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Brief Overview of our Reptilian Overlords
February 21, 2012 9:39 AM   Subscribe

Barack Obama has had an alien lizard implanted in the back of his head, with your tax dollars. You might think this sounds like some big pile of conspiracy tinfoil hat crap. Please read on and consider all the evidence before you jump to conclusions.

But that is just one person's opinion, you are saying! Even with the filters and closeups why should we take the word of random youtube poster? Well how about 100 random youtube posters - that's two magnitudes (i.e., 1000 times) of greater believability[1], and that means one thing: credibility and the power of science.
OBAMA LIZARD VIDEO EVIDENCE 2OBAMA LIZARD VIDEO EVIDENCE 3[2]
  / OBAMA LIZARD VIDEO EVIDENCE 4 ¦¦ OBAMA LIZARD VIDEO EVIDENCE 5OBAMA LIZARD VIDEO EVIDENCE 6.
I guarantee you there are at least 93 more videos available about "OBAMA LIZARD
 EVIDENCE"[3], if you are brave enough to experience the unvarnished truth!
He tries to hide it, but sometimes he slips up! In front of respected journalist Barbara Walters and important celebrity Whoopi Goldberg no less! "Whoopsie", Obama!

You might want to go against the actual video evidence[4] right in front of your eyes if the truth sounds too dangerous. Well then how about a detailed argument laid out in plain English?
Q: Why would the lizard people just focus on this one guy?

A: But see that's just it, they haven't! Here is the detailed evidence for the following celebrities and world leaders who are confirmed[5] positive reptilians:
And that's just the literal tip o' the old iceberg, as they say. If you think you are ready here is the full list of documented reptilians.

Maybe you need to hear it from a trusted authority figure? Well David Icke is a well-known BBC television sports presenter and spokesman for the Green Party - he can reveal the full truth for you and offer the solution for humanity's salvation. Maybe he's too "old school" and you need to hear it from a hip new online media organisation - Wired magazine claims "Lizard-People Are Running the World!". If that is not old school enough for you, it has been independently 100% objectively confirmed and verified in the Dead Sea Scrolls, which is pretty much the Bible.

There's much much more. When you start to scratch the surface you become aware that this is not just some fringe movement, you can't click a link on the Internet without tripping over the evidence.
  1. Reptoid FAQ
  2. 100% Reptoid Data Centre
  1. Fact-Checked and verified Lizard People's Archival Clearing House
We're bringing the newest technology and the highest level of scientific objectivity to this issue[6]. Surely if it could be disproven, we'd be even happier than the naysayers.
Every attempt has been made to scientifically objective, to maintain critical thinking and to debunk any and all sections of this video which may be hoaxed, misanalyzed, or technically glitched.

Zoom. Enchance. It's all there for you to make your own judgement.

A collection of pics off the internet that proof the existance of reptilians or "lizard" that are here

We all remember that moment of shared global terror and entertainment - the balloon boy saga that kept us riveted to our televisions. What you didn't know is that Ballon Boy father wanted to warn us about the Lizard Menace. What else is the media trying to keep hidden from us?

Why is it so obvious when we examine the video evidence[7], but in our day to day lives we don't notice the reptoids among us? HOLOGRAM EYE MASKING TECHNOLOGY REVEALED.

But it makes no sense! WHY do the Lizard People want to control our most beloved celebrities and politicians?

Reptile agendaDodgy site with questionable java applet popup


So what's stopping you from accepting the truth? Warning: Upon arriving at this website, you most likely have the strong, instinctual urge to automatically defend your current belief system and to reject all of this information. But, realize that attempting to use your belief system to filter out this information is, in fact, a nonsensical paradox, because it is your very belief system that is at issue here. Thus, instead of using a belief system to do your thinking for you, think for yourself via using your own brain (hopefully, you have one).

____________________________
Footnotes
[1] Lizard People being housed in Massive Underground Facility beneath Denver International Airport
[2] Search ongoing for Reptilian civilization in the tunnel system of Los Angeles; conclusive proof of collusion between Hollywood studio system and the Lizard People not yet confirmed
[3] within one generation a small percentage of Humans will have broken free from the Reptilian Yoke
[4] ibid.
[5] This possible TRUTH alone should be sending off MAJOR ALARM BELLS in your mind. Like this is no coincidence; the odds of this randomly happening are billions to one.
[6] "Freedom from Reptilian Mind Control", carlee(guest), March 13, 2011, 09:50:36 PM
[7] Col. Kurtz, Apocalypse Now, "And I remember...And I want to remember it, I never want to forget. And then I realized--like I was shot...like I was shot with a diamond...a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, "My God, the genius of that, the genius, the will to do that." Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure."
posted by Meatbomb (188 comments total) 201 users marked this as a favorite

 
I wanted to avoid any hint of bias or editorializing in the main post, but just wanted to say that I am somewhat skeptical of the more hardcore and extreme claims made in some of the more fringe videos and websites presented here. I am sure we can all agree that a more moderate interpretation of the Reptilian world domination theory is likely closer to the truth.
posted by Meatbomb at 9:39 AM on February 21, 2012 [133 favorites]


"It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see..."

"You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?"

"No," said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, "nothing so simple. Nothing anything like to straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."

"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."

"I did," said Ford. "It is."

"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"

"It honestly doesn't occur to them," said Ford. "They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates to the government they want."

"You mean they actually vote for the lizards?"

"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."

