Imagine a dinosaur in sneakers stomping on Whoopi Goldberg's career... forever.
March 19, 2012 9:43 AM   Subscribe

"A futuristic buddy cop movie costarring Whoopi Goldberg and a dinosaur? How could that possibly go wrong?" Theodore Rex: The Best of the Worst.

The uploading user, lucienpsinger, finds, transfers, and uploads the strangest bits of forgotten VHS ephemera. Gary Busey's amazing performance as a western mayor, Cory Feldman's phase as a Jackson-esque pop star, the grocery dance, the most amazing ending sequence ever put to film. Much, much more.

For a bit of historical context as to why Goldberg is in the film, she tried to back out for reasons unknown, and was sued for $20 million dollars. Goldberg settled, and agreed to star in the movie for an additional 2 million dollars.
posted by codacorolla (105 comments total) 56 users marked this as a favorite

 
what
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:45 AM on March 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


I loved this movie as a kid with bad taste. Can't wait to go through these links.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 9:46 AM on March 19, 2012


the most amazing ending sequence ever put to film

Ye gods.
posted by Optamystic at 9:48 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


i expect to see some sensible fun from whoopi
posted by johnstendicom at 9:49 AM on March 19, 2012


"A futuristic buddy cop movie costarring Whoopi Goldberg and a dinosaur? How could that possibly go wrong?"

This is a question with no right answer.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:50 AM on March 19, 2012 [9 favorites]


"A futuristic buddy cop movie costarring Whoopi Goldberg and a dinosaur? How could that possibly go wrong?"'

According to IMDB, the estimated budget for Theodore Rex is $33 million.
posted by BobbyVan at 9:51 AM on March 19, 2012


Looking back at the 1980s, I'm starting to see why Ian Curtis checked out early.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:52 AM on March 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


the most amazing ending sequence ever put to film

At 1:10-ish, is that... is that rap with banjo?
posted by shakespeherian at 9:53 AM on March 19, 2012


she tried to back out for reasons unknown

Oops! I'm sure if you ask nicely the mods could change that to "for reasons that should be obvious" for you.
posted by Hoopo at 9:56 AM on March 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


Gawddamnit.

Gawddamnit so much.

Oh, if you need a followup to Theodore Rex, watch this.
posted by The Power Nap at 9:57 AM on March 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


It's tempting to make the usual "cocaine is a helluva drug" reference, but Theodore Rex is just so horrible, from its concept alone, that you have to start looking for something else as the root cause.
posted by tommasz at 9:58 AM on March 19, 2012


80s ? Wiki says this was 1996 (!!)
posted by k5.user at 9:58 AM on March 19, 2012


Cory Feldman's phase as a Jackson-esque pop star

That song is from Dream a Little Dream which is, by itself, one of the single most appalling things ever put to celluloid. So bad, SO BAD, it was the first movie that broke Roger Ebert's Stanton-Walsh rule - "no movie featuring either Harry Dean Stanton or M. Emmet Walsh in a supporting role can be altogether bad", beating Wild Wild West to the ignominy by a good ten years.
posted by dirtdirt at 9:59 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


ARNOLD WIGGINS, ONE...THE SYSTEM, ZERO!
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:59 AM on March 19, 2012


That last link is worth it for the dismount alone.
posted by brundlefly at 9:59 AM on March 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


I have seen Theodore Rex. All of it. I think my friends and went into a Blockbuster or Wherehouse and rented it, back when VHS was still available at such establishments. Why? Because we wanted to see how the props were used.

See, there was a weird thrift store/cheap goods shop that had a giant dinosaur costume, a laptop with monitor elements ripped out and replaced with lights, and some other weird stuff that seemed really out-of-place amongst the old jeans, old postcards, old patches, and cheap-as-heck shoes, belts, and whatnot. My friends and I finally asked someone there where the weird props came from, and they told us about this bad movie, starring Whoopi and a dinosaur.

