Join 3,554 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Your window to weight gain/nasal health.
March 13, 2012 1:46 PM   Subscribe

According to a procedure done at the Detroit Medical Center, and published in the Annals of Otology, Rhinology and Laryngology, Nasal Packing With Strips of Cured Pork is effective against a rare platelet disorder.
posted by obscurator (68 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
Until today, I never thought I would ever read the phrase "cured salted pork crafted as a nasal tampon" in the medical literature.
posted by grouse at 1:49 PM on March 13, 2012 [9 favorites]


Oh my, the Internet is going to go berserk over this.
posted by tommasz at 1:49 PM on March 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


So, it's come to this.
posted by symbioid at 1:49 PM on March 13, 2012 [15 favorites]


Rhinology

More like Swinology. Am I right...am I right?
I'll let myself out.
posted by Fizz at 1:51 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


(Okay, I'll do it.)

Oh, bacon. Is there anything you can't do?
posted by LordSludge at 1:52 PM on March 13, 2012 [9 favorites]


But... that is not the hole pork is supposed to go in.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:52 PM on March 13, 2012 [4 favorites]


Say, I smell bacon. Does anyone else smell bacon?

Yeah, I definitely smell a pork product of some type.
posted by zamboni at 1:53 PM on March 13, 2012 [5 favorites]


Reading this gives me a lardon.
posted by argonauta at 1:55 PM on March 13, 2012 [17 favorites]


I think this was on Tosh.0 last week at some point - there was a guy that was pulling what looked like bacon out of his nose in a medical setting.
posted by synthetik at 1:55 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seriously, "let's stick bacon up his nose" is some advanced problem solving. No functional fixedness whatsoever. Desperation, insanity, genius...whatever works.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:56 PM on March 13, 2012 [9 favorites]


If anyone would like a PDF of the full text of the article MeMail me with an email address I can send it to. You know, for the purposes of this academic discussion, which we are currently having.
posted by Blasdelb at 1:57 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


I love this kind of science. Pack each possible orifice with each possible substance, combinatorially, and see what does what.
posted by JHarris at 1:58 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


I think this was on Tosh.0 last week at some point - there was a guy that was pulling what looked like bacon his brains out of his nose in a medical setting.

Fixed that for my nightmares.
posted by Rock Steady at 1:59 PM on March 13, 2012


Whatever you do, don't get this procedure backwards. You can never get that smell out if you do.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:59 PM on March 13, 2012


sssss
posted by theclaw at 2:03 PM on March 13, 2012


Do sausages work too?

No?

Guess I should remove these then.
posted by Splunge at 2:03 PM on March 13, 2012 [6 favorites]


According to a procedure done at the Detroit Medical Center...

Forget the auto industry. Detroit's salvation is finally at hand.
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:04 PM on March 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


Methods: We present a unique case report of a 4-year-old child with known Glanzmann thrombasthenia and two separate episodes of life-threatening epistaxis that were treated successfully by nasal packing with strips of cured pork because of special circumstances.

EXPLAIN. < /dalek>

Conclusions: To our knowledge, this represents the first description of nasal packing with strips of cured pork for treatment of life-threatening hemorrhage in a patient with Glanzmann thrombasthenia.

Why stop there? I'd wager this is the first time - third, tops - that treatment has been used for any complication of Glanzmann thrombasthenia.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:04 PM on March 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


Does the paper explain how in the living hell they came to try this out?
posted by jquinby at 2:04 PM on March 13, 2012


"He slipped and fell on it."
posted by zarq at 2:06 PM on March 13, 2012 [8 favorites]


from TFA:

One of the physicians, Dr. Walter Belenky, recalled a recommendation he had read in a surgical field manual while in the military: use pork to stop bleeding.
posted by wikipedia brown boy detective at 2:06 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yep. Still not lupus.
posted by bonehead at 2:08 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


And everyone said I was crazy.

Of course, they also said that I didn't have Glanzmann thrombasthenia in the first place, so I didn't need the bacon in my nose.