"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"

"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?"
posted by theodolite at 9:42 AM on February 21, 2012 [75 favorites]


What's the relationship between the Reptoids and the Illuminati?
posted by demiurge at 9:43 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is off the scales.
posted by flabdablet at 9:43 AM on February 21, 2012 [12 favorites]


Well... kudos on your post format as homage to the neon-green-text-on-black-background-geocities look so common to sites of this type.
posted by hincandenza at 9:43 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


No more far-fetched than "11-dimensional chess".
posted by Trurl at 9:44 AM on February 21, 2012 [7 favorites]


Of course David Icke is also the messiah.
posted by lumpenprole at 9:44 AM on February 21, 2012


Chilling. Whoever is behind this is cold-blooded.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 9:45 AM on February 21, 2012 [14 favorites]


Pie jesu domine. Crocodylus pontifex.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:45 AM on February 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


I love meatbomb. And his lizard brain.
posted by infini at 9:45 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


With apologies to Dangerous Minds:

One of the YouTube comments reads:

“As a reptilian alien symbiote, working in the ancient Anti-American conspiracy department, I’d like to say that this video is insulting to reptilians everywhere.”
posted by kuanes at 9:47 AM on February 21, 2012 [5 favorites]


I am the designated lizard-catcher in my office. Also the bird-herder. I am not making this up.
posted by rtha at 9:47 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Pfft. Reptilians? That's old hat. The hip conspiracists of today are into Masonic zombie sex kittens.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:48 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also, "analyzationer" is going to be my new job title at work.
posted by kuanes at 9:49 AM on February 21, 2012


I am unaware of any such activity or operation, nor would I be disposed to discuss such an operation if it did, in fact, occur.
posted by elizardbits at 9:51 AM on February 21, 2012 [23 favorites]


Look, just because he's black doesn't mean he's a fan of the King Cobra.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:51 AM on February 21, 2012


*clap* *clap*
tl;dnr

What's the relationship between the Reptoids and the Illuminati?

All of that was shown via the majik of dance at the ball.
posted by rough ashlar at 9:51 AM on February 21, 2012


Woah there! Everyone knows that the reptilians are just misunderstood.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:53 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Our brains are such over-zealous pattern-recognizers, aren't they? We apparently have such a deep need to see patterns in as many things as we can...
posted by chasing at 9:53 AM on February 21, 2012


Jesus H. Christ, when is America going to take mental illness seriously?
posted by Dodecadermaldenticles at 9:54 AM on February 21, 2012 [14 favorites]


I think a lot of people would be happier if Obama actually were a lizard person. I'd call him a Lizard-American but that's obviously not right.
posted by 2bucksplus at 9:55 AM on February 21, 2012


Geico's viral marketing is really getting out of hand.
posted by fight or flight at 9:56 AM on February 21, 2012 [11 favorites]


OK, here's what we've got: the RAND Corporation -- in conjunction with the saucer people -- under the supervision of the reverse vampires -- are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner.

We're through the looking glass, here, people...
posted by weinbot at 9:56 AM on February 21, 2012 [9 favorites]


Martin Van Buren, where are you when your country needs you?
posted by KingEdRa at 9:58 AM on February 21, 2012 [16 favorites]


Our brains are such over-zealous pattern-recognizers, aren't they? We apparently have such a deep need to see patterns in as many things as we can...

apophenia is my middle name
posted by infini at 9:58 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


This post was made for me. It is the most awesome post on MetaFilter ever. Thank you, Meatbomb.
posted by charred husk at 9:58 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


this guy i know who has recently discovered the illuminati and this sort of thing played a video for me on youtube the other day that played one of Obama's campaign speeches backwards.

he was saying yes we can and the people reply yes we can

and backwards it was something like thank you satan.

it didn't sound like that to me, but maybe i'm not human or lizard so the messages aren't meant for me.
posted by sio42 at 9:58 AM on February 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


I think it is pretty widely accepted that many genetic markers come from non-human entities. Many world leaders such as Akhenaten and even US president Abraham Lincoln show symptoms of genetic disorders which may in fact have originated in non-human entities. Akhenaten and Lincoln both show signs of an elongated cranium, hallmark of Marfan's syndrome. It is possible that Barrack Obama's genetic sequence contains stretches similar to Akhenaten and Loncoln as well as non-human entities and also displays a similarly elongated cranium.

When will Barrack Obama come clean about his non-human DNA.
posted by Ad hominem at 9:58 AM on February 21, 2012


Masonic zombie sex kittens

Vigilant Citizen is my favorite conspiracy website of all time. Well written, subverts the norms of badly formatted and inconsistent web design. Highly recommended, especially Lady Gaga: The Illuminati Puppet.
posted by demiurge at 10:00 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


You made this post so we didn't have to
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:00 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Of course, this is all misdirection so we don't see who is really controlling the strings.
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


When will Barrack Obama come clean about his non-human DNA.

'Bout the same time George Bush comes clean about being being related to Aleister Crowley.

(what DNA is 'uniquely human' anyway?)

posted by rough ashlar at 10:02 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Awesome. Someone worked the bible code into there.

I love how digital noise has not replaced, but augmented, the existing analog noise "evidence" (e.g., the backwards-masking folks) collected by fringe operators.

Does anyone care to critique their digital imagery "filters"? I'm picturing midnight video tweakers cranking dials on software all night until the object profiles form faces and other recognizable forms.

Where are the cranks that see face of Jesus and pals on the backs of the acceptable heads?

