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SuperMario Balotelli
March 8, 2012 10:58 AM   Subscribe

Is Mario Balotelli the most entertaining footballer of all time? "Oh Balotelli he's a striker… He's good at darts/ He's allergic to grass but when he plays/ He's fucking class. Drives round Moss Side/ with a wallet full of cash/ Can't put on his vest/ But when he does he is the best Goes into schools / Tells teachers all the rules Sets fire to his gaff / With rockets from his bath Doesn't give a fuck/ Cos he did it for a laugh Runs back to his house / For a suitcase full of cash Oh Balotelli …"
posted by josher71 (32 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
The Clown Prince of Football!
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:08 AM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


He's a nutbar for sure, but the latest in football's rich history of weirdos. My only fear is he'll break someone's leg with a rash challenge when he's feeling a bit petulant.

These guys are the counterpoint to the Pélés and Messis, who are quiet and stunningly good.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:38 AM on March 8, 2012


Yes, Mario. Why always you?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:38 AM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


I LOVE Balotelli. There's been great coverage of him on Who Ate All The Pies and Fitba Thatba; my favorite is this venn diagram of likable, mental, and good at football with "the Balotelli zone" at the center.

He's exactly what a 21 year old multimillionaire should be.
posted by The Michael The at 11:48 AM on March 8, 2012 [6 favorites]


Who else read "Mario Batelli" and thought "WTF?"
posted by jayb3369 at 11:53 AM on March 8, 2012 [5 favorites]


::raises hand::
posted by Splunge at 11:54 AM on March 8, 2012


I would vote Lionel Messi as the most entertaining footballer of all time.
posted by Metro Gnome at 12:08 PM on March 8, 2012


How Mario Balotelli became MARIO BALOTELLI!!! by the always wonderful Brian Phillips made me think of him in quite a different context.

"For the next few days, people who like getting mad about sports got mad, and only a tiny minority of fans on the Internet were left to ask, in their squeakiest little Oliver Twist voices, whether trying to do something entertaining in a meaningless friendly was really so horribly vile."
posted by haveanicesummer at 12:12 PM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


jayb3369: "Who else read "Mario Batelli" and thought "WTF?""

Totally.
posted by zarq at 12:20 PM on March 8, 2012


I like him he has swagga - reminds me of Cantona.
posted by incandissonance at 12:27 PM on March 8, 2012


I feel it should be noted in these stakes that during the recent heavily armed Raul Moat standoff Gazza (Paul Gasgoine, famous 90s footballer) turned up to bring him a curry:

"Gascoigne — who had apparently come by taxi from Newcastle — said he had brought the wanted man a "can of lager, some chicken, a mobile phone and something to keep warm"."
posted by jaduncan at 12:49 PM on March 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


jayb3369: “Who else read "Mario Batelli" and thought ‘WTF?’”

Who in the world is Mario Batelli?
posted by koeselitz at 12:50 PM on March 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


How Mario Balotelli became MARIO BALOTELLI!!! by the always wonderful Brian Phillips made me think of him in quite a different context.

That is a great article, and this section struck a chord for me. I know I've done exactly this kind of thing, and not just with sports figures.
Players who become full-fledged lunatics in the media almost always wind up fulfilling a deeply strange sacrificial-wish-fulfillment impulse in sports fans. We collapse the distinction between celebrating them and mocking them so that we can simultaneously fantasize about a life without boundaries and punish the players for apparently living the fantasy.
posted by gladly at 1:04 PM on March 8, 2012


When a police officer who arrived on the scene after he'd crashed his car asked him why he carried £5,000 in cash, he responded, "Because I am rich."
That is just brilliant.
posted by brokkr at 1:43 PM on March 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


Glad to see I'm not the only one who loves Balotelli, because while he might be a loon, he's an interesting one and he doesn't seem to have a nasty bone in his body. Also he helps keep Man United off the top spot and that helps.
posted by MartinWisse at 2:13 PM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


My favorite Balotelli story is about his teammates filling his Maserati with kippers right before their trip to the USA for some preseason friendlies. For two weeks. Totalled the car; there's no way to get the smell out even replacing the entire interior. That's about a week's wages for him.

Less amusing: kicking Spurs' Scott Parker full in the face in a January match. He's quite the loose cannon, on and off the pitch.
posted by Fnarf at 2:34 PM on March 8, 2012


Let me get this straight: you're saying a premier league footballer is insane with money, occasionally violent, and has a troubled personal life?

My word, how amazing. I would never expect that.
posted by The River Ivel at 2:41 PM on March 8, 2012


Surely its about time for a Joey Barton post?
posted by Damienmce at 2:51 PM on March 8, 2012


No, this man is the most entertaining man in football.
posted by Mental Wimp at 3:23 PM on March 8, 2012


Balotelli and Joey Barton are two players who I feel like I just shouldn't like... but I can't help it. I do. Can't pick 'em for my fantasy team, though, they're red cards waiting to happen. Mario likes that "Oh Balotelli" song that the fans sing to him too, he said it's his favorite.

I just wish I had a dollar for every Guardian headline reading "Balotelli promises to change his ways." (And another dollar for every "Fernando Torres vows to end goal drought soon.")

Also: Mario Batelli is a world renowned chef, sometimes featured on Iron Chef America.
posted by stennieville at 4:40 PM on March 8, 2012


No, this man is the most entertaining man in football.

Quoted. For. Truth.

Mario Balotelli, who makes £250k per week, has everything going for him and still walks around with a perpetual scowl? Pfffft, consider me unimpressed. These kinds of footballers are a dime a dozen.

Messi, on the other hand, is a thing of beauty.
posted by triggerfinger at 4:44 PM on March 8, 2012


Eh, Messi's overrated and so is Balotelli.

Is Mario Balotelli the most entertaining footballer of all time?

No.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:47 PM on March 8, 2012


Also: Mario Batelli is a world renowned chef, sometimes featured on Iron Chef America.

His name is Batali.
posted by Wolof at 5:23 PM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


Mr. Grimm..your vote?
posted by josher71 at 6:36 PM on March 8, 2012


Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

BAL-O-TEL-LI!
posted by The Giant Squid at 6:51 PM on March 8, 2012


...and he doesn't seem to have a nasty bone in his body

I know pointing this out this belies my username, but you don't consider throwing darts at junior players to be just a little bit nasty?
posted by Flashman at 7:54 PM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


me: “Who in the world is Mario Batelli?”

stennieville: “Mario Batelli is a world renowned chef, sometimes featured on Iron Chef America.”

No, actually, he's not. There appears to be an attorney named Mario Batelli in New Jersey, but there is in fact no world renowned chef named Mario Batelli.
posted by koeselitz at 8:14 PM on March 8, 2012


He's a dirty player.

Here's hoping he has a career-ending injury sooner rather than later.
posted by bardic at 10:29 PM on March 8, 2012


"Eh, Messi's overrated and so is Balotelli."

Um, first part no second part yes.
posted by bardic at 10:30 PM on March 8, 2012 [1 favorite]


but you don't consider throwing darts at junior players to be just a little bit nasty

More mindboggingly stupid than nasty, to be honest. He just doesn't seem to ever think his actions through, acting on every impulse that gets in his head. But perhaps I'm making excuses for him. He just feels more sympathetic than a Joey Barton.
posted by MartinWisse at 11:07 PM on March 8, 2012 [3 favorites]


Huh, I think Mario is rated exactly right. Talented but raw. He scores a lot of goals but is so erratic he can be a liability.
posted by josher71 at 3:53 AM on March 9, 2012


Yet more about MB.
posted by josher71 at 8:38 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


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