"My mom was a little mad, but my dad is OK with it."

March 21, 2012 6:57 PM

So you're a senior and prom is approaching. The last big event of your high school career, and you don't have a date. What to do? Maybe use your Twitter account to ask Internet porn stars to go with you. Alas, it turns out your school district is the enemy of fun.
posted by Flannery Culp (183 comments total)

Inspired, he spent most of January and February sending Twitter messages to about 600 celebrities, including hundreds of porn actresses.

Holy shit, I don't think I ever put that much effort into anything in high school.
posted by griphus at 7:06 PM on March 21, 2012 [29 favorites]

Be the porn star you wish to see in the world.
posted by munchingzombie at 7:12 PM on March 21, 2012 [14 favorites]

Kind of have a feeling American birthrates are going to plummet soon as the young whippersnappers seem to be increasingly associating sexuality with pixels on their computer screen.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 7:13 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

this was already a movie
posted by ninjew at 7:15 PM on March 21, 2012

Yes, ninjew. That movie was specifically referenced as the inspiration for the stunt.
posted by ShutterBun at 7:16 PM on March 21, 2012

Why is it not okay? Was she going to porn star at the prom? I don't know what that means. What's going on? Silly. Porn stars are people (nice people, apparently) too.
posted by RollingGreens at 7:16 PM on March 21, 2012

I think the school just doesn't want to play host to a porn star. Although, if that high school was anything like mine, they already are.

Also, one of my co-workers at the sex shop was a temporarily retired porn star. She was very nice.
posted by griphus at 7:19 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Be the porn star you wish to see in the world.

This advice makes me hope you don't work at a high school.
posted by karathrace at 7:19 PM on March 21, 2012

The school board would probably be embarrassed to admit that they have enjoyed some of her finer works. In any case, Mike Stone will be forever known as a legend at Tartan High.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 7:19 PM on March 21, 2012

oh Internet.. why do I never read more than 1/3rd of an article?
posted by ninjew at 7:20 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

If I were a high school principal, I'd be pretty skeptical about any celebrity who wanted to attend prom as a publicity stunt, porn star or no. But the porn angle probably isn't helping.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:22 PM on March 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

Aw, that last link was supposed to go to Oakdale Patch, not Woodbury. Mods, if you have time on your hands...
posted by Flannery Culp at 7:23 PM on March 21, 2012

Porno-Prom. PR0M for short.
posted by ob at 7:24 PM on March 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

If he manages to pull this off successfully, I hope he puts it in his CV in boldface from then on. That's going to make for some interesting job interviews...
posted by Iosephus at 7:27 PM on March 21, 2012

If I were a high school principal, I'd be pretty skeptical about any celebrity who wanted to attend prom as a publicity stunt, porn star or no.

If I were another student at the prom, I would be a little annoyed that my prom had stopped being about my prom because it had been hijacked by some guy and a porn star.

Actually, I probably wouldn't give a flying fuck, because I remember prom being pretty boring. (Getting dressed up for prom was fun. The dinner before was fun. The after party was pretty fun. Prom itself was boring.) But if I'd been the kind of person who cared about prom, I would have been irked.
posted by craichead at 7:32 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

He's 18, so he can make porn with the starlets (call it "Prom King") later that night to pay for it all.
posted by Blue Meanie at 7:32 PM on March 21, 2012

On the night of my junior prom I was roughly 300 miles away eating Chinese food in a graveyard. And this was unplanned. Life is a fucking cabaret.
posted by jonmc at 7:33 PM on March 21, 2012 [23 favorites]

The student, Mike Stone, told the Pioneer Press that, "My mom was a little mad, but my dad is OK with it."

Heh.
posted by delmoi at 7:33 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

You know what, I kind of see the school's point. I doubt the other girls attending -- putting aside the parents -- are super-psyched to see a hyper-sexualized date, whom all the boys will swiftly torrent, trotting around the gym. And it's hard to see how the school could permit this and refuse others with paid escorts.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 7:33 PM on March 21, 2012 [6 favorites]

On the night of my junior prom I was roughly 300 miles away eating Chinese food in a graveyard.

What kind of Chinese food?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:36 PM on March 21, 2012 [7 favorites]

Last weekend, porn actress Megan Piper responded via Twitter, Stone said. She said he would need to pay for her airfare from Los Angeles.

A short time later, porn star Emy Reyes also said she would be Stone's prom date.

Stone has launched a fundraising drive. A tweet from Stone on Sunday said, "Hey everyone please help me raise to buy Emy Reyes a plane ticket so she can come to my prom on May 12."

Is it weird that I am now concerned about how Ms. Piper is dealing with the rejection?
posted by neroli at 7:36 PM on March 21, 2012 [20 favorites]

If I'm reading it right that she considered the mom's embarrassment in her decision, that's sweet of her.

Yeah, high school, not a great time to bombard girls with the idea that they need to be a porn star to be popular with boys. Though maybe some high school girl should try tweeting at James Deen? I bet he likes dances.
posted by stoneandstar at 7:38 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

Sweet and Sour Chicken , IIRC. It was over 20 years ago.
posted by jonmc at 7:39 PM on March 21, 2012

On the night of my junior prom I was roughly 300 miles away eating Chinese food in a graveyard.

Unless you're a vegetarian, all Chinese food is eaten in a graveyard.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 7:44 PM on March 21, 2012 [6 favorites]

I can't believe he launched a fundraising drive. That's the part that bugs me for some reason.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:45 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

On the night of my junior prom I was roughly 300 miles away eating Chinese food in a graveyard.

Unless you're a vegetarian, all Chinese food is eaten in a graveyard.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 12:44 PM on March 22 [+] [!]

You have no idea how literally true this is
posted by DoctorFedora at 7:48 PM on March 21, 2012

Well, the school district has CYA.. even though it probably won't hurt any of the students if he's allowed to do this.
But his mom is a hater.
posted by TheKM at 7:57 PM on March 21, 2012

I didn't go to prom. I was someone's backup date.

:(
posted by deathpanels at 8:00 PM on March 21, 2012

a hyper-sexualized date, whom all the boys will swiftly torrent

No doubt many of them are already doing just that.
posted by ShutterBun at 8:00 PM on March 21, 2012 [9 favorites]

Why is it not okay? Was she going to porn star at the prom? I don't know what that means. What's going on? Silly. Porn stars are people (nice people, apparently) too.

RollingGreens, many US high schools have prom attendance rules about the age of the dates. She's 19, and would prob have needed permission to attend my prom back in 1981 (especially as I would have had to carry her in on two petri dishes).
posted by IAmBroom at 8:02 PM on March 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

He should show up the school district by arranging his own prom. How many HS seniors would rather go to a cool prom with porn stars than to the official ones? My estimate: Approximately all of them.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 8:03 PM on March 21, 2012 [9 favorites]

But if I'd been the kind of person who cared about prom, I would have been irked.

To be fair, craichead, any sentence at all could have preceded that one.
posted by IAmBroom at 8:04 PM on March 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

I can't even think of anyone in my senior class who even went to prom. We all went to Tunnel and Limelight instead. No one would have even noticed a porn star in that mess.
posted by elizardbits at 8:04 PM on March 21, 2012 [7 favorites]

I didn't go to prom (graduation) because of an email I sent around saying I was going to shoot everybody there. The principal requested I not come. And, well, I had to do my shooting somewhere, so I gotta go ahead and apologise again to all of those people who were there at the Lucky Ducks Fun Plaza on that fateful night back in...1990-something.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:05 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

How many HS seniors would rather go to a cool prom with porn stars than to the official ones?

My estimate: Half.
posted by stoneandstar at 8:07 PM on March 21, 2012 [10 favorites]

I didn't go to prom (graduation) because of an email I sent around saying I was going to shoot everybody there.

Uh, good for you?
posted by joe lisboa at 8:07 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Thanks buddy! *gunfingers*
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:09 PM on March 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

Prom was fine, but homecoming was a complete disaster.
posted by oddman at 8:17 PM on March 21, 2012

That young man will grow old, forever resenting the long-dead school official that snatched away his one chance at greatness.
posted by LarryC at 8:21 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

pr0m
posted by darkstar at 8:25 PM on March 21, 2012 [13 favorites]

Prom was fine, but homecoming was a complete disaster.

