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Natalya: We should go to the main control room
February 20, 2012 10:13 AM   Subscribe

Real Life Goldeneye 64; a walkthrough which shows that rescuing Natalya is a pain even when playing an extremely realistic fan mod. [SLYT]
posted by quin (87 comments total) 34 users marked this as a favorite

 
This made me laugh. Thanks for posting.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:16 AM on February 20, 2012


Goldeneye 64 is the greatest video game ever made.

Also, I put a proximity mine somewhere in your house. You're welcome.
posted by The World Famous at 10:26 AM on February 20, 2012 [16 favorites]


I second KokuRyu. Thank you.

I could never complete Control on the hardest difficulty (00 Agent?). I remember getting to the main monitoring room to defend Natalya, enemies would come from every which way for about five minutes and she would, inevitably, die. It took such effort and time to even get to the room - never mind that there was more to the mission - that I gave up after dozens of attempts over the course of, at least, a few months.
posted by Jeff Morris at 10:27 AM on February 20, 2012


When are game developers going to realize that gameplay and storylines are more important than photorealistic graphics. Look at indie games like Braid, it had a deep rich storyline and simple yet compelling graphics. I had to take frequent breaks to weep and mourn my lost innocence.

My favorite new indie game is called Alone, the player is represented by a single pixel on a vast dark expanse. you explore an empty void devoid of any goals, enemies or obstaces. It is an exporation of what it means to be human in the 21st century. I am over 50 hours in. There are no cows to click, no achievements, no way to win or lose. It is a simple yet devastating indictment of modern life.

Halo 10 and other million dollar shovelware with photorealistic graphics but inch deep gameplay are the cancer that is killing gaming.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:29 AM on February 20, 2012 [24 favorites]


My favorite new indie game is called Alone, the player is represented by a single pixel on a vast dark expanse. you explore an empty void devoid of any goals, enemies or obstaces. It is an exporation of what it means to be human in the 21st century. I am over 50 hours in. There are no cows to click, no achievements, no way to win or lose. It is a simple yet devastating indictment of modern life.

If this isn't already an iOS app, the first person to make it is going to get a billion dollars.
posted by curious nu at 10:40 AM on February 20, 2012


My favorite new indie game is called Alone, the player is represented by a single pixel on a vast dark expanse. you explore an empty void devoid of any goals, enemies or obstaces. It is an exporation of what it means to be human in the 21st century. I am over 50 hours in. There are no cows to click, no achievements, no way to win or lose. It is a simple yet devastating indictment of modern life.

This is a deadpan joke about the pretentiousness of a certain kind of indie game, right? Otherwise, I'm gonna need to see a link...
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:41 AM on February 20, 2012 [10 favorites]


Too bad they didnt start with you actually dropping down onto the toilet in the stall, but still, well done. Very funny. One of the better games to play with your friends in the 1990s.
posted by stinkycheese at 10:46 AM on February 20, 2012


I agree in part, but good graphics doesn't necessarily make for a bad game. Skyrim looks freaking amazing, especially with the HD Textures Pack DLC. I'm on my second playthrough, and this time have been putting off the main quest to get carried away with side quests. Many of them are very interesting, especially if you spend (hours and HOURS) reading all the books you find along the way.

My first playthrough, I basically made Lydia sit in the house (Breezehome) because she kept getting in the way. This time, I'm taking her everywhere with me. I've outfitted her with amazing armor (better than mine!) that boosts her stats to help her survive. Because, let's face it, Lydia's not the brightest bulb in Skyrim. So she's been my companion now for 30-some-odd levels, and as we were deep in Saarthal, we fought a fierce battle with a bunch of Draugr including a Deathlord, and as I paused to catch my breath and check for any more enemies sneaking up on us, I thought Where did Lydia go? Ah well, she'll catch up. I started looting dead(er) Draugr and came around a corner, to find a pile of enchanted Dwarven armor. Lydia! I actually had to quit and take a break, because those bastards killed Lydia!

