Never cut your feet again on corals and mussels
March 4, 2012 4:34 AM   Subscribe

The Swiss Protection Sock is a sock as good as a shoe. It's 50% kevlar!
posted by twoleftfeet (64 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
On the onehand, I want it so much. On the other hand, I'd never be able to look my wife in the eye and say that I'm wearing a Swiss Protection Sock without devolving into dirty jokes that will get me that look.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 4:41 AM on March 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Now's the time on Sprockets when we dance get perfect barefoot feeling and at the same time a protection against cuts.
posted by tractorfeed at 5:00 AM on March 4, 2012 [17 favorites]


This is welcome news for people who shoot themselves in the foot.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:02 AM on March 4, 2012 [13 favorites]


I just love tactical and high performance gear and I'm constantly surprised by the great price-quality ratio you can get. I just can't see myself running around without shoes but KEVLAR OH YEAH!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 5:06 AM on March 4, 2012


It's the dark secret of Alpine direct democracy; there's something about the right to challenge federal laws that exposes toes and insteps to a frightening array of threats. Not something they teach you in civics.
posted by Abiezer at 5:06 AM on March 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


"eco friendly PVC"?
posted by DU at 5:14 AM on March 4, 2012


This is welcome news for people with ratty hardwood floors.
posted by bonobothegreat at 5:16 AM on March 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


"equally good for diabetics"

WTF?
posted by greenhornet at 5:17 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


They keep saying it protects against cuts, but does it protect against that "oooh, oh, ah, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, oh, oof" feeling of pain that that guy on the shell-ridden beach appears to be suffering through?
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 5:21 AM on March 4, 2012 [20 favorites]


Now I get funny looks wearing my VFF (which I love), but no way am I wearing those out. Everyone will be asking what happened to my shoes.
posted by arcticseal at 5:28 AM on March 4, 2012


Sometimes diabetics need special socks, greenhornet.
posted by 41swans at 5:30 AM on March 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


But why do they have to look like wool socks?
posted by absentian at 5:37 AM on March 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


De Swiz Proteczion Shokz
(small print disclaimer: doezn't protectz from nailz and pointy objcetz yodelay-eee-uuuuh!!!)
posted by elpapacito at 5:39 AM on March 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


Something something no dude walking on hot coals, broken glass..? Also I wonder how well they work on slippery surfaces?
posted by pyrex at 5:53 AM on March 4, 2012


yeah, that sock will soak up water like a sponge, and then won't even drain effectively because of the kevlar on the bottom.

bad idea socks.
posted by leotrotsky at 5:55 AM on March 4, 2012


I love my Five Finger shoes, so you'd think I'd be the perfect customer for these. But they remind me of those guys who wear socks with sandals... and removing the sandals doesn't fix the problem.
posted by Forktine at 5:57 AM on March 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


I thought this was a joke video like that run on water one a few years ago. I might be right.
posted by sammyo at 6:00 AM on March 4, 2012


Are they worldwide?
posted by milarepa at 6:10 AM on March 4, 2012


Must have been hilarious to be a grip on that shoot.
posted by nathancaswell at 6:11 AM on March 4, 2012


But why do they have to look like wool socks?

Wool socks that look like compulsory uniform issue to employees of the Red Cross.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:16 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Not in the advertisement: Perfect for the small Japanese child who needs to run away and escape from her Yakuza minder.
posted by curious nu at 6:21 AM on March 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Laugh all you want, but I could definitely see trying a pair of these in place of those neoprene shoes I generally wear in rivers and such to ward off cuts. The flexibility would be an advantage.
posted by notashroom at 6:22 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


He says "shells and broken ceramics" and very specifically does NOT say "nails, thumbtacks, rusty rebar, discarded syringes". So yeah, you still get the "ooh ahh ohh" when the surface is uneven, and you still need to watch for pointy metal bits.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:25 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Reading the company's website, they only sell a few sizes, and cover liability by noting what it is good for ("Outdoor on soft ground; Water sports, board sports, swimming (average over protective shells, coral, rocks)") and what it is not good for ("Tar, roads with sharp obstacles; Waters with sea urchins and other animals with sharp spines"; apparently long endurance running or hiking).