"What did the kids think about the porn star at the prom?"

"I don't know, what?"

"They all wished she was at homecoming!"
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:27 PM on March 21, 2012 [23 favorites]

"I don't get it."

"Jesus, man, home cu . . . never mind. Pass the nachos."
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:28 PM on March 21, 2012 [9 favorites]

I'm really torn. On one hand people should be allowed to bring whom ever they want to prom whether that is their long time girl friend, their cousin, the black girl across the street, their long time boyfriend or the girl from the high school across town that they've asked out for the first time. Mr. Stone just did a lot more asking and it's not like the women aren't age appropriate.

On the other hand I can see how district officials don't want their event to turn into a spectacle. They all pretty well all have a practically Reynoldian desire for things to go smooth. I'd like to beleive that if the actress was Selena Gomez instead of Megan Piper the schools reaction wouldn't be different.
posted by Mitheral at 8:33 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Wow, this is very strange. I met a girl in Nicaragua who was former-roomates with Emy Reyez, the second pornstar mentioned on the as Internet porn stars to go with you link. Hah!
posted by Buckt at 8:43 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Thanks buddy! *gunfingers*

Where I come from, gun violence at high school functions isn't a punchline on the internet. But, you're welcome, buddy.
posted by joe lisboa at 8:44 PM on March 21, 2012

Metafilter: Welcome to Serious Business
posted by indubitable at 8:46 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Looking at the women he invited, I expect that as long as they didn't show up in head-to-toe red leather or something, his fellow classmates might just figure they were college girls (if they weren't informed otherwise). I'm sure Ms. Piper and Ms. Reyes are both perfectly capable of dressing appropriately for a school dance.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 8:57 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

For some reason I would be more impressed if he tried to attend prom with a member of the national women's soccer team or a Rhodes scholar or the lead singer of a rock band.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:02 PM on March 21, 2012 [17 favorites]

This is seriously the most awesome thing I have heard in a while. Thank you.
posted by Slinga at 9:09 PM on March 21, 2012

For some reason I would be more impressed if he tried to attend prom with a member of the national women's soccer team or a Rhodes scholar or the lead singer of a rock band.

I'm guessing, however, that you aren't an 18 year old high schooler.
posted by Justinian at 9:11 PM on March 21, 2012 [20 favorites]

Had I thought of this in my high school years, and, had any of these women responded, I would have been completely respectful and chivalrous of them.

As I would have been, with anyone.
posted by SPrintF at 9:14 PM on March 21, 2012

I'm guessing, however, that you aren't an 18 year old high schooler.

I guess things have changed. While I definitely had an interest in an consumed porn in 1989, bringing a porn star to the grad dance would have been... kind of weird. Not that there is anything wrong with adult performers (it's kind of like saying you want to target retail store clerks or whatever), but one can only wonder what kind of relationships this young chap is going to have with women in the future.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:21 PM on March 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

High School principals, High School proms, and High School itself: Full of stupid rules and no fun since forever.
posted by drjimmy11 at 9:24 PM on March 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

I'm guessing, however, that you aren't an 18 year old high schooler.

I pretty much doubt that the kind of 18-year-old boy who wants to bring a porn star to prom is going to grow up into any other kind of guy later in life.

I'm sure Ms. Piper and Ms. Reyes are both perfectly capable of dressing appropriately for a school dance.

I'm certain of this as well, and had they been students of this or a neighboring high school, it would have been completely inappropriate to ban them from prom. But it's pretty obvious this was a stunt that was probably going to alienate a large number of high school students, and not due to bigotry.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:26 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Since I didn't go to my prom, I figure I have one Prom Invite Token left so if someone asked me to be thier date to the Prom and it hasn't inconvenient for me to go, then yes, yes I would totally be Your Prom Date. I have a tux, we can do this.
posted by The Whelk at 9:27 PM on March 21, 2012

I have a tux, we can do this.

I'm expecting quite the corsage. Also, I have to be home by 11:30 PM. Stupid curfew.
posted by joe lisboa at 9:29 PM on March 21, 2012

If nothing else, countless hours of teenage social hygiene films via mst3k have taught me how to put on a corsage.
posted by The Whelk at 9:31 PM on March 21, 2012 [8 favorites]

I can't even think of anyone in my senior class who even went to prom. We all went to Tunnel and Limelight instead. No one would have even noticed a porn star in that mess.

Eh. I went to those places in college a couple of times. They were disturbingly like prom, to be honest.

I'm with KokoRyu. Nothing against porn actresses at all, but in 1999, if I'd been in his position, I would have been writing up Tanya Donelly and Liz Phair. Because that's where my head was at. Though frankly, being 18 and at a prom, a pornstar close to one's own age would probably be a lot more fun to party with.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:34 PM on March 21, 2012

You know all that AskMe relationship advice you read (or give), shy guys being advised that they just need to get over their fear of rejection, rejected guys being advised that it's just a numbers game and they need to ask more people out, hurt guys being advised not to take it personally, all that stuff? This kid's twitter feed is like the reductio ad absurdum of all that advice. I find it a strangely impressive achievement.
posted by mstokes650 at 9:42 PM on March 21, 2012 [24 favorites]

Wow. There are so many things I find disturbing about this story.

Like the fact that this teenage kid knew that many porn stars by name to look the up and find their contact detains. Maybe he just googled "porn star" and went from there, but I can't imagine you can do that without seeing a lot of porn. And that makes me sad, especially because I teach loads of high school boys and see the devastation porn has wrought in their lives and relationships.

Like the fact that his dad was okay with it. Or that he waged such a massive twitter campaign of which his parents had no knowledge until he succeeded. .

But the most disturbing thing is that these women actually agreed to it. Probably as a publicity stunt, but still weird. And sad.

I just keep picturing this boy as one of my students. And I know our district would have handled it the same way - it's not fair on everyone else, whose prom would have been overshadowed by this stupid stunt.
posted by guster4lovers at 9:44 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

You know all that AskMe relationship advice you read (or give), shy guys being advised that they just need to get over their fear of rejection, rejected guys being advised that it's just a numbers game and they need to ask more people out, hurt guys being advised not to take it personally, all that stuff? This kid's twitter feed is like the reductio ad absurdum of all that advice. I find it a strangely impressive achievement.

This made me laugh because it's true.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:45 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I pretty much doubt that the kind of 18-year-old boy who wants to bring a porn star to prom is going to grow up into any other kind of guy later in life.

Come on, that's not fair. There are a very large number of dumb 18 year old boys who turn out just fine. Do you remember high school? Man people did lots of stupid shit.
posted by Justinian at 9:52 PM on March 21, 2012 [11 favorites]

"especially because I teach loads of high school boys and see the devastation porn has wrought in their lives and relationships."

Man, it's a good job not every teenage boy ever watches porn, or they'd very often have stories of devastation related to it. Or not.

Bonus protip: High school girls also watch porn. See, as mentioned above, James Deen.
posted by jaduncan at 9:54 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

I do remember high school, and the kind of guys who would have loved this story are the kind of guys who were usually sexist abusive jerks. I can remember their faces. The internet is a special place, though, I understand.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:59 PM on March 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

You know all that AskMe relationship advice you read (or give), shy guys being advised that they just need to get over their fear of rejection, rejected guys being advised that it's just a numbers game and they need to ask more people out, hurt guys being advised not to take it personally, all that stuff? This kid's twitter feed is like the reductio ad absurdum of all that advice. I find it a strangely impressive achievement.

Not really... most guys don't really want to date porn stars.

Like the fact that this teenage kid knew that many porn stars by name to look the up and find their contact detains. Maybe he just googled "porn star" and went from there, but I can't imagine you can do that without seeing a lot of porn. And that makes me sad, especially because I teach loads of high school boys and see the devastation porn has wrought in their lives and relationships.

Lolwhat? Examples?

