50 Most Loathsome 2011

February 1, 2012 6:00 PM

Now later than ever: The Buffalo Beast's 50 Most Loathsome Americans of 2011.
posted by XQUZYPHYR (80 comments total)

I was pleasantly surprised to find myself in agreement with the relevance of a lot of these candidates.
posted by Phire at 6:01 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Some of those sentences, they're not so funny.
posted by Wataki at 6:04 PM on February 1 [5 favorites]

SPOILER ALERT!

*quickly flips to see who ranks as the worst*

The Koch Brothers

Yeah, that works.
posted by Ufez Jones at 6:07 PM on February 1 [3 favorites]

Oh God I've been waiting for this for months!

Talk about your target-rich environments!
posted by newdaddy at 6:08 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

yay!
posted by AzzaMcKazza at 6:12 PM on February 1

14) Scott Walker

Come on, Tilt wasn't that bad.
posted by dng at 6:13 PM on February 1 [8 favorites]

Some of those sentences, they're not so funny.

The paragraphs aren't much to look at either.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:23 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

48) Christopher Hitchens
Crimes: First dead atheist to inspire such hagiographic dreck since Mother Teresa. Born British, died unmistakably American, having been so wooed by the “War on Terror” that he was sworn in by then DHS head Michael Chertoff. He was a pompous misogynist and warmonger who, above all else, loved the sound of his own voice. He palled around with comb-licking goon Paul Wolfowitz, advocated for Bush’s reelection, and clung to his scotch-soaked end that Saddam Hussein possessed WMD. With his undoubtedly elegant prose, Hitch provided more support to Islamophobes than a Lowe’s 2 x 4.
Smoking Gun: “Prison conditions at Abu Ghraib have improved markedly and dramatically since the arrival of Coalition troops in Baghdad.”
Sentence: Remembered accurately.
posted by docgonzo at 6:24 PM on February 1 [17 favorites]

People missing from this list include:

- acorn pimp duder
- zuckerberg
- scalia, alito, & thomas
- michele bachmann is horrible enough to be on it twice
- my upstairs neighbor because seriously come the fuck on what is even wrong with you
posted by elizardbits at 6:25 PM on February 1 [16 favorites]

Ah, you spotted the one entry more likely to derail the thread than any other, docgonzo. And so you singled it out here to kickstart the process, or...?
posted by gilrain at 6:28 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Obama's "smoking gun" is...I don't know, less than incriminating?
posted by psoas at 6:31 PM on February 1

Here we go again. #51: Writers at the BEAST who make this top 50 list.

I kid. I can't help but devouring this every year. The schadenfreude really appeals to my lizard brain.
posted by zardoz at 6:32 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

33) Dr. Drew Pinsky
Crimes: Is to mental health what Charles Ponzi was to business. A leech on the underbelly of celebrity culture, Pinsky’s built a media franchise on parading reality TV freaks, addicts, and exhibitionists before a nation of insatiable voyeurs under the very thin guise of helping them. A narcissistic prig who thinks he can diagnose people he’s never met, and pay people to enter rehab, Pinsky’s are the offerings of a judgmental prude who shills unethical quackery rather than providing sound psychological assessments.
Smoking Gun: Defended Casey Anthony because she said she was molested.

That guy is pretty annoying.
posted by delmoi at 6:33 PM on February 1 [2 favorites]

Ah, you spotted the one entry more likely to derail the thread than any other, docgonzo. And so you singled it out here to kickstart the process, or...?

-Hitch was good!

-Hitch was bad!

-Hitch was right about religion!

-Hitch was disrespectful about religion!

-Hitch was drunk!

-Hitch was sexist!

-Hitch was an eloquent and articulate writer!

-Fuck cancer!

OK, that's everything, I think. Let's talk about rest of the list.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:34 PM on February 1 [15 favorites]

Ah, you spotted the one entry more likely to derail the thread than any other, docgonzo. And so you singled it out here to kickstart the process, or...?

I just liked it so much.
posted by docgonzo at 6:35 PM on February 1 [3 favorites]

psoas: Obama's "smoking gun" is...I don't know, less than incriminating?