What I wonder is if people with any combination of toe lengths can wear these socks. Vibram's Five Fingers states clearly that if the index toe is longer than the big toe, then the Five Fingers won't fit.

Also it's 55 Euros.
posted by ZeusHumms at 6:25 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Evolution complete, Kevlar skin acquired.
Upgrade flame retardants for protection from firebats and flame wars.
posted by jeffburdges at 6:27 AM on March 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


I love my Five Finger shoes, so you'd think I'd be the perfect customer for these. But they remind me of those guys who wear socks with sandals... and removing the sandals doesn't fix the problem.

See, now all the Swiss tourists I see patiently and politely sightseeing around Australia in sensible, style-free hiking gear can take their brand of pleasant, inoffensive tourism to the parts of the country where the rocks maul you and the foliage is slightly barbed. For all those lovely places where regular socks with your well made, ugly hiking sandals just won't cut it.

Also, Detroit.
posted by Jilder at 6:33 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


I first mis-read this as "Swiss Army Socks" and immediately pictures socks with all kinds of flip-open gadgets like spoons and compasses.
posted by ShutterBun at 6:39 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


Why are individual toed socks so goddamned creepy?
posted by nathancaswell at 6:44 AM on March 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


These seem like the perfect antidote to the Lego caltrops that my kid leaves all over the place.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:51 AM on March 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Wow, just when I thought Vibramz were the total nadir of footwear. I can't wait to see some clowns wearing these to the gym while they lift weights.
posted by indubitable at 6:53 AM on March 4, 2012


These remind me of sitting on the beach with my wife after paddling or surfing, listening to her make fun of the tourists wearing socks with their snorkel flippers.
posted by kaiseki at 6:54 AM on March 4, 2012


Swiss nationalism is kind of weird.

As flag-waving as USians tend to be, if this thing were invented here it wouldn't be called "American Protection Sock." Japan wouldn't call it "Japanese Protection Sock." Russia wouldn't call it "Russian Protection Sock." France would probably just find some reason to ban it.
posted by Foosnark at 6:58 AM on March 4, 2012 [4 favorites]


Do they come in Blue?
posted by desjardins at 7:36 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is another plot against syndactyls, isn't it? Four toes was good enough for my grandma, and it's good enough for me.
(thank you for not asking if I quack.)
posted by scruss at 7:44 AM on March 4, 2012


Why are individual toed socks so goddamned creepy?

Note to ninja staff, bring more flunitrazepam along on next nighttime visit to subject MF29597.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:56 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


While watching the video, I kept thinking how very awful his tan lines were going to be, zipping around all day on a sunny beach in thick crew socks. When he didn't have his super special bullet-proof socks on, people would just think he was a tool who didn't bother to take off his ordinary, boring socks while laying out on the sand. The horror.
posted by but no cigar at 8:22 AM on March 4, 2012


The Swiss Protection Sock is a sock as good as a shoe. It's 50% kevlar!
posted by twoleftfeet


Now that could be a problem...
posted by ShutterBun at 8:46 AM on March 4, 2012


I want a pair of these things, but I want them n black and without a logo. I can't stand to be a billboard for a company, so my clothes have no men on horses, no crocodiles, no flags, no mice or other cute animals, no visible logos of any kind. I'm nearly neurotic this way.
posted by cjorgensen at 9:04 AM on March 4, 2012 [5 favorites]


Why does the company have a .de domain name?
posted by scose at 9:35 AM on March 4, 2012


They keep saying it protects against cuts, but does it protect against that "oooh, oh, ah, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, oh, oof" feeling of pain that that guy on the shell-ridden beach appears to be suffering through?