So we rented it, and it is awful. The kind of movie that makes you grimace, wondering what happened to certain people that they could go from winning proper awards to co-starring with someone in a rubber dinosaur suit. But we now knew how those props fit into the movie.

I have forgotten most of that movie, except that it's the future, and scientists have started bringing back extinct animals, to off-set the impacts of future people or something. And for some reason, they brought back racoons, then dinosaurs, but the dinosaurs were smarter than we thought, and they needed to wear shoes and clothes, because they now understood the shame of being naked.

I don't think that weird store is still open, but my friend might still have a brightly painted laptop that has lights instead of a proper screen.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:59 AM on March 19, 2012 [26 favorites]


there is no honor here
posted by The Whelk at 10:05 AM on March 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


I have forgotten most of that movie, except that it's the future, and scientists have started bringing back extinct animals, to off-set the impacts of future people or something. And for some reason, they brought back racoons, then dinosaurs, but the dinosaurs were smarter than we thought, and they needed to wear shoes and clothes, because they now understood the shame of being naked.

This movie would actually be pretty good if it had been done in more of a Jack-Handey-by-way-of-Michel-Gondry sort of way. Remove all the sermonizing about racism and replace it with an absurdist whodunnit.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:05 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: because they now understood the shame of being naked
posted by The Whelk at 10:07 AM on March 19, 2012 [9 favorites]


According to IMDB, the estimated budget for Theodore Rex is $33 million.

George Lucas, $35 million in actual 1980s money, and a giant wisecracking space duck would like to illustrate all too clearly that these Whoopi-with-dinosaurs people are rank amateurs at the fine Hollywood art of mounding shit into enormous stinking piles.

I mean, Whoopi's still on TV. Lea Thompson never really recovered from this career hijacking.
posted by gompa at 10:08 AM on March 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


That last link is worth it for the dismount alone.


Someone needs to make an animated GIF of that.
posted by Doleful Creature at 10:08 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, if you need a followup to Theodore Rex, watch this.

OK I read the IMDB synopsis and how in the hell did that ever happen?
posted by Hoopo at 10:10 AM on March 19, 2012


Cory Feldman's phase as a Jackson-esque pop star was nothing compared to that of Josh Fenderman!
posted by tittergrrl at 10:11 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


I mean, Whoopi's still on TV. Lea Thompson never really recovered from this career hijacking.

Some may disagree, but I'd say Thomas Dolby's output since then has been rather lacklustre as well.
posted by mykescipark at 10:11 AM on March 19, 2012


The grocery dance is by none other than physical comedy genius Mr Noodle (or possible Mr Noodle's brother, Mr Noodle--I can never keep them straight).
posted by DU at 10:12 AM on March 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


Theodore Rex

What would compel Edmund Morris to sign away the movie rights to his Roosevelt biography?
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:12 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


As of December 2010, Meet the Hollowheads is Burman's only directorial effort.

Damn! When did the dry wit start infiltrating Wikipedia?
posted by gompa at 10:12 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


You know a movie is bad if it can prompt YouTube commenters to speak truly for once in their lives:

"The worst part about this is that we, as a society, did not stop this from occuring
AmazingJohnny37 9 months ago"

Think about that for a moment. YouTube, bastion of sanity?
posted by aramaic at 10:12 AM on March 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


what is this I don't even
posted by jquinby at 10:12 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


What the heck! That Josh Fenderman link didn't work right! Let's hope this one does!
posted by tittergrrl at 10:13 AM on March 19, 2012


In the last link of the FPP, right before the dismount, I can clearly see the rider ease to his left for a quick fart. Because that's how you do it on a motorcycle.
posted by chavenet at 10:15 AM on March 19, 2012


In hindsight, I can now partially sympathize with the war on drugs.
posted by Davenhill at 10:17 AM on March 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


as to why Goldberg is in the film, she tried to back out for reasons unknown

Indeed, who could possibly speculate on her reasons.
posted by DU at 10:20 AM on March 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


Wow! That's really all I can say about that. I'm in awe of the cumulative lack of objectivity that had to occur for this to happen.
posted by docholiday1307 at 10:22 AM on March 19, 2012


Guys I figured out why Patrick Bateman was so unhappy.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:23 AM on March 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


We've already had an awesome FPP on Meet the Hollowheads.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:24 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


as to why Goldberg is in the film, she tried to back out for reasons unknown

DU: Indeed, who could possibly speculate on her reasons.

