"Sound matters more than smell in terms of politeness"
March 26, 2012 12:51 PM Subscribe
Flatulence is beneath me.
posted by I'm Doing the Dishes at 12:56 PM on March 26, 2012 [21 favorites]
posted by I'm Doing the Dishes at 12:56 PM on March 26, 2012 [21 favorites]
I shall forward this to my fat uncle El.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:01 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:01 PM on March 26, 2012
Haven't read the whole thing yet, but I've always wondered why one's own farts smell bearable, while others' similar farts can smell like low tide in Hell.
posted by not_on_display at 1:04 PM on March 26, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by not_on_display at 1:04 PM on March 26, 2012 [6 favorites]
Please, science, answer me this:
Is it true that whoever smelt it, dealt it?
posted by chavenet at 1:08 PM on March 26, 2012 [5 favorites]
Is it true that whoever smelt it, dealt it?
posted by chavenet at 1:08 PM on March 26, 2012 [5 favorites]
I used to never fart audibly. Never. When I became single, I started to relish farting very loudly if I was alone especially early in the morning. Now I find it hard to not fart very loudly.
Awkward.
I have gazed too far into the abyss. It has been actually dwelling on my mind lately.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:11 PM on March 26, 2012 [14 favorites]
Awkward.
I have gazed too far into the abyss. It has been actually dwelling on my mind lately.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:11 PM on March 26, 2012 [14 favorites]
Why did you all back away from me?! COME BACK.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:14 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 1:14 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
but I've always wondered why one's own farts smell bearable, while others' similar farts can smell like low tide in Hell
Hmm... my farts smell terrible, even to me. Maybe your farts just genuinely smell nice?
posted by muddgirl at 1:16 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
Hmm... my farts smell terrible, even to me. Maybe your farts just genuinely smell nice?
posted by muddgirl at 1:16 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
Scicurious is a fantastic, fascinating blogger. Worth following, imnsho.
And this is freakin' hilarious. :)
posted by zarq at 1:17 PM on March 26, 2012
And this is freakin' hilarious. :)
posted by zarq at 1:17 PM on March 26, 2012
Ok, here goes.
I'm coming out of the fart closet.
The handful of you who know me intimately may be aware of this, but I have long been a chronic farter, and there's nothing I can do about it. I was born gassy, and I carry this shame wherever I go. It comes out sometimes, like after a night of drinking and Taco Bell, where I just can't keep it in any longer.
I'm tired of keeping it all bottled up inside -- so much that I feel like I'm going to explode! -- and I just can't hold it in any longer.
I am a flatulent American, and I am proud of who I am.
posted by modernserf at 1:18 PM on March 26, 2012
I'm coming out of the fart closet.
The handful of you who know me intimately may be aware of this, but I have long been a chronic farter, and there's nothing I can do about it. I was born gassy, and I carry this shame wherever I go. It comes out sometimes, like after a night of drinking and Taco Bell, where I just can't keep it in any longer.
I'm tired of keeping it all bottled up inside -- so much that I feel like I'm going to explode! -- and I just can't hold it in any longer.
I am a flatulent American, and I am proud of who I am.
posted by modernserf at 1:18 PM on March 26, 2012
I have to disagree about burps not being smelly. Radishes. Good for road trips.
posted by annsunny at 1:19 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by annsunny at 1:19 PM on March 26, 2012
UGH, totally screwed up the delivery on that one.
posted by modernserf at 1:19 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by modernserf at 1:19 PM on March 26, 2012
Ahh yes.. the comments above restore my faith in Metafilter! (currently laughing so hard I am crying)
posted by greenhornet at 1:22 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by greenhornet at 1:22 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
In Civilization and Its Discontents, Freud traces people’s displeasure in the smell of other people’s farts to our pre-hominid (pre-bipedal) origins when we ran around sniffing each other’s bottoms. (Yes, I find this ridiculous.)
He also chalks up people taking no offense in the smell of their own shit but only that of others’ as a reaction to aggressive behavior.
In other words, farting in public is an act of psychological aggression and the stronger the smell the stronger the offense.
posted by mistersquid at 1:22 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
He also chalks up people taking no offense in the smell of their own shit but only that of others’ as a reaction to aggressive behavior.
In other words, farting in public is an act of psychological aggression and the stronger the smell the stronger the offense.
Such a reversal of values [childhood indifference vs. adulthood disgust] would scarcely be possible if the substances that are expelled from the body were not doomed by their strong smells to share the fate which overtook olfactory stimuli after man adopted the erect posture. Anal erotism, therefore, succumbs in the first instance to the “organic repression” which paved the way to civilization. The existence of the social factor which is responsible for the further transformation of anal erotism is attested by the circumstance that, in spite of all man’s developmental advances, he scarcely finds the smell of his own excreta repulsive, but only that of other people’s. Thus a person who is not clean—who does not hide his excreta—is offending other people; he is showing no consideration for them.I have this on tap because it's a cycling quote on one of my… ahm… web properties… ahem.