I don't get that at all from Halo or Black Ops, but dammit if Skyrim isn't engaging and so pretty it makes you just stand there and gape while bandits stab you to death. (It's happened.)
posted by xedrik at 10:47 AM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is good.
posted by elwoodwiles at 10:49 AM on February 20, 2012


It was a joke, but I think it would make a funny HTML5 or iOS game.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:49 AM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


strange
posted by egyhots at 10:49 AM on February 20, 2012


I could never complete Control on the hardest difficulty (00 Agent?)

Between myself and 2 unemployed pothead roommates, we managed to get to some level in an Egyptian pyramid or something. We got stuck there on the single player campaign, but that game was all about the multiplayer. The one-shot kill mode, capture the flag, or proximity mines were our house favorites.
posted by Hoopo at 10:54 AM on February 20, 2012


Proxy mines were amazing. We used to play till 10 kills or so, but the games would last forever. We kept forgetting where we set up the mines so at least half of the kills ended up being suicides.
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 11:01 AM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Footage looks like it's from the HRT raid to rescue the prison guards at Talladega.

Folks there a little slow is what I'm saying
posted by Smedleyman at 11:05 AM on February 20, 2012


Ah, I distinctly recall this frustration - without the save states of course.

Disappointing that they didn't show the very end from several angles, as the game loved to do, just to drive home how badly you died...

This was extremely well done, from the sounds, to the "animation," to the incredibly frustrating and seemingly random location of enemies... And the repeating of enemy soldiers was an excellent in-joke as well. It's a lot of effort and detail to put into what's basically a single joke.
posted by MysticMCJ at 11:05 AM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I laughed out loud when he shot the crouching guy, who immediately stood straight up and then died. The only way this could have been better is if he paused to idly shoot a table until it exploded.
posted by theodolite at 11:07 AM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


It was a joke, but I think it would make a funny HTML5 or iOS game.

Here you go. Arrow keys move.
posted by odinsdream at 11:14 AM on February 20, 2012 [29 favorites]


Oh, nostalgia! Thanks.
posted by Houyhnhnm at 11:18 AM on February 20, 2012


Goldeneye is the best. Proximity mines ftw!
posted by rowansm at 11:19 AM on February 20, 2012


Proximity mines ftw!

Remember how creative you had to get concealing those? Putting them in dark corners, the ceiling, or just above door frames out of view, on the other side of doors, or on any feature that looked sort of the same color and shape. The only thing that comes close for me these days is playing as Engineer in Team Fortress 2 and mowing down enemies as they run through an entrance before they see the sentry gun hidden in the corner.
posted by Hoopo at 11:25 AM on February 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


Between myself and 2 unemployed pothead roommates, we managed to get to some level in an Egyptian pyramid or something

ah, that was the bonus level if I remember correctly. wasn't even from Goldeneye, but from another 007 film (Moonraker?). Then that bastard Jaws comes at you.
posted by mannequito at 11:27 AM on February 20, 2012


Slappers only!
posted by phong3d at 11:29 AM on February 20, 2012 [9 favorites]


I did a windows native version of Alone. DirecteX 11 and NVidia 9800+ recomended for highest quality.

Screenshots
Download
posted by Ad hominem at 11:39 AM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Remember how creative you had to get concealing those?

Placing them on top of weapon caches was always my favorite... Ultimately ended up making things VERY difficult if all players involved did this.

Of course, we ended to spam these everywhere else once that had been done, trying to find locations that ended up with optimal humiliation, and ideally repeated instantly upon respawning. It got to the point that the sheer amount of continuous explosions was utterly absurd, and usually ended up dragging that platform to speeds best measured in seconds per frame.

The only way this could have been better is if he paused to idly shoot a table until it exploded.

Agreed - I know I would usually take out my frustration on the surrounding (and very explosive) environment. I seem to remember that you really needed to maintain a safe distance from any computer equipment until mooks were cleared out, as every single monitor was apparently filled with nitro-glycerine, and it wasn't uncommon for them to take enemy fire and explode violently.
posted by MysticMCJ at 11:41 AM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


I once played Goldeneye to the extent that I not only finished every level on every difficulty, but also had all the cheats unlocked save one. There was a time when we would spend hours cheerfullly blowing each other up in that game. And I don't even like first-person shooters.

Proximity mines were terrific, yes. It's amazing to me that more games don't use them. I mean, implementation wise they're dead simple to put in: just do a distance check from the mine to each actor, each frame.

