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Everyday I'm riding the Tour de FUCK YOU!
March 9, 2012 11:46 AM   Subscribe

Got no gears so you best not dis me / yeah bitch, it's a motherfuckin fixie
posted by unSane (77 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

 
Arrrrg. Fixies have gears, people! Pennyfarthings have no gears.
posted by kenko at 11:47 AM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]


Saw this yesterday, loved it. Represents almost every goofy cycling stereotype there is.
posted by mathowie at 11:50 AM on March 9, 2012


> Represents almost every goofy cycling stereotype there is.

Except this one.
posted by Burhanistan at 11:51 AM on March 9, 2012 [32 favorites]


> Represents almost every goofy cycling stereotype there is.

Except this one.


Darth Vaders playing bagpipes on unicycles is SO OVER!
posted by The Deej at 11:57 AM on March 9, 2012 [9 favorites]


Much better than I was expecting.
posted by anagrama at 11:58 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


The neat thing about Darth Vader playing the bagpipes is that he can let his respirator fill the air bladder so he can sing and play at the same time.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:02 PM on March 9, 2012 [13 favorites]


Hey, guys, some of them weren't wearing helmets!

Get a rope.
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 12:03 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


My palmarès include several stage wins in the Tour de Fuck You.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:05 PM on March 9, 2012 [5 favorites]


That guy with the sideburns looks exactly like the cyclist I dated when I was 20. Including the little cyclist hat with the brim popped up and the nose ring. Combine it with the anger of the dude with the mirrors and you have my ex!
posted by jillithd at 12:07 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


so not surprised to see 503 phone number in that Vader on unicycle with kilt and bagpipes photo

science fact: every user of a mode of transportation you do not personally use is an asshole
posted by idiopath at 12:07 PM on March 9, 2012 [7 favorites]


Surprisingly good actual song.
posted by penduluum at 12:08 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


koeselitz: "I guess maybe if you wanted something like "ALL CYCLISTS ARE NAZIS" it wouldn't be up to snuff"

Actually, seems to me, based on previous experience, that a Nazi cyclist snuff film is actually exactly what some anti-bike folk want.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:09 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'd have liked the enunciation to be a little clearer, but the self-deprecating humor was fairly good. Umm... I mean, it's got a beat and you can dance to it.
posted by introp at 12:09 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


What a catchy song. The guy with the BMX bike didn't get a verse though unless I missed it.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:14 PM on March 9, 2012


Not to mention briefly wearing the leader's jersey in the Vuelta a Pinche Cabron.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:14 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]


He was the DJ / backup singer.

And the spandex roadie dude was the backup dancer.
posted by idiopath at 12:15 PM on March 9, 2012


All cyclists are nerds, even hipsters.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:15 PM on March 9, 2012


Angry Commuter Guy. The rolled up dockers and the mirrors. Awesome. "Every day, I ride the Tour d'FUCK YOU."
posted by Slap*Happy at 12:19 PM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]


So, are we not on muthafuckin' boats anymore?
posted by obscurator at 12:21 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


science fact: every user of a mode of transportation you do not personally use is an asshole

Stupid autogyro pilots, always thinking they're all that. And don't even get me started on dirigibles.
posted by bondcliff at 12:21 PM on March 9, 2012 [9 favorites]


Represents almost every goofy cycling stereotype there is.

Except this one.


Everyone knows that Vader's legs were chopped off. The presence of flesh-and-bone sticking out from under that kilt is a dead giveaway that the photo is a fake.
posted by hippybear at 12:22 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


what did rap ever do to you, huh
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 12:24 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]


This video is awesome.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:26 PM on March 9, 2012


As an SF commuter cyclist, this represents the truth. Love it.
posted by dame at 12:27 PM on March 9, 2012


I do also totes ride the Tour de Fuck You.
posted by dame at 12:29 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Stupid autogyro pilots, always thinking they're all that. And don't even get me started on dirigibles.

No kidding - always cutting me off and taking the right of way.
posted by exogenous at 12:30 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


So I just got back home after shaking my fist at some clueless entitled lady in a ridiculous Porsche Cayenne who was blocking the motherfucking bike lane.

Perfect timing. Loved it.
posted by ambrosia at 12:31 PM on March 9, 2012


Darth Vaders playing bagpipes on unicycles is SO OVER!

I find your lack of faith disturbing.
posted by Celsius1414 at 12:32 PM on March 9, 2012 [8 favorites]


You know who are dicks? Middle aged guys who ride razor scooters with the kids they have from their second marriage. Those fuckers are always smashing into me or racing up real close while I am out for my daily constitutional. They have their own little place in the tour de fuck you I suppose, they may be slower but they are just as aggressive.
posted by Ad hominem at 12:35 PM on March 9, 2012


Please don't use that awful word.

I, of course, mean 'totes.'
posted by jonmc at 12:42 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]


(a) Hooray! I'm Sideburns Guy, I guess.

