The Wisdom of the Crowd

May 3, 2012 1:37 AM

Fabrice Muamba returns to Bolton Wanders. Six weeks after suffering a cardiac arrest in the middle of a football game against Spurs (which left him 'clinically dead for 78 minutes'), Bolton Wanderer's Fabrice Muamba walks out in front of his home crowd before last night's game against Spurs. BBC Sport have the video... and I think I have something in my eye.
posted by ewan (55 comments total)

Elsewhere the Norwegian elite swimmer Dale Oen's sudden cardiac arrest and death has been making the news. Wonder if Muamba's aware and what his feelings are.
posted by Harald74 at 1:47 AM on May 3, 2012

May we now officially slap down anyone who declares the only sports worth following are American? (And is there an American team in any league in any city secure with themselves enough to use a name like "Wanderers"?)
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:17 AM on May 3, 2012

And is there an American team in any league in any city secure with themselves enough to use a name like "Wanderers"

Chicago.
posted by eriko at 2:23 AM on May 3, 2012

The only sports worth following are American? Is there anyone so staggeringly insular as to think that ?

There are lots of great team names in England.

Sheffield Wednesday.

Arsenal.

Brighton And Hove Albion

Tottenham Hotspur
posted by GallonOfAlan at 2:26 AM on May 3, 2012

That was nice.
posted by MartinWisse at 2:32 AM on May 3, 2012

Awesome stuff. Great to see the Spurs fans chanting his name alongside the Bolton fans. Good luck to you Patrice Muamba, hope the recovery continues.

Also respect to the doctors and medics who treated Mr Muamba.

More great English team names

Accrington Stanley
Rushden and Diamonds
West Bromwich Albion (the w is silent)
MK Dons (almost cryptic)

And north of the border:

Inverness Caledonian Thistle
Partick Thistle
Queen of the South (almost ironic this one)
Stenhousemuir
Annan Athletic

And the classic result: Forfar 5 East Fife 4
posted by marienbad at 2:45 AM on May 3, 2012 [5 favorites]

Has a cause been attributed for Fabrice Muambe's or Dale Oen's, cardiac arrests? These are some of the last two people in the whole world who should ever be at risk for one, no matter how much they're pushing themselves physically.

But, yeah, nice footage. Fabrice carries himself very impressively.
posted by Skygazer at 2:55 AM on May 3, 2012

Why stop at the equator? Bafana Bafana has to be the best team name ever
posted by infini at 3:01 AM on May 3, 2012

"Bafana Bafana has to be the best team name ever"

That's just the team nickname of the South African Men's National Team though, and it translates simply to "The Boys! The Boys!".
posted by PenDevil at 3:19 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Something in my eye indeed.

Not so lucky was 25 year old Piermario Morosini, on loan from Serie A Udinese to Serie B Livorno, who collapsed on the field about a month after Muambe.

Morosini lost both his parents before he was 18, and shortly after that his disabled brother killed himself.

Udinese announced that it will support his disabled sister who survives him.
posted by romakimmy at 3:22 AM on May 3, 2012

"Why stop at the equator? Bafana Bafana has to be the best team name ever
posted by infini

I know what you mean mate, South African teams have some cool and interesting names:

Kaiser Chiefs
Mpumalanga Black Aces
Bloemfontein Celtic
Vasco Da Gama
Supersport United

"Not so lucky was 25 year old Piermario Morosini"
posted by romakimmy

Yes, true. Very sad stuff. Amazing that people who are fit and healthy and train every day can die like that.
posted by marienbad at 3:34 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

So glad I didn't have to post my .
posted by josher71 at 3:38 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

You have to go to Swaziland for the ultimate team name, however:

Eleven Men In Flight
posted by GallonOfAlan at 3:48 AM on May 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Inverness Caledonian Thistle

With the classic Sun headline when they won over Celtics in a cup tie: Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious.

Most Dutch club names are fairly dull, but I have a fondness for Go Ahead Eagles.
posted by MartinWisse at 3:58 AM on May 3, 2012 [6 favorites]

With the classic Sun headline when they won over Celtics in a cup tie: Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious.


The rumor being that the headline was originally drafted for the day "Super" Ally McCoist scored a hat-trick for Rangers in an Old Firm derby against Celtic, but, when that day never came, was repurposed years later...