Kevlar is just fabric. The fact that it's impenetrable doesn't change the fact that it's flexible. Pointy things are still going to feel pointy. You might not get cut, but you'll still be uncomfortable as heck.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:57 AM on March 4, 2012


I can't help but picture this guy being the one doing the voiceover for this video. Maybe that is why I'm having trouble taking this seriously....
posted by sendai sleep master at 9:58 AM on March 4, 2012


This will go great with my Swiss Protection Umbrella, made from 50% kevlar. A breakthrough for your head against hailstones with perfect bare head feeling.
posted by charlie don't surf at 10:04 AM on March 4, 2012


If only Achilles had had one of these.
posted by goethean at 10:10 AM on March 4, 2012 [3 favorites]


Why does the company have a .de domain name?

My guess: It's a German company cashing in on the internationally recognized "Swiss Army knife" brand (and associations of rugged manly usefulness) by using the plain old demonym "Swiss."

Notice that the cross on the sock is red. Swiss flag ain't even like that.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:13 AM on March 4, 2012


Why are individual toed socks so goddamned creepy?

I think it's an uncanny valley thing. One of my colleagues is completely creeped out by my black Vibram Flows. He says they don't look like shoes, they look like prosthetics.

The ones with different colors between the toes don't bug him, for what it's worth.
posted by BrashTech at 10:19 AM on March 4, 2012 [2 favorites]


BrashTech - for maximum creepiness, you should be able to order them in your skin tone.
posted by desjardins at 10:37 AM on March 4, 2012


If you could get somebody wearing these socks and riding on a Segway - it is my theory that the reason Segways have failed at gaining market share at anything except shuttling tourists around various downtowns is because everyone, and I do mean everyone, like even Johnny Depp, looks like a complete and utter dweeb on them - you'd have reached the perfect nadir of uncoolness, the anti cool. The anti coolness molecules emitted by this combination would probably be enough to plunge the world into a new fashion dark ages, aka the 70s.
posted by mygothlaundry at 10:46 AM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


a new fashion dark ages, aka the 70s

what
posted by Sys Rq at 10:47 AM on March 4, 2012


"alright, run towards the camera and then stop when you are half out of frame"

"almost done guys, stand next to each other all bro-tastic and shirtless. But awkwardly hold some baggage too"

Why was the blocking so damn weird?
posted by munchingzombie at 10:49 AM on March 4, 2012


I prefer the corkscrew to the phillips head screwdriver, but otherwise these are perfect!
posted by mr vino at 10:55 AM on March 4, 2012


I really don't have a problem with socks and sandals. Never have. I actually find that look- middle-aged German man with a mustache, cargo shorts, socks-and-sandals, and hopefully tanned, muscular legs- to be incredibly sexy. And yes I'm serious.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 11:01 AM on March 4, 2012


> I actually find that look- middle-aged German man with a mustache, cargo shorts, socks-and-sandals, and hopefully tanned, muscular legs- to be incredibly sexy.

You described my high school chem teacher, 'cept he was at least 10 years younger, used to wear some kind of body suit (?) so the socks matched the turtleneck, and also he ran the weightlifting club. Ever since then, I liked socks and sandals. He was geek-kewl. Anyway, good to know I'm not the only one.
posted by Listener at 11:42 AM on March 4, 2012


Is it just me or has Vibram abandoned the barefoot running concept to sell toe-shoes? Contoured EVA insoles and thick cleated outsoles? Okay...
posted by polyhedron at 11:49 AM on March 4, 2012


Oh yeah, Vibram's now in it to make shoes that happen to have articulated toes. Nevertheless, a good worn-in pair of the Bikilas (for example) still make for a wonderful run. And don't tell anyway, but I still haven't thrown away my four year-old original pair of KSOs with the bottom and toe-tips worn away completely....
posted by Earthtopus at 11:56 AM on March 4, 2012


I've been loving a pair of Merrell's 'barefoot-style' shoes; no separated toes so they draw a lot less in the way of comments, and I can wear socks, which is useful in the Canadian winter. Occasionally someone does notice that they look odd, though, because of the lack of a heel.
posted by kaibutsu at 12:13 PM on March 4, 2012


Swiss nationalism is kind of weird.

