27. THE WORD IS INUIT AND ALSO THE OKINAWANS LIVE FOREVER.
March 7, 2012 12:36 PM   Subscribe

The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About PETA (SLHairpin)
posted by wreckingball (80 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
33. Pollan is loaded with rich privilege and is a total jag. I live on top of one bodega and under a second bodega and can eat only Fritos.
posted by wreckingball at 12:38 PM on March 7, 2012 [7 favorites]


Yeah, Daiya's all right.
posted by kaibutsu at 12:41 PM on March 7, 2012 [4 favorites]


And this pretty much rocks my world:
Vegan Tofu Mayo

Makes about 1 cup

12 oz firm tofu
4-6 tablespoons water
4-6 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 T lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
optional:
1 teaspoon sweetener like agave or a little sugar, or to taste

Whirl all ingredients together in a blender, starting with the lesser amounts of oil and water, adding more if needed until smooth. Taste and adjust seasonings. More lemon juice will bring out the tang and more sweetener will obviously up the sweet. I prefer no sweetener at all.
posted by kaibutsu at 12:43 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


"The Sexual Politics of Meat" is the worst b-side Re-Flex have ever released.
posted by griphus at 12:44 PM on March 7, 2012 [8 favorites]


This template needs to be applied to numerous and varied topics.
posted by lstanley at 12:44 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


LOL KAIBATSU YOU SHOULD ADD BACON GREASE TO THAT!
posted by bondcliff at 12:44 PM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


. Pollan is loaded with rich privilege and is a total jag. I live on top of one bodega and under a second bodega and can eat only Fritos.

Guys, this is feeling you get when you see a Doppelganger right? Like everything is just like you but somehow WRONG and you can see all your horrible flaws blown up in hideous scale parodied back to you, right?


....guys?
posted by The Whelk at 12:45 PM on March 7, 2012 [17 favorites]


THE WHELK APPROPRIATES OTHER PEOPLE. THAT'S WORSE THAN EYING MEAT ITS EATING SOULS
posted by gompa at 12:49 PM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


Something, something, oxygen of publicity.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:53 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


This leaves out, "If you were starving, I bet you'd eat meat."
posted by brundlefly at 12:54 PM on March 7, 2012 [6 favorites]


##. So why do vegans always look so unhealthy and pale tho?
posted by 2bucksplus at 12:55 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is way too meat meta. Mmmm.
posted by obscurator at 12:55 PM on March 7, 2012


I was shocked to see that the hoho-ain't-I-witty "People Eating Tasty Animals" was absent.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:57 PM on March 7, 2012 [11 favorites]


One of my favorite t-shirt espied in the last few years:

MEAT IS MURDER!
TASTY, TASTY MURDER.
posted by Celsius1414 at 12:58 PM on March 7, 2012 [5 favorites]


30. What about the fetuses? What's the difference between infanticide and abortion?

*rocks in corner, cries*
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:01 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: What about the fetuses?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:01 PM on March 7, 2012


God tweeted: "I believe meat is murder. And that vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer."
posted by mullacc at 1:02 PM on March 7, 2012 [30 favorites]


PETA is no different than Pat Robertson.
Righteous, opinated jerks who believe that anyone who holds a different point of view is evil.

Metafilter gladly condemns the politics of hate when it comes from the right,
but when the same thing comes from the left, it is embraced - hypocritically.
posted by Flood at 1:04 PM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


Kidding aside, you can do this for just about any topic that people are passionate about. Take any Metafilter thread about, I dunno, veganism, Apple, Microsoft, Phish, U2, Lady Gaga, sports, bikes, cars, prison, parenting, or what-have-you, and it will be filled with the same tired jokes. Don't even get me started on the comments section of local news sites.
posted by bondcliff at 1:04 PM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


Also missing:

'The suffering make it taste better! Mmm-mmm!'
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:05 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


MEAT IS MURDER!

Murder? MURDER!
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:07 PM on March 7, 2012


Metafilter: What about the fetuses?