(The best/worst sports headline, however, must remain the one about the Swiss team BSC Young Boys experiencing delays to the building of their new stadium, the Stade de Suisse in the Wankdorf quarter of Bern. To which story some wag on ESPN soccernet appended the headline "Young Boys Wankdorf Erection Woe". Two years later, the story was updated with "Young Boys Wankdorf Erection Relief".)
posted by running order squabble fest at 4:28 AM on May 3, 2012 [6 favorites]

marienbad: "West Bromwich Albion (the w is silent)"

'Est Bromwich Albion?

I find the Welsh and Northern Irish leagues have some of the best team names. Lisburn Distillery, Cefn Druids, Harland & Wolff Welders, Chimney Corner, Lurgan Town Boys, 18th Newtownabbey Old Boys.

Amazing recovery by Muamba.
posted by brokkr at 4:36 AM on May 3, 2012

More great English team names
No love for the mighty Railwaymen, Crewe Alexandra? Blyth Spartans is another good 'un. One from Scotland that always used to catch my eye when they were up for the cup (juniors side) is Gala Fairydean.
posted by Abiezer at 4:37 AM on May 3, 2012

And not forgetting Hamilton Academical.
posted by phl at 4:45 AM on May 3, 2012

It was great to see Muamba come on to the pitch yesterday. It's interesting to contrast this with all the racism scandals that have been hitting the league this year. How the fans, refs, and teams handled the Muamba situation has been pretty much perfect - stopping the match, postponing another, Spurs fans chanting Fabrice's name, the whole shebang. Compare that to stupid t-shirts, HandshakeGate (parts 1 thru 17 million), Chelsea fans booing Anton Ferdinand for being the victim, and so on.

Poor Bolton has been getting so much crap this season after having a pretty good go around last time around. I had hoped they would have found whatever form Wigan suddenly discovered, but it doesn't look like that's in the cards. It's going to be a close two weeks. Bolton has West Brom and Stoke, two teams comfortably in the midtable (the former of which losing their manager to the England job), meanwhile Queen's Park Rangers, who are level on points but ahead on goals, have Stoke and Man City. Bolton's only hope is that Man City is going for the title and can't afford to lose at all, but even then they need to actually win their next two. City/QPR will be the Game To Watch next Saturday.

And as for awesome team names, don't forget the Russian Premier League! With teams founded during the hayday of the USSR, you just can't throw a rock without hitting an evocative name like Lokomotiv or Dynamo Moscow or even teams named after the Red Army or with nicknames like "Meat."
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:52 AM on May 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

'Est Bromwich Albion?

More like West Bwomwich Albion, if the hi-larious jokes the tabloids have been making at Roy Hodgson's expense are to be believed. (Hodgson haven gotten the England coaching job over Harry Redknapp, who the papers have been pushing as the ideal candidate and shoe-in for the job for months but who allegedly wasn't even approached by the FA. So obviously Hodgson now has to be brought down at any cost.

RE Bolton: never really liked them as a team (bland, not very good, lacking even that bit of flair Wigan manage to achieve every now and again, no real reason to be in the Premiership), but it's funny how that whole Muamba situation made me want to keep them up.
posted by MartinWisse at 5:13 AM on May 3, 2012

Also, Bolton needs to stay up so they can afford to buy Owen Coyle some long trousers! If they get relegated, he'll be down to speedos and hotpants.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:19 AM on May 3, 2012

The rumor being that the headline was originally drafted for the day "Super" Ally McCoist scored a hat-trick for Rangers in an Old Firm derby against Celtic, but, when that day never came, was repurposed years later...

And it was all stolen from the Liverpool Echo anyway

In truth, though, the gag could most charitably be described as a homage, given that the Liverpool Echo had beaten the Sun to the pun(ch) by nearly three decades, reporting a 1970s Ian Callaghan masterclass against Queens Park Rangers thus: SUPER CALLY GOES BALLISTIC, QPR ATROCIOUS.
posted by dng at 5:42 AM on May 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

MartinWisse: "Harry Redknapp, who the papers have been pushing as the ideal candidate and shoe-in for the job"

Saw this one earlier today. No idea about the veracity of it, but it's fun:

Hodgson v Redknapp
International Teams: 3 v 0
Win%: 43.04 v 40.76
Relegations: 0 v 2
Trophies: 13 v 1
Bankrupt Clubs: 0 v 3

posted by brokkr at 6:23 AM on May 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

LOL he's alive!