And, any fringe belief that doesn't have Santorum as a lizard person immediately loses all cred with me. Sorry, but that guy was born lizard.
posted by clvrmnky at 10:02 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


demiurge - i bit my lip while taking a bite of my lunch when i saw your link Lady Gaga Illuminati Puppet. my friend also thinks that Beyonce, Rihanna, JayZ, and some other guy I can't remember are all occultists with secret messages in their music. (like the umbrella song, repeating ella ella ella ella is some sort of spell.)

however, he's still going to listen to their music, he's just more aware now. or something.
posted by sio42 at 10:03 AM on February 21, 2012


YOu know if I found something like Vigilient Citizen's essay on illuminati symbols in Gaga about somethng I had made, I would turn around and immediately start putting in actual illuminati symbolism just to fuck with them.
posted by The Whelk at 10:04 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


Also, I feel obliged to point out that Charlie Brooker blew the lid off this one back in October.
I know this sounds crazy. But don't take my word for it. Last week I asked the online community if it had further proof of Cameron's true nature. I was immediately inundated with terrifying eyewitness accounts.

Twitter enthusiast @djamesc wrote: "I went to school with Cameron. He used to curl up next to the radiator during lunch. He only ate once a week."

Steve Hogarty said: "I once saw him behind a branch of Waitrose using both hands to squeeze a swollen pulsating neck gland (or 'sac') into a dustbin."

Pianist Stephen Frizzle "witnessed Cameron slice off his finger whilst preparing vegetables, and it just grew back. No word of a lie."

Rob Carmier from Brighton recalled that on the day the lift wasn't working at the G8 summit, Cameron "merely climbed the glass exterior with flattened palms".

Gareth James explained the recent hot weather was caused when Cameron "surrounded the UK with glass walls because he needs to live in a vivarium".
posted by fight or flight at 10:04 AM on February 21, 2012 [14 favorites]


Meatbomb needs more to do.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:05 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Cortex: This post was deleted for the following reason: Eh, not so much with the conspiracy ramblings for no good reason I think.
Meatbomb: No good reason? Challenge accepted.
posted by jocelmeow at 10:06 AM on February 21, 2012 [43 favorites]


Meat bomb needs to do nothing else.
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 AM on February 21, 2012 [15 favorites]


Jesus H. Christ, when is America going to take mental illness seriously?

The proponents of this conspiracy stuff aren't all mentally ill, they just have stupid ideas. I'm not even entirely convinced the stuff from David Icke and Alex Jones isn't tongue-in-cheek like a more deadpan Illuminatus! Trilogy, but I'm probably wrong.

Anyways, excellent second try at this post Meatbomb, you are one dedicated and passive aggressive SOB. Faved.
posted by Hoopo at 10:06 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


BTW, Kanye West and Jay-z are in fact members of the Iluminati. Why does Kanye wear shirts depicting a Bamphomet or Jahbulon. Why does Jay-z claim "there is one god of all men" a clear reference to Jahbulon and Rex Mundi. Why does Jay-z appear in clothing that says "do what thou wilt.The Iluminati is specifically referenced in the Jay-z sing D'evils.

Prodigy from Mobb Deep has been trying to draw attention to Jay-z,s connection to the Iluminati for years, he was imprisoned for this knowledge.

google roccawear "masters of the craft" if you are not convinced !
posted by Ad hominem at 10:06 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


YOu know if I found something like Vigilient Citizen's essay on illuminati symbols in Gaga about somethng I had made, I would turn around and immediately start putting in actual illuminati symbolism just to fuck with them.

I've been reading the blog for a while and I am 100% convinced that this is what is actually going on.
posted by griphus at 10:07 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Serious question: Since I never dives very deep into this thing, what, exactly, is so bad about the Illuminati? They worship literal demons?
posted by The Whelk at 10:09 AM on February 21, 2012


Martin Van Buren, where are you when your country needs you?

This brings us to the real heart of the matter, I am sorry I can only favourite that comment once.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:10 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Reptoids?


Zo waat. . . beeg deel.
 
posted by Herodios at 10:10 AM on February 21, 2012 [6 favorites]


I've been reading the blog for a while and I am 100% convinced that this is what is actually going on.

This is what has happened. Conspiracy theories about the Iluminati and the masons have been part of hip hop for a long time. Recently Jay-z has clearly been playing with these theories, putting Masonic symbols into his clothing lines. It is actually pretty funny. Sort of sad for guys like Prodigy from Mobb Deep who actually believes this stuff and does interviews outing illuminati agents in hip hop.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:11 AM on February 21, 2012


The Whelk - according to my friend who has recently developed an unhealthy interest in all of this, the Illuminati worship Satan. only they don't find out until they are made the 33rd level or something.

kind of like scientology where you don't find out the secrets until you pay more to move up the levels.
posted by sio42 at 10:12 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


The proponents of this conspiracy stuff aren't all mentally ill, they just have stupid ideas.

I'd disagree with that; it's a matter of degree. It's one thing to believe in, say, ghosts and angels. Quite another to believe a living person has been implanted by aliens. At least you can disprove implantation.

Or maybe that's what they want you to disprove...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:14 AM on February 21, 2012


So my first thought was: Hey! a cool new ARG.
My second thought was: I'm proud of the internet that my first reaction is "Hey! a cool new ARG." rather than "Hey! A funny nutcase."

