October 9, 2001

8:46 AM

Find out how good someone is in bed
This site can tell you what someone is like in bed, by
you telling it what they are like out of it.

"Using sophisticated neural network processing, HowGoodInBed.com is able to determine which are the most relevant factors in determining a person's likely performance in bed and analyse your responses accordingly."

If the looming threat of death is making you amorous, you should at least know what (or who) you're getting into.
posted by otherchaz (22 comments total)

"It's the quiet ones that are wild in bed".

Hear anything round here?
posted by ginz at 9:07 AM on October 9, 2001

Much like I did with the sitcom-character-or-dictator test, I took it with myself in mind to see what it'd spit out. A disappointing 3-out-of-5 Christmas balls. In response I'd just like to say, I don't hear anybody complainin'!
posted by web-goddess at 9:10 AM on October 9, 2001

I am quiet, and yes, I am wild in bed.

Oh, you mean having sex...
posted by timothompson at 9:18 AM on October 9, 2001

I tried it on myself - 3 out of five and I only do it in the bedroom!!

Like I deserve a 3 out of 5 for wanting a bit of comfort
posted by twistedonion at 9:31 AM on October 9, 2001

just another attempt at gathering demographic info. i'd like to see how they truly determine their results.
posted by physics at 9:31 AM on October 9, 2001

I don't know what the value of the "demographic info" they're getting is, considering that they don't ask for any identifying details. It's just vague questions about how chatty the person is and what they look like. They don't even ask for your e-mail address like the ubiquitous robot quiz. And since you're supposed to fill it out with *someone else* in mind... they can't even assume who's filling it out. Pretty pointless demographics, if you ask me. It's more like those "Let me guess if you're male/female or gay/straight" quizzes...
posted by web-goddess at 9:44 AM on October 9, 2001

Unfortunately one can only be good in bed viz a viz someone else. It's a one-at-a-time thing, see. (Cagney accent required). In fact one cannot be good in bed. Two can be good in bed*, with and to each other.
This is a great blessing for those stupid enough to think they're bad or good in bed.
Even a really tuned-in couple can be good some times; bad some times.

That's why it's so exciting. Besides, technique is a real turn-off and Masters and Johnson ruined a lot of perfectly good sex lives.

* It would be chic to say "or three or four" but I wouldn't know; wouldn't care to, either. One person, if you desire him or her, is deliciously too much, anyway!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:51 AM on October 9, 2001

Has anyone gotten anything other than 3 out of 5?
posted by arielmeadow at 10:00 AM on October 9, 2001

People, wake up. The only way to determine if someone is good in bed is to try them out. So get out there and try some people out, dammit! MOVE IT! MOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!
posted by UncleFes at 10:03 AM on October 9, 2001

I got a four. But then, I have had a lot of practice...
wink wink!
posted by nprigoda at 10:06 AM on October 9, 2001

I hardly need to waste my time on this test. Every woman I've ever slept with has gone straight into orbit. It's just this intuition I get right before I doze off.
posted by Skot at 10:08 AM on October 9, 2001

Putting in my own info, I got a 3/5, if I'm sleeping with a woman.

With a man, I'm only 1/5.

Time to start questioning my sexuality...
posted by phoenix enflamed at 10:18 AM on October 9, 2001

Oh hohoho...one out of five, for me. Evidently, I'm not tall enough, athletic enough, and gosh darnit, people don't like me.
posted by juniper at 10:30 AM on October 9, 2001

Whoa! I put in an ex and she got 5/5!

... Too bad I only had that one month... Too bad it's wrong, too.
posted by whatnotever at 11:13 AM on October 9, 2001

What is the score based on? One two five... water balloons? I can't tell what those are.
posted by endquote at 11:19 AM on October 9, 2001

They looked like those Christmas ornament "balls" to me. Maybe I'm just getting caught up in the festive winter holiday spirit.
posted by web-goddess at 11:22 AM on October 9, 2001

they are, web-goddess. seriously, what's with the christmas baubles? and why is it that no matter what I put in there, I get three out of five, uh... christmas baubles?
posted by kevspace at 12:46 PM on October 9, 2001

this test is a major stinker (no offense to those of you who scored fives). i'm a tall & pale chatter box; he's a short-haired & active smarty-pants —> yet we both scored threes. we might not be swinging from the ceiling fan and knocking our neighbors' paintings off of the wall six nights a week, he still keeps my toes well-curled.

then again, i guess the purpose of the test is to find out how good a stranger is in bed, not your beloved ('cause you shouldn't need WWW to know you're XXX). still, i think the best way to rate someone's bed-worthiness is body language.

and alcohol intake. or maybe that's just college...
posted by brigita at 2:18 PM on October 9, 2001

Funny that is says the most willing girls to go at it at anytime are the fat, pale ones that are couch potatoes and don't like walking. That. Is. Gross.
posted by hellinskira at 2:43 PM on October 9, 2001

I do my research with the X10.com wireless webcam. Available under every website you read.
posted by skallas at 4:36 PM on October 9, 2001

Has anyone gotten anything other than 3 out of 5?

Yeah, arielmeadow, I got a '2'. (cue laughtrack)

God, I suck in bed. Other places, too.
posted by verdezza at 5:52 PM on October 9, 2001

web-godess: They don't even ask for your e-mail address

I'm not sure which of my two addresses is the most attractive to women. My university address is spotty and wears glasses so I guess it'd be the other one.
posted by vbfg at 8:55 PM on October 9, 2001