I think the bigger question is why did she agree in the first place? Did the story drastically change from the original pitch to the final product?
posted by filthy light thief at 10:24 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


as to why Goldberg is in the film, she tried to back out for reasons unknown

Given the movies that she shot without apparent resistance, I think it is a fair question why she would have chosen this movie for reneging. Rubber dinosaur suits are way cooler than nuns' habits, and she didn't even have to wear the former. Wait -- maybe that's why . . .
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 10:27 AM on March 19, 2012


Theodore Rex, in the original pitch, was a terse political thriller equal parts Do the Right Thing and A Few Good Men, following 24 hours in a small-town police department on the coldest day of the year.

This one script became both Theodore Rex and Ice Age 2.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:27 AM on March 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


What is it with Whoopi and shitty movies. She's like the female Cuba Gooding Jr.
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:28 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


According to the wikipedia, Theodore Rex was release in 1996. Jurassic Park was released in 1993. I think we all know why people thought this was a good idea at the time.
posted by Doleful Creature at 10:29 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


At 1:10-ish, is that... is that rap with banjo?

That's not rap with a banjo, mate. This is rap with a banjo.

Actually, it's not, really. But I like it a lot.
posted by gurple at 10:30 AM on March 19, 2012


Maybe I'm crazy but the premise isn't bad, its the execution that sucks. Sci-fi comedy is difficult. Futurama gets it right but most get it wrong. With better writing David X Cohen could make you love this movie. It also helps that the puppetry is very well-done and aimed at the lucrative and uncritical family/kids movie genre.

No big mystery why Whoopi would do this. She's primarily a comedian and she's also something of sci-fi nerd (see her many years on ST:TNG). Its pretty obvious that this was a transparent cash-in from the hit Dinosaurs TV series which ended in 94. This was released right after.
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:31 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Power Nap: " Oh, if you need a followup to Theodore Rex, watch this."

Did the VHS tape of the movie come with a packet of whatever the director was smoking? 'Cause... wow.
posted by zarq at 10:33 AM on March 19, 2012


(see her many years on ST:TNG)

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME
posted by DU at 10:33 AM on March 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


According to the wikipedia, Theodore Rex was release in 1996. Jurassic Park was released in 1993. I think we all know why people thought this was a good idea at the time.

Apart from that, these are literally the dinosaurs from Dinosaurs, which went off the air in 1994. Hollywood prop rummage sale?
posted by codacorolla at 10:33 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


guys this may be the only movie I can't find poorly drawn pornography of.
posted by The Whelk at 10:34 AM on March 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


the most amazing ending sequence ever put to film

aside from the amazing rap performances, i was utterly impressed with the galaxy of sounds they got out of their yamaha general midi soundset

who'd have believed it?
posted by pyramid termite at 10:35 AM on March 19, 2012


What is it with Whoopi and shitty movies. She's like the female Cuba Gooding Jr.

I believe Chris Rock provided a partial answer at this year's Oscars:
In the world of animation, you can be anything you wanna be. If you’re a fat woman, you can play a skinny princess. If you’re a short wimpy guy, you can play a tall gladiator. If you’re a white man, you can play an Arabian prince. And if you’re a black man, you can play a donkey or a zebra.
This is in no way an excuse for Theodore Rex, but if you're a black woman who's neither a sex symbol nor an R&B singer, I bet the pickings are pretty slim.
posted by gompa at 10:35 AM on March 19, 2012 [12 favorites]


What is it with Whoopi and shitty movies. She's like the female Cuba Gooding Jr.

"I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible....However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!"