(b) I got really confused until I realized that the Sons of Science the the Sons of Silence are two different bands. I was wondering why a reasonably good turntable band had suddenly turned to novelty songs.
posted by Shepherd at 12:43 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


So, are we not on muthafuckin' boats anymore?

They were repossessed by the muthafuckin' bank.
posted by echo target at 12:45 PM on March 9, 2012 [8 favorites]


One thing I love about some SF bike hipsters--and I'm not being snarky, I genuinely have my heart warmed by this--is that every time one of them goes down the street wearing a goofy mustache, little bike cap, vintage bike jersey, vintage bike, string back gloves, and all the rest, they are unwittingly emulating my father in 1975.

Which is awesome, because my dad was awesome in 1975. (He's still awesome.)
posted by feckless at 12:48 PM on March 9, 2012 [17 favorites]


I have been every one of those cyclists, except the BMX guy.
posted by hydrophonic at 12:48 PM on March 9, 2012


> Except this one.

I was giving some folks from the UK a ride back to their hotel in downtown portland last weekend, and we passed Vader on a unicycle. All I could say was "Welcome to Portland!"
posted by mrzarquon at 12:49 PM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]


People that you dont normally expect to rap are rapping.
Rapping like rappers.

Oh my.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 12:49 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Epic horn soloist rips epic horn solo...
posted by toastchee at 12:51 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Like this, needed another verse though.
posted by Scientist at 12:56 PM on March 9, 2012


And here is the unicycler playing the imperial march.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:00 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


He is called the Unipiper apparently.
posted by mrzarquon at 1:01 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Scientist: the foul mouthed rapping toddler on a big wheel had a prior engagement.
posted by idiopath at 1:02 PM on March 9, 2012


and of course the bagpiping unicyclist solo had to be cut, I mean come on this is hiphop and he doesn't even have a spinner rim
posted by idiopath at 1:05 PM on March 9, 2012


Too bad, 'cause unicycles are fixies AND they literally don't have gears.
posted by exogenous at 1:22 PM on March 9, 2012


Tour d'Fuck You dude's near inchoate rage makes me giggle.
posted by msali at 1:25 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


Too bad, 'cause unicycles are fixies AND they literally don't have gears.

How can something with no gears be fixed-gear?
posted by kenko at 1:30 PM on March 9, 2012


fixies, as in the crank is fixed to the hub
posted by exogenous at 1:33 PM on March 9, 2012


so not surprised to see 503 phone number in that Vader on unicycle with kilt and bagpipes photo

I didn't catch that on first view, but I'm so not surprised to see that it was shot 10 blocks from my house.
posted by turbodog at 1:50 PM on March 9, 2012


A stereotype they're missing that's quite common round here:

My feet are pumping round just like I'm stirring a storm,
Fur patches on my knees and I'd keep my ears warm.
I never have the space to let my legs unfold.
Makes you wonder did I steal it from a seven-year-old.

I'm cruising on the downslope, on the flat I'm chill,
But I'm getting off to push it up the shallowest hill.
Not looking where I'm going cos I'm sending a text,
So avoid me if you see me on my BMX.

posted by logopetria at 1:57 PM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]


The guy in spandex didn't get to rap! I guess that's because MC Spandex* has already done it.






*filmed in Portland of course!
posted by vespabelle at 2:22 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


so not surprised to see 503 phone number in that Vader on unicycle with kilt and bagpipes photo

That was exactly my reaction, too.
posted by Forktine at 2:51 PM on March 9, 2012


I kept waiting for Janet's verse!
posted by Beardman at 2:56 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


Too bad, 'cause unicycles are fixies AND they literally don't have gears.

Prepare to have your mind blown. (Or less blown.)
posted by aspo at 3:35 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


If I currently exercise on a stationary recumbent bike, will that make me hip in 2055 retroactively?
posted by not_on_display at 4:00 PM on March 9, 2012


I like this song about Montreal's Bixi bikes so much more!
posted by hasna at 4:31 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


I too wish to be angry commuter guy but I'm just too damn nice
posted by GuyZero at 5:07 PM on March 9, 2012


Watching this is like reliving my commute across the Williamsburg Bridge.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 5:16 PM on March 9, 2012


Fixie = fixed gear? Or fixie = fixed to crank? A little help here.
posted by Brocktoon at 6:10 PM on March 9, 2012


Of similar, and equally critically massive interest, is this young off the chain lady in the sidebar. If only it were crafted into a similarly wonderful rap.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 6:45 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Fixie = fixed gear? Or fixie = fixed to crank? A little help here.


A fixie is a singlespeed bike (ie one cog on the back, one on the front) that doesn't have a freewheel, ie the rear cog rotates with the rear wheel at all times so you can't coast. If the bike is moving the pedals are going round.
posted by unSane at 7:04 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Look, can we keep this on topic? A unicycle is not a bike.
posted by mendel at 7:11 PM on March 9, 2012


People that you dont normally expect to rap are rapping.
Rapping like rappers.

Oh my.


What? White people? Boy howdy, do I have news for you...

I like this song about Montreal's Bixi bikes so much more!

