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April 2, 2012 11:25 AM   Subscribe

A Quantum Theory of Mitt Romney Does what it says on the package. With diagrams. (SLNYT)
posted by bearwife (31 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite

 
Funny, but I think it stretches the joke a little thin.
posted by PJLandis at 11:29 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


In related Quantum Romney news...
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:30 AM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


He's a lulzbot and he's married to a lulzbot. Today, Ann Romney was asked about Romney being "too stiff": "I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out because he is not!"
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 11:33 AM on April 2, 2012 [8 favorites]


"I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out because he is not!"

ANN! ANN! IXNAY ON THE UMAN SUIT EY!
posted by The Whelk at 11:35 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I almost flagged and moved on, but I got halfway through and smirked.

Silly? yea. A bit thin? Probably. But it was fun to read.
posted by Queen Sabium at 11:36 AM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


Fig. 2: A Feynman diagram of an encounter between a Romney and an anti-Romney. The resulting collision annihilates both, leaving behind a single electron and a $20 bill.

I LOL'ed.
posted by jquinby at 11:38 AM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


"I guess we better unzip him"

That's what she said.
posted by maryr at 11:44 AM on April 2, 2012


"any person who tells you he or she truly “understands” Mitt Romney is either lying or a corporation."

Ha!
posted by davidjmcgee at 11:47 AM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


"More precisely, Mitt Romney will feel every possible way about an issue until the moment he is asked about it, at which point the many feelings decohere into the single answer most likely to please the asker."

Mitt Romney was once the CEO of Bain & Company, a management strategy company. Holding every opinion about any given subject until you figure out exactly what your client wants you to say is one of the very first skills one is taught when one goes into management strategy consulting. In fact, it's just about the only skill that matters. (Former management strategy consultant here...got out after one year...still haven't washed all the evil off from that experience.)
posted by xingcat at 11:52 AM on April 2, 2012 [10 favorites]


@arsenio hall

i do not know what a lulzbot is, can you explain it to me
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 11:53 AM on April 2, 2012


no
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 11:56 AM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Did Ann Romney just tell us Mitt is a little deficient on the Department of the Interior?
posted by DU at 11:58 AM on April 2, 2012 [7 favorites]


Anybody who sees the real Romney is immediately neuralyzed. But I hear they at least get happy replacement memories nowadays.
posted by localroger at 12:01 PM on April 2, 2012


Unzipping Mitt Romney (the act of observation) may actually cause the observed property (i.e. he becomes stiff)
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:03 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


And now you guys have got me wondering if Little Mitt is graying around the temples too.

Thanks guys
posted by saturday_morning at 12:14 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


And now you guys have got me wondering if Little Mitt is graying around the temples too.

And you, in turn, have got me wondering how hairy Little Mitt would have to be to have hair by the temples.

Gonna skip lunch.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:41 PM on April 2, 2012


Will the Real Mitt Romney...
posted by Splunge at 12:55 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


One of the funniest things I've ever read via SLNYT. Thanks.

A related story by The Globe & Mail's very funny Tabatha Southey: "Another adorable tale from Richie Romney, the poor little Mitt kid."

Excerpt:
"You may remember my father, George Romney, was president of an automobile company called American Motors,” he said, as though the town-hall participants were tucked into bed to hear the end of the story from the night before, and as though his father were Paddington Bear.
This, by the way, is the only known context in which the phrase "The Globe & Mail's very funny" is a valid statement.
posted by gompa at 12:59 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]


Did Ann Romney just tell us Mitt is a little deficient on the Department of the Interior?

I think she told us that he has trouble achieving an erection.

(Protip for Mitt: think about firing somebody.)
posted by box at 1:03 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


He's a lulzbot and he's married to a lulzbot. Today, Ann Romney was asked about Romney being "too stiff": "I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out because he is not!"


Did Ann Romney just tell us Mitt is a little deficient on the Department of the Interior?

Oh My God! I cannot believe Ann Romney said that!

I'm sitting here thinking it could possibly be one of the most amazing intrusions of the unconscious into public speech in world history, because I've been wondering about that very thing for other reasons.

A minor one of which is that Romney has five sons and no daughters.

As we all know, Y-bearing sperm are faster swimmers than X-bearing ones, and so the longer the distance an initially random jumble of sperm have to swim to get to the egg, the more likely the Y-bearers are to win the race.

And a longer distance is just what you might expect from a father with ED, all other things being equal. (I've Googled half a dozen times over the last couple of weeks trying to find some support for this idea, completely without success.)

But I never ever, in my wildest dreams imagined anything about such an issue could see the light of day.
posted by jamjam at 1:05 PM on April 2, 2012



A minor one of which is that Romney has five sons and no daughters.

We are Romney, your cultural and biological distinction will be added to our own, resistance is futile.
posted by The Whelk at 1:07 PM on April 2, 2012


Regarding that human suit, he only wears it because he is a lab mouse intent on taking over the world.
posted by JHarris at 1:07 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


Narf.
posted by maryr at 1:23 PM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]


Mitt is much deeper then commonly thought; he's apparently into William Shakespeare
posted by genmonster at 1:24 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]


jamjam. Amazing train of thought.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 1:48 PM on April 2, 2012


Meanwhile, Obasm.
posted by dirigibleman at 1:55 PM on April 2, 2012


"any person who tells you he or she truly “understands” Mitt Romney is either lying or a corporation." Zeugmatic!
posted by dilettanti at 3:44 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


So, anyone else wanna talk about Mitt Romney's penis?
posted by indubitable at 4:27 PM on April 2, 2012


"What newspapers do you read?"
"All of them."
posted by Meatbomb at 6:32 PM on April 2, 2012


It seems it's creating an anti-$20, actually; the time arrow is reversed.
posted by dmd at 2:30 PM on April 3, 2012


It's because instead of being $20 you can use, it's $20 that disappears from your pocket.
posted by localroger at 3:27 PM on April 3, 2012


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