You're meant to contrast what he says in the quote with how the OWS protests have been handled.
posted by gilrain at 6:35 PM on February 1

tyrannical spanakopita

I think this is what you call a momentary lapse in the invective stream. For starters, spanakopita is an excellent thing (aside: why is it so hard to find tiropita in the USA? We're usually all about the cheese-filled goodness). Who would object to being tyrannized by spinach-and-feta-filled excellence? I ask you.
posted by thomas j wise at 6:35 PM on February 1 [4 favorites]

Jesus, has it been a year already?
posted by gwint at 6:38 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Here we go again. #51: Writers at the BEAST who make this top 50 list.

Perhaps you didn't notice that #50 was in fact the writer himself?
posted by xigxag at 6:41 PM on February 1 [3 favorites]

Tiropita is the best thing ever, and thank God I don't know where to find some because I would never stop eating it.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:41 PM on February 1

The Beast's writers are much better than I am. If you handed me all the names on this list, I would only have the patience to write "Man, fuck this person."
posted by triceryclops at 6:42 PM on February 1 [14 favorites]

Your favorite everything sucks.
posted by crunchland at 6:42 PM on February 1

I want to enjoy these, but their over-reliance on rapey hatey anti-womaney humor makes me not particularly care who the loathsome find loathsome.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 6:42 PM on February 1 [13 favorites]

And, no, including themselves on the list, as they do every year, is not an out.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 6:43 PM on February 1 [2 favorites]

These are pretty good this year and pretty spot on. But it's kind of depressing to see all fifty of these assholes all in one article. I feel kind of dirty and squicky after reading it.
posted by octothorpe at 6:43 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Are there any of these lists but for, you know, people who did genuinely good things?
posted by curious nu at 6:44 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Have they included themselves on the list finally?
posted by jonmc at 6:45 PM on February 1

Wataki: "Some of those sentences, they're not so funny."

Yeah, rape jokes are pretty horrible, but the writer's being mean to people we dislike, so it's okay, or something.
posted by ShawnStruck at 6:45 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Really, really don't click on the Krokodil link. Holy hell that can not be unseen.
posted by Carillon at 6:47 PM on February 1 [3 favorites]

Your favorite everything sucks.

No one on this list is anyone's favorite anything.
posted by Diablevert at 6:48 PM on February 1

Yeah, rape jokes are pretty horrible, but the writer's being mean to people we dislike, so it's okay, or something.

He also suggests that the Waltons should be guillotined, and Newt Gingrich burned to death (by a Michael Bay explosion, of course). I think if black humor when it comes to death is acceptable, then it's bizarre to hold rape sacrosanct.
posted by Diablevert at 6:50 PM on February 1 [6 favorites]

He also suggests that the Waltons should be guillotined --- Good night John boy indeed.
posted by crunchland at 6:54 PM on February 1 [2 favorites]

This is just a standard enemies' list. Except for Hitchens and Obama, it is the standard litany of people despised by upscale white liberals. There's no imagination there whatsoever.

And wishing painful ends on people like Grover Norquist is simply inexcusable. Not to mention that the author seems not to remember that John McCain has already been "detained without trial and tortured."

Besides, if someone like Hank Williams Jr. is one of America's most loathsome people, we must be suffering from an over-abundance of virtue.
posted by Yakuman at 6:58 PM on February 1 [5 favorites]

I was pleased to see #20.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 7:01 PM on February 1

Other than Obama, I think he hit a 98%. I'll give him a B+, mainly because he didn't have to be so sarcastic and edgy. Just listing the facts is damning enough. The crack about cervical cancer was pretty tasteless.

Not that I don't think that Obama royally deserves criticism for many things, but I really wish everyone would save their breath to inform him loudly and long about what needs to be done in his second term. And there will be a second term, unless there's a Second Coming, 'cause Maude help us if any of those other whistle dicks get elected.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:07 PM on February 1

Except for Hitchens and Obama, it is the standard litany of people despised by upscale white liberals.

Yeah, Anthony Weiner and Jon Corzine are such right-wing Tea-Partiers.

But I'm sure you want them to cut some slack to Casey Anthony.
posted by oneswellfoop at 7:10 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

But I've been lobbying for a spot on that list all year!
posted by evilmidnightbomberwhatbombsatmidnight at 7:33 PM on February 1

And wishing painful ends on people like Grover Norquist is simply inexcusable. Not to mention that the author seems not to remember that John McCain has already been "detained without trial and tortured."