I'd be shocked if the vast majority of teenage boys hadn't seen online porn in the past decade and a half, I imagine.
posted by delmoi at 10:02 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

I agree that most teenage boys (and a lot of teenage girls?) watch porn, but watching A LOT of porn is a different story. I've pretty much never dated a guy whose porn consumption wasn't kind of a bummer or a handicap in bed.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:04 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Jesus, there sure is a lot of judging here of an 18 year old high school kid who, as far as I can tell, hurt no one.
posted by zippy at 10:25 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

who, as far as I can tell, hurt no one

I dunno, he probably made a few girls feel like shit.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:27 PM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

I bet you weren't a teen boy. My teen years predate infinite free porn and perversion. Nonetheless, I am confident that viewing A LOT is indeed normal. Multiple times a day.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:33 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

He made his female peers feel like shit? Interesting.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:35 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Look, I know Mefi is all YayPr0n! but when the average first exposure to porn is before high school and then that's the expectation for what sex is, I see that as a problem. It sets up sex to be nothing more than a transaction. That depresses the hell out of me.

And I know a lot more boys than girls who watch porn. Or at least admit it, which makes it hard to measure. Porn for teenage girls is more likely to be romance based, rather than just sex focused.

Honestly, I just wish my kids had parents who cared enough to have "the talks" with them so they weren't using porn for all their knowledge of sex. Hell, most of them believe that they can't get pregnant the first time, and that two condoms are better than one.

This is anecdata, but it's my experience. Sorry to have offended anyone.

Apart from all that, the number of porn stars, particularly women, but men too, abused as children is enough to put me off porn forever.
posted by guster4lovers at 10:39 PM on March 21, 2012 [13 favorites]

I dunno, he probably made a few girls feel like shit.

not sure I agree with you but your username is startlingly authoritative
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 10:44 PM on March 21, 2012

I'm having trouble with the phrase loads of teenage boys in this context.
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:57 PM on March 21, 2012 [5 favorites]

I just returned from my yearly Shaker retreat and I am horrified to discover that some young men are interested in videotapes depicting sexual activity. Frankly, without knowing anything else about them I can tell they are deviants and will remain so for the rest of their adult lives. If they had any respect fot themselves or their peers they would keep these disgusting feelings bottled up inside where god intended.

Luckily, I have recently been stockpiling Androcur for other reasons. A little mixed in with the cafeteria food and we should have no problems with these young libidos around here.
posted by Winnemac at 11:06 PM on March 21, 2012 [18 favorites]

The kid has a plan:

@Karliemontana i have dinner, hotel, and ill give u a massge after the dance

posted by bbuda at 11:25 PM on March 21, 2012

Adult teenager asks another adult teenager to go to prom with him. Shocking! Oh right, it's bad because she's in the adult industry. Of course, they're both adults, as are over half the people at prom (most students turn 18 that year, right?)....

As someone who has known and even dated plenty of people in the adult industry, they are, as the cliche goes, fairly normal most of the time. I don't think she was going to give a performance at prom or anything.

If the adult or almost-adult (17) students can't handle being in the presence of a known adult actress, they have bigger problems. And of course there may be a few actresses or actors in the student body itself, so to speak...
posted by wildcrdj at 11:32 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

stupidsexyFlanders: ?

I'm not saying that teenage boys don't watch A LOT of porn, just that there's a difference between being like, "hey, everybody watches porn, no big deal," and realizing that a lot of exposure to very unrealistic porn can fuck up your personal relationships and lead to sexual dissatisfaction. And that this happening a lot doesn't disprove that it's an issue.

I watch porn, I follow porn stars on Tumblr and Twitter. So do my male and female friends. But they have the respect for other people not to drag it into their day-to-day public lives.

Also I'm pretty sure no one is trying to put the kibosh on male libidos. As a sentient person, I am made pretty constantly aware that male libido makes the world go 'round.

He made his female peers feel like shit?

Just sayin'. Almost much no one in this thread remembers that there were girls in high school, apparently.
posted by stoneandstar at 11:34 PM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]

Haha, I'm reading his Twitter now. Oh, the poor, suppressed heterosexual penis. When will we see a day that you will never not be pandered to?
posted by stoneandstar at 11:37 PM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

@Karliemontana I mighta said yes till I saw u ask 5 other pornstars lol

Too funny
posted by KokuRyu at 11:39 PM on March 21, 2012 [6 favorites]

When will we see a day that you will never not be pandered to?

I'm sorry, it's been a very long day, and I fell into the end of that sentence and now I can't get out by myself and I'm trying not to think about why my foot is all sticky. Please send help or an interpreter.
posted by gingerest at 12:23 AM on March 22, 2012

Never... not? Always?
posted by stoneandstar at 12:37 AM on March 22, 2012

I can't blame the kid for trying, any more than I can blame the district for saying "no." I'm fine with porn (even more than fine), but it would be kind of ridiculous if the school had allowed this.
posted by Edgewise at 12:42 AM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Also I'm pretty sure no one is trying to put the kibosh on male libidos. As a sentient person...

I think a sentient being on planet Earth would recognise that "putting the kibosh" on sexuality has actually been a major fixation of many cultures around the globe for a very long time. If there wasn't, this post would have no reason to even exist. Heck, in your very post you talk about how it is disrespectful or wrong to publically associate with or discuss people in the sex business. That's pretty textbook stuff.
posted by Winnemac at 12:43 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's hard enough to get kids to feel OK about their own bodies and to treat them responsibly. For that last big school dance, for the official "OK, now you're on your own!" event, do you really want to fly in Lana Landingstrip and Rod McFlufferfodder fresh from making their latest no-condoms video about fucking a stranger up her bleached ass and squirting sperm in her eye?

Also, I wonder if daddy would have been so approving if it had been his daughter or son inviting a male porn star? "Mom, Dad, this is Harry Bearington. [*smooch*] Harry is taking me to the prom and then we're going out after! See you in the morning! [*squeal!*] "
posted by pracowity at 12:48 AM on March 22, 2012 [9 favorites]

Omg this is just like when my high school was all atwitter because the bitchy girl from Laguna Beach was going to be at our Winter Formal.
posted by book 'em dano at 12:52 AM on March 22, 2012

Wow. There are so many things I find disturbing about this story.
Like the fact that this teenage kid knew that many porn stars by name to look the up and find their contact detains.

These are the days of self promotion via 'social networking'. Like me, friend this - it would not shock me if I were to visit the site of any porn video producer you'd have the links to the facebook/twitter accounts as little clickable graphic links.
posted by rough ashlar at 1:16 AM on March 22, 2012

I never said it was wrong to publicly associate with or discuss people in the sex business. In fact, I remarked that I do so. My friends have taken pictures for pornographic websites. We talk about it all the time. But there are times when advertising your interest in pornography is inappropriate. At work, for instance, it can be sexual harassment, or contribute to a hostile environment. The same could be said at school.

If he weren't allowed to bring his girlfriend to prom because she was a porn actress, I'd be on your side. But since he invited hundreds of porn actresses to prom, I have a feeling this is more about making a spectacle, which is inappropriate. If he and his porn actress girlfriend wanted to go to prom together to party it up like the rest of the teenagers, I'd personally see no problem-- but this is about her being a (pretty much random) porn actress, not a person. @Karliemontana knows what I'm talking about.

"putting the kibosh" on sexuality has actually been a major fixation of many cultures around the globe for a very long time

Hey, you're right, but when you add the keyword "male," it becomes a different story. America loves pandering to male sexuality. It gets the attention of the most coveted demographic. You can't go a day without seeing images designed to titillate heterosexual men. Pornography is on the whole hugely skewed toward a male audience. Sure, plenty of religions are down on promiscuity generally, but where this is true women typically get the short end of the stick (beaten, raped, shamed, sold, killed). And forgive me for questioning that bringing a porn star to prom is the antidote.

Yeah, I agree, pracowity. If this were about putting the kibosh on "sex," prom would be banned. I wouldn't have wanted to be reminded as a teenager at prom that the standard for an awesome date is one who enthusiastically engages in degradation fantasies (without getting paid). And it says a lot about male privilege that he's getting applause from his classmates and approval from his father, instead of being called a slut and grounded from prom (or being called a fag/dyke and enduring hate crimes). And honestly it doesn't even make sense for a girl to invite a male porn star, because most male porn stars aren't paid to act like the world revolves around validating female sexuality. Female porn stars are experts at making men feel macho and potent.

Porn has very little to do with actual sex, everyone knows that, right?
posted by stoneandstar at 1:29 AM on March 22, 2012 [16 favorites]

But since he invited hundreds of porn actresses to prom, I have a feeling this is more about making a spectacle, which is inappropriate.