- Michael Caine, on Jaws 4: The Revenge
posted by jquinby at 10:36 AM on March 19, 2012 [21 favorites]


MetaFilter: these are literally the dinosaurs from Dinosaurs, which went off the air in 1994.
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:36 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Fuck me, Theodore Rex!?

MeFi never fails to amaze me with FPPs on nearly-forgotten dreck like Cop Rock, the Super Bowl Shuffle, and now this thing! "Great" job!

How about a post on Hobgoblins?
posted by porn in the woods at 10:39 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


And if you’re a black man, you can play a donkey or a zebra.

I get his point, but Chris Rock himself starred as a black white blood cell in the woefully underappreciated (seriously) Osmosis Jones.
posted by DU at 10:39 AM on March 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


God knows I've been seriously underappreciating it for years now.
posted by Naberius at 10:43 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


How about a post on Hobgoblins?

"Pig Liquor?"
posted by The Whelk at 10:48 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


On Sunday, Little Freel Library giveth the faith in humanity. On Monday, Megaforce Flying Motorcycle Scene taketh it away again.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:51 AM on March 19, 2012


the most amazing ending sequence ever put to film

Better than the one in Mass Effect 3, for sure.
posted by Rangeboy at 10:54 AM on March 19, 2012


No big mystery why Whoopi would do this.

Actually, the only reason she did it was to settle a massive lawsuit.
posted by Iridic at 10:58 AM on March 19, 2012 [6 favorites]


Doleful Creature: "Someone needs to make an animated GIF of that."

Mission accomplished. It's almost a seamless loop, oddly enough.
posted by brundlefly at 10:59 AM on March 19, 2012 [23 favorites]


Theodore Rex can't be bad, because it has Bud Cort in it.

<watches clip>

oh ...
posted by scruss at 11:01 AM on March 19, 2012


@brundlefly: You are my hero. I couldn't possibly favorite this any harder.

(pony request: what if a little caption popped up at the end like "INTERNET, HAHA!" or something 4chan-esque like that)
posted by Doleful Creature at 11:05 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Those of you wondering why stars would do stuff like this?

Silly, it's to give the creators of Rifftrax and MST3K something to talk about!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:06 AM on March 19, 2012


Nah, it's to give Leno material for barbless jokes at their expense when they're on promoting some prestige picture down the line.
posted by brundlefly at 11:12 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Wow - don't know what that grocery dance link makes me feel more, how much I miss Michael Jeter or did store cashiers really unload your cart for you?
posted by Mchelly at 11:16 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: expect to see some sensible fun from whoopi
posted by slogger at 11:25 AM on March 19, 2012


Mchelly: "...how much I miss Michael Jeter...."

One of the really nice things about having kids who watch Sesame Street is getting to see him at work as Mr. Noodle, (and as Mr. Noodle's brother Mr. Noodle.)
posted by zarq at 11:26 AM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


This has a distinct Howard the Duck odour to it.
posted by Fizz at 11:43 AM on March 19, 2012


(I have actually been weighing doing a Mr. Noodle / Noodle family FPP for some time...)
posted by Mchelly at 11:45 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I once interviewed Michael Cooper and asked him why he asked to be waived from the L.A. Lakers so he could play in Italy. I think his answer bears repeating.

Me: "You had just come off a season where the Lakers had the best regular-season record. Why did you want to leave that and go to Italy?"

Coop: "The money."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:53 AM on March 19, 2012


Everything is worse with Whoopi.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:18 PM on March 19, 2012


Mchelly: "(I have actually been weighing doing a Mr. Noodle / Noodle family FPP for some time...)"

Oh, please do! That would be awesome.
posted by zarq at 12:22 PM on March 19, 2012


Jonathan R. Betuel retired from directing after this film. He felt the studio didn't market it correctly.