I think that was kind of the point with the McCain entry. And Norquist? Really? Of all people to defend on that list you choose basically the GOP's version of the Cigarette Smoking Man?
posted by Navelgazer at 7:33 PM on February 1

Yow. McCain's sentence is brutal.

Thought at first the Steve Jobs bit at #20 was too savage. But then I read the "Siri’s a sexist asshole" smoking gun: I'd totally missed last fall's debate about the sexism inherent in the iPhone's Siri software:

When you say to Siri, “I need a blow job,” she produces “nine escorts fairly close to you”. You get the same result if you say, “I’m horny” into it, even with my very female voice. And if you should you need erection drugs to help you through your encounter with one of the escorts, Siri is super-helpful. She produced twenty nearby drugstores where Viagra could be purchased, though how — without a prescription — is hard to imagine....

More troubling and less predictable was Siri’s inability to generate decent results related to women’s reproductive health. When I asked it where to find birth control, it only came up with a clinic nearly four miles away that happened to have the words “birth control” in its name. The Planned Parenthood a few blocks away from me didn’t come up. Neither did all the helpful drugstores that stock condoms and birth control pills along with Viagra that Siri knew exactly how to get.

The results when I asked for an abortion were even worse; even though that same Planned Parenthood performs abortions, Siri claimed it had no knowledge of any abortion clinics in the area. Other women running similar trials have had the same problem, if not worse. In some cases, Siri suggests crisis pregnancy centers when you mention the word “abortion”, even though CPCs not only don’t provide abortions, but are established solely to lure unsuspecting women in and bully them out of the choice to abort....

The problem is that the very real and frequent concerns of women simply didn’t rise to the level of a priority for the programmers. Even though far more women will seek abortion in their lives than men will seek prostitutes, even though more women use contraception than men use Viagra, and even though exponentially more women use contraception than men seek prostitutes, the programmers were far more worried about making sure the word “horny” puts you in contact with a prostitute (a still-illegal activity) than the word “abortion” puts you in contact with someone who could do that for you legally.

I'm not finding any news of Apple's correction of the "unintentional" omission here. Has there been any update?
posted by mediareport at 7:51 PM on February 1 [5 favorites]

Despite being alive for most of recorded history, McCain has learned absolutely nothing from it.

I must admit, this writer can turn an apt phrase.
posted by orange swan at 7:52 PM on February 1 [4 favorites]

Is this the first year that "You" hasn't been on the list?

Not to mention that the author seems not to remember that John McCain has already been "detained without trial and tortured."

Reinier Wolfcastle has my back.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:53 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Did Rick Santorum seriously reference Tolkien? Freaky
posted by jeffburdges at 8:02 PM on February 1

It's that one time of the year when we remember Buffalo.
posted by Flashman at 8:05 PM on February 1 [3 favorites]

Even though far more women will seek abortion in their lives than men will seek prostitutes, even though more women use contraception than men use Viagra

Cite?

and even though exponentially more women use contraception than men seek prostitutes

This person doesn't know what exponentially means.
posted by pseudonick at 8:20 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Ooh! ooh! I can help with citations about contraception:

Guttmacher Institute says "Virtually all women (more than 99%) aged 15–44 who have ever had sexual intercourse have used at least one contraceptive method" and "Overall, 62% of the 62 million women aged 15–44 are currently using a method" and "Almost one-third (31%) of these 62 million women do not need a method because they are infertile; are pregnant, postpartum or trying to become pregnant; have never had intercourse; or are not sexually active" Mosher WD and Jones J, Use of contraception in the United States: 1982–2008, Vital and Health Statistics, 2010, Series 23, No. 29.

