of convoluted J. Peterman catalog type of story about a rugged adventuresome man searching the four corners of the globe for the perfect traditional handcrafted luxuriously-sculpted butt apparatus.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:41 PM on February 1, 2012 [3 favorites]


"World's Most Comfortable Butt Plug"

Yeah, we made that mistake. We got ours at Aldi. Guys just wheeled in a big fuckin' box of them and plopped it in the middle of the floor and stuck a "Butt Plugs $10" sign above it. People were riffling through them, checking for freshness and size. One guy actually bit down on a couple and I actually had to fuckin' tell him "Hey, dude, you can't put those back." Anyway, wasn't till we got home and dumped the bag on the counter and I checked the bottoms of the plugs and sure enough - "Not For Internal Use". What the fuck, Aldi? But the label was right.......they weren't.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:50 PM on February 1, 2012 [11 favorites]


I can't have been the only one who was expecting the "World's Most Comfortabe Butt Plug" link to be to the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue, can I? Maybe I just read too much SkyMall.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 9:16 PM on February 1, 2012 [2 favorites]


the young rope-rider: "Samizdata, your friend sounds like a fun completely mysterious person! I imagine that he doesn't necessarily need a dom in order to get peed on. Bossing someone into peeing can also be fun (and secretly hilarious out of context)."

Well, for the man o' mystery, the whole peeing interest is couched in a desire to be dominated and humiliated/helpless, or so I suspect.
posted by Samizdata at 12:52 AM on February 2, 2012


xarnop: "From the surveys I've seen done it looks like some amount of dom/sub action is involved in most heterosexual relationships and percentagewise it tends to be the females who are more often on the submissive end.

So what I want to know is what sort of pathology causes the deviants who think sex is about "gentle nurturing equality" and things of the sort to have this abnormal concept?

According to my non-scientific calculations, all sexual desire is pathalogical and very very naughty and we're all deviants. Hopefully we can all find therapy to tell us about how naughty and pathological we are for having very naughty sexual desire. A good therapist wants to hear all about it, in detail, because therapists aren't pathological like this (therapists by default- above such naughtiness), but it's important for them to have lot's and lot's and lot's of details about naughty people's pathological desires. Not for sexual purposes or anything. .... ... And we probably need some discipline in here. Discipline!
"

Actually, I used to be married to a seriously conflicted sub. She really enjoyed her sub times and other assorted naughties, but then she started to confess to me that although she enjoyed such times, afterwards she would beat herself up and tell herself, and I quote, "Good girls don't do this."

Gah. Not a lot I could do to help her past that.
posted by Samizdata at 12:55 AM on February 2, 2012


Canageek: "@Theta States: I am aware of that, and it is quite sad. Also: I can see challenges with getting people to perform kink acts inside MRI machines so that we can image their brains during it. Well, except possibly the exhibitionists. :D

I also like my area of study: Chemicals don't complain if you strip away their privacy and prob their innards with photons, magnetic waves and neutrons. No one complains about molecules rights. Heck, if you make your research basic enough you can avoid pretty much all ethical issues (I have made a new compound of a type never seen before that tells us much about the basics of how chemistry works! However, it decomposes if not kept in liquid nitrogen at all times.)
"

I am going to disagree.

You violate them each and every time! Just because they don't have a voice doesn't mean they don't object!

laughing

Just wanted to toss you folks a delicious cookie for being so cool about all this. Some of the sexy von sexerstein things I have shared here are things no one else knows about me and it's pretty damn cool the teasing never peaks past a low level background snark.

So cheers and enjoy both the cookie and making someone pretty much no one here actually knows a pretty happy dude in some respects.

(And, although not an exhibitionist, I would do kink in an MRI/PET scanner, but only FOR SCIENCE!)
posted by Samizdata at 1:01 AM on February 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


Because you know, I like SCIENCE!

wanders off quietly

posted by Samizdata at 1:02 AM on February 2, 2012


I can't have been the only one who was expecting the "World's Most Comfortabe Butt Plug" link to be to the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue, can I? Maybe I just read too much SkyMall.

strangely stunted trees,
I ♥ U
I P N U!
posted by IAmBroom at 9:29 AM on February 2, 2012


Oooh! Oooh!

She should have asked to be his peon!

She could thank him with a paean.

I'll let myself out.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:31 AM on February 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: Bed spread, bed spread.

Now I can't stop giggling.
posted by frecklefaerie at 9:52 AM on February 2, 2012


@Samizdata: I didn't say I wasn't hurting the chemicals, I said they didn't complain.

You've posted stuff like this before? Dammit, now I have to read through all your FPPs looking for interesting things.
posted by Canageek at 1:34 PM on February 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Haters wanna hate,
Lovers wanna love.
I don't even want none of the above.
I want to piss on you!
Yes I do. I'll piss on you;
I'll pee on you.
*

*this thread's too long for me to more than half-assedly check if this has been posted yet
posted by item at 8:38 PM on February 2, 2012


« Older Women's Healthcare?   |   Music, Movies, Microcode, and... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments



Post