Freud, Sigmund. Civilization and Its Discontents. Trans. James Strachey. New York: Norton, 1961: 54 N1.
posted by mistersquid at 1:22 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'll just go ahead and godwin this post now: if you fart, you're just like Hitler.
posted by mullingitover at 1:23 PM on March 26, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by mullingitover at 1:23 PM on March 26, 2012 [9 favorites]
I'll just go ahead and godwin this post now: if you fart, you're just like Hitler.
Wait, the Germans lost the war because Hitler had a farting problem. Awesome.
posted by Flood at 1:29 PM on March 26, 2012
Wait, the Germans lost the war because Hitler had a farting problem. Awesome.
posted by Flood at 1:29 PM on March 26, 2012
Where does cropdusting fit into all of this?
posted by louche mustachio at 1:32 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by louche mustachio at 1:32 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
just discovered the beauty of flax. home made granola with ground flax seed. supposed to be healthy, but very, very gaseous. loud, and odiferous, but healthy?
posted by goutytophus at 1:42 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by goutytophus at 1:42 PM on March 26, 2012
Am I really the first woman here to mention how your farts sound different after childbirth?
I know I'm not the only one
posted by ambrosia at 1:42 PM on March 26, 2012
I know I'm not the only one
posted by ambrosia at 1:42 PM on March 26, 2012
I don't fart in public (unless my wife shouting "I heard that!" from the next room is "public"), and am always surprised when people do. Like you're having a conversation with a stranger and they just let one rip. Always seems impolite to me. Then again, I also don't fart in a shared bed.
But when I'm alone, it seems like I fart constantly. I can't even imagine the hell it must be to be my desk chair. And like muddgirl, my smell like death warmed over, or a long-forgotten gerbil from a Rob Lowe experiment.
Another line of inquiry worth looking into: Back when I worked in an office building with my own private office, there was a 1:1 correlation between ripping a fart which scorched the acoustic ceiling tiles and someone coming in unannounced about 2 seconds later. I guess the upside is they usually left fairly quickly.
posted by maxwelton at 1:42 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
But when I'm alone, it seems like I fart constantly. I can't even imagine the hell it must be to be my desk chair. And like muddgirl, my smell like death warmed over, or a long-forgotten gerbil from a Rob Lowe experiment.
Another line of inquiry worth looking into: Back when I worked in an office building with my own private office, there was a 1:1 correlation between ripping a fart which scorched the acoustic ceiling tiles and someone coming in unannounced about 2 seconds later. I guess the upside is they usually left fairly quickly.
posted by maxwelton at 1:42 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
Thanks to this thread I took an Urban Dictionary walk to find out what crop dusting, uncle ted and turdburglar mean.
The stuff I didn't learn on the playground can fill a phone book.
posted by Space Coyote at 1:52 PM on March 26, 2012
The stuff I didn't learn on the playground can fill a phone book.
posted by Space Coyote at 1:52 PM on March 26, 2012
Even if your farts are rank, your experience of your own, of their meaning, is vastly different than if the fart issues from someone else. The latter is far more repellent. But if you love someone, you can perhaps get them under the umbrella too, so that they effectively become part of you - by that criterion.
posted by stonepharisee at 1:53 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by stonepharisee at 1:53 PM on March 26, 2012
It's better to fart and bear the shame
Than squelch a fart and bear the pain.
thanks Dad.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:53 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
Than squelch a fart and bear the pain.
thanks Dad.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:53 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
just discovered the beauty of flax. home made granola with ground flax seed. supposed to be healthy, but very, very gaseous. loud, and odiferous, but healthy?
You can smell, hear it and, this in your diet, helps you see it. When I fart there's this little puff of bran that takes a while to dispel. At work I keep a stack of papers on hand to wave it away.
posted by hal9k at 1:56 PM on March 26, 2012
You can smell, hear it and, this in your diet, helps you see it. When I fart there's this little puff of bran that takes a while to dispel. At work I keep a stack of papers on hand to wave it away.
posted by hal9k at 1:56 PM on March 26, 2012
Imagine my alarm upon discovering that Herman Miller chairs don't muffle.
posted by whuppy at 1:58 PM on March 26, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by whuppy at 1:58 PM on March 26, 2012 [9 favorites]
Sonically, my toilet hath become my porcelain vuvuzela. I take requests.
posted by hal9k at 2:00 PM on March 26, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by hal9k at 2:00 PM on March 26, 2012 [8 favorites]
I don't fart in public (unless my wife shouting "I heard that!" from the next room is "public"), and am always surprised when people do. Like you're having a conversation with a stranger and they just let one rip. Always seems impolite to me.