The great thing about them wasn't that they were fair, but were acceptably unfair. Explosions in that game really hurt; if you're at ground zero of an explosion you died immediately, and proximity mines tended to go off right when you were passing closest to them. Yet there are ways to get by a proximity mine: each character could only have so many mines active at once for instance, so eventually old ones would disappear. You could shoot them. My favorite method was to use the (highly underrated) grenade launcher to bathe the hallway ahead with cleansing fire. Although the game also had both timed and remote mines neither were as useful, but they'd set off proximity mines when thrown near them.

These methods would work even if you didn't know a mine was there, leading to cases where if you'd get this feeling about a hallway ahead -- didn't I remember another player wandering around here a few minutes ago, making those swoopy throwing noises? It's too uncertain. Better to nuke the whole corridor.

God, it's been so long since I've played Goldeneye. That's depressing, right there.
posted by JHarris at 11:43 AM on February 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


Slappers only!

OK, but no one can play as Oddjob. He's too short and it's an unfair advantage.
posted by rewil at 11:43 AM on February 20, 2012 [6 favorites]


(And what is Rare making now? WannaMii Kinect games and nothing else. Heartbreaking.)
posted by JHarris at 11:45 AM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Here you go. Arrow keys move.

Great! I think we have the next indie darling on our hands.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:45 AM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I never played Goldeneye, but Rare followed it up with Perfect Dark, which re-used the GE engine. Many a night was wasted in college playing that game.
posted by fijiwriter at 11:52 AM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Ad hominem, I'm so happy that people are playing Alone. I was able to work on the quality assurance team (bug testing really) when Yasser was working on his prototype and I had much the same reaction as you. I spent a good Tuesday-through-next-Tuesday block exploring the void, though in the early beta a glitch would occasionally spawn matter and kill the experience.

While I don't think Yasser would entirely be happy with your decision to release his source online, I'll point out that Alone's promotional web site includes an HTML5-coded version of the original, along with his revelatory artist statement that amusingly enough was the first piece of Yasser's I encountered. No mention yet though of Alone 2, which is basically his MMO take on the original concept; my friends and I had an A2 marathon this weekend and at one point I almost saw my friend Dan, I think, but when I wiped the screen to get a closer look he was gone.
posted by Rory Marinich at 11:55 AM on February 20, 2012 [8 favorites]


Who killed Rare?
posted by Uncle Ira at 12:00 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Proximity mines were terrific, yes. It's amazing to me that more games don't use them.

Duke Nukem 3D had pipe bombs, which were sort of similar, but you could blow them up by remote control and, if you knew how, you could lay down more than one at a time and wreak havoc.

Best experience with them I ever had was in a multiplayer game at uni (this was before Quake even), having just died and respawn, armed with just a pistol, ran out of the building I was in, picking up a pipebomb on the way, to run into a fscker with a rocket launcher. He shot and missed, I ducked back in, dropped a pipebomb, he went through the doors *boom* and I had a rocket launcher myself...

Most satisfying kill I ever made, though shrinking down and stepping on opponents was fun too...
posted by MartinWisse at 12:06 PM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Thanks for this. Hard to believe GoldenEye 64 came out fifteen years ago now. My friends and I had hours of fun playing proxy-mine deathmatches. When Perfect Dark came out, it was almost too good to be true. It was definitely too hard to be true -- I'd managed to conquer campaign mode in GoldenEye, but I never finished it in Perfect Dark.

Anyone else remember having heated arguments over whether the railgun was allowed in multiplayer PD?
posted by spitefulcrow at 12:10 PM on February 20, 2012


Anyone else remember having heated arguments over whether the railgun was allowed in multiplayer PD?

Wait; it wasn't allowed? I seem to recall using it and killing through walls.
posted by fijiwriter at 12:18 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


That was as funny as it could be to someone like me who never played the game. Can anybody recommend the best equivalent video of real gameplay for comparison purposes?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:18 PM on February 20, 2012


While I don't think Yasser would entirely be happy with your decision to release his source online, I'll point out that Alone's promotional web site includes an HTML5-coded version of the original, along with his revelatory artist statement that amusingly enough was the first piece of Yasser's I encountered. No mention yet though of Alone 2, which is basically his MMO take on the original concept; my friends and I had an A2 marathon this weekend and at one point I almost saw my friend Dan, I think, but when I wiped the screen to get a closer look he was gone.
posted by Rory Marinich at 11:55 AM on February 20 [1 favorite +] [!]


Jinx! How do you know Yasser I've been doing some beta work on the MMO, didn't think anyone else was paying any attention. Some of the screenshots are beautiful. Balancing still needs work, though.
posted by Sebmojo at 12:20 PM on February 20, 2012 [5 favorites]


I still wish someone would emulate Perfect Dark to a PC.
posted by fijiwriter at 12:20 PM on February 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


That was as funny as it could be to someone like me who never played the game. Can anybody recommend the best equivalent video of real gameplay for comparison purposes?

This level captures it decently. Note around 2:38 when she runs in front of you, it's a very easy way to accidentally shoot her.
posted by dsfan at 12:25 PM on February 20, 2012


Thanks! The next time I working on something difficult, I think I'll say to myself "If I can just get the yaw oscillation above five degrees..."
posted by Horace Rumpole at 12:36 PM on February 20, 2012


Licence to Kill. Pistols only. OddJob Ban.

If I ever get a Knighthood that's going, in Latin, on my newly commissioned coat of arms.
posted by garius at 12:38 PM on February 20, 2012 [5 favorites]


The woman who plays Natalya has the body language down to a disturbingly accurate degree. I had to stifle what would have been uproarious laughter at 1:27 when she walks right into the line of fire and falls down dead. I also appreciated the urinating mook, though I kind of wish he had done the pirouette death sequence, which I always appreciated for its frequently inappropriate manifestations. Thanks for making my day.
posted by invitapriore at 12:39 PM on February 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


Licence to Kill. Pistols only. OddJob Ban.

When the choice of scenario comes around to me this is what I choose 97%* of the time. This pretty reliably gets us in trouble with the neighbors because of all the anguished yelling.

The other three percent is License to Kill with Grenade Launchers (this is a better idea than it might seem) and License to Kill with Slappers Only (a scenario uniquely capable of extending and augmenting the tension of a duel to tantra-level heights; it also rewards "let's you and him fight" behavior to the extreme).
posted by invitapriore at 12:43 PM on February 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


Oh I loved grenade launchers. Used properly they were dead lethal, much more dangerous than rocket launchers.

The first trick to using them is to realize that you don't want to shoot at the opponent but at his feet. The second was to learn to make bank shots off walls, using the opponent's screen to aim, and kill him while he was still trying to figure out how to take the corner. The third was to lay down a widely-spaced cover of fiery explosions to dissuade pursuers. The fourth was BLAM BLAM BLAM KABOOM FIRE FIRE WHEEEEEE
posted by JHarris at 12:57 PM on February 20, 2012


I hated that level!
posted by mpylayev at 1:34 PM on February 20, 2012


Halo 10 and other million dollar shovelware with photorealistic graphics but inch deep gameplay are the cancer that is killing gaming.

Romance novels sell about 3x more than literary fiction does. Religious/Inspirational books sell about twice as much. A ton of people have seen American Idol but not a whole lot have seen The Wire. Beyonce sells many more albums than The Field, Gold Panda, and Fuck Buttons combined. Nobody has seen Mr. Nobody but everybody has seen Avatar.

It's super easy to decry popular media and to say that it's destroying the niche, the intellectual, the canon but the gaming industry is worth billions of dollars, people are fine living unexamined lives, indie games are getting a lot of attention and have established such a strong and solid foothold on the internettosphere, and well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
posted by dubusadus at 1:44 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Also no May Day in License to Kill with pistols, she's pretty much the same size as Odd Job.
posted by invitapriore at 1:47 PM on February 20, 2012


Didn't every group of friends have that one Goldeneye-challenged member who was allowed to be Oddjob simply because he/she was so goddamn awful at the game? So many hilarious memories of watching that little midget go down in a fiery grenade launcher death while JP threw his controller down, launched himself off the couch screaming "Damnit again what the hell I freakin' hate this game!" and stormed out of the room.
posted by mannequito at 1:49 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sarcasm is killing Metafilter. Or is it inability to detect sarcasm? I forget.
posted by speicus at 1:52 PM on February 20, 2012


speicus: MeFiites just need to start using the right punctuation. That would clearly solve everything‌⸮
posted by thegears at 1:59 PM on February 20, 2012


When the choice of scenario comes around to me this is what I choose 97%* of the time. This pretty reliably gets us in trouble with the neighbors because of all the anguished yelling.

My little brother went to the same University as I did a couple of years after I left (I graduated in 2001).

I stayed in the general area for a few years after Uni and during his first year we met up for beers on occasion.

One day I met him at his Halls of Residence before we went out, which happened to be the Halls whose Common Room I practically lived in during my first year. I wasn't actually a resident of those Halls, I was at another across campus, but all my mates had been there so I just used to knock on the indow (the doors were keycarded) and whoever was in there would open it so I could climb in.

I waited in there whilst my brother finished getting ready and to say that the memories were overwhelming in that room is probably an understatement.

Fresh as they then were, I felt like I could practically reach out and touch the ghosts of various guys I'd known there. Guys I'd drunk beer and alcopops (they were cheap okay) with whilst watching Quincy and Countdown, had water fights with and - most importantly - played Mario 64 and GoldenEye with on a then cutting edge N64 we'd all chucked in a few quid from our respective student loans to get. How many hours, girlfriends and degree grades we lost to those games I just could not begin to estimate.

Okay, none of those guys were dead - indeed half of them I was still seeing regularly then - but it still felt like a whole lifetime previous.

So there I am, standing in this memory-soaked room, shooting the breeze with my brother's fellow residents (several of whom I'd met before) when I see something out of the corner of my eye that just stopped me dead.

The N64 was still there.

"Oh yeah" Says one of them, catching what I'm looking at, "you guys bought the N64 didn't you!"

"Yeah," says I, "I'd forgotten we'd left that behind."

"Mate we still play that thing. Fucking GoldenEye man! Best game ever."

Next thing I know, we're firing it up and they're promising to go easy on me for the first few rounds until I've got my hand back in, and telling me not to worry even then if I find myself falling behind as they played a lot. I smiled gracefully picked up the controller and...

...let me tell you right now what I discovered that day.

It was this:-

When you crush your enemies. When you have driven them before you. The lamentation of their women is nothing - NOTHING - in comparison to having one of the turn and look at you, in your moment of triumph, and cry out with a mixture of awe and dread:


"Holy fuck! You've memorized Caves?!"


License to Kill. Pistols Only. OddJob Ban. S'going on the tombstone, bitches.
posted by garius at 2:08 PM on February 20, 2012 [37 favorites]


It's super easy to decry popular media and to say that it's destroying the niche, the intellectual, the canon but the gaming industry is worth billions of dollars, people are fine living unexamined lives, indie games are getting a lot of attention and have established such a strong and solid foothold on the internettosphere, and well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

That doesn't change the fact that sometimes opinions are right. You are not engaging with what Ad homionem said; you are just saying SEZ YOU gussied up with highblown language.
posted by JHarris at 2:21 PM on February 20, 2012


License to Kill. Grenades and rocket launchers. Any level goes - I memorized the whole game.
posted by migurski at 2:55 PM on February 20, 2012


Goldeneye 64 single AND multiplayer are my video game equivalent of the drug addicts first high. I spent years chasing a game that would make me as happy as playing Goldeneye, but never found it. Not really sure why, but fortunately I gave up after college instead of wasting more of my time playing games (not a judgement on the way you spend your free time, just wasn't working for me any more)
posted by youthenrage at 3:09 PM on February 20, 2012


The first Halo is probably the closest I've gotten since, youthenrage. To me that game marked the end of the true split-screen multiplayer era on consoles that GoldenEye began.
posted by garius at 3:12 PM on February 20, 2012


Stupid Klobb.
posted by Artw at 3:12 PM on February 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


I still wish someone would emulate Perfect Dark to a PC.

Oh, there's a ROM out there somewhere. I mean, one would imagine. If one were disposed to playing illegal copies of copyrighted video games.

But one would then further imagine, in this entirely hypothetical situation, that the sniper rifle being designed for N64 controllers (zoom level determined by the position of the joystick) would render the the second level impossible to clear. And one might then experience sadness.
posted by regicide is good for you at 3:15 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


PROXIMITY MINES IN COMPLEX! I will beat your ass. No Oddjob; Paintball mode.
posted by sara is disenchanted at 3:18 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I still wish someone would emulate Perfect Dark to a PC.

It'd make a hell of a Deus Ex mod.
posted by Artw at 3:20 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Natalya always getting in the way - just how I remember. The graphics look so real, too.

Thanks for posting!
posted by jwmollman at 3:20 PM on February 20, 2012


Stupid Klobb.

The Klobb was great in License To Kill mode; so inaccurate it could accommodate my slow reflexes and randomly hit people despite questionable aim
posted by Hoopo at 3:27 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Licence to Kill. Pistols only. OddJob Ban.

^this, except you forgot Temple.

FUCK YEAH I GOT THE DESTOVEI!!
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 3:46 PM on February 20, 2012


As a nod to Goldeneye, Perfect Dark had a RC-P90 clone.
posted by Artw at 3:53 PM on February 20, 2012


Also Goldeneye the only game in the world where you can play as Robbie Coltrane, which is pretty cool.
posted by Artw at 3:54 PM on February 20, 2012


Oddjob may be smaller, but his head is at chest height! Headshots win games people.
posted by hafehd at 3:55 PM on February 20, 2012


No! No Oddjob!

/threatens to takes controller home in huff.
posted by Artw at 3:58 PM on February 20, 2012


man, that video brought back memories. I think every group of friends had their own "house rules", NO ODDJOB being a near universal constant. The intense frustration of hearing the slapper SFX as you take damage, looking around and seeing nothing... then a crouching oddjob strafes across the room, and you're frantically trying to shoot him right in his damn hat.

Proximity mines were great, but nothing beat the sheer thrill of throwing remote mines and then setting them off midair; best to perform this manoeuvre when being chased. do a quick 180, run backwards, throw mine, jab two buttons. Boom.

It got to the point where we'd spent so much time memorizing the maps that all it took was a glance at the other player's screen. Heaven help the poor sucker who respawned in the bathroom vents; a glimpse of blue ducts on their screen and everyone would go charging in that direction, hoping for a demoralizing execution on the toilet.

We ended up using a splitter to send the signal to two TVs, which were placed back to back, with a piece of cardboard taped over the other player's view.
posted by dubold at 3:58 PM on February 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


Such are my associations with Goldeneye that I almost feel that just talking about it should mean that I should look away from the screen to find empty cans of stella, full ashtrays, pizza boxes and stoned archeology students have suddenly appeared around the room.
posted by Artw at 4:02 PM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh man, I still remember playing Goldeneye with my friends in high school on the tiny TV screen of the only friend who had an N64. One round in the Stacks (I'm not sure we ever really played any stages aside from Stacks, Facility and Temple) on quad-split screen my friend and I had both just gotten rocket launchers and were at opposite ends of the longest hallway on the level and fired simultaneously at one another. The second and a half it took for the explosions to land was punctuated only with me instinctively saying, "oh good god no." The group had to pause the game for a minute or two after that.

But Perfect Dark took what Goldeneye had done and perfected it, adding what ProgressiveBoink called, "every cool thing you had ever wished for." New crazy-ass weapons (you like the rocket launcher? Well how 'bout a gun that can shoot through walls with heat-vision? You like the proximity mine? Here's the laptop gun, which you can use like a machine gun or drop around a blind corner to fire at anything in its sight.) Basically every variable was controllable, with all of the Goldeneye options plus a thousand more.

Five or six years ago, my co-worker who had just gotten me to join MeFi had to stay for a week on my couch, and every night was spent drinking and firing up the N64 for some Perfect Dark. We tried a bunch of different settings, but the one we kept cxoming back to was playing a team game of "Capture the Briefcase" (we were "Team Mooseknuckle," because in our state that was hilarious) against a team of like twenty low-level, highly aggressive mooks in the Facility. We essentially decided that we were playing a two-man SWAT team on a meth-raid.

Awesome.

Oh, hey! dubold is in the thread!
posted by Navelgazer at 4:03 PM on February 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


I was That Guy that played Oddjob unless specifically banned from doing so. However, the modes my friends and I preferred rarely gave me any special advantage for doing so, particularly given everyone's relatively even skill level (meaning headshots were plentiful, when explosives weren't being used).

I just played as him so I could make jokes involving convoluted sex acts whose name ends in "-job."

Good times.
posted by sparkletone at 4:03 PM on February 20, 2012


Metafilter: hoping for a demoralizing execution on the toilet.
posted by mannequito at 4:14 PM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


It got to the point where we'd spent so much time memorizing the maps that all it took was a glance at the other player's screen. Heaven help the poor sucker who respawned in the bathroom vents; a glimpse of blue ducts on their screen and everyone would go charging in that direction, hoping for a demoralizing execution on the toilet.
Yes. At a certain point it became more effective to play by looking at everyone else’s screen instead of your own.
posted by migurski at 4:17 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Team Mooseknuckle," because in our state that was hilarious

it is still hilarious.
posted by dubold at 4:20 PM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


That doesn't change the fact that sometimes opinions are right. You are not engaging with what Ad homionem said; you are just saying SEZ YOU gussied up with highblown language.

Man, really? Sometimes opinions are right? Even if you qualify the sentiment, it all just boils down to a matter of taste. Yeah, I understand that the nuances and complexities of Bastion or even Human Rev far overshadow something like Cod Blops but this movement is far from 'killing' video gaming. In fact, more people are playing video games now than ever before and all that money floating into the studios are allowing for games like Bastion or Human Rev to be made.

I mean, yeah, everybody else plays shitty dumbo brah games but just because I play super nichey art games that have a concept beyond fitting a square into a square hole doesn't make my game objectively better, it just makes me a bit of a snob. I think Chekhov is fundamentally a hell of a lot better at writing than Grisham but, like I said, that's just my opinion, man.
posted by dubusadus at 4:23 PM on February 20, 2012


NO PEEKING
posted by outlaw of averages at 4:27 PM on February 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Man, really? Sometimes opinions are right? Even if you qualify the sentiment, it all just boils down to a matter of taste.

My observation is about arguing tactics, not about your choice of games. (I rather prefer indie games to FPSes myself, but Goldeneye is an exception. One, I notice, that many people make.) It's true that we each have our own opinions, but they are ours, and to dismiss them as being just opinions demeans both the people who hold them and the experiences that inform them. I find it's better to try to engage with an argument directly. Well, take all this for what it's worth. I'm just tired of seeing people argue past each other.

Anyway, financial success is not always a good measure of that success; things succeed in the marketplace for many reasons, and I have seen bad things sell and good things die. The reasons are varied; to claim that this means our values are out of line might be over-prioritizing profitability. Further reference (YouTube, Mr. Show, the "Ranking Monkey" sketch).
posted by JHarris at 5:55 PM on February 20, 2012


Er, financial success isn't always a good measure of objective quality. Sigh.
posted by JHarris at 5:55 PM on February 20, 2012


It isn't about no peeking. It is about being sly enough to not get caught peeking. Or so I heard from a good Goldeneye 64 player.
posted by lizarrd at 7:15 PM on February 20, 2012


Although the game also had both timed and remote mines neither were as useful

The fact that you could detonate a remote mine mid-throw by pressing A+B made them one of my absolute favorites. If you had a good vantage point and got familiar with the throwing arc it was like sniping but better, all causing explosions inches from someone's face out of nowhere. They were also great for covering a hasty retreat with a string of midair explosions between you and those pursuing, or having your pursuer round the corner after you to find that you've remote mined the entire hallway they just entered, while you calmly detonate the lot before they can get off a shot.

I, um. I need to go play GoldenEye right now.

Also, the Wii remake from 2010 with Daniel Craig and a slightly reworked story was quite nice, I highly recommend it and you can pick it up for dirt cheap.
posted by jason_steakums at 7:47 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


How is the Wii version? Is it fun in a way that feels like playing the old one, if I haven't played the N64 version in a decade (and never played it very seriously)? IS SLAPPERS-ONLY ONE-HIT-KILLS A VALID OPTION
posted by DoctorFedora at 9:45 PM on February 20, 2012


Oh, I should mention about Escort Missions (which are a blight to be nuked from this earth unless one is specifically talking about Ico: Oblivion had exactly one escort mission that I can recall, and it was absolutely as frustrating as the Natalya mission, except that in this case instead of a woman who simply walked around her workplace as if there wasn't gunfire going around, you had the horrible son of the Count of Cheydinhaal eager to prove how awesome he was and rushing into battle with everything he saw.

Yes, this mission was optional, thankfully. Yes, you could still complete it if the little bastard died, thankfully. But I don't play that way.

It turns out that if you speed run the Oblivion gate like a madman without engaging anything then Shitgrin McDunmer will just keep appearing by your side every time the game has to load a new area, so the only way to keep him alive is to abandon him and run like fuck through everything (having an invisibility spell and tons of magicka helps a LOT here) and just manage to grab the sigil stone before he kills himself.

Aside from the sigil stone itself, you get some sort of reward from Count Cheydinhaal that I can't recall, but I do remember him saying that his son is a pain in the ass and that, "anyone else would have just let him die." If you're going to give me an escort mission, I at least appreciate that kind of acknowledgement.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:57 PM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


How is the Wii version?

It's not quite the same experience, but there are some really nice touches for someone who grew up on N64 GoldenEye. The opening Dam level starts out with the exact same swooping camera past the guard tower, over the bridge, to your starting position, but almost immediately starts introducing you to what sets this version apart. Also, the iconic jump from the Dam kicks off some pretty excellent Bond-staple opening credits.

They did a good job retaining elements that worked in the N64 version, for the most part the major changes are things that weren't really doable on that hardware. Fights are larger in scope, levels are bigger, there are some neat new toys and gameplay mechanics. Severnaya and the escape through the Stacks immediately leap to mind as a nicely enhanced version of the original. They do a good job of making a seasoned N64 vet think they know what's coming next, before throwing a curveball. And the writing's a bit more polished, feels how you'd expect a reimagining of GoldenEye with Daniel Craig's Bond to feel.

Also? Splitscreen multiplayer. Still there, still has Oddjob, still fantastic.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:01 PM on February 20, 2012


There is a wonderful documentary to be made about this game. Does anyone know if Errol Morris plays?
posted by fullerine at 12:04 AM on February 21, 2012


I imagine it would run into a problem where depictions of James Bond in film are controlled by some other, highly motivated entity that'd want its piece before allowing the project to screen, alas.
posted by JHarris at 1:10 AM on February 21, 2012


It isn't about no peeking. It is about being sly enough to not get caught peeking. Or so I heard from a good Goldeneye 64 player.

The whole "no peeking" thing isn't even wrong, though. As migurski said above, "Yes. At a certain point it became more effective to play by looking at everyone else’s screen instead of your own."

Truly I remember being in a complete zone of comprehension staring at the 4-way split screen. It was no longer four individual scenarios. It was all one expanse. I see I'm not alone in this.

The first Halo was indeed the last thing I can remember that approached that level of awesome.
posted by odinsdream at 5:41 AM on February 21, 2012


Oh man, I loved this game. Last week my son bought a new game for his 360 - GoldenEye Reloaded. It is, without a doubt, awesome. again.
posted by bradth27 at 6:33 AM on February 21, 2012


I'm late to the party, but here's my favorite Golden Eye memory.

I was determined to beat single-player mode on the hardest difficulty. I struggled with some levels, but I never got stuck for more than a day or two until the final level. I banged on that for weeks. I remember it was on some sort of metal structure with multiple levels and multiple paths up and down each level. There were a ton of enemies, and I knew that beating it would come down to figuring out a pattern of movement that would ensure I was always in the right place at the right time. I couldn't crack the code though.

Here's the interesting part. One night I tried for an hour or so and immediately went to bed. As I was drifting off to sleep, in that moment between a waking state and a dream state, I suddenly knew exactly what I had to do. I got out of bed, announced to my roommates that the solution had come to me in a dream, and I beat it on the first try. It was the most satisfying moment of my life.
posted by diogenes at 6:47 AM on February 21, 2012 [3 favorites]




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