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April 2, 2012 9:44 AM   Subscribe

Guy climbs star of Kotelnicheskaya Embankment free-handed Because no good Monday shouldn't begin without a jolting dose of vertigo!
posted by Christ, what an asshole (58 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
That video cuts off the end of the original where he starts cursing in Russian because he forgot the new light bulb.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:51 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


No, no, no, no, no....

Way too much trust in that rickety-ass antenna, or whatever it is. Dime-store rope and gloves.

What could go wrong? (My stomach still has butterflies.)
posted by Benny Andajetz at 9:51 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I also like how he appears to be steering the helm of a big ship when he's holding the steel bars on the very tip.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:54 AM on April 2, 2012


the wide angle lens doesn't make it any more palatable..
posted by k5.user at 9:55 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I had to turn that off about half way through. Usually my "unwatchable" category contains gore and fetish porn. This is a new one for me.
posted by slogger at 10:02 AM on April 2, 2012


With gloves!? Not even mechanics gloves, but like...big fat puffy winter gloves? Good god. My palms are still sweating...
posted by jnnla at 10:08 AM on April 2, 2012


Don't look up. No, don't look down.

Just don't look anywhere.

Better yet, stay on the ground.
posted by elmer benson at 10:09 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Also, watching this makes me wonder what it would've been like if Phillipe Petit would've had a camcorder with him on his walk between the Twin Towers.
posted by elmer benson at 10:10 AM on April 2, 2012


Hey! What happened to my wireless uplink?
posted by pashdown at 10:23 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Because no good Monday shouldn't begin without a jolting dose of vertigo!

Eliminating the double negative yields: Good Mondays should begin without a jolting dose of vertigo. Yeah, sounds about right.
posted by jedicus at 10:25 AM on April 2, 2012


The gloves made it totally insane. And the bitter cold probably would have made everything extra slippery.

While this is not something I would ever do, I do recall being afraid of heights as a child, and when I was 18 or 19 I remember getting stuck on a ledge during a routine hiking trip. There was an easy jump to safety over a chasm of some sort, but I had one hell of a time actually making that jump.

The next summer I started working for my father, and we were doing all sorts of interesting things, like installing pipe and venting on the outsides of buildings. I would end up having to build scaffolding, and work on top of scaffolding high above the ground. I got over my fear of heights fast.

One time I had to install space heaters on the roof of an aircraft hanger. There was no easy way to get to the ceiling, so we ended up putting a ladder on top of some scaffolding. Good times.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:27 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Some one needs to buy him a GoPro Camera. Also, crazy shit.
posted by Fizz at 10:32 AM on April 2, 2012


Yeah, the gloves sent me over the top.
posted by OmieWise at 10:33 AM on April 2, 2012


That was terrifying.

The only way it could have been more so is if he dropped the camera at the end so we could get a sense of the alternate outcome.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 10:36 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


The bit on the way back down, where he breaks off a bit of the damaged decoration to keep as a souvenir, then uses the same bit of decoration - which he has just proved can easily be broken - as a handhold for his entire weight - yeah, that was the bit that had me practically screaming at him.
posted by ZsigE at 10:36 AM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh, man. Humans are stupid.

I mean, amazing. But stupid.
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:36 AM on April 2, 2012


No you mean stupid.
posted by Fizz at 10:40 AM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


I found myself wondering what would have happened if he had panicked/frozen up there and was too afraid to come down.

And the gloves. Man. The gloves.
posted by 4ster at 10:41 AM on April 2, 2012


Was that the cops coming to arrest him at the end? And if so, who is going up after him? Hmmmm?
posted by birdhaus at 10:47 AM on April 2, 2012


> And if so, who is going up after him? Hmmmm?

No one would go up after him. The standard procedure for these sorts of "trespassing" incidents is to simply wait for the guy to come down on his own then cuff him. Or get a scooper shovel.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:49 AM on April 2, 2012


The song playing in the background is apparently called Suicide by Star, excellently.
posted by dudekiller at 10:52 AM on April 2, 2012


Excuse of the day: "I apologize for the stabilization, the camera is in my mouth."
posted by zamboni at 10:53 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I started sweating about 5 seconds in when the little text pops up, "Sorry for the stabilization issues THE CAMERA IS IN MY MOUTH" alkjwerpoiuw3renjwernasdfa peeing with sympathy terror.
posted by WidgetAlley at 10:54 AM on April 2, 2012


He's proven his suitability as a mate! What a healthy specimen!
posted by Meatbomb at 10:57 AM on April 2, 2012 [7 favorites]


There is something about these videos that make me terrified that someday, somehow, I will suddenly realize that I am in that situation, far too terrified to do anything or get myself back down.
posted by entropone at 10:57 AM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


There is something about these videos that make me terrified that someday, somehow, I will suddenly realize that I am in that situation, far too terrified to do anything or get myself back down.