And how many actresses are going to say yes? All of em? Or just a few?

Spam gets a poor response rate, yet how many 100's of spam messages are sent each day trying to get the poor response rate?

Asking 100's is just trying to get a yes by volume.
posted by rough ashlar at 1:37 AM on March 22, 2012

Duh, but what I'm saying is he invited a porn actress in her capacity as porn actress, not because they were dating or in a relationship or even because he really really liked her as a celebrity.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:47 AM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

I've pretty much never dated a guy whose porn consumption wasn't kind of a bummer or a handicap in bed.

Odd, I've pretty much never dated a guy whose porn consumption was any kind of issue. We must have different taste in guys.
posted by jacalata at 2:08 AM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

I lied, I've dated two guys who didn't have porn issues. I'm still dating one of them. But despite what you're implying, my taste is pretty broad, so instead maybe you're lucky?
posted by stoneandstar at 2:11 AM on March 22, 2012

Sorry, I don't actually know that that was intended to be rude. I take that back, if you'll accept the apology. But I meant to say that I've never seen any correlation with personality. (Actually the least compatible guy I've ever been with was really disinterested in porn, but I think that was because he had some really deep fetishes going on.)
posted by stoneandstar at 2:22 AM on March 22, 2012

I'm kind of wondering what other kinds of law abiding people a high school student shouldn't invite to the prom. Blacks? Gays? Irish? Depending on era and the place, someone who is in the "wrong" group is going to cause offense simply because of how they are perceived: as violent, as amoral, as corrupting our youth.

OK, we know it would be wrong to exclude someone on the basis of being gay, or black, or Irish. So ... why should we treat people who have sex for a living as untouchables in this context? Is it their celebrity? Is it that they have the wrong kind of sex? Is it that their morals offend some?
posted by zippy at 2:26 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

Not to say inviting a celebrity to a prom, or a porn star to an underage event, is the brightest of ideas. I'm more interested in the severe kinds of judgement being passed on the high school kid who came up with this idea.
posted by zippy at 2:28 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't really get how this is a problem. Fine, I understand that it's a problem for high school administrators, for whom everything is apparently a problem. But other than that, I'm surprised anyone is particularly against this.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 3:08 AM on March 22, 2012

I missed my prom
I was at Braum's
posted by item at 3:10 AM on March 22, 2012

zippy: OK, we know it would be wrong to exclude someone on the basis of being gay, or black, or Irish. So ... why should we treat people who have sex for a living as untouchables in this context? Is it their celebrity? Is it that they have the wrong kind of sex? Is it that their morals offend some?

For me, it's the fact that it's a celebrity from the other side of the country, whom he's never met. This is clearly about making a spectacle, not about the particular individual that the school board are unhappy with him bringing - the way the fella conducted his recruitment campaign pretty much proves that it's not about the individual from his perspective either. I'd feel the same way regardless of who the person that agreed was - porn star, hollywood actor/actress, tv personality, I don't care. You've kinda missed the point of the event if you're flying someone marginally famous out, whom you've never even met before.
posted by Dysk at 3:48 AM on March 22, 2012 [4 favorites]

Having this particular individual with him at prom is clearly not important to the guy - otherwise, why'd he invite the other 599 women first? So why is he so upset at this individual not being allowed to accompany him?

Oh right, it's not about her, as a person. It's about him, and sending a message to everyone else. Yeah, that's not what prom is for.
posted by Dysk at 3:51 AM on March 22, 2012 [6 favorites]

I am a big yay porn person, but in the abstract. Pretty influenced by DFW's essay on the porn industry. There's a trend towards more degrading porn, and I wonder if this is a function of the internet (seeing mere fucking is pedestrian; see a woman DP'd -- whether it be anal/vagina or two penises in the vagina -- well, hey, that's something.

I can see a reasonable school official thinking about this and saying "no, let's not."

Maybe I'm just annoyed because I was jacking it to Anais Nin back in the day. I also didn't go to prom. Now get off my lawn.
posted by angrycat at 4:38 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

"This is clearly about making a spectacle"

Isn't that essentially what a prom is?
posted by Blue_Villain at 4:54 AM on March 22, 2012 [4 favorites]

He was probably hoping one of the 600 celebrities would turn it around on him, a la Taylor Swift, and invite him to some cool awards things instead.
posted by orme at 4:55 AM on March 22, 2012

Update, with video. Apparently Mike's mom is now on board and even went to the school administrators on his behalf. "It's not like they're going to have sex there or make a movie. I bet if his date were someone like Mariah Carey, though, they would have paid to fly her here."
posted by Flannery Culp at 5:05 AM on March 22, 2012

Like the fact that this teenage kid knew that many porn stars by name to look the up and find their contact details.

I feel like this is pretty hilariously naive of you, tbh.
posted by elizardbits at 5:27 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm baffled by those who are baffled at the problem.

1. Yes, his behavior is likely to make him a hero among some of his classmates -- yay, copycat dateless porn guy! -- but what makes a student a class hero isn't what guides parents or school administrators.

2. Yes, she has a right to practice her craft, and no, she is not an untouchable because of her profession; however, she was selected because of her profession, and he has pursued her as such, and has sought the notoriety of being the dude who brings a porn star to the prom.

3. No, that he has selected her because of what she symbolizes does not make her just like every other prom date. Student do perform roles, and those roles are influenced by what roles they perceive in the wider world; there may well be girls at that school who emulate porn stars. That said, bringing her in as a date -- again, as such, not *just* as herself, but as a certain kind of performer -- is intended to celebrate a particular idealization of women that sends a very strong signal to coeds.

4. Possible reactions by girls include, but are not limited to: (a) there goes the star of this prom, all the boys are staring at her and talking about her sexual performances, that's fine for her but I will forge my own identity; (b) there goes the star of this prom, all the boys are staring at her and talking about her sexual performances, slut; (c) there goes the star of this prom, all the boys are staring at her and talking about her sexual performances, maybe that says something about how I should be presenting myself.

I think (b) and (c) are regrettable and a needless cost to an event that is lame in many regards, but that a lot of kids genuinely enjoy.

P.S. "Homecoming." Heh heh heh.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 5:32 AM on March 22, 2012 [6 favorites]

Man, if I had the money, first thing I'd do is buy up airtime on some national shows and run a bunch of PSAs with a simple message:

Are you a highschooler? Are you planning something wacky? Great! Don't tell anyone. Not a soul. Not your best friend. Definitely not Facebook. Just do it. Chances are no one will care. If they do care, you'll already have made an entrance and have been immortalized for doing your wacky thing. Either way, it's way easier to get forgiveness than permission.
posted by Mayor West at 5:36 AM on March 22, 2012 [12 favorites]

How awesome would it be if the actress took him to the AVN awards instead?
posted by Renoroc at 5:40 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

3. he has selected her because of what she symbolizes

Ha... I see what you did there.

(No, seriously. You are aware that stereotypes exist in the world without the help of porn, right? And that relatively normal people sometimes date other relatively people for a number of reasons, including the concept of symbolization. I won't be providing specific examples, relatively normal people should be able to provide their own. If you or your loved ones cannot do this please seek help immediately.)
posted by Blue_Villain at 5:54 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

the kind of guys who would have loved this story are the kind of guys who were usually sexist abusive jerks.

And if you think about it, if she did show up, all those guys would have been following her around with glazed expressions, like a big gangly pack of clumsy puppies, which would serve to contain them in one spot conveniently out of everyone else's way.

And actually....that would give the more ordinary guys -- the ones who always want to ask the girls out but the aggressive guys shoulder them out of the way -- a chance at long last, and the girls - who now have a bit of a guy shortage -- might say yes.

Except the ordinary guys would be asking out the ordinary girls - which would make the ordinary guys look even cooler, because of the whole "wait, you're interested in ME than you are a porn star?....wow, cool" factor.