I think it's pretty interesting how the Expos are a symbol of marginalization and alienation and pride-of-place in Montreal's urban culture. Even in a "novelty" song.
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:28 PM on March 9, 2012


Could someone send me a note when "motherfuckin" becomes scandalous again?
posted by willF at 7:36 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


> Represents almost every goofy cycling stereotype there is.

No female cyclists?
posted by ovvl at 7:38 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


> Represents almost every goofy cycling stereotype there is.

No cyclists injured or killed in a collision where a vehicle driver made an illegal turn, and the cops then decided not to press charges?
posted by ovvl at 7:42 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]


I liked the song, but I was also disappointed that Janet was a sort of token "woman biker" who didn't actually have her own hilarious verse.
posted by nonmerci at 8:09 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


kenko: "Arrrrg. Fixies have gears, people!"

It's sad to see such conflict born out of misconceptions & miscommunication.

Technically, they have sprockets…

(Actually, more technically correctly, they have sprocket-wheels.)

(Gears mesh with each other; sprockets mesh with a chain. The tooth that does the meshing is called a "cog" [when it's meshing with another cog on a gear], or a "sprocket" [when it meshes with a chain or belt]. Hence, "sprocket-wheel".)
posted by Pinback at 10:21 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


Technically, they have sprockets…

And this is the point on our fixies where we dance.
posted by hippybear at 10:43 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]


(that would be much better if I'd actually looked up the quote first)
posted by hippybear at 10:44 PM on March 9, 2012


willf: As soon as I invent my time machine.



And then you ALL will have been sorry...
posted by drfu at 10:47 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thank you Pinback I was just coming in here to correct that.
posted by MrBobaFett at 7:11 AM on March 10, 2012


Gears is used as a shorthand for gear-ratios (sprocket-ratios?).
Then we talk about the number of gears available (number of chainrings multiplied by number of cogs sprockets on the casette, conventionally including duplicate ratios and ones you should never actually use).
Then "not having gears" is used as a shorthand for not being able to change gear ratios.
posted by idiopath at 8:43 AM on March 10, 2012


fixie = fixed gear-ratio. It does not mean gear-free. </rec.bicycles.tech>
posted by bonehead at 8:48 AM on March 10, 2012


Arrrrg. Fixies have gears, people! Pennyfarthings have no gears.

Too bad, 'cause unicycles are fixies AND they literally don't have gears


Possible entry level physics fail: Do gears have to have teeth around the outside? Based on doing work (or getting energy from place to place) through the magic of circles, aren't wheels gears?
posted by Trochanter at 9:09 AM on March 10, 2012


Not a wheel on a cart being drawn by an ox, but a wheel that is propelling the mass thing?
posted by Trochanter at 9:13 AM on March 10, 2012


bonehead - that is usually called single-speed in my experience
on a fixie the sprocket is called a cog and is fixed to the axle (no freewheel)
their are even one off multi speed fixies where you get off the bike and put the chain on a new cog
posted by idiopath at 9:45 AM on March 10, 2012


Enjoyed that... maybe too much. All the way down to the use of wheel ratcheting sound effects at the end.
posted by ropeladder at 4:53 PM on March 10, 2012


Trochanter: "Possible entry level physics fail: Do gears have to have teeth around the outside? Based on doing work (or getting energy from place to place) through the magic of circles, aren't wheels gears?"

(I was attempting to be amusingly pedantic but also informative above. From some of the other comments, it looks like I was only partially successful ;-)

So, to put on my Hat of Pedantry again, strictly speaking (1) yes and (2) no. It's a form of transmission, yes, and has a ratio, yes, but I don't know that it has a specific name. It's the sort of distinction in terminology that really only crops up in certain fairly specific edge-cases anyway. There's also geographical / historical / domain-based variations in terminology e.g. US vs Commonwealth, bike vs car, etc.

Short pedantry - gears have teeth (cogs) and mesh with other gears; sprocket-wheels have teeth (sprockets) and mesh with a chain or belt; wheels have no teeth and rely completely on friction.

(It'd be sad if some of this terminology was to be lost forever. For example, what is a screw-hammer? It's mentioned in late 19th / early 20th century stories by H.G. Wells, Jerome K. Jerome, and others, but it seems the term has been lost to modern knowledge. Personally, from context I lean towards it being a shifting spanner with built-in hammer face.)

And I'm going to bow out without exploring the terrible grey areas of magnetic gears which have no physical meshing of cogs, or whether microscopic surface variations on a wheel essentially equate to teeth…

(The various wikipedia articles are generally quite good on the distinction between wheels, gears, sprocket-wheels, cogs, and sprockets. They're certainly more accessible than my collection of late 19th / early 20th century engineering textbooks, which get quite picky about it. If only they mentioned screw-hammers…

And, yes, I was the sort of kid that watched The Jetsons and wondered why the heck Spacely Sprockets and Cosmo Cogs were sworn competitors. I mean, it's not like they were producing the same thing…)

posted by Pinback at 8:28 PM on March 10, 2012 [1 favorite]


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