Are they bacon fetuses?
posted by Nomyte at 1:07 PM on March 7, 2012


the man of twists and turns:*rocks in corner, cries*"

Even more meta: 29. Peter Singer is ableist and hates babies. :O
posted by zarq at 1:07 PM on March 7, 2012


Bah . . . this left out any mention of the mobile PETA puppy death vans.
posted by Seamus at 1:13 PM on March 7, 2012


Metafilter gladly condemns the politics of hate when it comes from the right,
but when the same thing comes from the left, it is embraced - hypocritically.


On exactly what Metafilter is PETA-bashing not as a cherished a pastime as "Google Ron Paul" jokes?

Bah . . . this left out any mention of the mobile PETA puppy death vans.

14.
posted by wreckingball at 1:14 PM on March 7, 2012 [7 favorites]


PETA is no different than Pat Robertson.
Righteous, opinated jerks who believe that anyone who holds a different point of view is evil.

Metafilter gladly condemns the politics of hate when it comes from the right,
but when the same thing comes from the left, it is embraced - hypocritically.


A. No, these things are not the same.
B. Metafilter does not particularly embrace PETA.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 1:16 PM on March 7, 2012 [9 favorites]


PETA puppy death vans

Who were awesome the other night, and played some new stuff.
posted by bongo_x at 1:16 PM on March 7, 2012 [8 favorites]


My favorite came from the article's own comment section:

In Denmark a bodega is a sketchy dive bar (well, sketchy for Denmark). When I told my Danish friend what a bodega was in American terms, his eyes got all big and he said one of the books he read in school finally made sense- the author wasn't an alcoholic, she just went to the store a lot.
posted by ShutterBun at 1:17 PM on March 7, 2012 [15 favorites]


B. Metafilter does not particularly embrace PETA.

I embrace PETA.
With two hands.
Around its neck.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:19 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


42. Yeah, daiya is all right.

My vegan take on Daiya is "Yeah, it melts, but it tastes like cow sweat. WHY DOES CHEESE TASTE SO GOOD?! *sob*"
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:20 PM on March 7, 2012


If God didn't want us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them so tasty.
posted by desjardins at 1:23 PM on March 7, 2012


If the best funny is the unintentional funny, this thread is getting funnier.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:26 PM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


If God didn't want us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them so tasty.

He didn't make them tasty. Butter makes them tasty. And don't tell me butter is God, because that would be blasphemous.

Clapton is God.
posted by The World Famous at 1:27 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


i have seriously considered suicide in the past
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 1:27 PM on March 7, 2012


Metafilter gladly condemns the politics of hate when it comes from the right,
but when the same thing comes from the left, it is embraced - hypocritically.

Did you even bother to glance at the comments in posts that use the PETA tag? Or perhaps we have different definitions of the word "embrace."
posted by rtha at 1:33 PM on March 7, 2012 [5 favorites]


Every PETA compaign ever: AHA! We have offended someone. NOW YOU ARE FORCED TO TALK ABOUT ANIMAL RIGHTS. VICTORY!
posted by gwint at 1:34 PM on March 7, 2012 [6 favorites]


Butter is an incarnation of God.
posted by griphus at 1:38 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


This leaves out, "If you were starving, I bet you'd eat meat."

And also: "I bet you stood on an ant once."
posted by tumid dahlia at 1:38 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Eat food, not too much, mostly kale."
posted by vespabelle at 1:42 PM on March 7, 2012


Butter is an incarnation of God.

That would explain most of Clapton's solo albums, actually.
posted by The World Famous at 1:43 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


SHUT UP, KALE!
posted by amy lecteur at 1:44 PM on March 7, 2012 [6 favorites]


Butter is an incarnation of God.