*thinks*

I may be on to a film treatment here. I'm gonna go to my office.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:59 AM on March 22, 2012 [10 favorites]

I think you could've gotten away with this at my senior prom. The dead horse they chose to beat that year was keeping students younger than juniors out of the prom. I don't think the senior who had been dating the sophomore for two years got to bring her date, but I brought someone from a completely different school (my best friend, a girl!) and some girl brought a dude who looked at least 35.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:37 AM on March 22, 2012

Is Traci Lords on Twitter? My school reunion is just around the corner.
posted by Ritchie at 6:39 AM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Oh right, it's not about her, as a person. It's about him, and sending a message to everyone else.

OK, got it. The culture as sung about in the Yuppie Opera:

Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi
I do not care a bout you.

Yeah, that's not what prom is for.

Then why the king/queen of prom? Is that tradition all about how some people should just be royalty and they rest of common rabble? Is that tradition about enforcing how some people are just naturally your betters?
posted by rough ashlar at 6:50 AM on March 22, 2012

I just feel bad for the women that got invited and considered going; they're the ones really getting the shaft.
posted by inigo2 at 6:52 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

I may be on to a film treatment here. I'm gonna go to my office.

The porn version - the big porn star doesn't get laid but all the 'regular folk' do.
posted by rough ashlar at 6:52 AM on March 22, 2012 [4 favorites]

3. he has selected her because of what she symbolizes

Ha... I see what you did there.

(No, seriously. You are aware that stereotypes exist in the world without the help of porn, right? And that relatively normal people sometimes date other relatively people for a number of reasons, including the concept of symbolization. I won't be providing specific examples, relatively normal people should be able to provide their own. If you or your loved ones cannot do this please seek help immediately.)

My point was to acknowledge this, but to say that not all instances of symbolization were on the same footing, nor do they need to be countenanced at a school-sponsored activity. He and his porn star date can get busy in the bushes for all I care; they can even choose my bushes. They can date and he can broadcast it to the world. But the school has a legitimate interest in regulating its activity so as to make it age-appropriate and pleasant for all guests, and shouldn't be cowed by casual suggestions that everyone plays a role and performs a stereotype.

Incendiary example: I believe that a HS teacher and a student can (and do) date and fall in love; I believe that the teacher is in some sense simply representing education and authority and adulthood in ways not dissimilar to *any* older partner. But regardless of what they do on their own time, I would support a school's decision to say that they should not be going as dates to the prom.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 7:09 AM on March 22, 2012

How awesome would it be if the actress took him to the AVN awards instead?

I'd prefer the nerdy porn star who would take me to WonderCon, hang out with Wil Wheaton (in a Gallifreyan corset dress complete with sonic screwdriver), and has cosplayed as her (also nerdy) stage name.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:11 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

Duh, but what I'm saying is he invited a porn actress in her capacity as porn actress, not because they were dating or in a relationship or even because he really really liked her as a celebrity.

Really how is this any different than any date that is the physical attraction? If a guy askes a girl out he saw in a coffee shop it's all about how someone looks rather than a relationship or because he really like her personality.

Like the fact that this teenage kid knew that many porn stars by name to look the up and find their contact detains. Maybe he just googled "porn star" and went from there, but I can't imagine you can do that without seeing a lot of porn.

It's really easy to get an extensive list of porn stars without seeing anything titlating. Search wikipedia for adult performer. It seems unlikely that is the approach he took but it is possible.

I dunno, he probably made a few girls feel like shit.

Unless a classmate asked him and was turned down because of his plan why should they feel like shit. And in fact for all you know he may have asked a dozen classmates and been rejected each time before embarking on his quest.
posted by Mitheral at 7:25 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

do you really want to fly in Lana Landingstrip and Rod McFlufferfodder fresh from making their latest no-condoms video about fucking a stranger up her bleached ass and squirting sperm in her eye?

Well, to be fair, Karlie Montana is known mostly for girl-girl stuff that borders on softcore.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:44 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

How awesome would it be if the actress took him to the AVN awards instead?

I thought the same thing but realized it would only be awesome until the poor boy exploded.

Tweeting 600 porn stars is one thing; being in the same room with lots of them at the same time is another.

Actually, such an experience, if it's anything like their gay equivalent, would probably be a valuable peek at the wizard behind the curtain for the kid; the hot air ballon is still neat but you realize the magic isn't quite as seamless as you may have thought.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:51 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Everyone here needs to admit that they have a problem with this kid because he cheated the system that was meant to keep him in line.

We don't have a problem with her coming to the prom if she and he were dating right? But we do have a problem since he just emailed her. Why is that? Is it because he didn't go about it "the right way"?

I say let the kid have the experience. I also think it won't be what he thought it would be.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 7:52 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Think for a minute how you'd feel if one of your wedding guests pulled such a stunt. Personally, I'd feel upstaged and like shit because my wedding is about me and my partner, not some dude trying to get attention through a celebrity.

Of course a prom is not a wedding, but to a teenage girl it might feel nearly as special since they're not old enough to appreciate what marriage is really about. It's a night to get dressed up and feel good about yourself and dance with someone special and have fun and feel like you're entering another stage of your life. When you think about it, it's not much different from a wedding at all, except for the vows and commitment part. The focus shouldn't be on one particular guest because of their chosen occupation.
posted by desjardins at 7:53 AM on March 22, 2012 [5 favorites]

Yeah, I've never been to AVN but I worked a number of dudes who went regularly as vendors (it's an award ceremony but there's also a tradeshow aspect.) From the stories I heard, it's really just an absolutely epicenter of sketchiness that can probably mess up a teenage boy a whole lot more than just watching porn ever could. I figure it's a lot like going to a meat processing plant. It's one thing to watch sausage get made if you're in the industry, or want to be in the industry. Otherwise, it's probably going to be off-putting and mildly disturbing.
posted by griphus at 7:58 AM on March 22, 2012

I, for one, am shocked and outraged that someone would dare do anything that could potentially make a mockery of a high school prom.
posted by broadway bill at 8:20 AM on March 22, 2012 [6 favorites]

lol

sausages
posted by elizardbits at 8:25 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Stunts like this just distract from the true purpose of Prom, celebrating the peak of your success and happiness until you slowly descend into a fifty odd year slough of failure and dashed dreams.
posted by The Whelk at 8:37 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

It is interesting how some are trotting out the old disruptive to other students angle. I seem to remember a time when that was pretty seriously condemned in these parts.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 8:43 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

I am so, so glad that all throughout my teenage years I had older friends and teachers and so on who gave me incredulous looks and then laughed when I asked if high school was the best time of one's life like the TV kept trying to tell me.
posted by griphus at 8:49 AM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

If he would have kept his mouth shut, he could have had the date, taken pictures and been a celebrity, too. This way, he gets the celebrity, BUT NO DATE WITH A PORN STAR!!!!
posted by Mental Wimp at 9:13 AM on March 22, 2012

(flicks through muddy copy of Penthouse, 1983 vintage, wondering what this "Twitter" thing is)
posted by porn in the woods at 9:17 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think he should get to hang out with the porn star after all, if only because I believe it will play out like one of those "VIP Passes get you into the show and AFTERWARDS, party BACKSTAGE with THE BAND!!! Contest!" type things where it sounds like it's going to be super awesome, and then it's just you and your friend kinda sittin around nursing a beer with a handful of dudes who, while might be personable, are pretty much just regular dudes who just got off of work.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:21 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

There was no age thing at our school; I took an Air Force pilot. (Which, by Catholic Girl School standards *was* a porn star.) Nobody had to know it was my best friend's older brother...shush, you. He wore his full dress uniform, and was tall and handsome and, unfortunately, a complete and total gentleman. Damn the luck.
posted by dejah420 at 9:32 AM on March 22, 2012

And if you think about it, if she did show up, all those guys would have been following her around with glazed expressions, like a big gangly pack of clumsy puppies, which would serve to contain them in one spot conveniently out of everyone else's way.

And actually....that would give the more ordinary guys -- the ones who always want to ask the girls out but the aggressive guys shoulder them out of the way -- a chance at long last, and the girls - who now have a bit of a guy shortage -- might say yes.

Except the ordinary guys would be asking out the ordinary girls - which would make the ordinary guys look even cooler, because of the whole "wait, you're interested in ME than you are a porn star?....wow, cool" factor.

*thinks*

I may be on to a film treatment here. I'm gonna go to my office.