I pity this man.
posted by deathpanels at 12:26 PM on March 19, 2012


there is no honor here

Films like this is why the WIPP exists.
posted by rough ashlar at 12:55 PM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is in no way an excuse for Theodore Rex, but if you're a black woman who's neither a sex symbol nor an R&B singer, I bet the pickings are pretty slim.

gompa, there's no reason to play the race card here. Whoopi rose to fame on the basis of her 1-woman Broadway show (which she wrote). She has won an Oscar, a Grammy, a Tony, and an Emmy. She has appeared in over 150 films. (source)

Whitey ain't holding Ms. Goldberg down.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:10 PM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


I found this gem buried in the playlist. I haven't been able to stop laughing for twenty minutes.
posted by deathpanels at 1:31 PM on March 19, 2012 [8 favorites]


Whitey ain't holding Ms. Goldberg down.

Alright then, let's play this game.

First, name a major Hollywood comedy or drama of let's say the last 20 years in which there was a black woman in a lead role. If the "lead role" is a love interest, discard it. If the "lead role" is actually one of ten in an ensemble cast, discard it. If the "lead role" is actually a Magical Negro role, discard it. If the film is overtly about race - Crash, The Color Purple, Undercover Brother, what-have-you - discard it.

Now tell me the name of a major Hollywood comedy or drama released since 1992 in which Whoopi Goldberg conceivably could have played a lead role.

This is not a lament for the squandering of her talent so much as an illustration of how few good parts there actually are in Hollywood for blacks, women, people over the age of 35, and especially black women over the age of 35.
posted by gompa at 1:50 PM on March 19, 2012 [9 favorites]


How did no one mention the cookies?
posted by Samizdata at 1:56 PM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Here's what I think of your cookies.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 2:04 PM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


gompa, there's no reason to play the race card here.

Whitey ain't holding Ms. Goldberg down.

Oh for fucks sake, are you serious? Jesus, dude. Pointing out that Whoopi Goldberg's role potential in Hollywood is limited because Hollywood specifically and deliberately would not, has not, and tragically continues not to consider a black woman for a leading role in a movie that isn't a vehicle for a pop star isn't "playing the race card," it's pointing out something factual and not being an ignorant ass who says stupid bullshit like "the race card" and "Whitey ain't holding Ms. Goldberg down" because that's easier.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 2:16 PM on March 19, 2012 [7 favorites]


gompa, what about Candyman? As far as I can remember, it wasn't explicitly about race (or that wasn't the focus, anyway), and the Candyman was undeniably a main character.
posted by deathpanels at 2:29 PM on March 19, 2012


To deathpanels The Candyman ended up covered in Bee's because he was a slave who dared to become involved in a loving consensual relationship with a white woman.

So, yeah race played a *major* part in that narrative.
posted by Faintdreams at 2:35 PM on March 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


The Candyman was also a man.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:37 PM on March 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


Now tell me the name of a major Hollywood comedy or drama released since 1992 in which Whoopi Goldberg conceivably could have played a lead role.

Playing by your rules, I come up with:

1992: A Few Good Men (replacing Demi Moore)
1993: In the Line of Fire (Rene Russo)
1996: Twister (Helen Hunt)
1997: As Good As It Gets (Helen Hunt)
2000: What Women Want (Helen Hunt), What Lies Beneath (Michelle Pfieffer)
...

All I did was go down the top 10 box office list. None of those roles specifically call for a sexy, white ingenue. That said, Whoopi Goldberg is older than those ladies listed there (e.g. three years older than Pfieffer, eight older than Hunt, 7 years older than Moore). But Russo, on the other hand, is a year older than Whoopi.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:39 PM on March 19, 2012


Virginia Madsen played the main character in Candyman. Candyman himself was the tragic villain. Kasi Lemmons was the highest-profile black female actor, playing the best friend.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:40 PM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cool Papa Bell, am I to understand that you are under the impression that Whoopi Goldberg (or any black woman not named Halle Berry) would've been allowed in the same zip code as the casting call for a role that went to Rene Russo or Michelle Pfieffer?