Yeah, but I'm Galactus-intolerant.
posted by Ufez Jones at 1:45 PM on March 7, 2012 [10 favorites]


EAT MOAR KALE

(don't sue me)
posted by desjardins at 1:45 PM on March 7, 2012


INCARNATION MEANS MADE OF MEAT!!
posted by languagehat at 1:48 PM on March 7, 2012 [18 favorites]


I'm not sure that we embrace PETA so much as refuse to take them seriously.

inasmuch as "we" do anything at all, I mean.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:50 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


He didn't make them tasty. Butter makes them tasty. And don't tell me butter is God, because that would be blasphemous.

Not to go all "lol veganatarians, baconz are delicious," but if you're putting butter on bacon, I might have to call that excessive.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:52 PM on March 7, 2012


Not to go all "lol veganatarians, baconz are delicious," but if you're putting butter on bacon, I might have to call that excessive.

You mean you don't deep-fat-fry your bacon? Have I...have I been doing it wrong all these years?
posted by clavier at 1:56 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


I like kale with olive oil, garlic and Kikkoman soy sauce, fried to a crisp.

also, with beef.
posted by jb at 1:57 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Kale chips are tasty and easy to make.

Fried spinach is a great addition to curries and stews.
posted by The Whelk at 2:01 PM on March 7, 2012


Bulgaroktonos -- A friend of mine went for his initial one-on-one session with a personal trainer, during which he was asked many questions about his personal habits. The end of the discussion went about like this:

Trainer Dude: "Do you put butter on your steak?"
Friend: "Yes."
TD: "I can't help you."
posted by blurker at 2:02 PM on March 7, 2012 [4 favorites]


if you're putting butter on bacon, I might have to call that excessive.

When my wife was a little girl she came back from Sunday school one day and said "We learned about kosher today." When her parents asked her what she had learned, she replied "It means you can't put butter on my bacon sandwiches."
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 2:02 PM on March 7, 2012 [4 favorites]


Chicken Fried Bacon.
Chicken fried bacon consists of bacon strips dredged in batter and deep fried, like chicken fried steak. It is an American dish that was introduced in Texas....
Go figure. I'm just surprised it wasn't invented at the State Fair.

From food.com, Chicken Fried Bacon with Cream Gravy

Nutritional Facts

Serving Size: 1 (204 g)
Servings Per Recipe: 6

Amount Per Serving
Calories: 493.2
Calories from Fat: 365
Total Fat: 40.6 g
Saturated Fat: 15.0 g
Cholesterol: 107.7 mg
Sodium: 693.9 mg
Total Carbohydrate: 16.3 g
Dietary Fiber: 0.3 g
Sugars: 0.1 g
Protein: 14.7 g
posted by zarq at 2:02 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


so, chicken fried bacon is good for diabetics, right?
posted by OHenryPacey at 2:04 PM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


And Jews. :)
posted by zarq at 2:05 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


One of my favorite t-shirt espied in the last few years:

MEAT IS MURDER!
TASTY, TASTY MURDER.
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:58 PM on March 7 [2 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]


i had that tshirt. in pink.
posted by sio42 at 2:07 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


"The Sexual Politics of Meat" is the worst b-side Re-Flex have ever released.

It was an actual song by Consolidated. No surprise to anyone at all who remembers them.
posted by mykescipark at 2:34 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


5. METACOGNITION! Intellect. Patterns. The pyramids.

This made me laugh more than it probably should, but it sounds so much like conversations I used to overhear in the philosophy department. Buzzwords! Jargon! Your logical fallacies!
posted by clavier at 2:39 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


From The Hairpin's comments:

You're forgetting the drawn out argument about honey.

- I know a pair of identical twins who no longer speak because of that argument.

- This sounds like the best short film ever.

- Directed by Christopher Guest?

posted by furiousthought at 3:00 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: What about the fetuses?

They'll have the same.
posted by grobstein at 3:18 PM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


I have eaten deep-fried bacon. It was amazing.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 3:51 PM on March 7, 2012


Is i too late for me to jump in and say that PETA are a bunch of complete fucktards?
posted by Vindaloo at 3:55 PM on March 7, 2012


It's never too late to say that!
posted by OHenryPacey at 4:17 PM on March 7, 2012


- Directed by Christopher Guest?

or Christopher Lloyd.