And all those Nice Guys will finally get the female attention they deserve, because they are nice, attentive boys who really care about a girl's feelings, not like those JOCKS who just do things to get into girls pants, and those girls will finally realize that someone who truly cares about them has been here along and bestow poontang upon them.

If they don't, of course, they are just sluts and bitches, and just love dating guys who don't respect them like Nice Guys do.
posted by Snyder at 10:36 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Uh....Snyder, where did you see that I disparage jocks?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:39 AM on March 22, 2012

Everyone here needs to admit that they have a problem with this kid because he cheated the system that was meant to keep him in line.

This is hilarious. Everyone here needs to admit that they're calling this guy their personal hero because of their inability to think about anything besides their boner, and that this thread is mostly male because a majority of women probably don't even want to deal with stupid-ass shit like this. Funny how prom actually does seem to be the most important thing in the world to a certain group of middle-aged and 20-something men on Metafilter.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:42 AM on March 22, 2012 [4 favorites]

There's more projection in this thread than a multiplex on a Saturday night.
posted by griphus at 10:42 AM on March 22, 2012 [11 favorites]

Uh....Snyder, where did you see that I disparage jocks?

I'm just riffing on the theme. Michael Terracciano is my other major source.
posted by Snyder at 10:46 AM on March 22, 2012

I can't blame the kid for trying, any more than I can blame the district for saying "no." I'm fine with porn (even more than fine), but it would be kind of ridiculous if the school had allowed this.
posted by Edgewise at 12:42 AM on March 22 [1 favorite −] [!]

Also, I'm gonna quote Edgewise here. Needs to be seen again.

I can see the idea of inviting a porn star would be bit of a larf, and it doesn't make him some damaged, selfish male, but the idea that the school should be cool with paid escorts (in the literal sense, not the back page of an alt. weekly sense,) who are there solely for notoriety that the student doesn't even know personally, is kind of goofy.
posted by Snyder at 10:50 AM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

A friend of mine's daughter got stood up for the prom, and he contemplated phoning up the boy's dad, who is a friend. He settled on finding a Marine from the nearby base to take his daughter to the prom in dress uniform. Luckily for his daughter, the school has sort of weird security screening system for all outside guests, so it was too late to arrange the Marine escort. I don't know what the daughter did about the prom in the end.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:52 AM on March 22, 2012

For God's sake, it's funny. Jesus.

-a woman on Metafilter
posted by sugarbomb at 10:55 AM on March 22, 2012 [5 favorites]

Thinking it's funny and thinking it's, like, a human rights issue are two separate attitudes. I think it's a little funny, tbh.
posted by stoneandstar at 11:01 AM on March 22, 2012

(flicks through muddy copy of Penthouse, 1983 vintage, wondering what this "Twitter" thing is)
posted by porn in the woods at 12:17 PM on March 22

Eponysterical!
posted by Gelatin at 11:16 AM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Thinking it's funny and thinking it's, like, a human rights issue are two separate attitudes.

To be clear I am not equating the issue I am equating the arguments made against allowing it. I had hoped I was clear about that. For the record this guy is not my hero but neither is he the the sexist abusive jerk one might remember from high school. He is just some very young adult trying to figure out the world. I can't really think of a way to prevent this that doesn't also prevent other couples from going as well and I don't think we should do that. I understand that some other people at his school may be uncomfortable with their presence but I don't think that is reason enough to bar anyone from the event. I think we need to a better job as a society of teaching our young adults to accept that others will be in your life at times and you may not like or respect them personally but we all have to work together.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 11:25 AM on March 22, 2012

(flicks through muddy copy of Penthouse, 1983 vintage, wondering what this "Twitter" thing is)
posted by porn in the woods at 12:17 PM on March 22

"Four years! I've been waiting four years for this thread!"
posted by zombieflanders at 11:29 AM on March 22, 2012 [6 favorites]

The Violet Cypher: I can't really think of a way to prevent this that doesn't also prevent other couples from going as well and I don't think we should do that.

Well, there is the system the school appears to be using - discretionary case-by-case treatment, rather than hard and fast rules. It seems to have worked pretty well - it's prevented the kid bringing his porn star date, and no-one else has been barred...
posted by Dysk at 11:47 AM on March 22, 2012

I think we need to a better job as a society of teaching our young adults to accept that others will be in your life at times and you may not like or respect them personally but we all have to work together.

Yeah, but when it comes to the environments that we're preparing our daughters to go out into "work together" all too often means "what men want". Young women in this society are constantly bombarded with negative messages about their self-worth. I just wish they could catch a break every now and then. If a high school boy has to endure a little unfairness to make things a little better for highs school girls, I'm not mad at that. Not that I think the school board is thinking along those lines at all. Even if they're just having a "porn is yucky" moment, they've inadvertently done the young ladies of that school a favor.

I don't think his action should be banned, because I'm not a fan of using rules as a replacement for judgement. I just hope someone in this young man's life makes an attempt to educate him as to some of the greater ramifications of his actions.

I have no problem with porn or the people who make it. But I'm no big fan of the spread of porn culture into places where it doesn't need to be.
posted by billyfleetwood at 11:59 AM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

I am guessing that they didn't set up the policy Dysk mentioned some time in the past just in case some kid ever found a way to bring a porn star. Something tells me that this policy was instituted some time in the past when it was most likely used to keep out some other form of "undesirables". I can't say I would ever support that.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 12:05 PM on March 22, 2012

He is just some very young adult trying to figure out the world

Lack of taste is lack of taste. I'm pretty young (less than five years out of high school), and my fellow high school seniors were usually not caught up in sentimental coming-of-age dramas. I'm not saying he's a criminal, but when I think back to high school I can think of quite a few other guys who would have been vocally annoyed by this kind of thing, and not because they were straight-laced or religious (because they weren't.) There is less innocence involved than you think (and more eating disorders and body insecurity and sexual vulnerability). Eighteen isn't too young to be disabused of your dumb notions.

I think the equation of porn with sex is what makes people think this is a big deal. Porn isn't sex, though. The vast majority of mainstream porn is the depiction of degradation of women. You can jerk off to that, that's fine, sexuality is complicated. But a lot of women don't want to think about that when they're going to high school, or a high school dance, or at work, &c. It's a rude reminder of your social inequality in terms of what society thinks you're worth. Sure, you can't protect everyone all the time, but it seems like that should be a little more deserving of respect.

I feel bad for men who think that sexuality actually is women fawning over them, lesbians making out for a camera, moaning with pleasure when they're slapped in the vulva, and pretending to orgasm at the sight of a man's cum shot. But then when they start acting like it's their inalienable right to have this served to them on a silver platter, I stop.

And okay dude, we get it. Keeping anyone out of prom ever is a crime against humanity. Keeping a rapist out of prom is wrong because the right to keep people out of prom can be abused. Everyone has a right to go to any prom they want. If you're not at a prom now, you're frankly out of order.
posted by stoneandstar at 12:15 PM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Kid is chubby, wears hunting camo and is into stock car racing. I foresee a long drought, accompanied by the tantalizing mirage of internet porn for the next few years of his life.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:19 PM on March 22, 2012

Stoneandstar When the hell did I say that a rapist should go to a prom?? Also for that matter when did I say that porn had anything to do with sex? I don't even think I defended porn at all. Also please point to the place where I defended his actions.

For the record I think he is not going to do himself any favors by randomly inviting porn stars to his prom and I would have cautioned him against it.

I also do worry about the increasing sexualization of children and the lack of proper education to protect them against it.

You guys are arguing with someone...It just isn't me.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 12:54 PM on March 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Well, that I can agree with. I just think that there are policies on the books for a wide variety of reasons-- it's definitely possible that they would be abused to keep a gay or lesbian student from bringing a same-sex date to prom, which is indefensible. But there are also plenty of good reasons to keep someone from attending a high school function.

I'm definitely not mad at this kid for "cheating a system" that "kept him in line," so I don't really know who you're arguing with either.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:20 PM on March 22, 2012

TheVioletCypher: Something tells me that this policy was instituted ... to keep out some other form of "undesirables". I can't say I would ever support that.
I can't really think of a way to prevent this that doesn't also prevent other couples from going.
I understand that some other people at his school may be uncomfortable with their presence but I don't think that is reason enough to baranyone from the event.

emphasis added. You didn't mention rapists, but you made a lot of arguments against 'ever' banning 'anyone' from the event. So I guess what you actually meant was to argue against 'now' banning 'this guest' from the event, while allowing that there are potential guests that the school could legitimately feel the need to bar from attending, and that you would support them in doing so?
posted by jacalata at 1:39 PM on March 22, 2012

I also do worry about the increasing sexualization of children and the lack of proper education to protect them against it.