Riiiiight. And I hear Laurence Fishburne was this close to landing the lead in the Bourne flicks, too.
posted by gompa at 2:45 PM on March 19, 2012


Now tell me the name of a major Hollywood comedy or drama released since 1992 in which Whoopi Goldberg conceivably could have played a lead role.

Aliens vs Predator?

it's a drama to me
posted by zippy at 2:48 PM on March 19, 2012


I agree that she (and honestly, most actresses over 40 whose names don't rhyme with Beryl Sweep, but especially non-white ones) didn't get offered many high-profile roles, Hollywood being what it is. But, to be fair, Whoopi's role in Sister Act was written for Bette Midler.
posted by Mchelly at 2:51 PM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Playing by your rules, I come up with:

1992: A Few Good Men (replacing Demi Moore)
1993: In the Line of Fire (Rene Russo)
1996: Twister (Helen Hunt)
1997: As Good As It Gets (Helen Hunt)
2000: What Women Want (Helen Hunt), What Lies Beneath (Michelle Pfieffer)


Playing by "rules," you are suggesting that it is conceivable that any casting director in Hollywood placed Whoopi Goldberg in the same potential pool as any of those actresses. gompa's exercise was backwards to begin with, in that it suggested this was a possibility based in reality.

It is, of course, not. And that is the actual point. If you honestly think that there is a casting director out there who thought "well if Helen Hunt bails we can see if Whoopi Goldberg will do a RomCom with Jack Nicholson" then you are either crazy or trying very, very hard to pretend you don't know why not.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 2:55 PM on March 19, 2012 [5 favorites]


Virginia Madsen played the main character in Candyman. Candyman himself was the tragic villain. Kasi Lemmons was the highest-profile black female actor, playing the best friend.

I remember liking that movie a lot but I haven't seen it in years. It was one of those pleasant surprises, like Pumpkinhead and Jeepers Creepers, where you thought it was gonna be this cheesefest but it was actually kinda good and scary. Know what else was good like that? The Midnight Meat Train. I saw that again while flipping through movie channels the other day, and I was like hey! It's Bradley Cooper! I totally didnt notice the first time because he wasn't famous yet; The Hangover wasn't out yet. I had to google to see who Virginia Madsen was. Look at this picture. Doesn't she look like Scully from X-Files? That show was great, but re-watching it lately I have to say the years have not been kind to the old X-Files.

I guess what I'm saying is ohgodpleasenotanothermetafilterracismderailthisthreadisabout terriblemoviesforfuckssakeandthisconversationhasnothingtodowithanything
posted by Hoopo at 3:05 PM on March 19, 2012


Made in America?

Not that I don't think Hollywood is bullshit mind you.
posted by The Power Nap at 3:08 PM on March 19, 2012


Just to make sure we're not arguing in circles, is there seriously anyone here who thinks that being black isn't a disadvantage for an actor in Hollywood?

It's a huge disadvantage. Jesus, Idris Elba, a powerfully built and incredibly handsome man with great talent coming off of a critically lauded role had to move back to England in order to score the lead of a teevee show. In Hollywood he gets to play Nic Cage's sidekick.
posted by Bookhouse at 3:10 PM on March 19, 2012


Just to make sure we're not arguing in circles, is there seriously anyone here who thinks that being black isn't a disadvantage for an actor in Hollywood?

I'm not. I also want to retract my previous comment because Made In America is a Rom-Com, I didn't read the rules good enough.
posted by The Power Nap at 3:14 PM on March 19, 2012


That guy’s stream is pretty amazing. That may be the first time I’ve used that sentence.
posted by bongo_x at 3:15 PM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


OK, true confession time here. I watched all of these in preview mode and grew increasingly baffled as to how say, the closing rap sequence and the flying motorcycle dismount were supposed to relate to the scenes in which Whoopi was dealing with the rubber dinosaur. I was beginning to think this had a cast of thousands and serious continuity problems.

Starting from that (mistaken) vantage, any one of these looks pretty professional and coherent.