I'm not going to click any of the links. My faith in humanity might be completely misplaced, but it's mine.
posted by Gygesringtone at 10:14 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


and what, pray tell, is so wrong with Satan?
posted by The Whelk at 10:15 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


The best part of my favorite Reptilian video, starring Sarkozy and Barbara Walters. Walters makes a weird gesture where she sticks her tongue out and the guy who edited the video replays it endlessly. The synced music adds a lot.
posted by vathek at 10:16 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Whelk - i'm not so sure. apparently he's bad. but i can't quite figure out why. if he's like robot satan from futurama i'm not psyched. but if it's just jay-z that's probably ok.
posted by sio42 at 10:20 AM on February 21, 2012


At least you can disprove implantation.

In my experience, most celebrities and politicians are pretty resistant when you try to drill into their brains.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:20 AM on February 21, 2012 [5 favorites]


When masons reach the 33rd degree they are told about Jahbulon, a goat headed god that is strikingly similar to Baphomet or Rex Mundi, which are "gods of heaven and earth", they are god and Satan rolled into one. Various hip hop artists supposedly worship Bamphomet.

Like I said, there are references to 33rd degree masons in hip hop going back 20+ years. Only recently have artists been trying to appropriate Masonic symbolism. It is pretty clear they are doing it consciously. Jay-z has a clothing line called "masters of the craft" a clear reference to Masonic legends and Kanye west wears an awfull lot a shirts with goat heads on them.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:21 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


If you had told me yesterday that JPEG artifacts make people believe in aliens, I would have said that was a bit much, because nobody's that crazy.
posted by jcreigh at 10:23 AM on February 21, 2012


Best. Stunt. Post. Ever.
posted by zarq at 10:23 AM on February 21, 2012 [7 favorites]


I would turn around and immediately start fnord putting in actual illuminati symbolism just to fuck with them.
posted by drezdn at 10:24 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


> The best part of my favorite Reptilian video , starring Sarkozy and Barbara Walters.

Hey, that's Lesley Stahl.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:24 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Made a believer out of me. All hail our reptile overlords.
posted by ColdChef at 10:24 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's Raining Florence Henderson: "In my experience, most celebrities and politicians are pretty resistant when you try to drill into their brains."

Yeah, but once you get past the dura, that black and decker just sliiiiides right in.
posted by zarq at 10:25 AM on February 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


what, exactly, is so bad about the Illuminati?

Nothing because the Barvarian Illumaniti was disbanded. No matter what the song says.

A Bavarian Illuminati primer but it lacks how Weishaupt replaced Washington so you might not trust its authority.
posted by rough ashlar at 10:25 AM on February 21, 2012


There's 0 chance this is accidental. I mean, seriously, it's straight of a Robert Anton Wilson novel.
posted by empath at 10:25 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Please read on and consider all the evidence before you jump to conclusions.

If by that, you mean 'Please read the preview text and dismiss this story entirely before looking for a cat video,' then: No problem, will do!
posted by jsr1138 at 10:25 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


So they worship Satan and have mind control powers, I'm still not seeing the downside here.
posted by The Whelk at 10:26 AM on February 21, 2012 [7 favorites]


I'm still not seeing the downside here.

They don't recycle.
posted by drezdn at 10:28 AM on February 21, 2012 [9 favorites]


KingEdRa: "Martin Van Buren, where are you when your country needs you?"

Please please please tell me that joke is intentional and I it is what I think it is...
posted by symbioid at 10:28 AM on February 21, 2012


Since I never dives very deep into this thing, what, exactly, is so bad about the Illuminati? They worship literal demons?

The Illuminati were a group created at the height of the enlightenment while the entire moral order of the world was being overturned. People were absolutely fucking terrified of how the world was changing.
posted by empath at 10:28 AM on February 21, 2012


For more information, consult your pineal gland.
posted by empath at 10:29 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yeah, but once you get past the dura, that black and decker just sliiiiides right in.

They say that if you wanna throw lizards in brains, this is the Caddilac.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:30 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm not even entirely convinced the stuff from David Icke and Alex Jones isn't tongue-in-cheek like a more deadpan Illuminatus! Trilogy, but I'm probably wrong.

It's tongue-in-cheek in the sense that they don't believe in it. But they are very willing to take lots of money from people who do believe in it. So, less tongue-in-cheek and more just "lying".
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 10:30 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


So, like, tongue in someone else's cheek.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:31 AM on February 21, 2012


forked tounge
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


They don't recycle.

same friend thinks that environmentalism, while a just cause and thing to be concerned about, is being used by the Illuminati/Masons/Jay-Z as a way to get one world government.

i didn't get much further. because the reason this was not good is that it's bad, despite my polite persistent questioning method learned from askme.
posted by sio42 at 10:33 AM on February 21, 2012


shakespeherian: "So, like, tongue in someone else's cheek."

Forked tongue in someone else's cheek.
posted by zarq at 10:33 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


*hisses at The Whelk*
posted by zarq at 10:34 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


If you really want to dig into esoterical masonic hip-hop, I'd recommend The Lost Children of Babylon and Jedi Mind Tricks.
posted by symbioid at 10:34 AM on February 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


Interesting.
posted by Lizard People at 10:34 AM on February 21, 2012 [38 favorites]


Don't worry, the machine elves told me it's going to be alright...
posted by symbioid at 10:34 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


Look, people believe that "Planned Parenthood uses "sex education" to turn kids into sex addicts so it can make a fortune selling them birth control, STD treatments, and abortions" - I thought this had to be satire, but apparently this video by the "American Life League" is not a joke.

And there's that congressman who believed an Onion story about "Planned Parenthood's $8 billion Abortionplex".