(And phew, poor guy)
posted by dmt at 6:27 AM on May 3, 2012

I thought the reaction to Muanba's appearance was lovely. As far as the Hodgson v Renknapp thing goes, I'm firmly in favour of Roy. I'm a Fulham fan so I'm biased, but I believe he's the best man for the job.
posted by ob at 6:29 AM on May 3, 2012

English Team Names:
The Chesterfield Spireites won the League 2 title last year by beating the Gillingham Gills.
posted by le_vert_galant at 6:49 AM on May 3, 2012

@MartinWisse: A football blog that I used to frequent (R.I.P. Unprofessional Foul) consistently referred to Bolton as SFB (stupid fucking Bolton) for their "tactics" over the past 5-6 years.
posted by kuanes at 7:01 AM on May 3, 2012

R.I.P. Unprofessional Foul

Ditto.
posted by inigo2 at 7:29 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Chesterfield Spireites won the League 2 title last year by beating the Gillingham Gills.

Those are nicknames rather than actual names, though.

I'm also fond of Aston Villa and Leyton Orient.

If we're talking (unofficial) nicknames, the Guardian is great:

Blackburn: Blackeye Rovers (because of the physical nature of their game)
Newcastle: Jongleurs FC (the name of an English chain of comedy venues)
Birmingham: Bongo FC (owned by a soft porn publisher, 'bongo' being slang for porn)
The Queen's Celtic and the Pope's O'Rangers (taking the piss out of the religious divide in Scotland by reversing the religious allegiance of each team)
Chelsea: Chel$ki (owned by rich Russian). etc etc
posted by Infinite Jest at 7:50 AM on May 3, 2012

Newcastle will always be Selfpity United for me, always aware of how unfair the world is against them, but then I'm a Middlesborough fan...
posted by MartinWisse at 7:58 AM on May 3, 2012

Most Dutch club names are fairly dull

Aah, but how many other football teams can claim to be on Her Majesty's Service?

KNVB is The Royal Dutch Football Association
posted by infini at 8:09 AM on May 3, 2012

That's just the team nickname of the South African Men's National Team though, and it translates simply to "The Boys! The Boys!".

And now I have that "Montague Boys" song from the Romeo+Juliet soundtrack stuck in my head.
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:26 AM on May 3, 2012

A football blog that I used to frequent (R.I.P. Unprofessional Foul) consistently referred to Bolton as SFB (stupid fucking Bolton) for their "tactics" over the past 5-6 years.

We always refer to Bolton as Notlob, for Monty Python reasons. :)
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:30 AM on May 3, 2012

On Hodgson, Redknapp, and the English team: there's a nice article on the appointment over at Zonal Marking. Basically it says that there couldn't be a more marked contrast between the styles of the two managers. Redknapp's is anarchic: just let the players play. Hodgson insists on a very strict tactical system. Given the disarray of the English team, the article contends, England would have no chance in the Euros with a Redknapp-led team, and a slight chance if they went with Hodgson.

Another great team name for the list above: Heart of Midlothian.
posted by Numenius at 8:36 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

infini: "Aah, but how many other football teams can claim to be on Her Majesty's Service?"

Real Betis Balompié, Real Madrid, RCD Espanyol, Real Mallorca, Real Sociedad, Real Zaragoza, Real Murcia and Real Valladolid springs to mind.
posted by brokkr at 8:43 AM on May 3, 2012

Most importantly, it's really good to see Fabrice Muamba up and around. By all accounts he's a wonderful guy even aside from his footballing skills. I had read a story (which I can't find now) that talked about him seeking out additional tutoring after passing his mandatory exams, just because he enjoyed the education. Here's wishing him a complete and lasting recovery.

But as for team names? For England, I have to go with the Hartlepool United Monkey Hangers, so called because of an incident when a monkey was mistaken for a shipwrecked Frenchman. And worldwide I would pick Accra Hearts of Oak. Who wouldn't want to have the heart of an oak?
posted by cisko at 9:07 AM on May 3, 2012

And of course there is the classic Half-man Half Biscuit lyric:

Supercalerfragerlistic borrusia munchengladback
posted by marienbad at 9:10 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

infini: "Aah, but how many other football teams can claim to be on Her Majesty's Service?"

Real Betis Balompié, Real Madrid, RCD Espanyol, Real Mallorca, Real Sociedad, Real Zaragoza, Real Murcia and Real Valladolid springs to mind.

