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March 15, 2012 10:36 AM Subscribe
The greatest hits from Arnold Schwarzenegger commentary track for 'Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines'. SLYT, Possibly NSFW, previous
Thanks for posting. I haven't watched an Arnie movie in a while, and this reminds me just how much they can be deconstructed to understand the zeitgeist of the time (in other words, his movies are good to ponder while stoned).
posted by KokuRyu at 10:44 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by KokuRyu at 10:44 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Hahaha! He's got an accent.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:47 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by P.o.B. at 10:47 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
These chops, they plo?
posted by zamboni at 10:52 AM on March 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 10:52 AM on March 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
He certainly is his biggest fan.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 10:54 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 10:54 AM on March 15, 2012
He sounds like an imbecile. How did he ever get elected Governator?
posted by Flood at 10:59 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by Flood at 10:59 AM on March 15, 2012
I want to go on the record as the guy that liked Terminator 3. That firetruck/crane chase alone made the price of admission worthwhile.
posted by Hoopo at 11:01 AM on March 15, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by Hoopo at 11:01 AM on March 15, 2012 [9 favorites]
You have all, of course, seen the Sergant Candy out take?
posted by Artw at 11:02 AM on March 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Artw at 11:02 AM on March 15, 2012 [4 favorites]
When he gets mumbley he sounds a bit like Strong Bad. I wonder if Schwarzenegger would do an email writing show. Hmmm...
posted by Mister Cheese at 11:03 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by Mister Cheese at 11:03 AM on March 15, 2012
I want to go on the record as the guy that liked Terminator 3.
I liked T3 well enough, especially the way it dealt with the timeline healing itself.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:09 AM on March 15, 2012
I liked T3 well enough, especially the way it dealt with the timeline healing itself.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:09 AM on March 15, 2012
If he wasn't already the Governor of CA , he could probably win that title by proposing technology to allow women to alter their breast size at will.
posted by Liquidwolf at 11:14 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Liquidwolf at 11:14 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
He does seem to get a bit too over excited when he's talking about beating up a woman
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:19 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:19 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Upsides to Terminator 3:
1) It was not Terminator 4.
2) Umm...
posted by Artw at 11:21 AM on March 15, 2012
1) It was not Terminator 4.
2) Umm...
posted by Artw at 11:21 AM on March 15, 2012
3 Tits
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:22 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:22 AM on March 15, 2012
Yeha, but lets look at the technology here - The T-X can use nanites (or what the fuck ever) to inflate boobies up and down. The T-1000 in the previous movie could assume any shape, and so could presumably have any type of boob imaginable. It oculd even have made itself into a form consisting entirely of boobies if it wanted to. The T-X is such a downgrade.
posted by Artw at 11:26 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Artw at 11:26 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
I always thought he was one of the better guests on the late-night shows. While so many other guests so desparately tried to be hip and funny only to flop flat on their faces, (even ones I like - I'm looking at you Jerry Seinfeld and Julia Louis Dreyfus), Arnie really knew how to be an entertaining late night talk show guest (I guess this is the cue for someone to show me some clip of Arnie being a douche or something)
Still disappointed he didn't cameo as President Schwarzenegger in the Simpsons movie.
posted by bitteroldman at 11:32 AM on March 15, 2012
Still disappointed he didn't cameo as President Schwarzenegger in the Simpsons movie.
posted by bitteroldman at 11:32 AM on March 15, 2012
This seems like a good time to plug the fan edit, Terminator 3 - The Coming Storm. It made T3... good.
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 11:32 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 11:32 AM on March 15, 2012
The audio commentary on Conan the Barbarian is also a riot. It's Ahnold and the director, and they're clearly both drinking. The director sounds like he's still trying to get Ahnold to understand his vision and such. There's a nice moment of humility in the very beginning, though, when Ahnold asks, "How in dee hell deed I evah get top billeeng ovah James Earl Jones?!"
(My spoken Ahnold is way better than my written impression, btw)
posted by scaryblackdeath at 11:39 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
(My spoken Ahnold is way better than my written impression, btw)
posted by scaryblackdeath at 11:39 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
The T-X is such a downgrade.
But she's a hot chick... with an electric arm. Yeah the t-1000 could have boobs... but then it would be just be a bloke with boobs. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, if it's your thing)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:41 AM on March 15, 2012
But she's a hot chick... with an electric arm. Yeah the t-1000 could have boobs... but then it would be just be a bloke with boobs. (Not that there is anything wrong with that, if it's your thing)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:41 AM on March 15, 2012
The explosion at 3:30 here makes what sounds like a cougar snarl/roar sound and it's kind of the best thing. It's probably just a tearing/scraping metal sound, but I swear it sounds like foley put an angry cat in the mix.
posted by jason_steakums at 11:47 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by jason_steakums at 11:47 AM on March 15, 2012
T-1000 could probably be TWO chicks with boobs if you wanted it to be... they'd make a bit of a hollow sound if you knocked on them though.