If you can sell people on that shit? You can sell 'em on Lizard People. Srsly.
posted by flex at 10:36 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Don't worry, the machine elves told me it's going to be alright...

Pay attention! This is important!
posted by Meatbomb at 10:36 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Meatbomb, Budger of history Brake of time You Meatbomb Toy of universe Grandest of all snatched sky I cannot hate you.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:37 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


Listen guys, I have an idea.

There's a lot of people who read metafilter who have already infiltrated deeply into all levels of society. The only problem here is that we aren't coordinating enough. We all have ideals and principles, but the thing is, none of us are going to get anything done with just voting and arguing on the internet and so on.

What we need to do is agree on an agenda. And I propose that the agenda we agree on is this -- power. We should simply act in concert to take over the world, and then once we've accomplished that, we can use that power to enact whatever ideals we feel like. But the main thing is getting power first.

Feel free to memail me, and we can get this conspiracy started.
posted by empath at 10:41 AM on February 21, 2012 [13 favorites]


Yeah, but once you get past the dura, that black and decker just sliiiiides right in.

For some reason I really want to listen to The Iceberg right now.
posted by Hoopo at 10:45 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


(hands empath a Card, nods)
posted by The Whelk at 10:45 AM on February 21, 2012


Oh yeah - see, when the apocalypse comes, the new age hippie eco-fascists are gonna make kids turn their parents in. And they will be handed over the satanic authorities who just happen to be like Aliens and will be worshipped by the new agers, but all the fans of baby jesus will be gone (and any who figure otherwise will be the ones turned in... )

Then they'll use like... a laser guillotine and behead the believers.

The Aliens are just a disguise for the Demonic invasion!

(I'd rather listen to the DMT elves than Jack Chick, anyday).
posted by symbioid at 10:45 AM on February 21, 2012


there is I have no cabal idea what empath is talking about.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:45 AM on February 21, 2012


empath: I'm in. Do I need a sack of doorknobs or a vial of a specific antidote or anything?
posted by Navelgazer at 10:47 AM on February 21, 2012


I just want to say one thing.



Violet.

Racetrack.

Virgo.


that is all.
posted by The Whelk at 10:47 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Obey.

Consume.

Do Not Question Authority.

Stay Asleep.

posted by zarq at 10:49 AM on February 21, 2012 [5 favorites]


What's the relationship between the Reptoids and the Illuminati?

Bitter enemies by day, hot passionate lovers by night.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 10:50 AM on February 21, 2012 [8 favorites]


For some reason I really want to listen to The Iceberg right now.
posted by Hoopo at 10:45 AM on February 21 [+] [!]


I wonder what that shit would sound like.
posted by Boxenmacher at 10:50 AM on February 21, 2012


so is this conspiracy going to include all the genders? or will there be a ladies' auxiliary? i always thought those were kinda neat.

are we gonna have pins? and/or our own bars like the Legion with nickel drafts?
if so, i am in. i like punchboards.
posted by sio42 at 10:51 AM on February 21, 2012


we just have a huge poster that says CONSPIRE!
posted by The Whelk at 10:53 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Name: Lizard People
Joined: December 17, 2008


Mind. BLOWN.
posted by zombieflanders at 10:53 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


so is this conspiracy going to include all the genders? or will there be a ladies' auxiliary? i always thought those were kinda neat.

are we gonna have pins? and/or our own bars like the Legion with nickel drafts?


I've already said too much.
posted by empath at 10:53 AM on February 21, 2012


My mind has blown itself all over the back of my skull
posted by narcoleptic at 10:54 AM on February 21, 2012


Uh, are you people actually buying into this crap?

There is no way the shadow people would allow this to happen.
posted by orme at 10:55 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Really the best way to create a conspiracy is to invent an ancient historical conspiracy to which you yourself have been recently recruited. Then you create a pyramidal structure so that nobody knows how many people are in the organization or who recruited them, and so on. That way you can control the organization while being able to plausibly denying that control even to people you yourself recruited.

Probably the worst way to do it is to make a post on a messageboard announcing that you want to start a conspiracy. Though that kind of happened in the case of Anonymous and it seems to have worked out for them.
posted by empath at 10:56 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


Freemasons review Rocawear's masters of the craft clothing line.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:58 AM on February 21, 2012


They've even tried to subvert our democratic process!

A "joke." Sure.
posted by lunasol at 10:58 AM on February 21, 2012


> There is no way the shadow people would allow this to happen.

Do you think the shadow people care at all who seems to be in the apparent positions of power? They let the various factions of lizard people and illuminati dick around while the real power is subverted at far more subtle levels.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:00 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


My masters, the cephalopods, are pleased that you all are entertaining yourselves with these ideas. It is important that you remain as docile as possible during the trying century ahead.
posted by briank at 11:05 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Mind. BLOWN.

That'll be 20 gold coins, same as at the Earth's Core.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:07 AM on February 21, 2012 [10 favorites]


same friend thinks that environmentalism, while a just cause and thing to be concerned about, is being used by the Illuminati/Masons/Jay-Z as a way to get one world government.

The re-wilding of ajenda-21. Its that new world order spoken of by others.

Just wait till your friend finds out about F.A.C.E.OFF. (Fight Against Code Enforcement OFFice)
posted by rough ashlar at 11:07 AM on February 21, 2012


I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum.
posted by MoonOrb at 11:08 AM on February 21, 2012 [4 favorites]


Léo Taxil would be so proud!
posted by usonian at 11:10 AM on February 21, 2012


Freemasons review Rocawear's masters of the craft clothing line.