I have eaten deep-fried bacon. It was amazing.

I've had chocolate covered bacon. Amazing as well.
posted by jonmc at 4:51 PM on March 7, 2012


Every Metafilter thread about politics:

[...]

7. You're all a bunch of educated stupid liberals!

8. Tiresome page-long JHarris comment responding to #7.

-----

Anyway, yeah, no one here likes PETA. They're just publicity whores who detract from the real ethical questions of how we treat animals by giving callous idiots a group of people they can feel superior to and so dismiss their point out of hand. I wouldn't doubt it at all of PETA weren't secretly funded by right-wingers in order to serve as strawman stuffing.
posted by JHarris at 5:20 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Metafilter gladly condemns the politics of hate when it comes from the right,
but when the same thing comes from the left, it is embraced - hypocritically.


What in the holy hell are you talking about?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:35 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is i too late for me to jump in and say that PETA are a bunch of complete fucktards?


No I'm sorry, there isn't time, we're just going straight over to Luton.
posted by blurker at 5:36 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


So basically internet discussions involving PETA are jerks arguing with jerks about jerks?

Also for quite awhile in Europe, "the suffering make it taste better! Mmm-mmm!" was established culinary wisdom. They also used geese to turn spits.
posted by Gygesringtone at 5:52 PM on March 7, 2012


This leaves out, "If you were starving, I bet you'd eat meat."
And also: "I bet you stood on an ant once."


And also, "How do you know vegetables don't suffer when you eat them?"
posted by Glinn at 6:21 PM on March 7, 2012


blah blah vegans blah blah oral sex
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:24 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oral sex you say?

*checks username*

No thanks.
posted by Panjandrum at 7:44 PM on March 7, 2012


This is like some sort of bizarre MetaFilter clip show and I'm the only one who doesn't get the joke, right?
posted by DoctorFedora at 8:21 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


I dunno, is there a lazy framing device so we can talk about important episodes......of our lives?
posted by The Whelk at 9:11 PM on March 7, 2012


Every time some would-be hipster mentions chocolate-flavored bacon or whatever, I just faintly smile and nod knowingly and think, "they've never tasted a vegan girl..."
posted by Skwirl at 10:17 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Whelk: "I dunno, is there a lazy framing device so we can talk about important episodes......of our lives"

wreckingball: "The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About PETA (SLHairpin)"
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:55 PM on March 7, 2012


7. You're all a bunch of educated stupid liberals!

Actually I think liberals are center-right by MeFi standards.

I have made that comment on occasion, but it has always been directed solely at the Maoist freegan contingent here.
posted by unigolyn at 1:25 AM on March 8, 2012


Every time some would-be hipster mentions chocolate-flavored bacon or whatever, I just faintly smile and nod knowingly and think, "they've never tasted a vegan girl..."

It's too risky with the amount of legumes they consume.
posted by unigolyn at 1:28 AM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Stuff Kosher Meat-Eaters Say To Kosher Vegans with Mayim Bialik
Wine and meat on Shabbs equals happiness. Are you never happy?

posted by Joe in Australia at 7:17 AM on March 8, 2012


Mayim's Kveller blog is excellent.
posted by zarq at 9:08 AM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Are there really "would-be hipsters"? Like ... you're trying to be a hipster ... but you're not really a hipster, you're just self-consciously adopting social signifiers to try to communicate your superior tastes?

I guess I'm not so convinced it's possible to try to be a hipster and fail.
posted by Honorable John at 1:48 PM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Comment threads like the ones the article is parodying, plus pretty much all youtube comment threads have inspired the following stylish rules:
.discussion,
#comments,
.comments,
#watch-discussion { display: none !important; }

posted by beerbajay at 4:50 AM on March 9, 2012


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