I would say it's a worry as a parent of two sons, one of whom is heading towards puberty.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:09 PM on March 22, 2012

Also, I wonder if daddy would have been so approving if it had been his daughter or son inviting a male porn star? "Mom, Dad, this is Harry Bearington. ..."

BRB, retconning my high school prom
posted by en forme de poire at 2:12 PM on March 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

Wow the parsing of my words is getting mighty fine in here.

Stoneandstar- I think you and I are not that far apart on this. The system I am referring to is patriarchy and I am thinking you are no fan of it either.

jacolata - I don't think I said that no one ever should be barred. I said that I would never support a policy that is designed to keep out the socially undesirables. The kind of policy that might have been used once to keep out mixed race couples or more recently mixed sex couples. Kind of a huge leap from that to bring on the rapists.

KokuRyu- I don't think one has to be a parent to care about how children are raised to be strong and stable adults. I hope you teach your children to grow up to be strong, stable, and not to take it personally if someone online refers to them as chubby or ridicules their fashion choices.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 2:22 PM on March 22, 2012

Well, there is the system the school appears to be using - discretionary case-by-case treatment, rather than hard and fast rules. It seems to have worked pretty well - it's prevented the kid bringing his porn star date, and no-one else has been barred

That's only working pretty well if you believe Mr. Stone's date should be excluded. If you don't then it's a capricious and unfair.
posted by Mitheral at 2:34 PM on March 22, 2012

I hope you teach your children to grow up to be strong, stable, and not to take it personally if someone online refers to them as chubby or ridicules their fashion choices.

Sure, but while doing that I might mention that being presentable may help your dating prospects, so that you might actually have an easier time finding a date to the prom. Seriously, hunting camo?
posted by KokuRyu at 7:25 PM on March 22, 2012

I do remember high school, and the kind of guys who would have loved this story are the kind of guys who were usually sexist abusive jerks. I can remember their faces.

How many HS seniors would rather go to a cool prom with porn stars than to the official ones?
My estimate: Half.

I've pretty much never dated a guy whose porn consumption wasn't kind of a bummer or a handicap in bed.

This is hilarious. Everyone here needs to admit that they're calling this guy their personal hero because of their inability to think about anything besides their boner

Lack of taste is lack of taste.
I feel bad for men who think that sexuality actually is women fawning over them...But then when they start acting like it's their inalienable right to have this served to them on a silver platter, I stop.

I don't actually think the school board was out of line in this case. They already had rules on the books and this could plausibly could have turned into a debacle. The level of scorn you're heaping on this kid and some members of the site aren't justified though. You've made it pretty clear that your real issue isn't some kid, but dissatisfaction that lot if men have sexual preferences that you don't want them to have (like having women fawning over them, although disinterested women would make pretty lousy fantasy I expect) and would rather they get in line with your own preferences.

In that context, it makes sense that you're upset with the kid, but it's still pretty lousy. Here's some kid who knows what he likes and isn't ashamed to admit it, and you're here heaping the shame back on him under the justification of superior victimhood. The kid will probably gain plenty of shame in the next few years, but for now he really doesn't have to justify his fantasy date to anyone.
posted by Winnemac at 12:49 AM on March 23, 2012 [4 favorites]

Uh, thanks for the psychoanalysis. Bringing a porn star to prom is already scorn. It implies all the scorn of a society that has produced a gigantic porn industry based on the degradation of women. Beating, choking, and raping women (this is very popular, maybe you've noticed?), and completely perverting the idea of female pleasure. Sorry, but that's what it is. That's how I feel about it.

Yes, I would prefer it if men that I dated didn't assume I wanted to be degraded in bed because that's what they jerk off to and where they learned about sex. I would prefer it if they learned how to eat pussy from those videos, at least. I would prefer it if they didn't express ambivalence about the fact that I'm not hairless, or that I don't want come on my face, or to be fucked in the ass without prelude. I would prefer not to be reminded of these standards at work, or at school, or at a hypothetical prom.

I'm very sure that a huge number of my female classmates would have been devastated if someone pulled this stunt at my high school. And a lot of them probably would have felt uncomfortable and like they couldn't say anything at the risk of pissing off their boyfriend or being "uncool." Fuck this "kid" (who, by the way, is practically my peer), he's going to be able to say what he wants about women for the rest of his life. I don't really care if people call me bitter or angry in this dead thread.
posted by stoneandstar at 1:45 AM on March 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

Seriously though, almost no one else here who was taking this seriously (because there were other people arguing with me, I'm just the bitch) even mentioned high school girls, who are most likely half of his senior class. Why do I have to indulge this guy's weird sexual thing out of pity, when it was probably hurting girls just as vulnerable as him? He could have asked musicians or actresses. In the unlikely event that it was permitted, male and female students could have gotten pumped about that. I would have cheered him on.

But he didn't, and the girls at that high school already have to deal with the lionizing of some guy who was brave and macho enough to value a woman for her perceived sexual availability. A bald eagle, shedding tears of joy.
posted by stoneandstar at 2:24 AM on March 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Bringing a porn star to prom is already scorn.

Who's scorning who?
posted by mek at 2:28 AM on March 23, 2012

Unless this guy really thinks girls are going to be excited about this, he doesn't care about their comfort level at prom. He mostly cares about looking awesome because he snagged a date who does all kinds of freaky shit.
posted by stoneandstar at 2:39 AM on March 23, 2012

Oh, and glancing at his Twitter, I see he RT'ed a comment about the administrators at his school being "dried up old cunts." Clearly, he's incapable of scorn.
posted by stoneandstar at 2:44 AM on March 23, 2012

The Violet Cypher, I think you misunderstand me - I don't think there is a policy at all. I think that someone in the school (likely a principal) just made the decision to bar this guy's date. No 'system' behind it, not precedent, no pattern - just a discretionary decision. In this instance, I think it was the right one. The fact that sometimes people might hypothetically make wrong decisions (unless you have evidence of them excluding people on more tenuous or questionable grounds in the past?) doesn't mean that every discretionary decision is wrong, in my opinion.
posted by Dysk at 3:48 AM on March 23, 2012

Dysk I understand what you are saying and I don't entirely disagree. I tend to be in favor of allowing as much personal discretion as possible. That having been said there is a fair amount of past history where discretion has been used as cover for decisions that a person could not otherwise justify if their reasoning was made explicit. That history includes mixed race couples up till some time in the 60's and some schools use that discretion to bar same sex couples even today. It also sets a precedent for future decisions.
posted by The Violet Cypher at 6:57 AM on March 23, 2012

I understand that concern, but I see this more as a school administration putting their foot down relative to what effectively amounts to a publicity stunt by a student, rather than a judgement on pornography or sex work. I sincerely hope the reaction would have been identical if it had been Mariah Carrey rather than Emy Reyes. That is the basis of my objection, and since there is nothing to indicate that it's about anything else, the benefit of the doubt should be given. A statement clarifying the reasoning from the school would be great, but I wouldn't call for the decision to be reversed if they did a good thing for the wrong reasons - though I would probably write a letter expressing my concerns.
posted by Dysk at 7:53 AM on March 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Nothing like taking one's own traumatic snowflake experience and using it to judge the hell out of some kid a million miles away.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:02 PM on March 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Uh, thanks for the psychoanalysis.

Right. Definitely wouldn't want to do that to anyone.

I pretty much doubt that the kind of 18-year-old boy who wants to bring a porn star to prom is going to grow up into any other kind of guy later in life.

I dunno, he probably made a few girls feel like shit.

Everyone here needs to admit that they're calling this guy their personal hero because of their inability to think about anything besides their boner

Why do I have to indulge this guy's weird sexual thing out of pity, when it was probably hurting girls just as vulnerable as him?

he doesn't care about their comfort level at prom. He mostly cares about looking awesome because he snagged a date who does all kinds of freaky shit.
posted by Amanojaku at 2:16 PM on March 23, 2012

I don't read minds on the internet because I think people usually get it wrong. That's what I put the quotes in my post for, to point out that it was already explicitly stated.