Best not tell the Attorney General of Wisconsin

132.17  Certain badges; penalty for unauthorized wearing. Any person who shall willfully wear the insignia, rosette, or badge or any imitation thereof, of....Free Masons.... shall be imprisoned not more than 30 days or fined not exceeding $20, or both.

And if Penn Jillette shows up with his ring - he'd better be prepared to pay for THAT bling.
posted by rough ashlar at 11:13 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Sorry AG - http://www.milwaukeeworld.com/blog/2007/07/j-b-van-hollen-as-youve-never-seen-him.html
posted by rough ashlar at 11:15 AM on February 21, 2012


I WANT TO BELIEVE
posted by chavenet at 11:17 AM on February 21, 2012


What we need to do is agree on an agenda. And I propose that the agenda we agree on is this -- power. We should simply act in concert to take over the world, and then once we've accomplished that, we can use that power to enact whatever ideals we feel like. But the main thing is getting power first.

And Thus Will Appear The Four Ponies of the Apocalypse!
posted by Kabanos at 11:18 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS A CONSPIRACY
posted by The Whelk at 11:19 AM on February 21, 2012 [6 favorites]


MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS A CONSPIRACY

*awaits a series of remixes with the voices of Alex Jones, Friends from Fox, et la. Extra points if you get Malcom X and chickens roosting*
posted by rough ashlar at 11:22 AM on February 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


This comment from the first link sums it up quite nicely:
"The sad part is that come November the only alternative to reelecting our lizard-president Obama will be voting for Santorum (who is a quarter chupacabra) or Romney (an old timey wooden marionette puppet imbued with life by a Chinese wizard)."

Also, I wonder what the movement demanding "proof" that Obama is not a lizard will be called. The lizarders? The reptilianites?
posted by sour cream at 11:26 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Herpers. They will be called Herpers.

Or Herpies.
posted by sourwookie at 11:30 AM on February 21, 2012 [5 favorites]


HERP DERP LIZARD PEOPLE
posted by The Whelk at 11:32 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


The lizardiers, accent on last syllable.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:35 AM on February 21, 2012


DERP, of course, being the new Cabinet-level organization called the Department of Expanding Reptilian Populations.
posted by zombieflanders at 11:35 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


None of this would be an issue if these people could just handle their salvia.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:38 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Meatbomb: "The lizardiers, accent on last syllable."

Appropriate, since they don't have visible ears, either.
posted by zarq at 11:39 AM on February 21, 2012


No, since it's French the s is silent.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:40 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


CTRL+F - Jim Morrison ::crickets::
CTRL+F - Meatbomb ::alarm bells, etc::

CTRL+Fascinating.
posted by obscurator at 11:41 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Don't worry everyone. Facebook will be the reptilians' undoing.
posted by eviltwin at 11:42 AM on February 21, 2012


Alvia, then.






What?
posted by zarq at 11:42 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


I am going to spend some time with this and a bottle of whisky this weekend...
posted by Theta States at 11:42 AM on February 21, 2012


Well it is a leap year ...
posted by infini at 11:46 AM on February 21, 2012


Léo Taxil would be so proud!

Nice to see that some of us still appreciate the classics.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:47 AM on February 21, 2012


Cortex: This post was deleted for the following reason: Eh, not so much with the conspiracy ramblings for no good reason I think.

THEY'VE GOT TO THE MODS! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!


What's the relationship between the Reptoids and the Illuminati?

Bitter enemies by day, hot passionate lovers by night.


Srsly. Have you ever been to a Bilderberger Conference? There's so much sexual tension in the air during the day while they argue over whose agenda they're going to follow that you can cut it with a knife.

But then in the evening? The masks come off and it's all-night lizard fucking. Right after the ritual sacrifice of 300 Christian babies, of course.
posted by KingEdRa at 11:49 AM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


CTRL+F - Jim Morrison ::crickets::

So I guess this is as good a time as any to come clean: I am a Crawling King Snake. We have certain, uh, alliances with the Lizard People, certain common interests, but we have our own agenda and keep our own council. Contrary to rumours, we can't do just anything, but we do rule our dens.
posted by gompa at 11:56 AM on February 21, 2012


RELATED
posted by gompa at 11:58 AM on February 21, 2012


"The doctors and nurses were very professional. They didn't take the mickey out of me being bitten on my wedding tackle."

I don't want to alarm anyone, but in light of this new development, I think it's high time to investigate connections between the Obama "administration" and the Tasmanian "health care" system.
posted by gompa at 12:01 PM on February 21, 2012


I might be being misled here, but I thought / had been led to believe that the whole reptilian conspiracy thing does have a rather darker side? As I understood it, some of its proponents were/are anti-semites who essentially were using "reptilian" as a code for "jewish" or "controlled by the jews" so that they could promote their racist ideas more openly while those "in the know" would understand what they were "really talking about". It is not something that I have ever looked into much for some unfathomable reason but the whole topic has been something I have avoided having a laugh about for that reason. Have I been taken in by a conspiracy theory about the conspiracy theory or what?
posted by Another Fine Product From The Nonsense Factory at 12:05 PM on February 21, 2012


I'll see your American President Reptile Implantation and raise you two Alien Abductions and a Communist Fluoride Mass Hypnosis.
posted by mmrtnt at 12:07 PM on February 21, 2012


Are we sure these aren't Lectroids from the 8th Dimension?
posted by cottoncandybeard at 12:11 PM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Nictitating membranes, people! Open your eyes! Or at least one set of eyelids. You can keep the second set closed. No need to take any specs of flying bullshit in the eye. That shit hurts!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:14 PM on February 21, 2012


"reptilian" as a code for

http://www.google.com/search?q=reptilian+sociopath All the "code" one needs.
posted by rough ashlar at 12:15 PM on February 21, 2012


Have I been taken in by a conspiracy theory about the conspiracy theory or what?