I'M JUST BEING CAREFUL OKAY
posted by Sidhedevil at 2:09 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


louche mustachio: “But... that is not the hole pork is supposed to go in.”

It may not be the right hole, but believe me, it's a lot closer than the last experiment they did.
posted by koeselitz at 2:11 PM on March 13, 2012 [6 favorites]


EXPLAIN. </dalek>

More things need to be stated in Dalekese.
posted by JHarris at 2:16 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


In Soviet Russia, Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Complaints Department tells you "Go stick a pig in your head!"
posted by sourcequench at 2:16 PM on March 13, 2012 [7 favorites]


One of the physicians, Dr. Walter Belenky, recalled a recommendation he had read in a surgical field manual while in the military: use pork to stop bleeding.


Ok then...but all that does is move the goalposts a bit.

"Sergeant! Jenkins has been shot!"
"Throw some pork on it!"
"Sergeant?"
"THROW SOME PORK ON IT!"
posted by jquinby at 2:17 PM on March 13, 2012 [14 favorites]


Bummer for the billion plus doctors and patients who regard pork as unclean.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:19 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Nasal packing with strips of cured pork is also a surprisingly effective way of keeping the bus seat next to you empty.
posted by dephlogisticated at 2:20 PM on March 13, 2012 [5 favorites]


That one's easier to to imagine, though. When Jenkins has been shot, he's likely to bleed to death if you don't do something and all you've got at hand are (a) salted pork and (b) additional bullets, the choice, odd though it looks out of context, is clear.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:21 PM on March 13, 2012 [5 favorites]


Moslems and Jews with GT are so screwed
posted by Renoroc at 2:27 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


And if your doctors put this up your nose, the entire cost of the procedure is covered and you are never harassed by an insurance company.

Plus, you are now capable of sneezing golden dust. Win!
posted by maudlin at 2:27 PM on March 13, 2012


This is actually a really old technique, there is a TIME article from 1940 cited in the actual paper discussing it. Apparently it lost favor due to the obvious microbiological concerns but remains effective and for patients for whom other options would not work still a good idea.

One big limitation to the use of this bacon technique for this disease would be the populations that Glanzmann thrombasthenia occurres most frequently in, namely among people with Indian, Iranian, and Arabic heritage. Muslim scholars have, for millennia, had a clear consensus that preserving life is far more important than prohibitions against consuming pork, but also generally that one should be sure there are no other options.
posted by Blasdelb at 2:28 PM on March 13, 2012 [7 favorites]


Bacon is also handy for botfly removal.
posted by latkes at 2:30 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


Why didn't they include the recipe?
posted by chairface at 2:31 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


One of the physicians, Dr. Walter Belenky, recalled a recommendation he had read in a surgical field manual while in the military: use pork to stop bleeding.

Huh.

I mean, there's the steak on a black eye thing, and the liver on a snakebite thing, but, like, pork on a shrapnel wound? Is that really a thing? Can it be any old pork? Chops? Chitlins? Deviled ham? Does it have to be pork? Would mutton do? Cornish game hen? Does it matter how it's prepared? Could you use a live pig? How about a wild boar?
posted by Sys Rq at 2:32 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


I don't think that apply live wild boar to a wound would help matters, but I'd sure watch somebody try. From a distance. Via video.
posted by kmz at 2:33 PM on March 13, 2012 [9 favorites]


Also: Dr Vincent Barbarino administered the treatment with a length of surgical tubing.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:34 PM on March 13, 2012 [9 favorites]


The bad news: You can get tricky-nose-is
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:35 PM on March 13, 2012 [23 favorites]


Bacon is also handy for botfly removal.
posted by latkes at 2:30 PM on March 13


HA HA HA like you're gonna get me to click on that what with me here chomping a BLT
posted by Ron Thanagar at 2:37 PM on March 13, 2012 [7 favorites]


There was a Chappelle's Show skit that featured strips of meant inserted nasally to restore youth, but I can't seem to find it now.
posted by Burhanistan at 2:39 PM on March 13, 2012


Something's not kosher about this procedure...
posted by not_on_display at 2:39 PM on March 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


This is one of the strangest procedures I've seen in some time. I have no idea how these people got their cured pork wedged into their nasal passages, or why.

here's a change of pace...
posted by not_on_display at 2:44 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


Renoroc, medical procedures generally are considered a valid reason for Jews to set aside Jewish rituals like kashrut, especially if a situation is life-threatening.
posted by zarq at 2:54 PM on March 13, 2012 [4 favorites]


Botfly removal. *shudder*

Well, after years of botflies being one of my most squeamishness-inducing things ever, I decided to face my fears, steel my nerve and click on that botfly video.