posted by Artw at 11:47 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by Artw at 11:47 AM on March 15, 2012
I am also the guy who likes Terminator 3. It's very much a "hey, wasn't T2 great?" sort of thing, but T2 was in fact great and worth riffing on, even if the finished product is notably inferior to the original; I'm pretty sure lots of movies I like are worse than T2, but I mostly don't hold it against them.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:48 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:48 AM on March 15, 2012
I have to say, 90% of the movie was kind of crap, but I really respected its commitment to "no matter what we try, we're fucked" as the central message. It was surprisingly ballsy for a mainstream SF film – it and The Mist are kind of beacons of hope for me in terms of filmmakers occasionally getting really dark in ostensibly blockbuster movies.
posted by Shepherd at 11:49 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Shepherd at 11:49 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I want to go on the record as the guy that liked Terminator 3. That firetruck/crane chase alone made the price of admission worthwhile.
It had its moments. Not many of them, but it had them. That crane sequence was probably the last great stunt without CGI we'll ever see.
I think this commentary shows that a lot of the problem with T3 is that you need a director with brass balls like Jim Cameron to keep Arnie's worst impulses in check.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:51 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
It had its moments. Not many of them, but it had them. That crane sequence was probably the last great stunt without CGI we'll ever see.
I think this commentary shows that a lot of the problem with T3 is that you need a director with brass balls like Jim Cameron to keep Arnie's worst impulses in check.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:51 AM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I refuse to watch The Mist because they fucked with the ending so it just screws one guy over in a horribly cheap sounding way rather than the entire human race, as it should do.
posted by Artw at 11:52 AM on March 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by Artw at 11:52 AM on March 15, 2012 [5 favorites]
The liquid was t-1000's design flaw. Sure, over time, he's a nearly indestructible shapeshifter, but a couple of shotgun blasts and he's all deformed and too discombobulated to prevent a quick getaway. With the nanites (or whatever) you've got some of the fluidity but all of the the short-term robustness and long-term repair capability. But since she can't shapeshift so easily (or at all?) they figured the most effective social engineering form is a hot chick. I actually think the way they thought through all of the technology and stuff was one of the best parts of the whole franchise.
posted by cmoj at 11:52 AM on March 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by cmoj at 11:52 AM on March 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
That crane sequence was probably the last great stunt without CGI we'll ever see.
Death Race. Practical effects, proper crashes and Statham.
posted by Artw at 11:53 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Death Race. Practical effects, proper crashes and Statham.
posted by Artw at 11:53 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
the most effective social engineering form is a hot chick. I actually think the way they thought through all of the technology and stuff was one of the best parts of the whole franchise.
Maybe. It's always a little curious, though, that advanced sci-fi technology always tends to drift towards a naked hot chick as "the most efficient form."
posted by verb at 11:55 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Maybe. It's always a little curious, though, that advanced sci-fi technology always tends to drift towards a naked hot chick as "the most efficient form."
posted by verb at 11:55 AM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Say what you will about Arnie, but be sure to add "charismatic" to the list. These are terrific.
posted by ShutterBun at 11:59 AM on March 15, 2012
posted by ShutterBun at 11:59 AM on March 15, 2012
I'm trying not to laugh up my lunch figuring out what he means by "sometimes simultaneously."
posted by phaedon at 12:08 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by phaedon at 12:08 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's been ages since I saw the movie so I might be misremembering, but I liked the fact that the sexy robot walks down the road nude to steal clothes from somebody despite the fact the it originally materialized inside a clothes shop.
posted by AndrewStephens at 12:27 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by AndrewStephens at 12:27 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
The only good thing about T3 is when the female Terminator gets stuck to the electromagnet. Otherwise -- meh.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:32 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:32 PM on March 15, 2012
I think this is hilarious. There are so many types of commentaries: there are technical behind-the-scenes commentaries really giving you all the details about the film (this is what most people expect), there are commentaries that are just a few cast and crew members joking around while the film just happens to be running (e.g. Anchorman), and then there are commentaries where the actors are in character and it becomes an entirely new work (e.g. Spinal Tap).
This, on the other hand, is amazing...this is the commentary from a very busy but likable guy, that storms in when he has a bit of time and is literally watching this for the first time since the premiere. You are hearing his reaction to things as they happen, and he has absolutely no plan for what he is going to say. I also imagine that there are some guys in a sound booth that he can see, and they are just cracking up, which only fuels the fire. This is what it would be like to watch a movie in your living room with Ahnold sitting next to you on the couch.