I have to admit, I was a little surprised with the boner comment. Telling a group of people that they are incapable of rational thought because their genitals are making them hysterical is the kind of terrible stuff usually saved for parody.
posted by Winnemac at 2:28 PM on March 23, 2012

...wouldn't being driven mad by one's boner be a case of phaleria?
posted by griphus at 2:30 PM on March 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Wow, people get mad when you threaten their right to porn.
posted by stoneandstar at 2:34 PM on March 23, 2012

Also, traumatic snowflake experience is exactly what people are defending when they're like "c'mon, cut this beautiful angel of God a break." He thinks it's funny and/or righteous to call his school board a bunch of cunts, so I'm skeptical about his healthy attitudes toward women!

I'm saying most porn is degrading by virtue of the sexual violence it depicts and you're saying that I'm a pathological, traumatized bully. You're saying "this is AWESOME" and I'm saying that when bringing a porn star to school is more important to you than a non-hostile school environment for teenage girls, you're definitely thinking with your boner. Who's running psychoanalysis?

And, yeah, I'm being a big "reverse sexist." Call me when 2000 years of medicine and psychology claim you can't think rationally because you have a dick. Boohoo.
posted by stoneandstar at 2:41 PM on March 23, 2012

And god forbid people in the porn industry start acting like people, and do things like engage with their audiences, advocate for more positive views of sex work, volunteer their time as a prom date, etc. Better shut that shit down ASAP, back into the box with you you degraded, shameful sluts.
posted by mek at 4:45 PM on March 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm pretty skeptical about your rock solid belief that porn automatically equals rape and degradation and violence perpetrated upon brainless sluts who can't choose for themselves what they want from life, tbh.

And I think maybe you are letting your personal baggage lead you to making some fairly offensive sweeping generalizations in a situation wherein I think most people here would otherwise agree with you on a number of points.
posted by elizardbits at 5:12 PM on March 23, 2012 [4 favorites]

your rock solid belief that porn automatically equals rape and degradation and violence perpetrated upon brainless sluts who can't choose for themselves what they want from life

I didn't say any of this. I said a majority (I will revise to "a large amount") of mainstream porn depicts things such as hitting, choking, and rape fantasies (including drunk rape fantasies, hazing-rape fantasies, public rape fantasies, forced rape fantasies, &c.). I definitely never said that female porn stars are brainless sluts-- they're actresses. If they choose to fake orgasms on their own private time, that's their business. During those videos, porn actresses are acting. They're getting paid. They chose to become porn stars, and a lot of them get paid to exploit the bizarre rape fantasies that a number of 18-year-old boys (and 20-somethings, and middle aged men) call "sex" in our culture, so more power to them.

All I'm trying to say is this would probably make a lot of teenage girls uncomfortable at prom, and if you're gonna pretend that porn culture doesn't involve this kind of thing, you're kidding yourself.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:01 PM on March 23, 2012

Also, trust me, I've been called a slut before, it hurts, and I don't even believe in the concept of being "a slut," let alone thinking porn stars (professionals!) are sluts. I think porn culture is interesting and dynamic on its own terms, but I also realize that the topics taken for granted in the porn community are not always appropriate to discuss or flaunt in an environment such as school or work or with a stranger. Sometimes they're hard for me to stomach even when I knowingly invite them into my life. I do believe that guys who are really forward about their personal interest in porn in inappropriate settings have male privilege and are often quite doltish about not making women uncomfortable.

I know this is like a funny news story, and theoretically it seems like a blast, but my memories of high school involve (for instance) listening to guys talking about fisting while I was taking notes in Biology, and then being later called a "whore" for being sexually open by the same exact guys. I'm sure they see the word "whore" a thousand times every night that they go searching SlutLoad. These attitudes bleed into life in bad ways, and not everyone is a socially conscious liberal feminist type. (I also think porn does a lot to make girls feel like their natural bodies are not just inadequate, but gross-- but that's a personal opinion).

Sure, these are only my personal experiences, but I put up with a lot of this in the spirit of not seeming like too much of a feminist or ruining anyone's fun, and I just wanted to bring up the fact that calling people wet blankets for not cheering on this kind of thing (and by implication the young girls who agree) is kind of sad. I was not even a prudish type, but the double standards affect pretty much every girl.

Sorry for being pugnacious about it, it did kind of press my buttons.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:21 PM on March 23, 2012

And, finally (really this time because even I think I'm talking too much), I think that the reason people assume I'm slut shaming is that a porn star's career involves blurring the line between fantasy and reality. That's the appeal of porn. I don't believe that taking issue with the stage directions they're given as broad cultural messages ("have abrupt-looking anal sex while she acts too drunk to function") has anything to do with judging them as people. Just as I don't characterize the actor Ryan Gosling as though he spends his nights driving a hired getaway car in L.A. But the fact that their professional personalities are invested in this blurring makes me think maybe they shouldn't go to strangers' high school proms as celebrities.

I don't see how the sex that porn stars actually have off camera has much to do with the on-camera stuff, even if they're kinky, because 1) they're not acting for a camera-perfect performance, and 2) online porn isn't presented with a discussion of consent and a disclaimer. When young men and women aren't educated about the difference between porn fantasy and reality, they get some weird ideas.*

*there was another thread on Metafilter at one time about how someone's (very young) son found porn on the internet, and asked his mom if "all girls like being hit." It was cool that his mom could tell him otherwise, but in my experience not all guys grow out of this state of ignorance by 18. And my girlfriends and I have horror stories. Maybe more than is usual because we're kind of big sluts.
posted by stoneandstar at 9:41 PM on March 23, 2012

That's one helluva backpack you're carrying. You must stagger under its load… are you sure you want to add this kid's story to the sack?
posted by five fresh fish at 10:46 PM on March 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yeah, a lot of it's called "sexism" and "sexual double standards" and "a misogynist society." When I see this story posted on the front page being referred to as "fun killing," it already becomes some kind of bullshit in my life. Not really a choice.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:48 PM on March 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

Plus my point is that a lot of teenage girls carry this "backpack," and that's why the kid in the story adding this kind of thing to the sack is maybe a bad idea.
posted by stoneandstar at 10:51 PM on March 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Mayor West writes "Are you a highschooler? Are you planning something wacky? Great! Don't tell anyone. Not a soul. Not your best friend. Definitely not Facebook. Just do it. Chances are no one will care. If they do care, you'll already have made an entrance and have been immortalized for doing your wacky thing. Either way, it's way easier to get forgiveness than permission."

A good plan but in this case he was depending on the publicity to finance his caper.

stoneandstar writes "Funny how prom actually does seem to be the most important thing in the world to a certain group of middle-aged and 20-something men on Metafilter."

I'm not sure where you are getting this idea; we're talking about it here because it's the subject of the post but that doesn't make it "the most important thing in the world".
posted by Mitheral at 8:17 AM on March 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

And my girlfriends and I have horror stories. Maybe more than is usual because we're kind of big sluts.

Nobody here is saying this, ok? Nobody is thinking it or even hinting it. Only you, which is what people are talking about as 'your backpack'. I am sorry if you are getting that from my comment, because what I actually meant was 'despite whatever your experience may have been, there are many many guys, including all the guys I've ever dated, who are not ruined by porn'. OK? I'm sorry that anyone ever called you a slut. I'm sorry your high school was disgusting. I'm sorry you've dated assholes or jerks. But I certainly don't see anyone here arguing that prom is the most important thing ever, and I don't know which of the commenters here you are referring to with that comment but I think you probably have no idea which of them are male or how old they are, and that is one of the 'offensive sweeping generalizations' referred to by another female commenter upthread.
posted by jacalata at 10:48 AM on March 24, 2012 [6 favorites]

jacalata, it was a joke.
posted by stoneandstar at 11:57 AM on March 25, 2012

(and actually, I did check to see how many posters were male out of curiosity, and it was a very large majority.)
posted by stoneandstar at 11:59 AM on March 25, 2012

(and to clarify, it was a self-deprecating joke.)
posted by stoneandstar at 12:03 PM on March 25, 2012