When you wish upon a star.
posted by hal9k at 11:01 AM on April 2, 2012


Hellooooo nightmares.
posted by Iosephus at 11:02 AM on April 2, 2012


There is something about these videos that make me terrified that someday, somehow, I will suddenly realize that I am in that situation, far too terrified to do anything or get myself back down.

I had to climb a stepladder this past weekend to change out a lightbulb.

Same fear. I'm such a coward

Actually, my dad worked as a lineman, and he would routinely have to climb high things. We took a trip to Wind Cave South Dakota one time, and he wouldn't go with the rest of us. He doesn't like basements and won't park underground. I have no of those spaces at all. It makes no sense in my mind - you can't fall - screaming - to your death from those places.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 11:04 AM on April 2, 2012


Wow, look at that view. That's cool. And oh look...OVERSIZED SKI GLOVES... I feel a little woozy now...
posted by smidgen at 11:12 AM on April 2, 2012


What no BASE jump from the top? What a wimp....

No seriously, this guy deserves all the kudos I can give, up to (and possibly including) when he awarded his Darwin Award.
posted by RolandOfEld at 11:17 AM on April 2, 2012


Can some climbing company for the love of God please sponsor this boy with some decent equipment?
posted by rossmeissl at 11:22 AM on April 2, 2012


Metafilter: the camera is in my mouth
posted by toastchee at 11:25 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I was terrified the last time we saw one of those videos here, sweaty palms and butterflies in the stomach and the whole nine yards, yet still clicked on this link. I do not learn very well.
posted by xbonesgt at 11:26 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Nope. Nope nope nope.
posted by Sternmeyer at 11:26 AM on April 2, 2012


The search for meaning takes us to interesting places.
posted by FrankBlack at 11:27 AM on April 2, 2012


Just for the record, my palms are actually sweating just from reading this thread.
posted by cromagnon at 11:30 AM on April 2, 2012


Pff. Whatever. Anyone can do that when they're NOT BLINDFOLDED.
posted by chasing at 11:45 AM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


That fisheye lens really cranks up the vertigo opportunities.
posted by kalessin at 11:48 AM on April 2, 2012


AHHHH JESUS when he gets to the top and he swings his legs around AHHHHHH

and then the descent
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 11:51 AM on April 2, 2012


no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
posted by Bookhouse at 12:00 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


I don't have much in the way of acrophobia, but holy crap does this trigger my vertigo something fierce.

did not want.
posted by elizardbits at 12:05 PM on April 2, 2012


I always like comments about tower climbing videos.

In my old role, I used to manage over 40 radio stations and routinely we sent guys up towers for various reasons, bulb replacement, heating fixes, and even painting. The guys are pros and enjoy their job. They get tremendous respect from the engineers on the ground (like me).

The worst job was painting. We once had to repaint a tower because it wasn't exactly the right shade of orange required by the FAA. Painting a tower involves climbing with buckets of paint, and big sponges. As you go, you dunk the sponge and paint with it. Foot by foot, the whole tower... So imagine some of that climbing with hands wet with bright orange paint.

But this is just one of the many jobs that make modern life work. You should see power guys throwing the really big switches, literally with a 10 foot pole. Or steel workers guiding 20 ton beams into place several hundred feet up. The Dirty Jobs show should be mandatory watching before people are allowed to complain on the interwebs.
posted by Argyle at 12:13 PM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


wow, that was the scariest thing I've ever seen. I wonder is this what people who get afraid at scary movies feel like. Although if anyone were to ever make a scene in a movie like this I would cry bullshit at the gloves. Jesus, those big puffy gloves sliding over the smooth surface with nothing to hold on to.
posted by skewed at 12:14 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]




I have no of those spaces at all. It makes no sense in my mind - you can't fall - screaming - to your death from those places.

I'm with your dad. A screaming fall to your death beats a slow suffocation trapped under miles of rock. In the dark. Unable to move. Which is what claustrophobia tells me going into a cave will make happen.

Which doesn't change the fact that this guy is crazy, and someday soon, he will be dead if he doesn't change his methods.
posted by emjaybee at 12:16 PM on April 2, 2012


Well he had a rope. I'm not sure about the protection placing methods but that takes it from a suicide mission to just a nice buildering session.

Well done with those gloves though.
posted by zephyr_words at 12:19 PM on April 2, 2012


I find it fascinating that the only people who show up in these threads are people with a crippling fear of heights.