If you don't think Arnold is hilarious or in on the joke, then you don't know his sense of humor and haven't seen some of his early classics like Hercules in New York. There is no way that anyone on that set didn't know it was a joke. For example, Mt. Olympus is set in the Conservatory Garden in Central Park and you can hear the traffic in the background. There is a random scene of Arnold in a giant white wool sweater with a camera around his neck shooting pictures of things in the City. His sidekick is "Pretzy" the pretzel salesman. But best of all, there is a bear that escapes a zoo, that Arnold gets into a legit fist fight with. They have clearly messed up their shooting schedule because it is so dark you can bearly (ha) see anything (I don't think they had lights, so it is all next to a lightpole in the park). The actor playing the bear, is too embarrassed about this whole situation, that he doesn't even bother to bend over and walk on all fours. And you can literally see the actress that he is protecting laughing as she realizes her whole career is over.
Someone generously made a youtube video with most of these clips. If Arnold did a commentary for this, I would go so far as to set up a Qwikster membership.
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 12:34 PM on March 15, 2012 [9 favorites]
This, on the other hand, is amazing...this is the commentary from a very busy but likable guy, that storms in when he has a bit of time and is literally watching this for the first time since the premiere. You are hearing his reaction to things as they happen, and he has absolutely no plan for what he is going to say. I also imagine that there are some guys in a sound booth that he can see, and they are just cracking up, which only fuels the fire. This is what it would be like to watch a movie in your living room with Ahnold sitting next to you on the couch.
If you don't think Arnold is hilarious or in on the joke, then you don't know his sense of humor and haven't seen some of his early classics like Hercules in New York. There is no way that anyone on that set didn't know it was a joke. For example, Mt. Olympus is set in the Conservatory Garden in Central Park and you can hear the traffic in the background. There is a random scene of Arnold in a giant white wool sweater with a camera around his neck shooting pictures of things in the City. His sidekick is "Pretzy" the pretzel salesman. But best of all, there is a bear that escapes a zoo, that Arnold gets into a legit fist fight with. They have clearly messed up their shooting schedule because it is so dark you can bearly (ha) see anything (I don't think they had lights, so it is all next to a lightpole in the park). The actor playing the bear, is too embarrassed about this whole situation, that he doesn't even bother to bend over and walk on all fours. And you can literally see the actress that he is protecting laughing as she realizes her whole career is over.
Someone generously made a youtube video with most of these clips. If Arnold did a commentary for this, I would go so far as to set up a Qwikster membership.
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 12:34 PM on March 15, 2012 [9 favorites]
That crane sequence was probably the last great stunt without CGI we'll ever see.
Death Race. Practical effects, proper crashes and Statham.
The Dark Knight, truck flipping end over end. Done by taking a truck and flipping it end over end.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:35 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Death Race. Practical effects, proper crashes and Statham.
The Dark Knight, truck flipping end over end. Done by taking a truck and flipping it end over end.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:35 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Pff. I know The Dark Knight has fans, but no way does it match up to Death Race.
posted by Artw at 12:40 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by Artw at 12:40 PM on March 15, 2012
There are so many types of commentaries
The bets of which being the ones where John Carpenter and Kurt Russell are drinking.
posted by Artw at 12:41 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
The bets of which being the ones where John Carpenter and Kurt Russell are drinking.
posted by Artw at 12:41 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I had no idea there was a T3.
Sshhshhshh, go smoke some ganja and take a nap so we can keep it that way.
Now that I think about it, the Terminator films almost follow the same dynamic as the Alien films. The 2nd one is overall the best film. The third is forgettable. And the fourth film had some really good stuff in it, except somehow the end totally ruins the whole experience and makes you want to have never seen that one.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:42 PM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
Sshhshhshh, go smoke some ganja and take a nap so we can keep it that way.
Now that I think about it, the Terminator films almost follow the same dynamic as the Alien films. The 2nd one is overall the best film. The third is forgettable. And the fourth film had some really good stuff in it, except somehow the end totally ruins the whole experience and makes you want to have never seen that one.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:42 PM on March 15, 2012 [3 favorites]
That crane sequence was probably the last great stunt without CGI we'll ever see.
I seem to recall something about Hugh Jackman getting his crotch mangled by his wire harness while filming X-Men... there may have also been CGI in whatever shot that was, but there are still stuntmen (and even actors) doing actual stunts.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 12:42 PM on March 15, 2012
I seem to recall something about Hugh Jackman getting his crotch mangled by his wire harness while filming X-Men... there may have also been CGI in whatever shot that was, but there are still stuntmen (and even actors) doing actual stunts.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 12:42 PM on March 15, 2012
Now that I think about it, the Terminator films almost follow the same dynamic as the Alien films. The 2nd one is overall the best film.
Ooooooooooooh. Debatable in both cases. But it's a good debate.
posted by Artw at 12:44 PM on March 15, 2012
Ooooooooooooh. Debatable in both cases. But it's a good debate.
posted by Artw at 12:44 PM on March 15, 2012
Thing that always bothered me about T2 was that surely there were more efficient shapes for the T-1000 to assume in certain situations. Like running after the car, wouldn't something like a cheetah or just a multi-legged thing have been faster than a biped?
posted by maxwelton at 12:47 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by maxwelton at 12:47 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Like running after the car, wouldn't something like a cheetah or just a multi-legged thing have been faster than a biped?
The T-1000 had to touch or otherwise make contact with a subject before morphing into it. And he could transform his appendages into knives and hooks, but anything more complex (especially with moving parts) wouldn't be doable.
posted by ShutterBun at 12:52 PM on March 15, 2012
The T-1000 had to touch or otherwise make contact with a subject before morphing into it. And he could transform his appendages into knives and hooks, but anything more complex (especially with moving parts) wouldn't be doable.
posted by ShutterBun at 12:52 PM on March 15, 2012
maxwelton: "Thing that always bothered me about T2 was that surely there were more efficient shapes for the T-1000 to assume in certain situations. Like running after the car, wouldn't something like a cheetah or just a multi-legged thing have been faster than a biped?"
Unfortunately, it could only mimic things it had touched. Which made no sense whatsoever except for storytelling purposes. You create a shapeshifter, but don't give it some default templates? Idiotic.
Personally, I would have loved to see it try and mimic a human-sized ant. It had to have stepped on one at some point or another.
posted by zarq at 12:52 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Unfortunately, it could only mimic things it had touched. Which made no sense whatsoever except for storytelling purposes. You create a shapeshifter, but don't give it some default templates? Idiotic.
Personally, I would have loved to see it try and mimic a human-sized ant. It had to have stepped on one at some point or another.
posted by zarq at 12:52 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Ooooooooooooh. Debatable in both cases. But it's a good debate.
Yeah, very debatable. I know this might grind some gears, but I think if they updated some of the effects on the first ones it would step them up.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:52 PM on March 15, 2012
Yeah, very debatable. I know this might grind some gears, but I think if they updated some of the effects on the first ones it would step them up.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:52 PM on March 15, 2012
Huh, I guess I wasn't into the lore enough to know that the T-1000 had to touch something to mimic it, which, as stated, is pretty silly.
posted by maxwelton at 12:55 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by maxwelton at 12:55 PM on March 15, 2012
The mimic thing doesn't make sense at all in light of the fact it could make basic objects like knives and hooks out of it's existing limbs. Making another set of legs shouldn't have been that hard, plus it killed the family dog, right?
posted by P.o.B. at 12:58 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by P.o.B. at 12:58 PM on March 15, 2012
Personally, I would have loved to see it try and mimic a human-sized ant.
Death by Inverse Square Law
posted by griphus at 1:01 PM on March 15, 2012 [8 favorites]
Death by Inverse Square Law
posted by griphus at 1:01 PM on March 15, 2012 [8 favorites]
The bets of which being the ones where John Carpenter and Kurt Russell are drinking.
We disagree on The Mist, but agree on the Big Trouble in Little China commentary track. Friends again.
posted by Shepherd at 1:08 PM on March 15, 2012
We disagree on The Mist, but agree on the Big Trouble in Little China commentary track. Friends again.
posted by Shepherd at 1:08 PM on March 15, 2012
it killed the family dog, right?
True, though it can only mimic an object of equal size. While a human sized dog would be arguably better than a human in catching up to a speeding automobile, it quickly becomes a question of what to do if/when he catches it. Dogs are notoriously poor at using guns and operating vehicles. And really, the T-1000 was a pretty damn fast runner even in human form. He caught the car, in fact, but couldn't quite finish the job once he did.
posted by ShutterBun at 1:13 PM on March 15, 2012
True, though it can only mimic an object of equal size. While a human sized dog would be arguably better than a human in catching up to a speeding automobile, it quickly becomes a question of what to do if/when he catches it. Dogs are notoriously poor at using guns and operating vehicles. And really, the T-1000 was a pretty damn fast runner even in human form. He caught the car, in fact, but couldn't quite finish the job once he did.
posted by ShutterBun at 1:13 PM on March 15, 2012
Clearly T-1000 was created in a factory consisting of hooks and knives.
posted by Artw at 1:15 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by Artw at 1:15 PM on March 15, 2012
Dogs are notoriously poor at using guns and operating vehicles.
Ain't that the truth.
posted by griphus at 1:16 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Ain't that the truth.
posted by griphus at 1:16 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Wellllll... there's only so much underlying "reasoning" I'm going to attribute to a movie. It clearly could change specific parts of it's body while maintaining an overall human form.
posted by P.o.B. at 1:16 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by P.o.B. at 1:16 PM on March 15, 2012
they can be deconstructed to understand the zeitgeist of the time
True. The first time the handshake "Up High, Down Low, Too Slow" was used in a commercial film was Terminator.
posted by stbalbach at 1:17 PM on March 15, 2012
True. The first time the handshake "Up High, Down Low, Too Slow" was used in a commercial film was Terminator.
posted by stbalbach at 1:17 PM on March 15, 2012
I just had to rewatch some of Hercules in New York. The bear firstfight starts here, and despite the horrible image quality (I am sure the Hulu version mentioned above is slightly better) you must watch until the actress faints at 8:10. Just look at the look on her face. That is not acting. That is the actual actress shutting her eyes and collapsing in shame.
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 1:18 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by This_Will_Be_Good at 1:18 PM on March 15, 2012
Was he really that bad of an actor? I think he got better as he got older. His comedic value increased as audiences began laughing with him and not AT him. Being able to not take himself seriously helped his career vastly, I think. And while the Terminator character wasn't an acting tour de force, he nailed it and played the part of a machine quite nicely. I'm betting that is a bit harder than it looks. Maybe. It will be good to have in back in the theaters, albeit a few years older.
posted by byronshell at 1:24 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by byronshell at 1:24 PM on March 15, 2012
Metafilter: Hugh Jackman getting his crotch mangled
posted by cmoj at 1:27 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by cmoj at 1:27 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
byronshell: "Was he really that bad of an actor? I think he got better as he got older."
He did. Although arguably his funniest movie, at least intentionally, happened squarely in the middle of his career.
posted by zarq at 1:34 PM on March 15, 2012
He did. Although arguably his funniest movie, at least intentionally, happened squarely in the middle of his career.
posted by zarq at 1:34 PM on March 15, 2012
Of course, if you consider Michael Jackson a T-1000 prototype he could totally do the cheetah thing.
posted by Artw at 1:37 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 1:37 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I don't remember any of these scenes being in Jingle All the Way.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:41 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by shakespeherian at 1:41 PM on March 15, 2012
Did T-1000 MJ touch a cheetah or did a T-1000 cheetah kill MJ?
posted by P.o.B. at 1:41 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by P.o.B. at 1:41 PM on March 15, 2012
Jingle All the Way
How Did This Get Made Holiday Special
posted by Artw at 1:43 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
How Did This Get Made Holiday Special
posted by Artw at 1:43 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
The T-1000 in the previous movie could assume any shape, and so could presumably have any type of boob imaginable.
Alternative T-1000 strategy:
1) Sneak onto TV news set
2) Demonstrate shape-shifting powers live on news
3) Announce that it will turn into a celebrity--any celebrity--nude and have sex with you if you catch John Connor and bring him to it
4) John Connor dies
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:06 PM on March 15, 2012 [10 favorites]
Alternative T-1000 strategy:
1) Sneak onto TV news set
2) Demonstrate shape-shifting powers live on news
3) Announce that it will turn into a celebrity--any celebrity--nude and have sex with you if you catch John Connor and bring him to it
4) John Connor dies
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:06 PM on March 15, 2012 [10 favorites]
"some guys like little breasts and some guys like bigger breasts, and wouldn't it be nice if you could play both side, maybe even simultaneously"
posted by cell divide at 2:26 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by cell divide at 2:26 PM on March 15, 2012
Pff. I know The Dark Knight has fans, but no way does it match up to Death Race.
Oh, I didn't intend to start a dispute between the two. That would be like pitting a land war in Asia against going up against a Sicilian when death is on the line in some sort of titanic struggle to the death, or even to the pain.
The Dark Knight is also a movie with good practical effects that came after T3. That is all.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:44 PM on March 15, 2012
Oh, I didn't intend to start a dispute between the two. That would be like pitting a land war in Asia against going up against a Sicilian when death is on the line in some sort of titanic struggle to the death, or even to the pain.
The Dark Knight is also a movie with good practical effects that came after T3. That is all.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:44 PM on March 15, 2012
Back in the theaters, you say? The first (and delightfully silly) one got a huge cheer in theaters here for his brief scene. Wifey and I will be first in line for the second one, it's like Venture Brothers on steroids.
posted by anigbrowl at 3:33 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by anigbrowl at 3:33 PM on March 15, 2012
So Arnold in The Expendables is kind of like Jessica Stevenson in Shawn of the Dead, presumably with a whole doppelganger crew?
posted by Artw at 3:51 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by Artw at 3:51 PM on March 15, 2012
Artw, I know, right? Statham all day, every day - it's the way to go.
posted by doyouknowwhoIam? at 4:01 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by doyouknowwhoIam? at 4:01 PM on March 15, 2012
Metafilter: a form consisting entirely of boobies if it wanted to.
posted by jonp72 at 4:26 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by jonp72 at 4:26 PM on March 15, 2012
the Terminator films almost follow the same dynamic as the Alien films
And Star Trek.
posted by localroger at 5:40 PM on March 15, 2012
And Star Trek.
posted by localroger at 5:40 PM on March 15, 2012
So The Terminator was boring and Alien Resurrection was a comedy?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 6:25 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 6:25 PM on March 15, 2012
The carbon based unit is incorrect in it's assessment of V-ger.posted by Artw at 6:45 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
T2 and T3 are both comedies. Shoot a gate open one handed with a shotgun? Comedy. Every line Sarah Connors says, especially the narration? Comedy. Making modem sounds into a cell phone? Comedy! And of course, driving a car with your arm sticking through some dude's torso. LAL
posted by Brocktoon at 6:49 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by Brocktoon at 6:49 PM on March 15, 2012
Makes me think you're kind of like De Niro in Cape Fear.
"HAHAHA! KNIFE-HAND THROUGH THE MILK AND HIS SKULL! HAHA!" *Brocktoon kicks feet up onto back of chair. Blows smoke into faces of people peering at him*
posted by P.o.B. at 8:14 PM on March 15, 2012
"HAHAHA! KNIFE-HAND THROUGH THE MILK AND HIS SKULL! HAHA!" *Brocktoon kicks feet up onto back of chair. Blows smoke into faces of people peering at him*
posted by P.o.B. at 8:14 PM on March 15, 2012
It probably wouldn't be smart for a carbon unit to correct V'Ger's grammar, would it?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:44 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:44 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
Silence.Your inferior carbon-based is unable to comprehend our compuations and the beauty of our 4 hour long cuts composed primarily of effects shots.posted by Artw at 8:49 PM on March 15, 2012 [1 favorite]
I want you to know that I'm nude and completly hairless as I am typing that, such is my dedication to the BEST Star Trek movie.
posted by Artw at 8:50 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by Artw at 8:50 PM on March 15, 2012
*SLOMO SHOT OF USS ENTERPRISE AS IT DRIFTS FOR 15 MINUTES ACROSS THE SCREEN*
posted by P.o.B. at 9:17 PM on March 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by P.o.B. at 9:17 PM on March 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
such is my dedication to the BEST Star Trek movie.
I don't know what's worst. Me suggesting a bit of Lucas-like revision to one of the best sci-fi movies around. Or you saying that.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:36 PM on March 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
I don't know what's worst. Me suggesting a bit of Lucas-like revision to one of the best sci-fi movies around. Or you saying that.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:36 PM on March 15, 2012 [2 favorites]
I want you to know that I'm nude and completly hairless as I am typing that, such is my dedication to the BEST Star Trek movie.
Just nude and hairless? Not making out with Stephen Collins?
Weak.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:48 PM on March 15, 2012
Just nude and hairless? Not making out with Stephen Collins?
Weak.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:48 PM on March 15, 2012
Making modem sounds into a cell phone? Comedy!
I'm sure there's probably some major reason why this would be impossible, but it seems to me that an old analog cellular phone would be more or less able to be used with an acoustic coupler, no?
I mean, assuming she had an old-school analog modem in her circuitry, there's no reason she shouldn't have been able to use a 1G phone to do it, is there?
I guess at that point the main issue is that 1G analog phones were pretty much ancient history by the time Terminator 3 came out.
Still, I'd be curious to see if anyone would try it with a digital phone, just for shits & giggles.
Shoot a gate open one handed with a shotgun? Comedy.
Maybe he just happened to have a deer slug in the chamber. (to be fair, he only destroyed the chain with the shot. Smashing open the gate with his bike would be easy, even in real life)
That being said, John's brute-force attack on the ATM was pretty far-fetched and a little too "this kid's a computer genius! See?!?!?" for me.
Also, diesel fuel tends not to explode when a tiny spark hits it.
Awesome flick, though. And sometimes, awesome is enough.
posted by ShutterBun at 9:48 PM on March 15, 2012
I'm sure there's probably some major reason why this would be impossible, but it seems to me that an old analog cellular phone would be more or less able to be used with an acoustic coupler, no?
I mean, assuming she had an old-school analog modem in her circuitry, there's no reason she shouldn't have been able to use a 1G phone to do it, is there?
I guess at that point the main issue is that 1G analog phones were pretty much ancient history by the time Terminator 3 came out.
Still, I'd be curious to see if anyone would try it with a digital phone, just for shits & giggles.
Shoot a gate open one handed with a shotgun? Comedy.
Maybe he just happened to have a deer slug in the chamber. (to be fair, he only destroyed the chain with the shot. Smashing open the gate with his bike would be easy, even in real life)
That being said, John's brute-force attack on the ATM was pretty far-fetched and a little too "this kid's a computer genius! See?!?!?" for me.
Also, diesel fuel tends not to explode when a tiny spark hits it.
Awesome flick, though. And sometimes, awesome is enough.
posted by ShutterBun at 9:48 PM on March 15, 2012
Guy using digital cell phone as a (true?) dial-up internet connection. I have no idea if this would actually work acoustically, but it seems kinda maybe possible. Curious.
posted by ShutterBun at 9:55 PM on March 15, 2012
posted by ShutterBun at 9:55 PM on March 15, 2012
Also, diesel fuel tends not to explode when a tiny spark hits it.
Okay, so Cameron loses a point on that count, after just having gained about a million billion points for showing you the spark and not just having the truck explode just because it had a boo-boo.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:32 PM on March 15, 2012
Okay, so Cameron loses a point on that count, after just having gained about a million billion points for showing you the spark and not just having the truck explode just because it had a boo-boo.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:32 PM on March 15, 2012
I read the Alan Dean Foster version of Star Trek The Movie... all I can remember of it is a) I learned Kirk's middle name is Tiberius and b) the bald chick exudes such sexy sexy pheromones or some shit all males in her vicinity instantly get an erection*
Meanwhile he's the best bit.
*Well probably not Sulu (not that there's anything wrong with that)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:34 AM on March 16, 2012
Meanwhile he's the best bit.
*Well probably not Sulu (not that there's anything wrong with that)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:34 AM on March 16, 2012
Look not only does he shoot the chain one handed, he fucking cocks the gun. Don't get me wrong, it's a badass scene, but shit like that makes me laugh. I always thought it was supposed to. And dialog like "there is no fate but what we make." That's, intentional, isn't it?
posted by Brocktoon at 5:25 PM on March 16, 2012
posted by Brocktoon at 5:25 PM on March 16, 2012
Flip-cocking a Winchester is pretty dang easy, even without the modified lever he's got on his. I would imagine it wouldn't be especially demanding for a cyborg to do it while driving a motorcycle.
posted by ShutterBun at 5:38 PM on March 16, 2012
posted by ShutterBun at 5:38 PM on March 16, 2012
"I would imagine it wouldn't be especially demanding for a cyborg to do it while driving a motorcycle."
And it's fucking hilarious. You taking it seriously makes it even more so.
posted by Brocktoon at 6:36 PM on March 16, 2012
And it's fucking hilarious. You taking it seriously makes it even more so.
posted by Brocktoon at 6:36 PM on March 16, 2012
Wait... I'm not sure what you're even laughing about now. That other people employ something called a suspension of disbelief? Or you sat down in the theatre to watch a movie, about a re-programed time traveling cyborg who comes back from the future to protect humanity's savior, thinking it was a comedy?
posted by P.o.B. at 7:16 PM on March 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by P.o.B. at 7:16 PM on March 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
John Wayne flip-cocked a Winchester while riding a horse in a couple of movies. Nobody seemed to have a problem with it. And, I mean, he actually did do it. Not like there was CGI back then or anything.
There were indeed plenty of "hilarious" moments in T2, but generally of the "intentional" variety.
That being said, having him operate a hand-held mini-gun is completely ridiculous, physically impossible, and totally awesome.
posted by ShutterBun at 7:29 PM on March 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
There were indeed plenty of "hilarious" moments in T2, but generally of the "intentional" variety.
That being said, having him operate a hand-held mini-gun is completely ridiculous, physically impossible, and totally awesome.
posted by ShutterBun at 7:29 PM on March 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think I get what you're saying, Brocktoon (hey...weren't you the guy who played Mr. Belvedere?) In other words, things can be awesome and implausible and hilarious. For example, Ash mounting a chainsaw to his arm in "Evil Dead 2" or a Daikaiju Pagoda coming to life and smashing concrete buildings *that spray blood* in "Robo-geisha." I get that.
I just don't think the examples in T2 fall into that category of being "hysterically-ridicul-awesome." Could be a "your mileage may vary" situation, but most of the stunts/gags* in T2 seemed to be intended as purely dramatic/action stuff.
*in the Peter Jackson sense of the word, where a "gag" is a bit of cool action business for the characters to pull off
posted by ShutterBun at 7:35 PM on March 16, 2012
I just don't think the examples in T2 fall into that category of being "hysterically-ridicul-awesome." Could be a "your mileage may vary" situation, but most of the stunts/gags* in T2 seemed to be intended as purely dramatic/action stuff.
*in the Peter Jackson sense of the word, where a "gag" is a bit of cool action business for the characters to pull off
posted by ShutterBun at 7:35 PM on March 16, 2012
There are a lot of examples of great sci-fi movies that includes good comedy interspersed throughout, and there are plenty of sci-fi flicks that are played seriously but unintentionally funny. T2 would fall in the former, something like Starship Troopers in the latter.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:03 PM on March 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by P.o.B. at 8:03 PM on March 16, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think that the minigun falls under the Rule of Cool[TVTropes]; even if it seems funny for someone who knows how much a minigun weighs (never mind the ammo or batteries needed to operate it) or how unlikely it is for a man (or even a cyborg from the future) to be able to fire it without being spun around in a big, lethal circle, it's there because, well, because. (James Cameron is a stickler for details and knows his military gear, but is also perfectly willing to ignore factuality for Rule of Cool.)