But Carlos is a "His" Majesty no? ;p
posted by infini at 9:36 AM on May 3, 2012

I will admit, I got a bit teared up watching Muamba's reception. Did not expect it at all. I really wish Bolton had that passion through out the season. I've got a big soft spot for teams from the Northwest that don't wear red.

As for awesome club names, I'm proud to be a Sheffield Wednesday supporter. It's a bit annoying to explain to people that yes, their name is a day of the week, but you would never get something like that any more. It's a shame.

See also these cigarette cards featuring illustrated mascots of English clubs. The toffee lady is a little scary, but I love the Toffees (my second club after the Owls).
posted by kendrak at 9:39 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Not so lucky was 25 year old Piermario Morosini, on loan from Serie A Udinese to Serie B Livorno

Fans at the Seattle Sounders match last night held up a banner saying "Livorno our hearts are with you" and a large portrait of Morosini. Very touching.

I was watching the Bolton-Spurs match where Muamba fell. I am a Spurs fan. It was as horrifying a fifteen minutes as I've ever seen at a sporting match; it was apparent that something was horribly wrong not just when the crowd went dead silent but when the TV coverage almost immediately pulled away from him and just scanned the shocked faces in the crowd. Normally they'd be zooming in on an injured player. I'm absolutely delighted to see him walking onto a pitch again.

"Chelski" is old hat; we like to call them CSKA London now.
posted by Fnarf at 10:06 AM on May 3, 2012

The toffee lady is a little scary, but I love the Toffees (my second club after the Owls).

COYB!
posted by Celsius1414 at 10:41 AM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

If we're talking royal connections, let's not forget that Arsenal was once Royal Arsenal. Admittedly it was called the rather more humdrum "Dial Square" before that.
posted by philipy at 11:44 AM on May 3, 2012

Arsenal was once Royal Arsenal

And after they moved from Woolwich to Highgate they were renamed Woolwich Wanderers, which is still their name today.
posted by Fnarf at 12:01 PM on May 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

And of course there's Real Salt Lake which is ... uh.
posted by jacalata at 1:03 PM on May 3, 2012

Real salty?
posted by running order squabble fest at 2:37 PM on May 3, 2012

More great English team names
[...]
MK Dons (almost cryptic)

There is nothing great about Franchise FC.
posted by MattWPBS at 3:07 PM on May 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

There is nothing great about Franchise FC.

Too right. I hope it's a trend that doesn't take off.

I was reminded today that this weekend Sheffield Wednesday will be playing Wycombe Wanders who are also know as the Chairboys. You don't get stuff like that in American sport.
posted by kendrak at 6:23 PM on May 3, 2012

Wycombe Wanders who are also know as the Chairboys

The thing with English football club nicknames (and they've come up a lot in this thread) is that they aren't really used by anyone at all except football journalists who are desperately trying to write a match report without just repeating the team name over and over again every sentence, so they cycle between full name, shortened proper name, shirt colour derived name, and finally archaic nickname for a bit of variety.
posted by dng at 6:53 PM on May 3, 2012

Basically what I'm saying is that they are abominations.
posted by dng at 6:53 PM on May 3, 2012

Basically what I'm saying is that they are abominations.

You make a good point, and most of the nicknames are terrible, but a lot seem to have stuck. Owls, Blades, Gunners, Hammers, Addicks, Millers, Spireites... OK, maybe this just means I follow South Yorkshire football too much.
posted by kendrak at 8:42 PM on May 3, 2012

I don't know that the idea that most team nicknames are modern media inventions is true. The ones I know anything about aren't like that, and what little I can discover with a quick search (EPLTalk, Wikipedia) suggests that most of them aren't.
posted by philipy at 3:09 AM on May 5, 2012

They change down the years too - Crewe are known as the railwaymen these days but apparently usd to have the excellent nickname 'The Bloodtubs', due to playing in red shirts AFAIK. Only need a point at home this afternoon to make the play-offs (famous last words) - up the Bloodtubs!
posted by Abiezer at 4:06 AM on May 5, 2012

Someone mentioned Hartlepool above? Just saw this tweet:

Okay - I'm not going to tweet these all day I promise - but here's the Hartlepool fans on the tube heading to Charlton! https://twitpic.com/9hjbke
posted by inigo2 at 6:02 AM on May 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

More info on Hartlepool as smurfs.
posted by inigo2 at 7:29 AM on May 5, 2012

Job's a good 'un - see your shower in the play-offs, dng!
posted by Abiezer at 10:48 AM on May 5, 2012