See, for example, me.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:59 PM on April 2, 2012


I was waiting for him to leap off the top - surely there's a hay wagon or pile of flowers down at the bottom somewhere~

Also, count me in as someone who can't help but watch these videos, even though they terrify me. It's like those images/videos of huge spiders or scorpions or .. *twitch*... bees on Reddit; I know I don't really want to look at them, but then I click the link anyway. I don't know why, but damned if I don't do it every time.
posted by ashirys at 1:21 PM on April 2, 2012


I'm not afraid of heights.
I'm afraid of jumping.
That is to say, I'm afraid that one day, I'll be way high up somewhere, and won't be able to resist the urge to jump off, just to know how it feels to fall from a great height with nothing to stop me.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 1:50 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is this my first chance to use the term eponysterical? For the OP of the FPP? Now I am a true metafilterian. Although the climber is not an asshole so much as...an insane russian man? With an iron stomach and iron grip?

(I watched this earlier at work, sweated all over the mouse, now hands are sweating again typing this). What the hell is wrong with that guy (and Alex Honnold the free climber) to have none of the 'holy shit this is SO wrong' fears that the rest of us seem to have to some (much more sane and large) degree!?!
posted by bquarters at 1:52 PM on April 2, 2012


no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

That video also bothered me on a completely visceral level. I'm pretty sure our ancestors were like the videogame "Lemmings" and didn't go up anything unless someone else had built a nice walkway first.
posted by joechip at 2:28 PM on April 2, 2012


There is something about these videos that make me terrified that someday, somehow, I will suddenly realize that I am in that situation, far too terrified to do anything or get myself back down.
posted by entropone at 6:57 PM on April 2


I have always suffered from nightmares, and this describes one of my more frequently-recurring ones.
posted by Decani at 2:40 PM on April 2, 2012


Out of that whole thing, the part that scared me the most was those steps made of rebar loops welded to the vertical steel poles. You have to really trust your welder to climb a ladder that looks like that.
posted by meinvt at 4:11 PM on April 2, 2012


Yeah, when he grabbed the loops at the top I was like "really, how long has that been corroding in the weather up here?"

My palms are also sweating. I had to pay a friend to roof my shed because I cannot, for the life of me, make the transition from ladder to roof. The roof is about seven feet off the ground...
posted by maxwelton at 5:36 PM on April 2, 2012


He's proven his suitability as a mate! What a healthy specimen!

Wellll . . . to be honest, when his friend turned the camera on him after the climb, and he was all sweaty and gasping and terrified and awe-stricken, he looked pretty damn suitable to me.

I hate heights. I love videos like this. Even though I suspect the Russians do the best ones, they're mostly too insane for me to make it through. How could he trust his life to fifty years of Soviet ironwork maintenance? And if that was the cops, what the hell happened? Presumably it was a wrist-slap, if he got away and they kept their camera. But it must be some kind of a rush to be free enough to pull a climbing stunt on a Stalin monument.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:06 PM on April 2, 2012


The worst job was painting. We once had to repaint a tower because it wasn't exactly the right shade of orange required by the FAA. Painting a tower involves climbing with buckets of paint, and big sponges. As you go, you dunk the sponge and paint with it. Foot by foot, the whole tower... So imagine some of that climbing with hands wet with bright orange paint.

Yup, worst f*%n job ever. We used sheepskin mitts like you'd use to wash your car, and two liter soda bottles for the paint. One of the gals I worked with lost a bottle from about the 300' level. It was quite the splatter fest when it hit the ground. Like a big paint bomb going off.

Seeing the gloved hands in this vid did give me a bit of pucker, but what really got me was at the beginning when he was using the antenna as a ladder. Using them as such, you have to trust that the guy who put it together tightened everything down sufficiently and wasn't in a hurry because it was Friday, or he was freezing his ass off on top of a tower. On more than one occasion I've had one slip a bit. No biggie if you're expecting it, but I wouldn't guess this guy has that kind of experience.
posted by calamari kid at 6:18 PM on April 2, 2012


"April 2 has appeared on YouTube a video of the new City fans desperate act of extreme sports. The user under the name GooDok13 without insurance climbed to the star high-rise on the waterfront Tinkers and published the video of his achievements."
Or something like that. I am guessing that "without insurance", as Google Translate renders it, means either "without safety equipment" or "without permission."
posted by Countess Elena at 6:34 PM on April 2, 2012


So, seeing the title says Reach for the Star 3, and I think there are seven Stalinst stars ...

Here are his climbs of One and Two.

And here's a shot of the Kotelnicheskaya Embankment building he was climbing in the original video. It somehow makes his climb seem even more terrifying, looking at that spire from the side.
posted by zippy at 3:42 PM on April 3, 2012


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