And abortion:

(Guttmacher again) "About half of American women will have an unintended pregnancy, and nearly one-third will have an abortion, by age 45"Jones RK and Kavanaugh ML, Changes in abortion rates between 2000 and 2008 and lifetime incidence of abortion, Obstetrics & Gynecology, 2011, 117( 6):1358–1366. ((pdf)


Someone else figure out how many men seek Viagra or prostitutes. (Surely fewer?)
posted by gingerest at 8:34 PM on February 1 [3 favorites]

Who among us has not at one time needed to perform a hands-free search for an abortion?
posted by crayz at 8:44 PM on February 1 [2 favorites]

"11) John McCain Crimes: Despite being alive for most of recorded history, McCain has learned absolutely nothing from it. Along with the Democratic Senator from Michigan Carl Levin, and much to the sadistic delight of Lindsay Graham, McCain coauthored the despicable National Defense Authorization Act which codifies the federal government’s authority to indefinitely detain Americans who’ve been accused of terrorism without trial. You got a joke for that? Yeah, me neither. Smoking Gun: ”…it’s okay for us to send a predator, and fire, and kill that person…” Sentence: Detained without trial and tortured."

Methinks they might not have read his wikipedia page before writing this
posted by Blasdelb at 9:25 PM on February 1

Carillon: Really, really don't click on the Krokodil link. Holy hell that can not be unseen.

Seriously, he's not kidding. Came here just to emphasize this point.
posted by JauntyFedora at 9:25 PM on February 1 [3 favorites]

44) Charlie Sheen
Crimes: Not a “totally bitchin' rock star from Mars”; more of a deluded mediocrity who was wildly overpaid to play a slightly more sober version of himself. And sorry, Charlie, it takes more than a stage and a few eight balls to be Sam Kinison. While gleefully fulfilling every American's schadenfreude quota, his “winning” streak & short-lived “comedy” tour ultimately had the devastating effect of subjecting us to yet more Ashton Kutcher.
Smoking Gun: “I'm an F-18, bro.”
Sentence: Shot down by Chinese drones.

Yeah, that's why I read the list every year.
posted by JHarris at 9:37 PM on February 1

Methinks they might not have read his wikipedia page before writing this

It's a modest proposal, given his history.
posted by Diablevert at 9:39 PM on February 1

37) Arianna Huffington

...Publisher of some of the most profoundly stupid, anti-scientific tripe this side of Deepak Chopra’s magical asshole. Serial plagiarist. Calls people “darling” without irony.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:41 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

I don't like Tim Tebow, but I don't like rape jokes about Tim Tebow either.
posted by sweetkid at 9:57 PM on February 1 [4 favorites]

As a bit of a derail, the Krokodile photos (not for the squeamish) set off my "internet hoax" alarm.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:13 PM on February 1

I think this is the first time they didn't point their filthy little fingers at the general public. People, we've been slacking.
posted by RakDaddy at 10:16 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

mediareport: "I'm not finding any news of Apple's correction of the "unintentional" omission here. Has there been any update"

Uh, it was demonstrated within hours that it just plain wasn't even a story to begin with. I'd say it's kind of disingenuous to bring it back up now, but then this is meant to be a cathartic angry-thon of an article, rather than, strictly speaking, journalism.
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:30 PM on February 1

KokoRyu, I thought that, too, but Time says the drug is real, and using it involves "ingredients including gasoline, paint thinner, hydrochloric acid, iodine and red phosphorous, which they scrape from the striking pads on matchboxes". Trace red phosphorus or gasoline could give a user major abscesses from skin-popping or from infiltration after missing the vein.
posted by gingerest at 10:30 PM on February 1 [1 favorite]

Boo to the rape jokes, mostly agree with the rest of it.

Also, omg, how did I miss this moment?
Rick Scott: “I’ve got a quote in my office: ‘First they came for the Jews, and I wasn’t a Jew so I didn’t say anything…’ We shouldn’t be allowing candidates to attack people in business, we should be saying… ‘That’s us.’”

Rick, you moron, in addition to everything else that's wrong with this statement, the quote begins "First they came for the communists..."
posted by naoko at 10:31 PM on February 1 [2 favorites]

Yeah, KokuRyu, the stuff's real. Buddy of mine spent a few years in Kazakhstan and he understood my initial reactions being along the same lines, because he's got kind of a dry sense of humor and likes to bullshit for no real reason a lot of the time, but he insists he's seen Krokodil users firsthand and that it is basically just insanely horrible.
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:52 PM on February 1 [2 favorites]

I love reading these every year, but I find I have to do it in chunks. Too much of it at once, and everyone morphs into a ball of ugliness that all looks the same.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:02 PM on February 1

We should do one of these for Metafilter. Probably.
posted by Decani at 11:17 PM on February 1

We do. It's called Metatalk.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:26 PM on February 1 [4 favorites]

The order was wrong, but I could understand why someone might want those 50 to be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Sadly, most of us don't know big bankers by name.
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:04 AM on February 2

So, basically every entry goes like this:

[PERSON A] is a [(+) ADVERB ADJECTIVE NOUN] who makes even [PERSON B] seem [(-)ADVERB ADJECTIVE NOUN] by comaprison.