Doesn't take too much more digging to get to the Masons and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, Nonsense Factory. I certainly saw it in passing during the research. I suppose that all conspiracy theory is a bit of a Kevin Bacon game, birds of a feather and all that.

I'd like to declare most emphatically that I do not endorse ethnic cleansing in any way shape or form.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:18 PM on February 21, 2012


"He's a reptile and it shows/Got a web between his toes..."
posted by Rangeboy at 12:22 PM on February 21, 2012


Don't be fooled, everyone. Meatbomb is trying to distract you from the existence of the Cabal with this post.
posted by charred husk at 12:24 PM on February 21, 2012


There is no Meatbomb.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:27 PM on February 21, 2012 [5 favorites]


My best friend from high school got pretty heavily involved in hardcore drugs, then taoism, and then mystical Catholicism. About five years ago he got upset that I wasn't taking his beliefs seriously, and he hasn't spoken to me since. One of the links he had emailed me, the one I was pretty dismissive of, centered on lizard people. I really miss my friend, and I hope he snaps out of it.
posted by jwhite1979 at 12:27 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thissss isss clearly the malicioussss sssspeculation of a ssssmall sssssect of sssseditious sssslanderers.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:34 PM on February 21, 2012 [10 favorites]


yeah, i really hope this is a passing thing with my friend.
it's a little disconcerting that he is really taken with these things.

he's an otherwise nice, fairly intelligent dude. i don't know how he made it through life this far (he's 30 now) without coming across this stuff before.
posted by sio42 at 12:35 PM on February 21, 2012


Is it True What They Say About Freemasonry?
posted by usonian at 12:35 PM on February 21, 2012


I really should start a petition against too free and easy internet in m'sia
posted by infini at 12:35 PM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is it True What They Say About Freemasonry?

You get what you pay for? Yes, it is. A good mason is worth his weight in barbecued human flesh, I mean gold.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:39 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Meatbomb: " I'd like to declare most emphatically that I do not endorse ethnic cleansing in any way shape or form."

And yet here you are Brother Meatbomb, presumably wiping out bacteria in your vicinity by the millions through inhalation.

For shame, sir. For shame.
posted by zarq at 12:40 PM on February 21, 2012


bricks.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:41 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


infini: "I really should start a petition against too free and easy internet in m'sia"

....and increased access to shall we say... a better class of medications.
posted by zarq at 12:42 PM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


I rescue spiders. I am not afraid of lizards. Lizards are so adorable!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 12:52 PM on February 21, 2012


Lizards are so adorable!

So some of your best friends are lizards? Are they all insurance salesmen?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:55 PM on February 21, 2012


Are you now, or have you ever been a lizard?
posted by narcoleptic at 1:05 PM on February 21, 2012


I will not resssspond to thessse bassselessss accussssationsss.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:07 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is a sleestak a lizard person or a dinosaur person? Can I safely consort with sleestaks?
posted by Slap*Happy at 1:11 PM on February 21, 2012


i was just looking at the lady gaga link.

it says about the "masonic checkerboard pattern" in one of her videos.

i thought that was a dutch thing. i remember learning about it in art history in college.

do these people think ANYTHING is safe and ok? oh right...paranoid. i've never really understood that until now when i just typed that question.

it seems like everything is an evil symbol. how do we know that the bible/any religious text isn't just a plant by the luciferians/lizards/whoever is trying to take over the world?

how do these people determine that the "good" things are actually good?
posted by sio42 at 1:23 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Can I safely consort with sleestaks?

Depends on when they are from I guess.
posted by rough ashlar at 1:24 PM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


I might be being misled here, but I thought / had been led to believe that the whole reptilian conspiracy thing does have a rather darker side? As I understood it, some of its proponents were/are anti-semites who essentially were using "reptilian" as a code for "jewish" or "controlled by the jews" so that they could promote their racist ideas more openly while those "in the know" would understand what they were "really talking about".

I point you to one of the best things Jon Ronson ever wrote. David Icke --who arguably started the whole thing-- seems to truly, sincerely mean literal lizards. 12 foot high ones, to be precise.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:31 PM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is a sleestak a lizard person or a dinosaur person? Can I safely consort with sleestaks?

Consult Rule 34 of the new HHS guidelines.
posted by zombieflanders at 1:32 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


do these people think ANYTHING is safe and ok?

If its not here then it MIGHT be safe. Don't think I've seen a monologue about honey at vigilant citizen but perhaps I've missed it.
posted by rough ashlar at 1:33 PM on February 21, 2012


Is it True What They Say About Freemasonry?
posted by Meatbomb at 1:35 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thanks Lentrohamsanin:
"There is full documentation," announced Henrick, which proves that 20 reptilian races have interfaced, intermingled and interbred with the human race, and are now controlling society from above."

*grabs popcorn* *awaits the full documentation*
posted by rough ashlar at 1:41 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Meatbomb: "I'd like to declare most emphatically that I do not endorse ethnic cleansing in any way shape or form."