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:31 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:31 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
Not sure I'd categorize Starship Troopers as "Unintentionally funny" - it's a pretty solid mix of satire and black humour throughout.
posted by Artw at 6:52 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 6:52 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]
Sure, Starship Troopers has satire, but I wouldn't exactly call it a solid mix and there are unintentionally funny scenes in it. If you can draw a clear and distinct line between the satire and the slapstick in that movie, then I commend your critical abilities.
I have a buddy who sometimes has a really flat affect and likes to use pretense when he describes things. Sometimes it's reeeaaallly hard to figure out if he's being straight and serious or if he's totally joking. So I'll just start dropping slightly absurd ideas into the conversation to try to find that edge of having a very surreal conversation except not fully move into outright joking. Usually we get into outright absurdity and crack each other up, but sometimes I swear he fully believes we're both seriously talking about winning break-dancing competitions or lifting ridiculous amounts of weights.
Starship Troopers kind of reminds me of those conversations. "I'm totally serious!" *wink* "Wait, are you serious?" "Yes! Totaaallly." *wink*. You can't play both sides of the coin and expect people to take a movie full of badly done satire to also take it as a serious critique. I also think it's a bit much for people to use the term satire as a blanket over the entire film and somehow expect that to give it magical redemptive and protective qualities against stinking like shite.
The action films Schwarzenegger has done have always had a great mix of comedy in them because it's hard to do a full on action film correctly. Action films for the longest time have used comedy to offset and defuse the imbalance of believability. True Lies is a great example of this. Even Stallone has ended up doing parodies of himself these days. Now we're left with Zack Snyder do super slo-mo shots of oiled up, sweaty, muscular bodies going through Olympic level gymnastic routines while fighting superpowered ogre/dragon/zombies.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:51 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have a buddy who sometimes has a really flat affect and likes to use pretense when he describes things. Sometimes it's reeeaaallly hard to figure out if he's being straight and serious or if he's totally joking. So I'll just start dropping slightly absurd ideas into the conversation to try to find that edge of having a very surreal conversation except not fully move into outright joking. Usually we get into outright absurdity and crack each other up, but sometimes I swear he fully believes we're both seriously talking about winning break-dancing competitions or lifting ridiculous amounts of weights.
Starship Troopers kind of reminds me of those conversations. "I'm totally serious!" *wink* "Wait, are you serious?" "Yes! Totaaallly." *wink*. You can't play both sides of the coin and expect people to take a movie full of badly done satire to also take it as a serious critique. I also think it's a bit much for people to use the term satire as a blanket over the entire film and somehow expect that to give it magical redemptive and protective qualities against stinking like shite.
The action films Schwarzenegger has done have always had a great mix of comedy in them because it's hard to do a full on action film correctly. Action films for the longest time have used comedy to offset and defuse the imbalance of believability. True Lies is a great example of this. Even Stallone has ended up doing parodies of himself these days. Now we're left with Zack Snyder do super slo-mo shots of oiled up, sweaty, muscular bodies going through Olympic level gymnastic routines while fighting superpowered ogre/dragon/zombies.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:51 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
I;m going to put your not getting Starship Trooper down to you being American and therefore having a defective sense of humour. :-)
posted by Artw at 8:56 PM on March 17, 2012
posted by Artw at 8:56 PM on March 17, 2012
I have to admit, I have no idea whatsoever if Showgirls is supposed to be as funny as it is.
posted by Artw at 9:55 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 9:55 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think Showgirls was his big fuck you to Hollywood / America in general after the slightly quieter fuck yous of Robocop, Total Recall and Starship Troopers weren't being heard.
And all action movie heroes of the modern era have become parodies of themselves to survive (except may be Bruce Willis, though he's actually also a proper actor so could side step it) Arnie, being a canny business man, did it faster than the rest (ie almost instantly)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:46 AM on March 18, 2012
And all action movie heroes of the modern era have become parodies of themselves to survive (except may be Bruce Willis, though he's actually also a proper actor so could side step it) Arnie, being a canny business man, did it faster than the rest (ie almost instantly)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:46 AM on March 18, 2012
And Verhoeven attempted to portray this by making a startlingly bad movie?
posted by P.o.B. at 3:46 PM on March 18, 2012
posted by P.o.B. at 3:46 PM on March 18, 2012
YeeeaahhhNooope... I don't think so. Good luck with that, though.
posted by P.o.B. at 5:24 PM on March 18, 2012
posted by P.o.B. at 5:24 PM on March 18, 2012
I just finished watching Drive. A perfect example of comedy meant to be taken seriously. And yes, it is fucking awesome.
posted by Brocktoon at 8:25 AM on March 29, 2012
posted by Brocktoon at 8:25 AM on March 29, 2012
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I Lied"
posted by Renoroc at 10:42 AM on March 15, 2012 [6 favorites]