Did I get that right?
posted by ssmug at 3:18 AM on February 2

If you handed me all the names on this list, I would only have the patience to write "Man, fuck this person."

A related question: What happened to Dickipedia? Did Huffington Post co-opt and destroy it, or what?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:50 AM on February 2

Uh, it was demonstrated within hours that it just plain wasn't even a story to begin with.

Really? So the Times published a correction? Just would love to learn more about this; thanks for any cites.
posted by mediareport at 5:19 AM on February 2

I mean, I get that Apple said it wasn't intentional. What I'm looking for is anyone pointing out they've fixed it. What does a search for abortion in Manhattan turn up today?
posted by mediareport at 5:20 AM on February 2

Have they included themselves on the list finally?

It is literally the very first sentence of the article you totally clicked on and read before commenting on.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 5:54 AM on February 2 [2 favorites]

You're right, I didn't read it. Basically because it's posted every year and it's more or less the same thing every year.
posted by jonmc at 6:17 AM on February 2

I don't know half of the people on this list enough to agree or disagree, but...

42) Ed Schultz
Crimes: Called Fox News contributor Laura Ingraham a “right-wing slut,” when everyone knows she’s a right-wing cunt.

Given the nuances of the use of 'cunt' in the US, the Hitchens write up is a case of the pot and kettle hanging out and doing the dozens.
posted by mippy at 7:00 AM on February 2

Sentence: Middle segment of Kardashian Centipede. That will probably make me chuckle many times today. I thank you.
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:50 AM on February 2 [1 favorite]

Wow DoctorFedora, I can only imagine that it's worse in real life than those photos.

KokuRyu, hoax like you don't believe there's a drug that causes that or that the photos are fake?
posted by Carillon at 9:16 AM on February 2

KokuRyu, hoax like you don't believe there's a drug that causes that or that the photos are fake?

It's hard to tell if the photos are linked to Krokodile (which itself seems like a real problem in Russia). But it seems very frightening.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:24 AM on February 2

[PERSON A] is a [(+) ADVERB ADJECTIVE NOUN] who makes even [PERSON B] seem [(-)ADVERB ADJECTIVE NOUN] by comaprison.
Did I get that right?
posted by ssmug at 3:18 AM on February 2

1/50 of them uses a construction remotely similar to that one. The other 49/50 do not. It appears that you did not get it right. I'm very sorry. You will have to wait until next year to do a very bad critique of a very funny thing
posted by a_girl_irl at 11:29 AM on February 2 [3 favorites]

Sweet. I love this list.
posted by zzazazz at 11:30 AM on February 2

I know the "LOL John Boehner is orange" thin ghas been done to death, but this was a welcome twist on an old theme:

"Sentence: Ground up with a giant mortar and pestle, mixed with water, used to dye hunting jackets and pylons."
posted by Hoopo at 11:38 AM on February 2

Metafilter: Ooh! ooh! I can help with citations about contraception.
posted by marxchivist at 12:26 PM on February 2

A lot of that was not so great, but I laughed at Arianna Huffington's. I mean, "anti-scientific tripe this side of Deepak Chopra’s magical asshole" is writing at its finest.
posted by Lutoslawski at 1:04 PM on February 2

I so wish Rupert Murdoch had nothing to do with Australia.

Does everyone realise we despise him too?
posted by chris88 at 1:14 PM on February 2

What does a search for abortion in Manhattan turn up today?

White rooms with autoclaves and stirrups, mostly.
posted by Blue Meanie at 2:25 PM on February 2

I know the "LOL John Boehner is orange" thing has been done to death

In SW Ohio, we've been joking about Boehner's oompa-loomposity since the mid-1990s.

Call it tired if you must, but we'll only stop when he STOPS BEING ORANGE.
posted by Strange Interlude at 2:39 PM on February 2 [2 favorites]