I still have gooseflesh. But I think I'm one step closer to conquering that fear. Or having one helluva nightmare tonight.
posted by darkstar at 2:56 PM on March 13, 2012


I read the post lede to my girlfriend, who commented, succinctly, "that's gross."
posted by exlotuseater at 2:57 PM on March 13, 2012


"Bacon."
"Yep."
"You stuffed bacon up a kid's nose."
"Yep."
"Why?"
"I'm gonna go with 'special circumstances.'"
"Go on..."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:58 PM on March 13, 2012 [5 favorites]


there needs to be a new prize for "Unintentional IgNoble" Award
posted by liza at 3:05 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


Sounds like a bunch of baloney.
posted by vitabellosi at 3:24 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


Seriously, "let's stick bacon up his nose" is some advanced problem solving. No functional fixedness whatsoever. Desperation, insanity, genius...whatever works.

I think I've seen Dr. House do weirder shit to patients even before the opening titles, and that's just when channel surfing. God knows what he does in the course of an hour.
posted by George_Spiggott at 3:30 PM on March 13, 2012


psssst..... George_Spiggott.... Dr. House is NOT a real Doctor.

Don't tell anyone....

posted by HuronBob at 3:37 PM on March 13, 2012


Hey hey hey! I have a GREAT anecdote to share here, speaking of putting bacon in the wrong holes. Emphasis is mine. (WARNINGS: may cause nightmares; contains offensive language):

"A bizarre case of torture was the case of Dr. David Menzies, who was captured by ... Cherokees. As the Cherokees were cannibals, an old squaw thrust bacon wrapped on iron skewers into the doctor's buttocks and then ordered him tied over hot coals until the bacon cooked, the theory being the doctor's struggles would distribute the bacon juices through the flesh and make it more appetizing. During the process, the Indians got drunk and passed out. Dr. Menzies managed to free himself. Before escaping, he took a blazing brand from the burning coals and set the old squaw on fire with it. It took him several days to get back to civilization and he subsisted on the bacon, which he pulled out of his own body." (pp. 173-174, The History of Torture by Daniel P. Mannix, 1964)

NOTE: A first-person account of this incident can be found here.
posted by kinnakeet at 3:52 PM on March 13, 2012 [4 favorites]


"Wow! What a great act, Doc! Tell me, what do you call it?"
posted by zarq at 3:57 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


can we just ban kinnakeet now and get it over with.

In fact, isn't the desecration (or written description thereof) of bacon cause for a lifetime global internet access ban.
posted by HuronBob at 4:01 PM on March 13, 2012


How about a wild boar?

If you're bleeding out and there's a wild boar around, I think I've discovered the root of your problem.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 4:02 PM on March 13, 2012 [3 favorites]


I protest! Dr. Menzies' life was arguably SAVED by bacon, so I disagree that this was desecration.

Now it's time for me to make some Wilted Lettuce Salad, which is redolent with tasty, glorious bacon.
posted by kinnakeet at 4:10 PM on March 13, 2012


I feel sorry for jscalzi. His inbox must be overflowing with e-mail forwards.
posted by RichardP at 4:37 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


life-threatening epistaxis that were treated successfully by nasal packing with strips of cured pork because of special circumstances

More proof that you do NOT fuck with SC.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:46 PM on March 13, 2012 [4 favorites]


In addition to containing vile racial slurs, Dr. Menzies' tale is also particularly disgusting example of racist slander, the Cherokee Nation did not at any point practice cannibalism. Lies like this one have been used for centuries to justify oppression and genocide and I'm surprised to find it on Metafilter at all, much less presented uncritically for LOL-BACON.
posted by Blasdelb at 4:59 PM on March 13, 2012 [7 favorites]


kinnakeet: “NOTE: A first-person account of this incident can be found here.”