Not even with a wetnap?
posted by symbioid at 1:52 PM on February 21, 2012


BTW, the Illuminati and reptilians have a lovely Pinterest page. If you know the secret password, It's quite nice. Lots of cute kitties.
posted by Mcable at 2:11 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


When presented with proof of this magnitude, what else can I do but believe.

Yesssssss! I believe.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:16 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is it True What They Say About Freemasonry?
posted by usonian at 2:23 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


rough ashlar - "monologue about honey"? is that a typo or some sort of conspiracy joke i'm not getting?

that vigilant citizen site is unbelievable. if i had come across it before today, i would have thought it was a product of the Yes Men or The Onion.
posted by sio42 at 2:36 PM on February 21, 2012


23 Skidoo
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 2:38 PM on February 21, 2012


MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS A CONSPIRACY

Do not anger the masons.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 2:46 PM on February 21, 2012


I see your 23 Skidoo, and raise you one Fnord.
posted by clvrmnky at 2:46 PM on February 21, 2012


is that a typo

No. 2b1 ask 1
posted by rough ashlar at 2:47 PM on February 21, 2012


"You will perceive, my brethren, from this concise statement of facts, that we have in truth secret enemies, not a few scattered through our country; how many and, except in three or four instances, in what places we know not; enemies whose professed design is to subvert and overturn our holy religion and our free and excellent government. And the pernicious fruits of their insidious and secret efforts, must be visible to every eye not obstinately closed or blinded by prejudice. Among these fruits may be reckoned our unhappy and threatening political divisions; the increasing abuse of our wise and faithful rulers; the virulent opposition to some of the laws of our country, and the measures of the Supreme Executive; the Pennsylvania insurrection; the industrious circulation of baneful and corrupting books, and the consequent wonderful spread of infidelity, impiety, and immorality; the arts made use of to revive ancient prejudices, and cherish party spirit, by concealing or disguising the truth, and propagating falsehoods; and lastly, the apparent systematic endeavours made to destroy, not only the influence and support, but the official existence of the Clergy."

That's The Reverend Jedediah Morse, April 1799, decrying the clandestine influence of the Bavarian Illuminati and the French Revolution. There's really nothing new under the sun as far as this type of thing is concerned in American history.

Take away a few of the more rococo phrases and it could be a transcript of a Rick Santorum stump speech.
posted by blucevalo at 2:56 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


As it's apparently not clear to some people, please allow me to be blunt: As much as we might wish it to be so, and despite claims to the contrary in some episodes of the program, Stargate SG-1 is not a documentary.
posted by ob1quixote at 2:57 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Wormhole Extreme, on the other hand...
posted by pompomtom at 2:58 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Stargate SG-1 is not a documentary.

Right - because the screw ups would have been fatal VS the 3rd act reversal. How many 3rd act reversals have there been in Iraq? Afghanistan?
posted by rough ashlar at 3:04 PM on February 21, 2012


ob1quixote: "Stargate SG-1 is not a documentary."

Shhh... nobody tell him.
posted by zarq at 3:08 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


There's really nothing new under the sun as far as this type of thing is concerned in American history.


Indeed, anti-Masonic hysteria in the 1820s led to the first third party in American politics.
posted by usonian at 3:11 PM on February 21, 2012


Soo.. why is the implantation happening with "our tax dollars"? Did Obama pay the Lizard People? Do the Lizard People already collect the tax dollars?

On top of all that, why does it matter there's a Lizard in his head? Are we now discriminating against Lizard People? Why can't Lizard People run for the Presidency?
posted by Harry at 4:25 PM on February 21, 2012


It's much more fun to read this stuff from Colin Wilson or Clark Ashton Smith.
And P.K. Dick of course.
I mean, there's crazy and there's fun crazy.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:58 PM on February 21, 2012


laffin at the crazies

i feel p good about myself
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 6:37 PM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


So wait, you put this together AND composed the Werner Herzog GPS script in 24 hours?

My life is empty.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:38 PM on February 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


wow, even honey is evil.

is there any part of our lives free masonry has not touched? the government, rap, clothing, rap clothing, honey...seriously, maybe lizards are better.
posted by sio42 at 7:07 PM on February 21, 2012


wow, even honey is evil.

Naw, honey is bee vomit. Masons use 'em as a symbol and at this time there is only a guess that Vigilant Citizen would find 'em evil.

A subset of peta people find honey an expression of animal abuse for Man's benefit and therefore evil. And given the type of sugar honey is, another set of human opinion finds it evil. And you can't give it to babies....so that's a kind of evil.

If one is looking to have bees (via providing housing) and doesn't want honey - there are Mason bees.
posted by rough ashlar at 8:37 PM on February 21, 2012


You know who could clear this up for us? That reporter, Mike Donovan.
posted by blueberry at 10:37 PM on February 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


Why can't Lizard People run for the Presidency?

Because they weren't born in the US. They're aliens, duh.
posted by flabdablet at 12:14 AM on February 22, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is it just me, or is meatbomb on freaking fire lately?
Which is to say: well done, again sir.
posted by kaiseki at 12:47 AM on February 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


These guys make the "Obama is Muslim" crowd look like the middle of the road.
posted by WalkingAround at 3:45 AM on February 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


Book recommendation by association: Karel Capek's "War with the Newts"
posted by WalkingAround at 3:50 AM on February 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


empath: "Feel free to memail me, and we can get this conspiracy started."

I'll get my lizard implant to call your lizard implant.
posted by arcticseal at 6:50 AM on February 22, 2012


tl;dr: LOL MENTAL ILLNESS.
posted by cog_nate at 7:09 AM on March 21, 2012


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