P.S. Trying to turn my error into insight . . . I wonder if there's a similar reason why members of the YouTube generation are forgiving of incoherence in longer-form art?
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:27 PM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


I wonder if there's a similar reason why members of the YouTube generation are

Keyboard Cat!

forgiving of incoherence

Nyan Cat!

in longer-form art?

This is the era of distraction. And I'm too old for this.
posted by zippy at 3:43 PM on March 19, 2012


I've mentioned this before, but god damn, the cast of this movie is a veritable who's who of people who were in some pretty amazing stuff in the seventies.

That cast could have made a movie that was every bit as legendary, only, you know, like, good.

I'd kinda like to see them try.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:22 PM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


guys this may be the only movie I can't find poorly drawn pornography of.

Dude, Joe Dalessandro is in this frigging thing. Go google him.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:24 PM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


a giant wisecracking space duck

How can you hate on Howard?! He was TRAPPED IN A WORLD HE NEVER MADE!
posted by sonika at 4:32 PM on March 19, 2012 [3 favorites]


> Looking back at the 1980s, I'm starting to see why Ian Curtis checked out early.

A lot of things about the '80s make a bit more sense if you consider that it's looking like the last decade when people could do anything unselfconsciously.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:48 PM on March 19, 2012 [4 favorites]


nearly-forgotten dreck like Cop Rock

I shun you and your wrongness!

In a better world Cop Rock had a million seasons and lots of spinoffs and was a tv icon, while Law and Order went off the air in seconds.
posted by winna at 6:54 PM on March 19, 2012


woefully underappreciated (seriously) Osmosis Jones.

I just watched this with my kids because my 14-yr-old had nostalgia for a movie he remembered seeing when he was six and man was it bad. Bad bad bad. And gross. It's a movie that asks what is more disgusting than a zit exploding into someone's mouth. The answer is, when the zit belongs to Bill Murray.
posted by BinGregory at 8:11 PM on March 19, 2012


That guy’s stream is pretty amazing. That may be the first time I’ve used that sentence.

Regrettably, I can't say the same.
posted by Vavuzi at 9:21 PM on March 19, 2012


Seems like it's a bit of a circular argument that Whoopi had to do it for the money, since there are so few leading roles available for black women, and yet she was able to get $7 fucking million dollars for being in this turkey. So, it's like "black female actors aren't in demand, unless they're Whoopi Goldberg, who for some reason commands top dollar, yet is relegated to starring in absolutely awful movies."

Granted, Whoopi's name certainly had a goodly amount of box office draw in those days, and I can't fault her for parlaying it for all it was worth, despite the long term consequences (get while the gettin's good) but it's still mind-boggling (though not expected) that the following events were actually allowed to take place:

1. Producers of unbelievably stupid movie woo Whoopi Goldberg for the lead role, which will take up about 15% of their total budget.
2. Whoopi actually agrees to do the movie, because paydays may be harder to come by down the road
3. She changes her mind / wakes up, and realizes that it may do irreparable harm to her career. In fact, she's willing to stake her professional reputation on pulling out, risking a lawsuit.
4. She let's it actually get to the point where she's being sued for breach of contract (which I have to imagine is borderline career suicide)
5. She agrees to do it anyway, for an extra $2 million
6. The producers actually pay it.
7. Whoopi has now been sued for breach of contract AND starred in a career-stomping movie, all for a paycheck.

Unbelievable.
posted by ShutterBun at 11:50 PM on March 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


Meanwhile Jeremy Irons managed to appear in both Dungeons and Dragons and Eragon and still have a career. Appearing in one of those looks like misfortune, in both a belief that reading a script in advance is only for amateurs. Either that or he likes dragon movies more than anyone ever should

Sister Act is my mother's favorite film. If it is ever on TV she will watch it no matter what; for some reason this has managed to endear the film to me. I think it's my mum's delight. Either that or a defense mechanism.
posted by lesbiassparrow at 4:37 AM on March 20, 2012


The best ending of any movie ever. You're welcome.
posted by wobh at 7:33 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


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