A highly dubious, almost certainly fabricated first-person account, at that. No North American tribe is known to have practiced cannibalism in any instance, least of all the Cherokee. This is a funny story, but it's funny because somebody made it up.
posted by koeselitz at 5:24 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


I was going to say! It was a horizon-broadening moment when I first learned that the Kickapoo ceremonially ate puppy, but I was pretty sure no North American natives practiced cannibalism outside of some ritualistic Aztec and Carib events.

Anyway, back to the bacon: why can't they just use cotton gauze soaked in sodium chloride solution, since it's the salt that supposedly causes the tissues to swell and stop the blood flow?
posted by darkstar at 6:00 PM on March 13, 2012


This is a funny story, but it's funny because somebody made it up.

With lines like "I instantly disengaged my right arm (at the expense of the palmaris-brevis museli, and with the dislocation of the 8th bone of the carpus)" how could it possibly be taken seriously?

or indeed "exciting the fecretion of faliva by the action of fucking"
posted by BungaDunga at 6:33 PM on March 13, 2012


The David Menzies story seems to have appeared in the mid-1700s. The original text was not available to me. But if anyone can find it the reference is:

Unheard-of-Sufferings of David Menzies, Amongst the Cherokees, and his Surprising Deliverance; in the anthology, The Mental Novelist, and Amusing Companion, A Collection of Histories, Essays, & Novels. London: W. Lane, 1783.

In a weird twist "David Menzies and Co Ltd" was a wholesaler of bacon and other meats based in Scottland. The firm went trough liquidation in 1989.
posted by humanfont at 6:35 PM on March 13, 2012 [2 favorites]


"With lines like "I instantly disengaged my right arm (at the expense of the palmaris-brevis museli, and with the dislocation of the 8th bone of the carpus)" how could it possibly be taken seriously?"

Are the violently sexist, bigoted, and racist aspects really not enough?
posted by Blasdelb at 6:53 PM on March 13, 2012 [1 favorite]


I dunno, after I got to the point where he describes exactly how they en-baconed him, I kind of assumed it was a satire of the genre of "yo guys, check it out, I was totally kidnapped by these evil Indian types! I'm a doctor and I can describe my wounds with impressively silly jargon!"

Perhaps I'm letting my modern mindset read too much into it, but would people of the time really take such goofy specificity of description at face value?
posted by BungaDunga at 7:04 PM on March 13, 2012


wikipedia brown boy detective writes "One of the physicians, Dr. Walter Belenky, recalled a recommendation he had read in a surgical field manual while in the military: use pork to stop bleeding."

jquinby writes "Ok then...but all that does is move the goalposts a bit. "

Man so much folk medicine and wisdom is like this. EG: Who was the first guy to realize that an animal's brain can be used to turn it's skin into fine leather; How the heck did they discover willow bark provided pain relief; How'd they ever figure out the formula for black powder?
posted by Mitheral at 8:22 PM on March 13, 2012


I quite agree with Blasdelb and koeselitz; that's why I put in full attribution and a warning. It's a colorful yarn but little else. The Mannix book is long out of print and doubtless justifiably so; it contains many hearsay accounts of torture practices all over the world and is probably packed with lies.

My sincerest apologies to anyone my inclusion of this may have offended! The promulgation of absurd racial stereotypes was never my intent.
posted by kinnakeet at 4:56 AM on March 14, 2012 [1 favorite]


Presently afflicted with the latest bout of a minor but intensely annoying nasal infection (yes, I have had all the allergy tests and am seeing an ENT and taking antibiotics), I might be desperate enough to try this.

Not quite yet.

But there are other miserable people out there who might try it.
posted by bad grammar at 5:48 PM on March 14, 2012


« Older Why this lady is wearing a horse costume. previous...  |  JetBlue names all of its jets... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments