Diminutive Hippopotamus Amphibius

March 17, 2012 12:58 PM

The Tiny Hippo
posted by misha (38 comments total)

I have adored this for ages, but I remain somewhat disappointed that there is no panel of the hippo holding the knife in it's tiny, um. Hooves? Paws? Hippofeets?
posted by elizardbits at 1:00 PM on March 17, 2012 [5 favorites]

Thank you for sharing this webcomic! Now I will share a webcomic that I like
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:02 PM on March 17, 2012 [11 favorites]

It's nighttime, in a kitchen just like yours....
posted by oulipian at 1:14 PM on March 17, 2012 [13 favorites]

This is not in my edition.
posted by headnsouth at 1:17 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Ain't no one fucks with..."

or

"Don't nobody fuck with..."

?
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:34 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ain't no one. *brandishes knife*
posted by Dark Messiah at 1:36 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

I thought in the last panel, the tiny hippo had tiny angry eyes but they aren't there now. Odd.
posted by seanmpuckett at 1:37 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Don't nobody. *brandishes hippo*
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:41 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

Don't hippo. *brandishes nobody*
posted by Malor at 1:46 PM on March 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

iFrost
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:58 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is silly. Everyone knows hippos aren't tiny, don't like trains, can't climb trees, and could never stab something that could just fly away. Totally unrealistic. I can't suspend my disbelief at all.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:06 PM on March 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

Everyone knows hippos aren't tiny

cjorgensen, I bring you the pygmy hippo.
posted by jeather at 2:12 PM on March 17, 2012 [14 favorites]

My personal favorite.

I'm sure this says something about me. Whatever.
posted by Fizz at 2:29 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

It's nighttime, in a kitchen just like yours....

I came to post this. You win the thread.
posted by asnider at 2:39 PM on March 17, 2012

Hooves? Paws? Hippofeets? Tools.
posted by Mblue at 3:11 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think this glorification of hippo on Corvus violence is disgusting.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:43 PM on March 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

That not the ending I expected.
posted by tommasz at 3:44 PM on March 17, 2012

this is very timely because there is someone at work who, while not being a bully is being pretty bossy when he has no right to be bossy. and it's really starting to affect not only me, but my fellow colleagues.

i've never been one to confront anyone. i'm too much of a compromiser. i don't like conflict. but this guy has gone too far and is really going to screw things up if he continues and no one stands up to him.

i need to get out of my comfort zone and confront him - not stab him obviously - but just let him know that enough's enough and from now on, we're going to do things bitteroldman's way.

thank you tiny hippo, and thank you misha, for giving me the sign and the strength that I need to stand my ground and to stand this guy down.

ain't nobody gonna fuck with bitteroldman anymore.
posted by bitteroldman at 3:55 PM on March 17, 2012 [12 favorites]

Previously.

Very previously.
posted by beryllium at 4:17 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

Hippos are deadly. They don't need no stinking knife. They can bite a crocodile in half.
posted by maryr at 4:24 PM on March 17, 2012

Arrrrg! This comic--or more specifically, the last panel--drives me crazy. "Ain't no one fucks with tiny hippo" feels so wrong according to the grammatical rules of AAVE (or most other American dialects that use double negatives), but I can't quite figure out why!!!!!


It feels like it should be:

Don't nobody fuck with tiny hippo

or

Ain't nobody gonna fuck with tiny hippo.


Am I right? Am I crazy? Fellow linguistic-y nerds, help a sista out!
posted by chara at 4:38 PM on March 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

Child memes with adult language.

Hilarity ensues.

Weak.

Pass.
posted by IndigoJones at 4:49 PM on March 17, 2012

Did a Hippo Kill King Tut?
posted by desjardins at 5:04 PM on March 17, 2012 [2 favorites]

The North American House Hippo
posted by unSane at 5:23 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

maryr's close, but stavrogin's 1st rule of hippopotamus discussion must be invoked.
posted by MrMoonPie at 5:43 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

That's a good rule, seriously, because ever since I heard that hippos are crazy dangerous, every time they're brought up I want to tell everyone that hippos are crazy dangerous.
posted by palidor at 6:24 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

Did a Hippo Kill King Tut?

Even today, the hippopotamus kills dozens of people each year in Africa–more than any other animal—and is widely regarded as the continent’s most dangerous creature (not counting the mosquito, which carries fatal diseases that affect millions). Up to 15 feet tall and weighing in at 8,000 pounds, the massive and extremely aggressive beast can easily outrun humans on its squat, stumpy legs. Its cavernous mouth and enormous teeth can disembowel or decapitate a person with a single bite.

o_O
posted by BrashTech at 6:36 PM on March 17, 2012 [1 favorite]

That's 15 feet long, not tall. Other sources say 5 feet tall. Still, of course, the most dangerous animal in Africa.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:08 PM on March 17, 2012

That's 15 feet long, not tall.

It's when they stand up straight that they're really scary.
posted by pompomtom at 8:23 PM on March 17, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ain't nobody gonna fuck with tiny hippo.

I'd say 'Ain't nobody fuckin' with tiny hippo' as a sort of continuing action of hippo un-fucked-with-ness, but you're right that the way it is in the comic is odd.

Also, I'm relieved I'm not the only person who wants to tell everyone all the time about hippos being the stone killers of the land. Now if I can just get some people on board with the manatees are secretly behind all the so-called 'shark' attacks my work here will be done.
posted by winna at 8:43 PM on March 17, 2012 [4 favorites]

Mosquitos are animals, and are much more deadly than hippos.
posted by idiopath at 1:25 AM on March 18, 2012

Mosquitos are animals, and are much more deadly than hippos.

I think that's why the quote says:
"most dangerous creature (not counting the mosquito, which carries fatal diseases that affect millions)".
posted by bardophile at 1:30 AM on March 18, 2012

I was responding to people here, not the article.
posted by idiopath at 1:56 AM on March 18, 2012

idiopath: Mosquitos are animals, and are much more deadly than hippos.

But that's arguably because hippos, unlike mosquitoes, cannot fly, and so, other than those few who exist in zoos as a kind of cautionary tale, we have been able to safely contain them to Africa.

So far.

But when that inevitable day comes...when enough tiny ravens have been shanked by vengeful, proprietary, tiny hippos--

There WILL arise, from amidst the sad feathered remains, a shadowy new menace, winged and deadly.

And when that winged army takes flight...

Well, ain't nothin' gonna stop them flying hippos then.

Ain't nothin'.
posted by misha at 1:50 PM on March 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

oh man if I had my robotic goose noise from the trailer of Prometheus all ready what a treat it would be to deploy it after misha's comment.
posted by winna at 2:02 PM on March 18, 2012

Web Comics are Top 5 reasons Internet is the best place.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:35 PM on March 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Everyone knows hippos aren't tiny

cjorgensen, I bring you the pygmy hippo.

South Africa Welcomes Prince Harry, A Brand New Pygmy Hippo
posted by homunculus at 6:27 PM on March 31, 2012

Humunculus, that baby pygmy hippo is *adorable*!

OH HAI I AM TINY HIPPO 4 REALZ
posted by misha at 8:21 AM on April 2, 2012