Not nationalism, really, but I think there's a view that putting "Swiss" in a name means a product is going to be healthy, efficient, well-made and generally good for you. Like muesli.

And yes, I read "Swiss Army socks" as well.
posted by 43rdAnd9th at 12:20 PM on March 4, 2012 [1 favorite]


"equally good for diabetics"

WTF?


I'm diabetic and instantly considered purchasing, greenhornet.

There are a number of things that contribute to a vicious circle with (rather un-circle-like) a nasty end point involving amputation of the feet.

First, diabetes degrades the nervous system, so you have progressive peripheral neuropathy -- loss of feeling in the extremities. (Later, neuropathy can contribute to serious consequences for organs right in the torso.)

Second, this apparently contributes to an interruption of the circulatory system where the capillaries, again first in the extremities, such that the layers of skin that once were able to call up more blood anytime they needed it no longer get their message through. Ultimately, this means more and more of the outer layer of skin actually dies.

Third, the loss of feeling means that any wound may, in fact, not be noticed by the organism. You don't actually feel that sharp rock cutting open your big toe. The longer you have diabetes, the more important frequent visual inspection of your feet becomes.

Fourth, diabetes suppresses the immune system -- probably because it's overwhelmed dealing with all the small parts of the body that are getting damaged -- and the wounds of this type can become seriously infected, so by the time the organism notices and seeks medical attention, amputation is the only safe solution. I've already experienced very slow healing times, but they vastly improve any time I maintain my activity regime.

There's also a bit in there where you develop hard callus material or become especially susceptible to fungal infections. Both make your feet very uncomfortable in shoes or carrying weight.

Anyway, the so-called diabetic socks primarily help with the circulation bit, by compressing the feet and preventing them from becoming bloated. During a period of inactivity last year my feet got painfully bloated and I could barely walk on them. This is another way the syndrome eats its own tail, by preventing the exercise that helps keep glucose levels under control. Fortunately I got on this problem and have maintained a regimen of daily cleaning and moisturizing, as well as less frequent exfoliating, and my feet feel almost 100% again. It really is the case that the feet are tremendously important to protect when you're diabetic, and these socks will make it a lot easier for somebody like me to take off his shoes while around the house, even if I would never dare run on rocks or coral with them as a healthy person could afford to.
posted by dhartung at 12:31 PM on March 4, 2012 [7 favorites]


I've been hoping Vibram would come out with a version of the KSO with a Kevlar layer in the sole. I'll actually fork over 80 bucks for one if they do.
posted by clarknova at 1:05 PM on March 4, 2012


Ahahahhahhahahahahahha.


"....cut your feet on sharp objects like stones, glass, broken porcelain......"
posted by lazaruslong at 1:18 PM on March 4, 2012


Kevlar is just fabric. The fact that it's impenetrable doesn't change the fact that it's flexible. Pointy things are still going to feel pointy. You might not get cut, but you'll still be uncomfortable as heck.

Kevlar is not by any stretch of the imagination impenetrable. It has such a high tensile strength that cuts are usually not an issue, but a point up nail would go through it just fine.
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:29 PM on March 4, 2012


Ask, and ye shall be answered. Those things make me shiver.
posted by BrashTech at 6:16 PM on March 4, 2012


Er, that was for desjardins.
posted by BrashTech at 6:17 PM on March 4, 2012


Those VFF Bormios are just plain wrong. The idea behind them is to have the barefoot feel when running, that's some lameass confluence of practicality and fashion.
posted by arcticseal at 2:18 AM on March 5, 2012


This is another plot against syndactyls, isn't it?

so that made me look up syndactyly, and oh man I totally love this picture! the polish and the little heart just say "I love my cute toes!"
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:07 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


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