Mejor perder un amigo que las tripas.
posted by invitapriore at 2:05 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Mejor perder un amigo que las tripas.
posted by invitapriore at 2:05 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
When my husband and I first started dating, he mentioned that his ex did not allow him to fart in her presence. She would require that he get out of bed and go fart in the bathroom if the urge hit in the night. I thought this was silly beyond belief. Who would ever request that your beloved not fart around you? That's madness!!
So I broke the fart barrier and made it clear that I (being way more awesome than his ex) was cool with the farting.
My mistake. His farts are terrifiying and I see why she had the Rule. The worst are those that occur after a long flight or days of meetings, when, because I'm "cool" I get to suffer through the farts he held in all day.
Oddly enough, my farting is much decreased when he's not around, it's like a monkey smell, monkey fart kind of situation.
Farting is funny. And wierd.
posted by teleri025 at 2:06 PM on March 26, 2012 [12 favorites]
So I broke the fart barrier and made it clear that I (being way more awesome than his ex) was cool with the farting.
My mistake. His farts are terrifiying and I see why she had the Rule. The worst are those that occur after a long flight or days of meetings, when, because I'm "cool" I get to suffer through the farts he held in all day.
Oddly enough, my farting is much decreased when he's not around, it's like a monkey smell, monkey fart kind of situation.
Farting is funny. And wierd.
posted by teleri025 at 2:06 PM on March 26, 2012 [12 favorites]
My grandmother always said "Better to fart and bear the shame than not to fart and bear the pain."
I miss her. Mostly.
posted by klarck at 2:09 PM on March 26, 2012 [5 favorites]
I miss her. Mostly.
posted by klarck at 2:09 PM on March 26, 2012 [5 favorites]
I'm ... enjoying ... reading this ... discussion.
They're life's ellipses ... is what they are
posted by zippy at 2:16 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
They're life's ellipses ... is what they are
posted by zippy at 2:16 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
ftttttthpppppppppppppthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhthththththphthththththththththhtppppppp
posted by nathancaswell at 2:17 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by nathancaswell at 2:17 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
'S a funny ol' world, ain't it:
posted by Herodios at 2:18 PM on March 26, 2012 [21 favorites]
- When you belch, courtesy requires that you say something.
- When you sneeze, courtesy requires that I say sometihing.
- When you fart, courtesy requires that we both pretend the dog did it.
posted by Herodios at 2:18 PM on March 26, 2012 [21 favorites]
Imagine my alarm upon discovering that Herman Miller chairs don't muffle.
There used to be, back in the 70s, these molded-Fiberglas chairs. They were the precursor to the now-ubiquitous white injection-molded one-piece plastic patio chairs that have taken over the planet. Anyway, these Fiberglas chairs were a thin single sheet of curving Fiberglas attached to metal legs and they were everywhere: waiting rooms, in the hall outside school administrators' offices, church basements, everywhere -- anywhere there be a need for people to sit down you'd find these chairs.
These chairs amplified flatulence as if designed for that purpose. My theory is that the thin stiff Fiberglas acted as both tympanum and amplifier, vibrating in resonance with the expelled gases which then echoed off the smooth curved surface.
Trying to inconspicuously heft a leg and twist in the seat to cut a silent fart was useless. These chairs would take the nigh-imperceptible hiss of a silent fart and make it sound like a brass band was marching out of your blue jeans.
Worst was when the chair was old and well-used, because then the screws holding the hollow aluminum legs would be loose, so any fart would both boom and rattle.
Yeah, I've thought about this WAY too much.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:19 PM on March 26, 2012 [25 favorites]
There used to be, back in the 70s, these molded-Fiberglas chairs. They were the precursor to the now-ubiquitous white injection-molded one-piece plastic patio chairs that have taken over the planet. Anyway, these Fiberglas chairs were a thin single sheet of curving Fiberglas attached to metal legs and they were everywhere: waiting rooms, in the hall outside school administrators' offices, church basements, everywhere -- anywhere there be a need for people to sit down you'd find these chairs.
These chairs amplified flatulence as if designed for that purpose. My theory is that the thin stiff Fiberglas acted as both tympanum and amplifier, vibrating in resonance with the expelled gases which then echoed off the smooth curved surface.
Trying to inconspicuously heft a leg and twist in the seat to cut a silent fart was useless. These chairs would take the nigh-imperceptible hiss of a silent fart and make it sound like a brass band was marching out of your blue jeans.
Worst was when the chair was old and well-used, because then the screws holding the hollow aluminum legs would be loose, so any fart would both boom and rattle.
Yeah, I've thought about this WAY too much.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:19 PM on March 26, 2012 [25 favorites]
I fart in your general direction.
Depending upon various sociological factors which may or may not cause me undue embarrassment or peer group stigmatization.
posted by Splunge at 2:24 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Depending upon various sociological factors which may or may not cause me undue embarrassment or peer group stigmatization.
posted by Splunge at 2:24 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
My nickname was "Skunk" in school. I never got in many fights. I still think that farts are the funniest things ever.
posted by scruss at 2:25 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by scruss at 2:25 PM on March 26, 2012
Imagine my alarm upon discovering that Herman Miller chairs don't muffle.
Duh, that's why they're called "air-on" and not "air-off."
posted by joe lisboa at 2:29 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Duh, that's why they're called "air-on" and not "air-off."
posted by joe lisboa at 2:29 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
I feel it necessary to admit that when I was in college, I had a semester long farting contest with someone who later was nominated for a Hugo Award.
posted by Mcable at 2:34 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Mcable at 2:34 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
I feel it necessary to admit that when I was in college, I had a semester long farting contest with someone who later was nominated for a Hugo Award.
You had a semester-long farting contest with Neil Gaiman?
posted by joe lisboa at 2:39 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
You had a semester-long farting contest with Neil Gaiman?
posted by joe lisboa at 2:39 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
Crepitation contest, anyone?
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:43 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:43 PM on March 26, 2012
For Marines in Afghanistan: be careful where you fart, via the BattleRattle blog, hosted on Military Times, August 2011
Marines to Ban Audible Farts in Afghanistan, video, via Huffington Post, August 2011
I knew these would come in handy someday.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 2:46 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
Marines to Ban Audible Farts in Afghanistan, video, via Huffington Post, August 2011
I knew these would come in handy someday.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 2:46 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
The real risk is not being heard, it is when you play fart roulette and lose to a wet one.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:48 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:48 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
•When you belch, courtesy requires that you say something.
•When you sneeze, courtesy requires that I say sometihing.
•When you fart, courtesy requires that we both pretend the dog did it.
I've said "bless you" to audible farters for years. I love how it throws them off. (Thank you, Jerry Spinelli.)
(Conversely, I've been known to tell those who work within the vicinity of my office not to bother blessing me every time I sneeze, because I sneeze a LOT and it just wastes too much time. I consider myself fully blessed just once a day.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 2:49 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
•When you sneeze, courtesy requires that I say sometihing.
•When you fart, courtesy requires that we both pretend the dog did it.
I've said "bless you" to audible farters for years. I love how it throws them off. (Thank you, Jerry Spinelli.)
(Conversely, I've been known to tell those who work within the vicinity of my office not to bother blessing me every time I sneeze, because I sneeze a LOT and it just wastes too much time. I consider myself fully blessed just once a day.)
posted by dlugoczaj at 2:49 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
Am I really the first woman here to mention how your farts sound different after childbirth?
Not for me, I think. Different in what way?
Also, it is impossible to hold in a fart while you sneeze. I found this out the hard way. I and 30 other people in the subway carriage.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:56 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Not for me, I think. Different in what way?
Also, it is impossible to hold in a fart while you sneeze. I found this out the hard way. I and 30 other people in the subway carriage.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:56 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Everyone farts, or rather everyone's bacteria do. Some of us have the luck to be able to pass almost completely silent and odorless teensy bubbles every odd minute or so without anyone noticing (including the originator) while the others - the sad majority - have to wait until there is enough pressure developed to breach the final defenses, so to say. And if you have sedentary lifestyle or gave birth involving lots of labor there is a big chance that said defenses become more... tight resulting in more explosive decompressions. I speak from personal experience.
posted by hat_eater at 3:01 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by hat_eater at 3:01 PM on March 26, 2012
I feel it necessary to admit that when I was in college, I had a semester long farting contest with someone who later was nominated for a Hugo Award.
Farting has long and storied history in SF. IIRC, Hugo winner Damon Knight's Cabin Boy involves a race that uses farts to communicate. It's based on an obscene limerick, too.
Hugo winner Steven Moffat's first Doctor Who story, The Curse of Fatal Death takes place on Tersurus, a planet where the inhabitants had communicated entirely by farting (the civilization was destroyed when they discovered fire).
posted by Mad_Carew at 3:02 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
Farting has long and storied history in SF. IIRC, Hugo winner Damon Knight's Cabin Boy involves a race that uses farts to communicate. It's based on an obscene limerick, too.
Hugo winner Steven Moffat's first Doctor Who story, The Curse of Fatal Death takes place on Tersurus, a planet where the inhabitants had communicated entirely by farting (the civilization was destroyed when they discovered fire).
posted by Mad_Carew at 3:02 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
I've found that my flatulence varies dramatically with my diet, but did no know how. Yet, this thread prompted my discovery that "rice is the only starch that does not cause gas". Thanks MetaFilter!
posted by jeffburdges at 3:05 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by jeffburdges at 3:05 PM on March 26, 2012
I usually just explain that it's an inevitable side effect of the gas exchange mechanism, and completely acceptable on Raxacoricofallapatorius.
posted by MrVisible at 3:09 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 3:09 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
Sitting in a stall to do my doo, a fellow walked into the bathroom to occupy the stall next over. Without knowing who it was, my natural instinct was to make the sound of my stink less audible. Muffling my fluffle proved to be quite difficult in my circumstance, and actually caused me to rip a loud BRAAAP. BAP.
Silence.
Then, from the stall over: "Of course you realize, this means war."
BBLLERRRRPPP.
Sorry, everybody, I'm taken.
posted by jabberjaw at 3:21 PM on March 26, 2012 [34 favorites]
Silence.
Then, from the stall over: "Of course you realize, this means war."
BBLLERRRRPPP.
Sorry, everybody, I'm taken.
posted by jabberjaw at 3:21 PM on March 26, 2012 [34 favorites]
Did you ever notice that you need to fart less when you're in public?
For 8 mostly wonderful years I ran my own business along with two partners who were also close (read: comfortably farting in front of) friends. Of the many great things about being a small business owner, the ability to fart freely in our office, the louder and ranker the better, was higher on the list than I care to admit.
I no longer run my own business, but thankfully do have a job that allows me to mostly work out of my house, so bodily function issues aren't much of a concern unless I'm on a conference call. However, I do have to work out of our regional office a couple days a month and I have to confess, the frequency with which I leave the office with a fairly strong headache and then have a lightbulb moment on the car ride home as to what probably caused it is surprisingly high.
Also: Obligatory Cindy Sander's farting scene from Freaks and Geeks
posted by The Gooch at 3:21 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
For 8 mostly wonderful years I ran my own business along with two partners who were also close (read: comfortably farting in front of) friends. Of the many great things about being a small business owner, the ability to fart freely in our office, the louder and ranker the better, was higher on the list than I care to admit.
I no longer run my own business, but thankfully do have a job that allows me to mostly work out of my house, so bodily function issues aren't much of a concern unless I'm on a conference call. However, I do have to work out of our regional office a couple days a month and I have to confess, the frequency with which I leave the office with a fairly strong headache and then have a lightbulb moment on the car ride home as to what probably caused it is surprisingly high.
Also: Obligatory Cindy Sander's farting scene from Freaks and Geeks
posted by The Gooch at 3:21 PM on March 26, 2012 [2 favorites]
I'm super gassy. My wife doesn't mind.
That's love.
posted by kmz at 3:26 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
That's love.
posted by kmz at 3:26 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
The key raw ingredient for most people is apparently oligosaccharides.
Supposedly the worst offenders (other than beans of course, and it's only in the curds or it's only in the whey I don't remember which) are: cabbage (definitely the worst for me although sauerkraut seems to be fart neutered somehow), broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, onions.
When I was in the second or perhaps third grade the funniest joke maneuver was to cup your left hand into your right armpit (for the right-handed), trap a small amount of air in there, and shove your right elbow against your ribs fast to make the loudest psuedo fart sound possible. This may also be true for second graders in sub-Sahara Africa and northeast Siberia although I am not an ethnographer and am merely making an educated guess.
posted by bukvich at 3:27 PM on March 26, 2012
Supposedly the worst offenders (other than beans of course, and it's only in the curds or it's only in the whey I don't remember which) are: cabbage (definitely the worst for me although sauerkraut seems to be fart neutered somehow), broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, onions.
When I was in the second or perhaps third grade the funniest joke maneuver was to cup your left hand into your right armpit (for the right-handed), trap a small amount of air in there, and shove your right elbow against your ribs fast to make the loudest psuedo fart sound possible. This may also be true for second graders in sub-Sahara Africa and northeast Siberia although I am not an ethnographer and am merely making an educated guess.
posted by bukvich at 3:27 PM on March 26, 2012
1) I hear a rumor that some people can hold a fart in. I am rarely successful at this. In fact, when I was a child and forced to go to church, I was scared to death to fart in god's house and would try *so hard* to hold 'em in. I was sure god would take offense and smite me.
2) I take issue with the study design: should have been observational with a fake-farter. I question the validity of self-reporting on such a delicate subject.
posted by smirkette at 3:27 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
2) I take issue with the study design: should have been observational with a fake-farter. I question the validity of self-reporting on such a delicate subject.
posted by smirkette at 3:27 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
You know what spot may just have the best acoustics in the house? Perched on the edge of an empty bathtub. You can make the entire fiberglass enclosure THRUM if you do it right.
posted by radwolf76 at 3:30 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by radwolf76 at 3:30 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
No better feeling than farting in the street on a breezy day.
posted by litleozy at 3:37 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by litleozy at 3:37 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
radwolf76: "You know what spot may just have the best acoustics in the house? Perched on the edge of an empty bathtub. You can make the entire fiberglass enclosure THRUM if you do it right."
Works with a metal bathtub, too. The amplified ring is just so satisfying and can turn a mediocre poot into a proud trumpeting.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 3:38 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Works with a metal bathtub, too. The amplified ring is just so satisfying and can turn a mediocre poot into a proud trumpeting.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 3:38 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
now I know why cashews disagree with me so terribly....I LOVE them but you would not want to be in the same building with me if I've eaten more than one or two....hoh boy!!!
posted by supermedusa at 3:40 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by supermedusa at 3:40 PM on March 26, 2012
Supposedly the worst offenders ... are: cabbage
My husband's fondness for kim chi allows me to confirm the truth of this statement.
posted by ambrosia at 3:41 PM on March 26, 2012
My husband's fondness for kim chi allows me to confirm the truth of this statement.
posted by ambrosia at 3:41 PM on March 26, 2012
Timely post.
I was walking the dog early one morning last week, before having coffee; I was not entirely awake. So upon feeling the urge, I grabbed one cheek and pulled it slightly leeward, then unleashed a very substantial fart. Sounded like a french horn, philharmonic quality, maybe with a spit valve that needed emptying.
I then turned around and saw a couple on the adjacent sidewalk, waiting to cross the street and now looking at me. I didn't know what to do, so I pointed at the dog -- who is frequently the source of frustration, as she is perennially constipated -- and just said "Power of suggestion."
If I had greater presence of mind, I would have just blamed it on the dog entirely.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:43 PM on March 26, 2012 [15 favorites]
I was walking the dog early one morning last week, before having coffee; I was not entirely awake. So upon feeling the urge, I grabbed one cheek and pulled it slightly leeward, then unleashed a very substantial fart. Sounded like a french horn, philharmonic quality, maybe with a spit valve that needed emptying.
I then turned around and saw a couple on the adjacent sidewalk, waiting to cross the street and now looking at me. I didn't know what to do, so I pointed at the dog -- who is frequently the source of frustration, as she is perennially constipated -- and just said "Power of suggestion."
If I had greater presence of mind, I would have just blamed it on the dog entirely.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:43 PM on March 26, 2012 [15 favorites]
Farting preacher brings me to tears. Every time.
posted by funkiwan at 4:45 PM on March 26, 2012 [9 favorites]
posted by funkiwan at 4:45 PM on March 26, 2012 [9 favorites]
I make a point of cropdusting first class when I board a plane. That is my class warfare.
posted by Renoroc at 4:51 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Renoroc at 4:51 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
Farting preacher brings me to tears. Every time.
From now on, I will be tempted to shout "Hallelujah!" whenever someone farts. Perfect.
posted by ambrosia at 4:53 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
From now on, I will be tempted to shout "Hallelujah!" whenever someone farts. Perfect.
posted by ambrosia at 4:53 PM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'd missed that thread, jamaro! But it made me check to see how many AskMe posts were tagged with "flatulence ". The answer: 16.
Then I realized that one of them was mine. oops.
posted by ambrosia at 5:53 PM on March 26, 2012
Then I realized that one of them was mine. oops.
posted by ambrosia at 5:53 PM on March 26, 2012
ENJOY!
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the fart-bomb. Enter your buddies cubicle and sit on a fabric covered, foam seated chair. Fart as you rise up so that the chair can absorb the gas like a sponge. The next person to sit there will have an unpleasant surprise as YOUR gas is expelled from beneath them!
Enjoy!
posted by snsranch at 6:09 PM on March 26, 2012
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the fart-bomb. Enter your buddies cubicle and sit on a fabric covered, foam seated chair. Fart as you rise up so that the chair can absorb the gas like a sponge. The next person to sit there will have an unpleasant surprise as YOUR gas is expelled from beneath them!
Enjoy!
posted by snsranch at 6:09 PM on March 26, 2012
Speaking of blaming the dog, here's an excerpt from Post Captain, one of Patrick O'Brian's Aubrey/Maturin novels:
posted by Herodios at 7:00 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
The lane ran straight up hill, rising higher and higher, with God knows what breakneck descent on the other side. The horse slowed to a walk - the bean-fed horse, as it proved by a thunderous, long, long fart.And this episode turns out to be (like the pilfered-biscuits-at-the-train-station story found in both Douglas Adams (So Long and Thanks for All the Fish) and Ian McEwan (Solar)) yet another adaptation into fiction of a long-standing urban legend (The queen, the president (or Nelson Mandela or someone else) and the flatulent horse).
‘I beg your pardon,’ said the midshipman in silence.
‘Oh, that’s all right,’ said Diana coldly. ‘I thought it was the horse.’
posted by Herodios at 7:00 PM on March 26, 2012 [3 favorites]
This, my friends, is one of MetaFilter's proudest moments.
posted by jason's_planet at 7:00 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by jason's_planet at 7:00 PM on March 26, 2012
This, my friends, is one of MetaFilter's proudest moments.
Pull my MetaFinger.
posted by Herodios at 7:24 PM on March 26, 2012 [4 favorites]
Pull my MetaFinger.
posted by Herodios at 7:24 PM on March 26, 2012 [4 favorites]
sigh. anus icon fail due to embedingment.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 8:50 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 8:50 PM on March 26, 2012
I can tell some of you never graduated to the advanced class. What you want to do is go ahead and cup your hand and put it right in front (back?) of your toot hole. Catch the fart. Yes, I said catch the fart. Then elegantly toss it into a dear friend's face. Some people like to embellish the toss as if they're doing a kind of new age dance move. Don't worry about that, it's just for show. Potency is best kept as if you were tossing water in someones face. I must warn you, fart-tossing can be POTENT.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:55 PM on March 26, 2012
posted by P.o.B. at 8:55 PM on March 26, 2012
(other than beans of course, and it's only in the curds or it's only in the whey I don't remember which)
Or as Kurdt (sire of Frances Bean) Cobean once sang: "Something in the whey..."
posted by joe lisboa at 9:14 PM on March 26, 2012
Or as Kurdt (sire of Frances Bean) Cobean once sang: "Something in the whey..."
posted by joe lisboa at 9:14 PM on March 26, 2012
Like you're having a conversation with a stranger and they just let one rip. Always seems impolite to me.
I am not a fan of it. Our handyman is terribly fond of letting them rip and then laughing. Like it's cosmically hilarious. Hart de har har har.
He would never pull that crap in front of a tenant or a contractor, oh no. His kids or the help, on the other hand... I guess, that in front of the peons, heh, heh, it's all good fun.
Not. It's aggressive-passive sadism. It's intentional disrespect -- a petty power trip. As he is one of the owners, there is not much I can say that would not throw down the gauntlet. All the same, I hate it.
It's not unlike some of my men friends, who come over and at some point, stroll into the bathroom and pee with the door open. Evidently, they feel compelled to share the thunder of their mighty stream. I know that they would never think of pulling such a stunt at a woman friend's apartment, let alone a couple's. I hate that, too, for pretty much the same reason: it's clueless disrespect.
In either case, these are things I have never heard of nor experienced women doing to anyone. Which makes perfect sense to me.
posted by y2karl at 9:44 PM on March 26, 2012
I am not a fan of it. Our handyman is terribly fond of letting them rip and then laughing. Like it's cosmically hilarious. Hart de har har har.
He would never pull that crap in front of a tenant or a contractor, oh no. His kids or the help, on the other hand... I guess, that in front of the peons, heh, heh, it's all good fun.
Not. It's aggressive-passive sadism. It's intentional disrespect -- a petty power trip. As he is one of the owners, there is not much I can say that would not throw down the gauntlet. All the same, I hate it.
It's not unlike some of my men friends, who come over and at some point, stroll into the bathroom and pee with the door open. Evidently, they feel compelled to share the thunder of their mighty stream. I know that they would never think of pulling such a stunt at a woman friend's apartment, let alone a couple's. I hate that, too, for pretty much the same reason: it's clueless disrespect.
In either case, these are things I have never heard of nor experienced women doing to anyone. Which makes perfect sense to me.
posted by y2karl at 9:44 PM on March 26, 2012
Louis CK deconstructs a fart for Jon Stewart (@2:15)
posted by Rhaomi at 1:25 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Rhaomi at 1:25 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
am wondering the average age of respondents, bowels and such seem to be a hot topic amongst the geriatric set?
posted by goutytophus at 1:33 AM on March 27, 2012
posted by goutytophus at 1:33 AM on March 27, 2012
Jerusalem artichokes store carbohydrates as inulin rather than starch. Human digestive enzymes cannot break down inulin, so it undergoes bacterial fermentation in the gut. Basically, the entire vegetable is converted directly into farts.
Don't eat a large serving the first time you try it. There is a risk of a phase transition if you overdo it.
posted by ryanrs at 1:55 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Don't eat a large serving the first time you try it. There is a risk of a phase transition if you overdo it.
posted by ryanrs at 1:55 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Hugo winner Steven Moffat's first Doctor Who story, The Curse of Fatal Death takes place on Tersurus, a planet where the inhabitants had communicated entirely by farting
One of my favourite Vonnegut Kilgore Trout short stories:
...a flying saucer creature named Zog arrives on Earth from the planet Margo, where everyone communicates by means of farting and tap dancing. He tries to explain to Earthlings how to prevent wars and cure cancer, but they don't understand his farting and tap dancing so they kill him.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 5:35 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
One of my favourite Vonnegut Kilgore Trout short stories:
...a flying saucer creature named Zog arrives on Earth from the planet Margo, where everyone communicates by means of farting and tap dancing. He tries to explain to Earthlings how to prevent wars and cure cancer, but they don't understand his farting and tap dancing so they kill him.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 5:35 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
I am renowned for my flatulence, and am glad to be in such illustrious (and gusty) company on here. My ex partner never farted in front of me or anybody else, and was (very frequently) disgusted at my exhalations. One night though, she let one go in her sleep, causing me to giggle to myself lying there next to her.
posted by Myeral at 7:46 AM on March 27, 2012
posted by Myeral at 7:46 AM on March 27, 2012
My husband's fondness for kim chi ...
