I want my daughter to know that the boy called her ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair didn’t do it because he admires her, it is because he is a little asshole and assholes are an occurrence of society that will have to be dealt with for the rest of her life.
When a boy does stuff like this because he likes a girl, it's because he's feeling very small and scared and powerless. Knowing that fact can help the girl feel empowered, I think -- this boy is being a horrible snot because I've got power over him.
Many boys do do things like this to girls because they like them. It's simply true.
Telling people that abuse or harassment indicates the presence of love is always a lie. Every time. It is never true.
I'm saying that roughhousing is not a gendered thing. Teaching girls that it's not girly to get into fights with boys and teaching girls that boys only mess with them because they have crushes on them are two sides of the same coin. They're both reinforcing yucky gender roles. I'd rather teach kids to have fun without seeing each other as alien creatures.,
How is him being "a volcano of self-loathing" going to leave HER with a "permanent scar" if she finally punches him back after he's been punching HER forever? Why is that HER problem?
Fucked-up people might be abusive toward or harass those they love, but the abuse isn't an expression of love itself, it's a sociopath emotional maladaptation.
The most important findings of the study are those that confirm the predicted increase in the apparent attractiveness of aggressive peers following entry into early adolescence and the transition to middle school. Substantially higher aggression scores were ob-served after the transition to middle school than before for the boys to whom both girls and boys were attracted and for the girls to whom boys were attracted. That these differences between Time 1 and Time 2 persisted to Time 3, although on a smaller scale
This observation is especially strong for the boys who were attractive to girls. At the beginning of middle school, the boys who were attractive to girls had aggression scores that were two thirds of a standard deviation above the mean. Although similar findings were observed at Time 3, the size of this difference was smaller than at Time 2.
You see, what I'm gleaning is that people do not hit you because they like / love you. Love and friendship are never an impetus to physical aggression. NEVER. NEVER. I get that you're saying a person that loves / likes them may hit them, but I can guarantee you that it is never out of love. It is out of frustration, or dominance, or mental imbalance, or something else. Not because of affection.
When I was in high school, a boy set my hair on fire with a can of hairspray and a lighter. Burned the side of my face and the back of my neck, and burned off a good bit of hair. Thank dog for remembering "stop, drop, and roll", or things could have been a lot worse than melted hair and some blistering. I was suspended for screaming "stupid motherfucker, what the fuck is WRONG with you?". He got detention.
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