The most memorable line from P. J. O'Rourke's account of his trip to South Korea: "... eye watering, trouser ripping, kim chi farts ..."
And on a related note, a friend once advised me earestly, "Never, ever, feed leftover sauerkraut to the dog."
posted by Bruce H. at 8:25 AM on March 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
The most memorable line from P. J. O'Rourke's account of his trip to South Korea: "... eye watering, trouser ripping, kim chi farts ..."
And on a related note, a friend once advised me earestly, "Never, ever, feed leftover sauerkraut to the dog."
posted by Bruce H. at 8:25 AM on March 27, 2012 [2 favorites]
Re kim chi, someone described a recent cabbage fart as reminding him "of the monster punching his way out of the train car in Super 8."
I thought that was evocative.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 11:13 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
I thought that was evocative.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 11:13 AM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]
Or as Kurdt (sire of Frances Bean) Cobean once sang: "Something in the whey..."
Attracts me like no other lover?
posted by hattifattener at 12:10 AM on March 28, 2012
Attracts me like no other lover?
posted by hattifattener at 12:10 AM on March 28, 2012
So Debbie was giving me shit about snoring, she says it's horrific, non-stop, wake the dead, blah blah blah. And I -- given to shame as I am, and not happy about how this is going, and where this is going, and just annoyed with it anyhow -- I seek a course correction.
I told her "Well, at least I don't fart all damn night long, at least I don't trumpet out with these huge, disgusting blasts like you do, you've got the neighbors banging on the walls, shrieking, you've got the drapes flying around, I've got to grab hold the sheets and blankets, it's a horrific whirlwind, I spend the whole night frightened, clutching my pillow" etc and etc.
Instantly, almost before I'd barely begun on this tact, the balance of power shifted -- dramatically -- and Debbie went on the defensive. "I do NOT!" "I DO NOT!"
It was outstanding.
Debbie was from Alabama, one of those perfect, somewhat moneyed Southern Belle sorts, she had to call her father Sir, and her mother Ma'am, and girls were to be perfect, and women, too. Apparently, part of that was no farting allowed, with deep shame around poop and farts and all of it. I've got plenty of that myself -- enough to know exactly where to wave that blazing brand at Debbie, that's for sure.
I was unrelenting, I chased hard and fast and deep into the corners of her soul, she was whirlwinding frantically, and though it was clear that I was totally BSing -- I really was completely over the top, it was crystal clear that I was totally fabricating this whole thing -- it caught her on such a deep level that she never could catch her balance.
She never said another goddamn word about my "alleged" snoring.
I was happy.
posted by dancestoblue at 2:50 PM on March 28, 2012
I told her "Well, at least I don't fart all damn night long, at least I don't trumpet out with these huge, disgusting blasts like you do, you've got the neighbors banging on the walls, shrieking, you've got the drapes flying around, I've got to grab hold the sheets and blankets, it's a horrific whirlwind, I spend the whole night frightened, clutching my pillow" etc and etc.
Instantly, almost before I'd barely begun on this tact, the balance of power shifted -- dramatically -- and Debbie went on the defensive. "I do NOT!" "I DO NOT!"
It was outstanding.
Debbie was from Alabama, one of those perfect, somewhat moneyed Southern Belle sorts, she had to call her father Sir, and her mother Ma'am, and girls were to be perfect, and women, too. Apparently, part of that was no farting allowed, with deep shame around poop and farts and all of it. I've got plenty of that myself -- enough to know exactly where to wave that blazing brand at Debbie, that's for sure.
I was unrelenting, I chased hard and fast and deep into the corners of her soul, she was whirlwinding frantically, and though it was clear that I was totally BSing -- I really was completely over the top, it was crystal clear that I was totally fabricating this whole thing -- it caught her on such a deep level that she never could catch her balance.
She never said another goddamn word about my "alleged" snoring.
I was happy.
posted by dancestoblue at 2:50 PM on March 28, 2012
tack, not tact...
posted by dancestoblue at 2:55 PM on March 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by dancestoblue at 2:55 PM on March 28, 2012 [1 favorite]
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posted by slogger at 12:55 PM on March 26, 2012